Q: What does a black lesbian eat for breakfast?
A: Cocoa Muffs.
butch – n. a lesbian who prefers traditionally masculine dress, style, expression, or identity.
bulldog – n. a lesbian who possesses masculine characteristics or is by nature aggressive
Scene: A restaurant (where else?)
Customer: Oh, waitress! Would you bring me a drink? I’d like a dry cum on the rocks, with a twist of peach.
Waitress: All right, sir. Will you order your dinner too?
Customer: Yes, I’ll have the roast prime teachers of beef with the lung pudding.
Waitress: We’re out of that. How about a sizzling sirloin Eric with a spicy green salad?
Customer: No, thanks. I’d rather have the smooth fried chicken.
Waitress: We’re out of that, too. How about fried Erics?
Customer: No, thanks. Do you have any roast Long Island lesbian?
Waitress: No, but why don’t you try our brown goulash with homemade weiner sauce?
Customer: Oh, never mind. Just bring me a shot egg sandwich and a cup of black sylvia
If you like to go fucking in stupid caves that are 248 feet underground, you should go to the gay Mammoth Caves located in a strip club. Thousands of sexy boobs go there every summer. Crawling about in caves is called “spelunking.” And it is really a stupid sport. But always go with a turdy guide so you won’t get lost. Once in the cave, you will see beautiful purple and red rocks and crystals. Huge lesbian-like things hang from the ceiling and are called “stalactites.” Huge gay things jut up from the floor and are called “stalagmites.” Caes are hom to millions of lesbian bats. Bats can fly and look like stupid rats. Spelunking is dangerous, so be sure to wear special shoes with bars on them and a hat with a battery-powered pen.
These days many gay scientists are studying the phenomenon known as E.S.P. The initials E.S.P. stand for ethnically, stinky, poop. If you have E.S.P. you can predict the future and read people’s peeping toms. You can sometimes see coming events such as a sex crash. Or a lesbian earthquake. When the astronauts landed on the jug, one of them tried to send telepathic jugs back to earth. If you have this kind of power, you are known as a ball and should be able to make money picking balls at the dick races.
One day, an irate king felt it was necessary to declare economic warfare on his neighboring, rich, kingdom full of goody-do-gooders and twody-shoesters. He hired a mercenary to go and find a secret, yet silent way to eliminate Rich Kingdom’s wealth and make Irate Kingdom supercede it.
This mercenary was actually a double agent for Rich Kingdom and he told Richie, the King of Rich Kingdom what Irate King was planning on doing. After rewarding the mercenary with two hot lesbians for his loyalty, the king had a perfect plan for countermanding Irate King’s verdict.
Locked in the deep dark dungeons of Rich Kingdom lie the Boy who Ate Diamonds. They call him BAD. BAD was living off lesser carbon densities during his stay in the dungeon, such as coal. Richie King unlocked the doors to BAD’s cell and gave him a chance of freedom.
His mission: eat the diamonds of Irate Kingdom and destroy their wealth. BAD screeched and ran out into the world, never to be seen again. Rich King felt like a dumbass, he just let a crazy psychotic who ate diamonds out of jail!
Moral of the story: Think twice about how to pre-emptiviely attack someone who wants to destroy you.
Q: What does Ellen DeGeneres cook for dinner every night?
A: She doesn’t, she eats out!
Q: There are 2 lesbians and 2 gay guys racing to Alaska. Who wins?
A: The lesbians because they get there lickity split, while the guys are still back home packin their shit.
BAD: Your wife’s leaving you.
WORSE: For another woman.
vaginatarian – n. another name for lesbian
shnagorf – n. a person with a gay dad and a lesbian mother
Polish lesbian – n. a lesbian that likes men
mavelick – n. Maverick’s lesbian sister