Category Archives: Lists

Lots of funny lists!

I Was Walking Down the Street Phrases

– One day I was walking down the street when a tree bit me in the ass.

– One day I was walking down the street when a panda began to spank me and call me nancy.

– One day I was walking down the street and a dolphin took a crap on me.

– One day I was walking down the street and I was ambushed by a group of gay lawyers wearing tutu’s.

– One day I was walking down the street when a baboon walked up to me and pinched my behind.

– One day I was walking down the street when I realized my bosom was showing so I buried myself in a sewage tank and began to sing christmas carols.

– One day I was walking down the street and saw two squirrels doin it doggy style on top of a parked car.

– One day I was walking down the street when a monkey came and took my pants.

– One day I was walking down the street and a albanian prostitute tickled me.

– One day I was walking down the street and saw a man filming pornography in a tree.

– One day I was walking down the street when an eel slapped me.

– One day I was walking down the street and I saw a man named Bubba removing a white substance from his eye (god knows what it was).

You Know You’re Sick When…

You know you’re sick when…

– you vomit and the vomit mysteriously spells, “fart.”

– you are butt-fucking a goat in the backyard while your mom and the whole neighborhood is watching you, regularly.

– you watch, “I Love Lucy” and fall in love with Ricky and the way he bongs on his bongos and can’t stop thinking how he’d bong your bongos.

– you think the Home Alone Series is intellectual and educational, and your favorite part is when Kevin’s mom screams.

– you have the game “Shaq-Fu” for SEGA Genesis

– you say “cheek cheeky boom boom” when you get arrested when they say, “whatever you say can and will be used in a court of law.”

– you get up in the morning and feel like reading the Encyclopedia Brittanica from A-Z with all the special issues and add-ons for the 5th time in 3 days.

– you throw marshmallows at someone you have a crush on

– you play Bingo with yourself and shout, “BINGO!!” when you get it, you also live with 4 friends that now think your crazy.

– you think a cool thing to do is to dangle a cap from a string and hypnotize people.

– you think walking into a church naked is a funny prank, but even better, is walking into a nudist’s church with clothes on.

– you eat your intestine as a bedtime snack.

– you stick pencils up every hole in your body and run through town, naked, with the pencils in your holes, screaming, “I’m a walrus!”

– you get bees up your pants regularly.

– you pelt yourself, and other people, with pudding every Sunday.

– you use “what is the name of your telephone number” for a pickup line.

– you beat dogs, just cause they show their butthole to the whole world and still “smile.”

You know someone in your family is really sick when…

– the telephone rings and your teenaged daughter doesn’t feel well enough to run and answer it.

– you offer to take your wife shopping for a new dress and she doesn’t feel well enough to get of bed.

– you visit your mother-in-law and she’s too sick to even talk.

– you give away your tickets to the Super Bowl because you feel too ill to go to the game.

– your seven-year-old stays in the house all day and is good as gold.

– your teenaged son gives you back the keys to the car and tells you he’s going to bed instead of to the drive-in on Saturday night.

The Many Ways to Say Butt

This entry is part 1 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

A – Ass, Arse, Asscheeks, Apple, Arsch (German), A$$

B – Butt, Behind, Backside, Booty, Bottom, Bum, Buns, Buttocks, Badonkadonk, Bon bon, B-hind, Bawtt, Buttox, Buttcheeks, Base, Back pack, le Bout (French), Bumbum (Portuguese)

C – Can, Culo, Caboose, Cheeks, Coccyx, la Culata (Spanish), el Cabezada (Spanish), le Cul (French)

D – Derriere

E – Extremity, el Extremo (Spanish)

F – Fanny, Fundament, Fart place, Fart box

G – Gluteus maximus, Ginger bottoms, Ginger

H – Hiney, Heinie, Hind end, Hind-quarters, Honker, Haunch, Hintern (German)


J – Junk in the trunk

K – Keister, Kaboose, Kugelfang (German)

