Category Archives: Lists

Lots of funny lists!

“You’re So Fat” Insults

These can also double as “your mom is so fat” or “your momma is so fat” etc…

You’re so fat…

…when I tried to swerve out of the way, I ran out of gas.

…your belly button gets home 15 minutes before you do.

…when you jumped into the ocean the whales started singing “We are Family.”

…when you did the Nae Nae you hit the sun then people thought it was the end.

…you could sell shade.

…Goodyear wanted to fly you over the Super Bowl.

…when you fell in love you broke it.

…when you have to haul ass you have to take two trips.

…when you were diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave you 10 years to live.

…you can’t fit in this joke.

…the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

…when you sit around the house you sit AROUND the house.

…the post office gave you your own zip code.

…when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house.

…when you sat on an iPhone it turned into an iPad

California Water Saving Tips

California is in a perpetual drought.  We need tips!  Tips that will help save water!!!

– There are a number of ways to save water, and they all start with you.

– Rip out all of your grass. Dirt needs to be watered a lot less than grass.

– Use only paper plates and plastic-ware.  Water isn’t used to make those things.

– If you want to take a 15-minute shower, just don’t eat a hamburger.  You save water in what is probably a completely different state than California, and you don’t have to feel bad about it.  Those damn cows drink as much water as a 25 minute shower at least.

– Only use water from water bottles, they are probably not from California, maybe.  The likelihood goes up if you buy something labeled as a foreign country or place.

– Use vodka to make your Kool-Aid.

– Don’t drink water, drink your own sweat. It’s like recycling your own water.

– Bathe in fire.  It kills more germs.

– If you take a shit, remove the shit from the water, take it to work and flush it there.

– Wash your hands with your pee.

– Import ice from the North Pole/Antarctica.  It is melting anyway.

– Move out of California.

– Continue to disappoint your mother and harvest her tears.

– Shoot people who use water.

– Travel back in time and use the water before its gone.

– Use only your hands to drink water.

– Don’t eat fruits or vegetables.  You won’t waste water having to wash them.

– Keep a pitcher of water next to the toilet, that way any toilet water that splashes out goes down you and not on the floor.

– Reuse leftover water from the nuclear reactor to cook your spaghetti.

– Don’t cook food that requires water.

– Don’t buy fruits or vegetables that originate from California.

– Freeze water, that way it expands and you will have more water.

– Wash your laundry in another State.

– Don’t wash your clothes.  Use them one time and then return it to the store.

– Don’t take a shower.  You’ll save like a bajillion gallons of water a month.

– Put food coloring in your toilet.  It will mask the unpleasant color your unflushed piss and poo water will create naturally.  Don’t let FoodBabe know.

– Upgrade older toilets with rocket capability.

– Turn off the water while you brush your teeth.  That will save 40 gallons a minute.  That’s up to 250,000 gallons a day for a family of 6748.

– If your toilet was installed before 1992, thank the plumber.

– Consider a dual-flush toilet.  It will flush your toilet twice and use twice as much water.

– Take showers instead of luxurious baths.  You’re getting clean here, and only babies take baths.

– Don’t have children that use water.  Birth only dirt babies.

– Avoid having fun with water.  Fun wastes water.

– Avoid recreational water toys, they use water.

– See a leak you can’t fix?  Learn how to by going to plumber’s trade school for a year.

– Steal your water from a multinational corporation that isn’t based in California.

– Remove the cement from your driveway so that water can flood your home and not drain into the ocean.

– Start calling California “Arizona” instead of “California.”

– Plant alien plants that require human blood to live.

– Consider converting your home into an alien spaceship that does not require water to run.

– Start a compost pile in your bedroom.  This keeps the compost pile from evaporating its precious water.

– Don’t jerk off in the shower anymore.  Or just jerk off without the water on and then clean up afterwards.

– Plant water-hating plants.

– Hire the 10 year old kid next door to rip out your irrigation system.

– Catch water in an empty tuna can.  Then drink it.

– Use your hanging basket plants as pinatas.

– Only have sex in the Jacuzzi, the swimming pool needs too much water.

– Make your swimming pool tacky by removing waterfalls and stupid bullshit that makes it look nice.  Then you won’t want to swim in your pool anymore and you will contemplate just getting rid of the whole thing.

– Get rid of pesky pets that need water to survive.  Pet Rocks are coming back in style.

– Post a hotline in bathrooms that people can call so they can finish their shits faster.  I don’t know how this saves water, but I can at least take a shit since I’ve been waiting for 10 minutes!  God damn!

– Water-shame people who keep water in a bottle that is clearly not purchased from a store new.

