Hello everyone! This is the first episode of the Squacklecast, named “Episode 468,” with your hosts davepoobond and Solid Billy. If you aren’t aware, you can click the “play” button above to start the podcast. You can also play it in a popup window or even download it.
This post is meant to supplement the Squacklecast so that you can easily refer to all the things that we are talking about.
Hello again, faithful Squacklers! This week we talk about more random movies with the second episode of the Squacklecast — “We Planned This Out.” Davepoobond and Solid Billy take on the pressing questions of our times, like “Why does Jean Claude Van Damme play the same character in Kickboxer and Bloodsport?” and realizing that Sean Bean is actually a lazy actor because he dies in practically all his movies so he doesn’t have to act anymore!
Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles is the host of the Squacklecast this week! Well, not really, but we did just eat there before we recorded the podcast. We would have went to MoLAA (Museum of Los Angeles Assholes) but we had a podcast to record!
I hate Instagr.am — it does NUTH HING. Our shitty phones have all the shitty effects Instagram applies to your shitty pictures already.
Mark Ruffalo describes Bruce Banner as “a guy struggling with two sides of himself, the dark and the light; everything he does in his life is filtered through issues of control.” He furthermore describes Banner’s alter ego the Hulk as “a loose cannon – he’s the teammate none of them are sure they want, it’s like throwing a grenade into the middle of the group and hoping it turns out well!”
Great analysis of your character, now tell us something we don’t all know. He’s a loose cannon? For chrissakes can’t you think of something more interesting to say?
Whoa, did we miss another week? Sorry ya’ll, but this week we’ll take a look at The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and how they’re both kind of crappy movies. The reason why we’re even bothering? Because Billy never watched it before last week!
The Evil Queen should have put Snow White into a sleeper hold and then shot her.
This week we watched Chernobyl Diaries, a movie about a bunch of college kids going to Russia to dick around and take Instagrams of ruined buildings and put them in meaningless filters so that they can show off to their friends. They also bring their crazy knife-wielding soccer coach along for the lulz.
Chernobyl Diaries has an old zombie lady masturbating in a closet in an attic of one of the buildings. Gross!
Why does Will Smith like making sequels to movies 10 years after the fact? It’s not like he was doing anything that important in the mean time between movies. If he’s going to make a shitty movie, he might as well make it while it is still relevant.
Street Fighter and The Legend of Chun-Li had it right — only have a story about one character, not 35 million characters at the same time. That’s about the only thing they did right, and the rest of it was so wrong it was right.
We have a guest this week! It’s Daniel, the guy that went to the strawberry festival last week. We put him on the grill and insult his decision for going to the strawberry festival along with his weird two-headed friend, Lucy the Two-Headed Goosey.
Summer movies are in full swing, and this time we take a look at Prometheus as well as the upcoming summer schedule of movies. Its a big year for super heroes but not much else to get excited about.
WARNING: THERE ARE SOME PROMETHEUS SPOILERS! You can skip to about a third of the way through and skip all the Prometheus stuff if you care.
Prometheus is a film that raises more questions than answers, like: “Why would you kill Charlize Theron?” and “Why didn’t we see that scene with Charlize getting it up the butt from the big black dude?”
And there’s also all that hullabaloo about the origins of man and the beginnings of the Xenomorphs, but that’s all secondary.
Inception noise? Meet your match: PROMETHEUS NOISE!
Adam Sandler is intentionally making shitty movies. Its the only explanation. He just needs to stick with family comedies and dramatic movies, apparently.
This summer has a list of movies it wants to murder, and its gotten a few of them already:
This week we become overly insensitive assholes (moreso than usual? Or maybe not at all!) and lambast a girl over the 70+ e-mails that she has sent out in the past 6 months regarding shift covers. It is truly an art form in itself when you have TO GUILT TRIP YOUR WHOLE DEPARTMENT INTO COVERING SHIFTS FOR YOU. Not to mention it is your “second” job which only gives you at most 4 to 8 hours a week!
More Tyler Perry bashing this week. Wait, someone recorded that Madea bullshit as stage plays and thought it was good enough to make it into a movie? They couldn’t see that it was shitty before they spent money on making it?
Welcome to the “try-weekly” episode of the Squacklecast. This week we talk about this super sappy and emotional dog food commercial that will make anyone have a tear come to their eye because they’ve been puking their guts out at how much it makes you sick:
Another thing, is that they’re preparing Mac and Cheese for this asshole hours before he even gets home.
Imagine getting out of your car one day, closing the door, and seeing a huge dog all of a sudden appear in front of you.
Next Squacklecast, we’ll talk about more movies on our Netflix queues…
What I learned from World of Warcraft is: “You don’t have something until you have it.” It’s a life lesson. Or something.
Ras Al Ghul from Batman Begins became an eco-terrorist with his eternity of time to live.
Total Recall (the real one) foretells a time of three-titted babes on Mars. I can’t wait to live there during my fifth lifetime.
Curiosity is just using Instagram filters to take its pictures of Mars. Behold.
Before Instagram (aka before being cool):
After Instagram (aka now its cool):
Facebook City? Also known as Las Vegas…
Jonathan Frakes kind of overacts during his “Riker-focused” episodes in Star Trek. Here’s a select few where he’s always trying to bang a chick, a job once reserved for a Captain, now given to the Second-in-Command.: