This was submitted using the Jingle Bells Song submission form.
This form was submitted: Nov 23 2003 / 16:53:12
name = muahahaha
email = shitpoo@ufell4it.ca
use_email = yes
jinglesong = i gotta agree with the shitmaster
Posts by davepoobond
Bad Submission #26209
Submitted using the Jingle Bells Song submission form.
name = n n
jinglesong = jingle bells I like hells can I please die. if I die I can fly and fuck up across the nations
Jingle Bells Song #26208
Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Robin laid a gun.
Shot his butt
At Pizza Hut
In 1991,
HEY!!
Joke #26100
The budget of a local monastery was very tight, so the brothers decided to open a fish and chips stand to raise money. One day, a man knocked on the door. When one of the brothers answered the door, the man asked, “May I have just an order of fries?”
“Hold on a moment,” said the brother who opened the door. “You want the chip monk. I’m the fish friar.”
Joke #26099
Q: What do you call it when two egotists meet?
A: An I for an I.
Joke #26098
Much of his life, Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot, which produced callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he often had bad breath.
Do you know what this made him? A super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
Joke #26097
Q: What do you call a gossip?
A: Someone with a great sense of rumor.
Joke #26096
Q: What do you call it when you dream in color?
A: A pigment of your imagination.
You Might Be a Redneck If…
You Might Be a Redneck If…
…you are one armadillo away from a new pair of boots.
…you clean your fingernails with a stick.
…you never need a menu at Dairy Queen.
…something hisses at you every time you peer into your crawl space.
…the Salvation Army declines your mattress.
…your four-year-old grandson has ever said, “mommy won’t let me light the fireworks with grandpa’s cigarettes anymore.”
…you always take a penny but never leave one.
…your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
…your child’s first words were “Attention K-Mart shoppers.”
…your wife’s “indoor voice” can be heard a block away.
…someone hits your parked car and you don’t care.
…your idea of talking during sex is “Ain’t no cars coming, baby!”
…your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
…you regularly light your cigarettes off a stovetop burner.
…you use a ShamWow as a doily.
…your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Sunken Queen Mary (By Aliens)
In July 2022, maintenance of the Queen Mary fell behind. Retrofitting of the 50 caliber artillery rail guns was behind schedule. This was the tactical advantage the aliens needed to destroy The Queen.
In the midst of battle an ancient civilization, named the Risk and Insurance Management Joint Officiants Bond (aka RIMJOB), rose from the aftermath to challenge the aliens and reclaim what is rightfully theirs, the Workers’ Compensation industry.
Their leader, Grand Imperialist Sobby Mardon was soon hit with fraudulent longshore claims due to the sinking of the Queen Mary. Eventually, Sobby Mardon employed the services of WeSuckAt Investigations to investigate these claims and was immediately regretful. They sucked.
Moral: If you’re going to hire someone to investigate fraud, hire a good company.
Quote #26042
For context of this quote, this dating profile has about ten pictures of a girl in her progression from going “fit to fat.”
“Im currently taking part in a paid study for a company based in the United States. they’re testing a new food additive that creates addiction in whatever its placed in. they ship me specially made food with this additive and im supposed to eat it whenever I crave it and until im satisfied. So safe to say ive put on a few since I started 😛 I know its odd so if you wanna know more just ask!”
– excerpt from a girl’s dating profile
Joke #26040: Royal Job Interview
Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England. She was looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage.
They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty.
She says to them: “Because my footmen must wear long white stockings, I must see your ankles to be sure they are not swollen or misshapen.”
After they show her their ankles, the Queen says: “It is also important that you don’t have knobby knees, so I need to see your knees too.”
Once she has seen their knees, she says: “Now everything appears to be in shape, so I just need to see your testimonials.”