– Do not drink processed water, it is unhealthy for you, similar to processed meats.  It is not as nature intended!

– Clean water is man-made, therefore it is unnatural and unhealthy!  It takes a lot of water to make clean water.

– Don’t put water inside water.  You lose the water you are putting inside of the water as it becomes just one water.

– Appoint a water ambassador to the ocean and beg it for rain.

– Marry or seduce a televised meteorologist and convince them to say there will be rain coming on the news even if it isn’t true.

– Strike up a conversation with a plumber and ask them how the plumber the seven seas.

– Lick dishes of their food and dirt instead of rinsing with water.  You can also get a dog to do this.

– A recent study showed people care about water usage.  Ain’t that cool?

– Destroy all decorative fountains you see.  Especially ones that are not yours.

– Don’t wash your car ever.

– Pee in the shower.

– Pee outside.  Select a private space near a bush you don’t particularly like and go at it.

– Don’t let children maintain a swimming pool.  They suck at math.  It is dangerous because they might miscalculate how much water to put in the swimming pool and that would suck for when you were having sex in there.  There is also a higher chance of them seeing you since they are responsible for the swimming pool.

– Get your girlfriend wet everyday and then water the plants with her.

– Start using wet humor instead of dry humor.  Or in this case, drought humor.

– Kill anyone who is doing a rain dance in California, they are obviously failing and are probably making things worse with their awful dancing.  Then water the plants with their blood.  It rained after all!

– Grow some clouds and then explode them all over your plants.

– No more sex in the shower.  Or just have the water off if you have sex in there.

– Lick things clean, such as your car or yourself.

The Many Ways to Say Penis

This entry is part 3 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

A – “the” Alpha

B – Banana, Burrito, Bulge, Beef, Baby-maker, Big one, Bat, Boner, Bone, Biscuit

C – Cock, Chub, Club, Chode

D – Dick, Dong, Donger, Dingaling, Dingdong, Drill, Dipstick

E – Ejaculater, Equipment

F – Frank, Frankfurter, Faucet, Fuckstick, Flute, Fire-hose, Five-Dollar Footlong, “a” Floppy

G – Gavel, Groin

H – Head, Hot dog, Hammer, Hose, Handle


J – Johnson, Joystick, Junior

K – Knob

L – Leaker, Love muscle, Limp Bizkit, Lip Balm Stick

M – Manhood, Meat, Member, Magnum

N – Noodle, Needle, Navy Ship (lots of sea-men)

O – One-eyed Snake

P – Penis, Phallus, Pecker, Peter, Prick, Pickle, Package, Pole, Peepee, Pisser, Pounder, Poker, Popsicle, Pricker, Pen15, Pistol, Pogo stick, Pene (Spanish/Italian), Privates, Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger


R – Rocket, Rod, Richard

S – Sausage, Shaft, Scepter, Schlong, Spelunker, Stick, Snake, Sword, Shooter, Squirter, Stamp, Submarine, Shower Not a Grower

T – Thing, Tool, Tower, Tripod, Third Leg, Ten-incher, Tip, Tinky Winky, Thermometer



W – Weewee, Weiner, Weenee, Wang, Willy, Wood, Wii, Wee, Whistle, Womb raider, Weapon




The Many Ways to Say Vagina

This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...


B – Birthing region, Bleeder, Bush, Baby-pooper, Baby-maker, Baby factory, Box

C – Clit, Clitoris, Cunt, Cake, Cheese sandwich, Coin slot, Cooch, Cherry, Catcher’s Mitt, Carpet, Child Maker, Child factory

D – Ditch

E – Equipment

F – Fish


H – Hymen, Ham sandwich, Hole, Hooha



K – Kitty

L – Labia

M – Moisty Jungle, Muff

N – Nookie

O – Ovary Factory

P – Pussy, Pink taco, The Pink, Pie, Poontang, Poon, Privates, Private part, Pita sandwich, Port, Pocket

Q – Quesadilla, Queefer, Queefadilla


S – Sandwich, Slot, Spaceport, Snatch, Smelly Fish

T – Taco, Tunnel


V – Vagina, Vadge/Vag, Vajayjay, V, Very Intimate Area





The Many Ways to Say Boobs

This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

# – 5318008, 58008, 8008135, (  .  )(  .  ), (  .  Y  .  )

A – Areolas, (anything that is round), A-Cups

B – Boobs, Boobies, Breasts, Bosom, Bust, Balloons, Bags, B-Cups, Bangers, Bouncers, Baloombas, Bazongas, Bewbs

