Tag Archives: email

Free Vaginal Cream For Life

This is an Email forward you can send to your friends.

Subject: Free Vaginal Cream For Life!

Data from our server shows that this IP frequently visits our site, Myitchyvagina, for relief of painful feminine irritation.

Well, we’ve got a deal for you. For a limited time only, sign up for our “That Time of the Month Club” and receive free* daily anti-itch vaginal cream for LIFE!

If you are interested, sign up at Myitchyvagina.

Don’t let this great deal slip out of your vagina!!!

*$5.95 shipping and handling per bottle of daily anti-itch vaginal cream.

Free GAY Porn for YOU

This is an Email Forward you can send to your friends.

Subject: Free GAY Porn for YOU

According to our records, your IP has visited Hotmanlove more than any other. You have singlehandedly saved our company!

To thank you for this, we are offering free porn for life, for YOUR screenname (GAY-insert-your-friend’s-name-here).

We will also refund $20.00 for every $400.00 spent on gay sex toys. So, we will send you right now $200.00 for all the toys bought already from our catalogs from you.

Once again, we thank you, for being so god damn gay.

Cashier Lesson – Using the Computer

This entry is part 4 of 6 in the series Cashier Lessons

The computer is a resource that is used in everyday operation as a customer service representative.  We say it is to help customers and to manage day-to-day operations of the cashier department, however we know that is only 25% of its use.  Keeping up to date on fashion trends and celebrity gossip is tantamount to doing any actual “work” on the vestige known as the computer at the customer service desk.

How to Avoid Helping Customers

Furiously typing away at a computer makes it seem like you are very very very busy when in fact you’re not.  Just don’t make eye contact and they’ll probably move on to the next register.

How to Avoid Helping Underlings

There are several folders on the desktop at your disposal to get those pesky cashiers off your back.  It’s not your fault that they used the last copy of the availability form that had a big “ORIGINAL” written across it — oh no.  But it certainly becomes your problem when cashiers are biting at your ankles and looking at you with dumb stares with their hand half-way inside of an empty folder wondering how to get what they need.

Just tell them “I’ll get it later.”  Then never get it.  That way someone else can do it and you don’t have to worry about shit.  If it is important enough they’ll figure out a way to get it.

How to Deflect E-mail

If you feel so inclined to check the E-mail inbox, there are a number of things you could do.  You could help each customer, but why would you do that when you could have someone else do it for you?  Simply forward it all to the applicable managers and they can sort it out.  Or why even do that?  Forward it all to your supervisor and have him deal with it.  You don’t get paid enough to deal with stupid bull shit.

Hell, just delete it all while you’re at it.  No one needs the stupid bullshit customers spout in their stupid e-mails, after all.

How to Hide What You Are Doing

Sometimes it may not be inconspicuous when one of those assholes from the corporation come by and walk through the store and wonder why there are people in line at a register or why a cashier is standing around doing nothing (there’s never a happy medium with these guys).  Always keep a blank, open tab and switch to it whenever you see someone that may get you into trouble walk by.

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21035

Hello davepoobond

The “aol.com” part of your email address is owned by someone else and is known as a Domain name. You will have davepoobond@aol as long as you subscribe and pay each month. You never really own your email address, someone else does. You just rent it.

Now, you have the opportunity to OWN your email address and Domain name, keep it forever!

Examples of what you can be bob@Smith.com, john@JonesFamily.com, pres@SmithInc.com, or whatever you choose.

This means you can have as many email accounts as you like for yourself, friends, employees, and family. You can even have a web site! (but you don’t have to)

Create a domain for yourself, family, company, home business or give it as a gift.

Click here to see if your name is available with no obligation.

There are so many good names available, but they’re going fast.

Joke #9137

God looked at Earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not.”

God thought for a moment and said, “Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.” So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, “Yes, it’s true-the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving
and 5% are being good.”

God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said?


I didn’t get one either.

Joke #9119

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life –until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies…nothing…only bananas and coconuts.

Four months later, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

“I rowed from the other side of the island,” she says. “I landed here when my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,’ he says. “You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.”

“Oh, this?’ replies the woman. “I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were
whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches. And the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”

“But, but, that’s impossible,’ stutters Ed. “You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replies the woman. “On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forge-able ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.” Ed is stunned.  “Let’s row over to my place,” she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?”

“No, no, thank you.’ he says, still dazed. “Can’t take any more coconut juice.” “It’s not coconut juice,”the woman replies. “How about a Pina Colada?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces,

“I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.”

No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. “Wow! This woman is amazing!” he muses, “What next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. “Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve been out here for a really long time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for all these months. You know…” She stares into his eyes.

He can’t believe what he’s hearing: “You mean—“, he swallows excitedly, “I can check my email?!”

Creative Spam? You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me…

Its the year 2004, and after nearly 10 years of the existence of the Internet, we STILL haven’t been able to stop spam. Well, there has been a good effort though, the major ISPs of the Internet are fighting the good fight against Spammers, while raising prices of Internet access for their efforts. More specifically, AOL, MSN, and Earthlink (among others) are putting immense pressure on the spammers to create new tactics and things that will be able to get past their spam blockers. There is also some nifty programs like McAfee’s SpamKiller. Even though SpamKiller sucks, it still filters out all the mail that is absolutely shit, and gives me the chance to catch mail that I actually wanted to receive. By the way, I get about 200 spam mails a day, and more often than not, I don’t get any mail that is actually what I wanted.

However, even with all the technology, skills, and millions of dollars poured into killing off spam companies, it isn’t solving the problem, rather its making it evolve into an even more annoying one. Barely ever do you even get any COHERENT spam mail. It used to be that you’d get a subject that said “Look at these MILFs go at it!” but now its “M-I*L-F pr0n, ci+y poli+ics v/ote Ge*9orge W. Bu1sh” or something along the lines of that. Of course there is no reasonable way to block this overloading of complete and utter CRAP. One spam mail I had received (which also sparked this rant), contained a picture of a woman finger banging herself, made out of symbols on the keyboard.

I mean, you’ve gotta be KIDDING me. What the FUCK is with this shit? How long did it take this person to actually draw this thing out of dashes, dots, perentheses and one red o for the tit? Spam is seriously going too far and E-mail is doomed.