Nine years later, when the pair are finally released from prison, one of the blokes says to the other:
”I reckon, if we just had a bit more education we would have got that job!”
xegmrao
xegmrao – v. To draw fan art of your significant other’s dad
WoW Chat #25685
Note: “DBM” is a popular add-on in the game that most people have and most people know about. It helps with raids and has other quality of life options for the game in general.
–
Cloned: Thanks blizz, for forcing me to watch a cutscene ive seen 8 times, and not letting me ESC out, and missingi my 40 min queue pop. Fuck you Xera
davepoobond: someone doesnt have DBM…
Cloned: whats that
Myuuse: lol
Stormclaw: …
Cailirath: delete now bro
Myuuse: Did you just join WoW?
Cailirath: I think the real question is why is a dk not tank queing instead of wasting a plate class
Phatgrillz: yo why are sky golems so expensive now?
Cloned: oh sorry, im not some mega nerd. that modified my WoW Ui, to look like some spaceship taking off
Cailirath: idk lol the mats are still cheap as ever
davepoobond: “mega nerd”
davepoobond: you’re just a dumby instead. guess thats worse
Cailirath: want some ointment for that burn?
Cloned: oh sorry, i dont make my WoW gtaming experience, like im working for NASA.. sorry im one of those normal ppl that understand this is just a game
davepoobond: literally no one has the issue you are having because we are smart enough to have a required add-on
Myuuse: DBM is a simple mod that fixes dumb shit and assists during dungeon and raid fights
Myuuse: it doesn’t overhaul the UI or anything like that
davepoobond: it has nothing to do with making the game look like a spaceship
davepoobond: what a weird analogy
Myuuse: Don’t talk shit when you very clearly don’t know what you’re talking about
Myuuse: You’re just making yourself seem like even more of an idiot than your initial comment made you seem
Cloned: oH sorry, i dont bust out graphing calculators, and spreadsheets to determine how much damage i can potentially do
davepoobond: no one does that bro
(In Guild Chat) Dusk: he starts every sentence with OH SORRY
Cailirath: normal people have dbm
Stormclaw: It’s a good thing he isn’t in a spaceship or there’d be another challenger incident
Myuuse: DBM’s purpose is to make sure you don’t stand in fire
davepoobond: OH SORRY I DONT USE LIGHT TO SEE THINGS IN FRONT OF ME
Cailirath: Im guessing he does
Myuuse: He absolutely does
Cailirath: hes probably that dps standing there blowing cds on trash pulls
davepoobond: I ALSO DONT USE UNCLASPED BRAS OR BOTTLES OF WINES
Cloned: oh sorry i dont modify my WoW UI like some sociopath, so that it looks like a spaceship taking off… u know to some people, this is just a game
Cloned: sorry i dont bust out graphing calculators and spreadsheets to determine my DPS acceleration
Mightydwarf: How to spot a shitter
Cloned: yeah im shit, because i play WoW for fun… not like some mega nerd, that thinks WoW is like working at NASA, when they install 10 million addons
davepoobond: you are an anti-science cretin. what is wrong with NASA
Cloned: there is a reason there is a stigma against WoW players, and its from sociopaths like him that Call everyone shit, if they didnt modify their UI to determine complex equations about DPS
Cloned: and then he tells the casual players to Delete and walk away from the computer…. THe irony is that he needs that more than anyone
Kynsae: No, im pretty sure the stigma is that people will choose raids over real life, play all the time, and generally talk nerdy
Whicket: yo whats an addo
Cloned: its something, that you install when you lack skill
Whicket: so the fact that i install an addon to mash my bags together or see my dps means i lack skill?
Whicket: well fuck me silly im uninstalling
Tormentous: once you uninstall them your skill will increase like crazy
davepoobond: why do you hate NASA
I Am Famous
Wow, the real Sofia Vergara sent little ol’ ME a friend request on Facebook! She’ll need more than a sultry Facebook photo and lack of anything substantive on the profile to get me to add her, though. Keep losing with your hot pictures Sofia, maybe next time.