C – Cans, Chesticles, Chest, Cleavage, Chachas, Cheechees, Chestnuts, C-Cups, Casabas, Creampies, Cupcakes

D – Double D’s, D-Cups


F – Funbags, Flat-chest

G – Globes, Girls, Girl nuts

H – Hooters, Honkers, Headlights, Hoohahs


J – Jugs, Jubblies, Juicy Fruit, Jumblies

K – Knockers

L – Lady balls, Lady nuts, Ladies, Lady lumps, Lumps

M – Mammary glands, Melons, Milkbags, Milk Factories, Mounds, Mountains, Meatballs, Mangos

N – Nips, Nipples

O – Orbs

P – Pins, Puppies


R – Rack

S – Spheres, Squirters, Set

T – Tits, Tittays, Titties, Teat, Ta-tas, Twins, Teeters, Tweeters, Teets, Tom-Toms

U – Udder






The Many Ways to Say Testicles

This entry is part 4 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...


B – Balls, Berries, Bulge, Ballsack, Basket



E – Equipment

F – Family jewels, Fuzzy peaches

G – Gonads, Groin



J – Jewels, Junk



M – Merchandise

N – Nads, Nuts, Nutsack


P – Pills, Privates


R – Rocks

S – Stones, Sack, Scrotum

T – Testicles, Testes

U – Undercarriage






Word Bombs

We like to substitute certain words by describing them as “bombs” to say the word without actually saying the word.  I was curious if there is a “bomb” word for each word, so here’s a list for each letter which will be updated as new ones are discovered.

Leave a comment if you know one.

A-bomb – Atom bomb

B-bomb – ?

C-bomb – cunt(?)

D-bomb – ?

E-bomb – ?

F-bomb – fuck

G-bomb – ?

H-bomb – ?

I-bomb – ?

J-bomb – ?

K-bomb – ?

L-bomb – ?

M-bomb – ?

N-bomb – the derogatory word that describes black people

O-bomb – ?

P-bomb – ?

Q-bomb – ?

R-bomb – retard

S-bomb – ?

T-bomb – ?

U-bomb – ?

V-bomb – ?

X-bomb – ?

Y-bomb – ?

Z-bomb – ?

Stupid Names for Days

We all hear these funny plays off day’s names, and I always wonder why there is the need to elaborate or give meaning to a normal day of the week for an indefinite period of time.  So I decided to compile a list of all the dumb names we give to normal days of the week.  If you have others, leave a comment and I’ll add it to the list.


  • Sunday Funday
  • “Pastime Day”: 3 Suns Ago Sunday
  • “Pastime Day”: Sentimental Sunday
  • Lazy Sunday
  • Sundaze
  • Selfie Sunday


  • “Pastime Day”: Previous Big Bang Monday
  • “Pastime Day”: Memory Monday


  • Taco Tuesday
  • Super Tuesday
  • “Pastime Day”: Too Late Tuesday
  • “Pastime Day”: Take Me Back Tuesday


  • “Pastime Day”: We’re Kinda Late Wednesday
  • “Pastime Day”: Way Back Wednesday
  • Hump Day


  • “Pastime Day”: Throwback Thursday


  • “Pastime Day”: Flashback Friday
  • TGIF – Thank God It’s Friday / Thank Goodness It’s Friday


  • “Pastime Day”: Old Saturday
  • “Pastime Day”: Slide-back Saturday
  • “Pastime Day”: Senti Saturday
  • Screenshot Saturday

Funny Ways to Say You’re Leaving

Don’t you ever get bored of just saying “bye”?  Well, now you have a list of exciting things to say instead!  If you have more of these, leave a comment!

  • Make like a tree and leaf.
  • Make like a chainsaw and cut out.
  • Make like a spider and bug out.
  • Make like a rock and roll.
  • Make like a Shepard and get the flock out.
  • Make like a banana and peel out.
  • Make like Knott’s Berry Farm and jam.
  • Make like an atom and split.
  • Make like a fetus and bust out of this mother.
  • I’m out like a trout!
  • Make like a ball and bounce.

Fortunes Cookies …in Bed! List

Everyone knows that Fortune Cookies have some important things to tell us about our future.  Most of the time they don’t make much sense as a “future prediction.”   But that is true until you add the suffix of “…in bed!”  That favorable fortune you just cracked out of your sugary cookie from your favorite Chinese food establishment just got sexy!

So, here’s a list of Fortune Cookie messages — you can add “…in bed” to the end of them and they will become super sexualized and funny!

If you have more fortunes, feel free to leave a comment and I will add it to the list.

The world will soon be ready to receive your talents  …in bed!

Be willing to be uncomfortable.  Be comfortable being uncomfortable.  It may get tough …in bed!

