Tag Archives: Tom Cruise

Squacklecast Episode 11 – “Team Cruise vs. Team Jesus”

This entry is part 11 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

Hey everyone!  Did you like the new rap song I made?  Dinosaur Habitat and DJ Davy A are my alternate nicknames for music creation.

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Anyway, this week we scratch the surface of the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise marriage split!

5 Years is a long time for a marriage that wasn’t going to work.

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Just what the hell is scientology?  Something that breaks apart marriages, obviously (see above).  That’s all I could understand from the Wikipedia article.

What is Scientology?

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Mormonism?  You get your own planet?  I don’t know if that’s right…

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In heaven, everyone wears these awesome fire kicks:

Fire Kicks

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Rock of Ages lost money, no shocker there.

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Tom Cruise a short lumpy lookin guy, huh?

SmallTom

Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder

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Who wouldn’t want to watch the chaos that ensues around Katie Holmes life when there’s a boring reality show about Clint Eastwood’s wife and daughter, not even with him in it.

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Ringer was canceled after a season.

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Jim Carrey dropped out of the Farrelly brother’s latest movie.  Wait, how do you say Farrelly?  Peter Far-LEE? Bobby Far-Re-Lee?

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Magic Mike makes male stripping look cool…?

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More Tyler Perry bashing this week.  Wait, someone recorded that Madea bullshit as stage plays and thought it was good enough to make it into a movie?  They couldn’t see that it was shitty before they spent money on making it?

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Fur-assic Park is my Jurassic Park parody.

Anne Frank: Not Remembered Too Well is the first movie featuring the grandpa from the Fur-assic Park movie.

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Who said anything about DATING Katie Holmes?  I’d just do her and call it a life.

Katie Holmes

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Buff Bagwell will be my choice to play Tom Cruise on the made-for-TV movie about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.

Buff Bagwell

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See ya next week!

Cheap Halloween Costumes

Fairly Cheap Costumes:

Tom Cruise – sunglasses, socks (no shoes), no pants or shorts, a dress shirt, and underwear

Chuck Norris – wear only pants, no socks or shoes, a bandana, and die your facial, chest, and back hair red

Ghandi – shave your head and wear a loin cloth toga

Tarzan – only wear loin cloth underwear or any underwear

 


Things you can say you are if someone asks and you aren’t dressed up:

“Myself”

“an Insomniac”

“a Necrophiliac”

“a trick or treater”

“a retired wrestler”

“a person with a bus pass”

“I wear shorts”

“I have candy”

“I’m a scary monster”

“I forgot my costume on my way to your house”

Or just run away before they can ask.