L – Laffy Taffy, Lower extremity

M – Medicine balls, Mozzicone (Italian)

N – Nates


P – Poop factory, Posterior, Prat, Patooty, Pipe, el Pez Plano (Spanish), Popo (Turkish)


R – Rear, Rump, Rear hind, Rear end, Rectum, Rassinn (Icelandic), Rumpe (Norwegian)

S – Seat, Stern, Spatatta, Spooty, Sphincter, Spooty Patooty, The Stink

T – Tooshie, Tush, Tushie, Tailbone, Tail, Trunk, Tooter, The thing you sit on, The thing you fart out of, The thing that gets cold when you sit on something cold, The place where people brand livestock usually, el Topetazo (Spanish)

U – Underside, Undercarriage


W – Wazoo, What my momma gave me


Y – You Know What


30 Things to Do With a Paper Bag

Not all of this is too funny, because it was an assignment at school.


1. Put your lunch in it

2. Blow in it then pop it

3. Put it over your head and make eye holes in it

4. Suffocate someone

5. Write on it

6. Rip it and use it as a bookmark

7. Put something heavy in it and chuck it at someone’s head

8. Lick it and put it on your head so it’ll stick

9. Make a bracelet

10. Litter with it

11. Watch it

12. Use it as a parachute

13. Put things in it

14. Put dog poo in it and toss it at a house after putting it on fire

15. Torch it

16. Put it in your fireplace to burn

17. Give it to someone as a present (optional to have something in it)

18. Sit on it

19. Crumple it up and toss it at someone

20. Play catch with it

21. Blow your nose in it

22. Strangle someone

23. Make a face with it

24. Have conversations with it

25. Make it into a hat

26. Paint it

27. Put your pet lizard’s next meal in it

28. Put your neighbors bad kitty in the bag, staple it, then flush it down the toilet

29. Make a paper plane out of it

30. Wipe stuff off your shoes

Situations It Would Suck to Be In

By Nose:

– A badger is in your pants. Those mofo’s have sharp claws.

– On stage naked when you have to urinate. People could lose their careers this way.

– Bitchslapping Mike Tyson…cover your ears!

– Having a pencil up your ass

– Standing in a pile of hippo crap. You’ve seen how much they eat. Can you imagine standing in the crap of an animal who eats aobut 400 pounds of food a day.

– If you’re a guy. Never walk into a gay bar with no pants. Some people don’t wait until they get home.

– Don’t wear butt tight pants when you go to the beach. When you have a stiffy, people are gonna know.

– Making love to a gorilla. Some of those animls weigh 2000 pounds.

– Doing doggy style to a dog. Think where that thing has been.

By Holmes:

– Bending over in a Prison Shower Room…Welcome to Anal Penetration 101, your going to feel like your shitting backwards.

– In a Port-o-potty while it’s rolling down a hill…the toilet is going to be shitting on you

– Drinking Coca-Cola in a Pepsi plant…HOW COULD YOU!

By The typical Aussie bloke:

– Taking a shit in a really old outback dunnycan that hasn’t been washed in 50 years. Imagine all the crabs on the dunny seat and the crusty shit stains ewwwwwww!!!

– Being tackled by John Hopoate during a Rugby League footy match. You know what John (BROWN FINGERS) Hopoate likes to do to footy players on the opposite team, especially when they are wearing really stubby footy shorts!

– Being a beer swilling yobbo at a local pub that has no beer. Yobbos can’t survive without beer!

– Thrown in a prison cell with nothing but a “Richie Benaud’s Autobiography” book. Now THAT’s boring!

– Being a little Aussie kid chanting “USA! USA! USA!” at the Melborune AFL Aussie Rules footy match. I guess the kid has been watching too much Simpsons episodes and doesn’t know that the Australian chant is “Aussie Aussie Aussie!!! Oi Oi Oi!!!”