The person closest to you is more important than you realize …in bed!

You’ll get more secure and confident in your relationships with co-workers …in bed!

We do three kinds of jobs, cheap, quick, and good …in bed!

An enjoyable vacation awaits you …in bed!

The current year will bring you much happiness …in bed!

Don’t look back, always look ahead …in bed!

Happy events will take place shortly in your home …in bed!

An important discussion will take place today …in bed!

Nothing can keep you from reaching your goals …in bed!

You have a charming way with words.  Write a letter this week …in bed!

Try something new today …in bed!

Watch for a stranger near you to soon become a friend …in bed!

When in doubt, let your instincts guide you …in bed!

Now is the time for peace in your life.  Go along with other’s ideas …in bed!

You will soon be changing your present line of work …in bed!

You are the center of every group’s attention …in bed!

You may lose the small ones but win the big ones …in bed!

People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner …in bed!

Express your talents in art and music …in bed!

You will do well to expand your horizons …in bed!

You could prosper in the field of medicine …in bed!

The sky’s the limit this month …in bed!

The strengths in your character will bring you serenity …in bed!

You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands on …in bed!

Your investment of time in work or school next week is important …in bed!

Your next business venture will be very profitable …in bed!

You will be involved in many humanitarian projects …in bed!

If you look in the right places, you can find good offerings …in bed!

Find release from your cares, have a good time …in bed!

You will soon be crossing the great waters …in bed!

Turn your thoughts within — find yourself …in bed!

A thrilling time is in your immediate future …in bed!

Someone from your past will happily re-enter your life soon …in bed!

Soon, you will receive pleasant news …in bed!

You will find your horizons suddenly broadened …in bed!

A pleasant surprise is in store for you soon …in bed!

You are attracted to things with an exotic flavor …in bed!

Many pleasurable and memorable adventures are in store for you …in bed!

Next week, green is a lucky color for you …in bed!

Tomorrow your friend or partner will tell you some exciting news …in bed!

On Friday your creative side will shine forth with exceptional ideas …in bed!

A thrilling time is in your future …in bed!

Next summer, you will dance to a different beat …in bed!

Nothing can keep you from reaching your goals.  Do it!  …in bed!

Don’t underestimate yourself.  Your social skills are needed by others at this time …in bed!

The near future holds a gift of contentment …in bed!

Your present plans will be successful …in bed!

An admirer is too shy to greet you …in bed!

Don’t worry about the stock market.  Invest in family …in bed!

You will receive some prestigious prize or award within the month …in bed!

Your talents will prove to be especially useful this week …in bed!

There are big changes ahead for you …in bed!

You are imaginative in using your skills.  Apply this next week …in bed!

Someone is interested in you.  Keep your eyes open …in bed!

An unexpected windfall will soon be yours …in bed!

You will receive an unexpected gift from an acquaintance …in bed!

You will be successful through innovation and determination …in bed!

Listen these next few days to your friends to get answers you seek …in bed!

A simple kindness today will bring you great reward …in bed!

Someone is speaking well of you at this very moment!  …in bed!

You are bright and witty …in bed!

You have an accurate and professional mind …in bed!

Executive ability is prominent in your makeup …in bed!

Your talents will capture you the highest status and prestige …in bed!

The star of happiness is shining on you …in bed!

Forge ahead with your new ideas …in bed!

Now is a lucky time for you — take a chance …in bed!

You will soon bring joy to someone new in your life …in bed!

Your persistence will pay off …in bed!

Investigate new possibilities with friends.  Now is the time!  …in bed!

The wise thing to do is to prepare for the unexpected …in bed!

You will win favors when you expand your social circle …in bed!

You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems …in bed!

You have an ambitious nature and will make a name for yourself …in bed!

Someone in your life needs a letter from you …in bed!

This week, you have a good head in matters of money …in bed!

Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance.  Share your news …in bed!

You will have many friends when you need them …in bed!

You will find your solution where you least expect it …in bed!

You will soon receive an usual [sic] gift of food for your health …in bed!

A small act of charity will go a long way …in bed!

Now is a good time to call a loved one at a distance from you …in bed!

An unexpected visitor will bring you good blessings …in bed!

You will be coming into a fortune …in bed!

Now is the time to set your sights high and go for it …in bed!

You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily …in bed!

Any doubts you may have will disappear early this month …in bed!

A new relationship is about to blossom.  You will be blessed …in bed!

Someone is speaking well of you at this very moment …in bed!

You will soon be reunited with an old friend …in bed!

When one door closes, another one will open …in bed!

