A Squackle Adage follows the following formula:

1) Take a cliche/famous/inspirational/motivational quote.

2) Reverse two words in the phrase, particularly the important subject that is being addressed

3) Create new, hilarious meaning from something old and stale!

Here’s a list of the best ones and some sort of explanation as to what the “new quote” means.  If you’ve got some to add, comment below.

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Better to not have it and not need it, than need it and have it.
(Original: Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.)

Explanation: You’d rather not have things you wouldn’t usually want and actually need to use it.

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I am feet on my light.
(Original: I am light on my feet)

Explanation:  I’m just a normal ass person who walks on top of light just like everyone else.

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Out of miracles grow difficulties.
(Original: Out of difficulties grow miracles.)

Explanation: Miracles are hard to compare to after they occur.

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Try to be a cloud in someone’s rainbow.
(Original: Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.)

Explanation: Fuck happy people.

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Change your world and you change your thoughts.
(Original: Change your thoughts and you change your world.)

Explanation: You won’t be the same person when the world around you is different.

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No act of waste, no matter how small, is ever kind.
(Original: No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.)

Explanation: If you waste something, you’re an asshole.

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If lemons give you lemonade, make life.
(Original: If life gives you lemons, make lemonade)

Explanation: If you get lemonade from lemons, impregnate something.

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You don’t take 100% of the shots you miss.
(Original: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.)

Explanation: If you miss you may as well have not done it.

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Don’t smile because it happened, cry because it’s over.
(Original: Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.)

Explanation: You should feel bad about the thing you liked not being around anymore.

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No gain, no pain.
(Original: No pain, no gain)

Explanation: If I don’t gain, then I don’t get hurt.  Cool.

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What doesn’t make you stronger, kills you.
(Original: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger)

Explanation: Everything kills you.

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If you don’t have anything at all to say, don’t say anything nice.
(Original: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.)

Explanation: You’re telling someone to shut up, basically, but in an even more assholish way than the “original” saying.

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A doctor a day, keeps the apple away.
(Original: An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.)

Explanation: If you see a doctor everyday then you can refrain from having to eat so many damn apples.

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Those who wait come to good things.
(Original: Good things come to those who wait.)

Explanation: If you wait longer you’ll “come” to something better than you had originally waited for.  So just keep waiting forever and never get anything!

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Unexpect the expected.
(Original: Expect the unexpected)

Explanation: Forget what usually happens, even though its going to keep happening.

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A thought for your penny?
(Original: A penny for your thoughts?)

Explanation: If I tell you something, will you pay me?

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It’s going to be not impossible but hard is hard.
(Original: It’s going to be hard but hard is not impossible.)

Explanation: Don’t kid yourself, you’re going to have a hard time doing this shit.

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If at average you don’t succeed; you are running about first.
(Original: If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average.)

Explanation: If you usually don’t succeed, you’re probably doing something else.

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Someday in a week, seven days isn’t one of them.
(Original: Seven days in a week, someday isn’t one of them.)

Explanation: One of the days in the week is not considered to be worth seven days.

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People often complain about the lack of direction when the lack of time is the real problem.
(Original: People often complain about lack of time when the lack of direction is the real problem.)

Explanation: You might think you’re on the wrong path, but you really just don’t have enough time to do it right.  So half-ass it.

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