– Some bastard pulling a prank on you by putting dark gooey shit to an empty Vegemite jar and passing it off to you as Vegemite. When you spread it on toast and eat it you’ll be chucking up in the dunny.

– Being the janitor cleaning a passenger jet after a shitfaced footy team has been on it. When a footy team gets pissed on a few slabs of VB, they will not care where they decide to hang a piss so there will be urine flowing down the aisle of the plane.

– Getting smacked hard in the K-nackers with a cricket ball when playing cricket with your mates. OWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL that would hurt!!!!! Cricket balls are SOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!

– Having a wedgy up your bumcrack while you’re in the bloke’s change room. All the blokes would think you’re wearing a G-string.

– Some bugger filling the tray of your Holden Kingswood ute with polyfiller. You won’t be able to transport any beer slabs or your pisstank yobbo pub mates around.

Van Gogh’s Family Tree

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes: Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store: Stopn Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white: Hue Gogh

The cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh

His magician uncle: Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh

The Mexican cousin’s American half brother: Grin Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar Gogh

The constipated uncle: Can’t Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan Gogh

The bird lover uncle: Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking: Wayto Gogh

The little bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco: Go Gogh

His Italian uncle: Day Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie Bay Gogh

Cheap Halloween Costumes

Fairly Cheap Costumes:

Tom Cruise – sunglasses, socks (no shoes), no pants or shorts, a dress shirt, and underwear

Chuck Norris – wear only pants, no socks or shoes, a bandana, and die your facial, chest, and back hair red

Ghandi – shave your head and wear a loin cloth toga

Tarzan – only wear loin cloth underwear or any underwear


Things you can say you are if someone asks and you aren’t dressed up:


“an Insomniac”

“a Necrophiliac”

“a trick or treater”

“a retired wrestler”

“a person with a bus pass”

“I wear shorts”

“I have candy”

“I’m a scary monster”

“I forgot my costume on my way to your house”

Or just run away before they can ask.

Kissing Rules

1) When Kissing make sure your eyes are closed.

2) When you are kissing someone make sure it is not someone else’s b/f or g/f!!

3) You may NOT eat pizza anytime before you make out.

4) If a person is a bad kisser, you MAY NOT stop and leave at anytime, it’s rude.

5) A person with braces may not kiss another person who has them.

6) When kissing make sure your hands are where there allowed (they can wander sometimes and some people don’t like that)

7) NEVER ask someone if you’re a good kisser, you will either get a wrong answer, or the truth will hurt you.

8 ) If you were expecting More Than Kissing don’t complain, you will get less the next time.

9) Kissing more than one person in a day can result in you not being allowed to kiss one of those parties anymore

Top 5 Stuff

Top Five Places To Go On A First Date:

1) Movies

2) Shopping

3) To A Dance

4) Ice Skating

5) Theme Park

Top Five Places NOT To Go On A First Date:

1) Double Date

2) Out To Eat

3) Bowling

4) Their House To Meet Their Parents

5) A Sports Event

Top Three Things To Say To Your Girl Date:

1) Wow… you look amazing!

2) I Love You.

3) Wanna Sit In The Back?

Top Three Things To Say To Your Guy Date:

1) You’re such a hottie!

2) I Love You.

3) Where Do You Want To Make Out?

If You’re A Guy, DON’T wear:

1) A Tux

2) Baggy Jeans And An Old Shirt

3)Anything That Shows Your Stomach

If You’re A Girl, DON’T Wear:

1) Jeans And A Tee Shirt

2) Short Shorts And Tight Shirts- If You’re Fat

3) Sandals If You’re Toenails Are Long

If You’re A Girl, DON’T Say This To You’re Date:

1) Does This Make Me Look Fat?

2) Do I Have Something In My Teeth?

3) You’re Alot Nicer Than My Old Boyfriend

The Number List

google plex
google six pac
google eight pac
google twelve pac
google thirty six pac
google fifty pac
google one hundred pac
boogle plex
boogle pac
boogle bobular
bobular plex
bobular pac