Investigate new possibilities with friends.  Now is the time …in bed!

You will win success in whatever you attempt …in bed!

You will enjoy doing something different this coming weekend …in bed!

Remember three months from this date.  Good things are in store for you …in bed!

This year your highest priority will be your family …in bed!

Your warmth radiates on those around you …in bed!

You will soon be the center of attention.  Enjoy the spotlight …in bed!

Use your abilities at this time to stay focused on your goal.  You will succeed …in bed!

Three times a week, treat yourself to dessert …in bed!

You deserve to have a good time after a hard day’s work …in bed!

Your hard work is about to pay off!  Congratulations! …in bed!

You will soon witness a miracle …in bed!

Wise man is slow in choosing friends, slower in changing …in bed!

A movie would be a great way to relax this weekend …in bed!

You will always have good luck in your personal affairs …in bed!

Now is a good time to explore …in bed!

Avenues of good fortune are ahead for you …in bed!

It’s time to write a letter or email to one who is distant …in bed!

You will accomplish great things in your free time this week …in bed!

Prosperity is in the cards for you this year …in bed!

Your musical talents will soon be showcased …in bed!

Flowers would brighten the day of your close friend …in bed!

Your present plans are going to succeed if you stick to them …in bed!

The culture and customs of China attract you …in bed!

Keep up the good work.  You will be rewarded …in bed!

It’s a good time for you to travel.  Take a vacation …in bed!

You Will soon get something special because of your charm …in bed!

You will surround yourself with warmth and riches …in bed!

30 Movies and TV Shows that Should’ve Existed


“That’s What She Said” (TWSS) List

This is a list of good and bad “That’s what She Said” lines that you can respond to by saying “That’s What She Said!” or the even more heinous “That’s What HE Said!” to sexualize/distort any statement you may hear in a conversation.

The same concept can be used for “…Sounds like a porno I saw”,  “…in bed!”, “Your mom/dad…”, and others, you just have to modify the statements to fit with the prefix/suffix phrases.

Leave a comment if you have a suggestion.

Good ones (they make sense):

“I need a bigger one” …that’s what she said!

“I can’t fit it in my mouth.” …that’s what she said!

“I want some In-N-Out.” …that’s what she said!

“I can’t hold it anymore.” …that’s what she said!

“You put one ball in”  …that’s what she said!

“That’s a lot of slides” …that’s what she said!  (“slides” like a power point presentation)

“I’m going to fill this up” …that’s what she said!

“It’s still warm back here” …that’s what she said!

“You just got them all right now” …that’s what she said!

“It came out the back” …that’s what she said!

“Where did all the balls go?”  ..that’s what she said!

“It is in one of three places”  …that’s what she said!

Bad ones (they don’t make sense):

(None yet.)

Top 10 Reasons Why Armenians Can’t Be Terrorists

1. 8:45 am (5:45am Glendale time) is too early for them to be up.

2. They are always late, they would have missed all four flights.

3. Pretty people on the plane distract them.

4. They would talk loudly & bring attention to themselves.

5. With food & drinks on the plane, they would forget why they’re there.

6. They talk with their hands, therefore they would have to put their weapons down.

7. They would ALL want to fly the plane.

8. They would argue & start a fight in the plane.

9. They can’t keep a secret, they would have told everyone a week before doing it.

10. They would have put their country’s flag on the plane.

Funny Search Terms

Sometimes people find Squackle with odd or funny search terms.  They’re so funny or weird sometimes, that I feel like I need to share it with the world.  Not saying that there isn’t a lot of weird shit on this site, but there are times where I just don’t expect certain search terms to actually lead to Squackle.  Also, I wouldn’t mind being the number one search for “what sound does a beaver make.”

Here’s a list of the exceedingly funny search terms as I see them, newest on top:

pictures of guyz fucking there girl friend

how to say huge ass in a fancy way

boy inserting finger in girls asshole sexy hd pics

girls from america sexy nice vagina sexy

grandma is raped with toothbrush

i want to be a cashier and i dont have experience so can google teach me some lessons

sexy ladies sex fuck hard

what is a good porn name for a girl named ann catherine

why the f*ck are asian women so attractive

fireworks of cum and semen

sexy little girl feet on balls

i want to download a beautiful and sexy lady age under 26 that has a lot of photos on facebook

thumbelina hentai

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how to draw dick using alphabets

sign me up by email for nasty gay black porn

knock knock jokes about livers

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pictures huge female holes and the long trailing tities

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chumlee shemale having sex with a girls manga

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i want to cum in katy perrys mouth

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Football players asses

white guy saying fucking rice to every mustang that passes by

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