Tag Archives: Solid Billy
Squacklecast Episode 13 – “About the Olympics or Something”
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The Squacklecast is back from yet another hiatus to recap the Olympics! Well, only some parts of it.
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The best highlight of the Olympics? Of course that goes to Carmelo Anthony receiving a nut punch.
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Soccer on the international level is grade A bullshit. No wonder the whole world loves it because they’re a bunch of fucking idiots. America doesn’t like soccer because its fucking dumb!!!!
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Ryan Lochte is a good looking guy… and then he opens his mouth…
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And this is the Funny or Die we mentioned. I didn’t think it was that great, but it serves to illustrate our point about Mr. Lochte.
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This Danny Boyle guy should never touch another Olympic event ever.
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Spice World is a great campy movie. It has a lot of popular cameos of famous UK actors/singers.
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It From the Pit will be a new Olympics game, I can feel it.
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The Pile Driver with the guy’s face in the other guy’s underwear.
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The 2012 Icons are pretty shitty. They should just put words instead of stupid stick figures, wouldn’t you say?
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Well, that’s that! Finally we can get back to our normal programming on NBC that I already don’t watch.
Squacklecast Episode 12 – “It’s Not a Car. It’s a Squacklecast.”
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BE ADVISED: THERE ARE DARK KNIGHT RISES SPOILERS IN THIS PODCAST! DO NOT PLAY IT IF YOU CARE TO WATCH THE MOVIE
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This week we talk about Dark Knight Rises!
IT’S NOT A CAR!!!!
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Dark Knight Rises took a couple of queue’s from the 1960’s Batman for the main “threat” apparently…
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Bane’s computer of choice is the flipscreen netbook. Not really that impressive or futuristic…
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Dark Knight Rises… wait a minute, I’ve seen this movie before… its just Rocky III!
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Why didn’t the ships in Star Trek just launch warp cores as weapons instead of puny photon torpedoes?
That was the best video I could find of Star Trek explosions.
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That’s all for this week, folks! If you’d like to be on next week’s podcast, let us know!
Squacklecast Episode 11 – “Team Cruise vs. Team Jesus”
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Hey everyone! Did you like the new rap song I made? Dinosaur Habitat and DJ Davy A are my alternate nicknames for music creation.
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Anyway, this week we scratch the surface of the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise marriage split!
5 Years is a long time for a marriage that wasn’t going to work.
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Just what the hell is scientology? Something that breaks apart marriages, obviously (see above). That’s all I could understand from the Wikipedia article.
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Mormonism? You get your own planet? I don’t know if that’s right…
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In heaven, everyone wears these awesome fire kicks:
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Rock of Ages lost money, no shocker there.
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Tom Cruise a short lumpy lookin guy, huh?
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Who wouldn’t want to watch the chaos that ensues around Katie Holmes life when there’s a boring reality show about Clint Eastwood’s wife and daughter, not even with him in it.
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Ringer was canceled after a season.
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Jim Carrey dropped out of the Farrelly brother’s latest movie. Wait, how do you say Farrelly? Peter Far-LEE? Bobby Far-Re-Lee?
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Magic Mike makes male stripping look cool…?
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More Tyler Perry bashing this week. Wait, someone recorded that Madea bullshit as stage plays and thought it was good enough to make it into a movie? They couldn’t see that it was shitty before they spent money on making it?
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Fur-assic Park is my Jurassic Park parody.
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Who said anything about DATING Katie Holmes? I’d just do her and call it a life.
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Buff Bagwell will be my choice to play Tom Cruise on the made-for-TV movie about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.
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See ya next week!
Squacklecast Episode 10 – “The Art of Covering Shifts”
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This week we become overly insensitive assholes (moreso than usual? Or maybe not at all!) and lambast a girl over the 70+ e-mails that she has sent out in the past 6 months regarding shift covers. It is truly an art form in itself when you have TO GUILT TRIP YOUR WHOLE DEPARTMENT INTO COVERING SHIFTS FOR YOU. Not to mention it is your “second” job which only gives you at most 4 to 8 hours a week!
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This is the real cancer we were talking about, obviously:
Squacklecast Episode 9 – “We Make Them Only to Kill Them”
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Summer movies are in full swing, and this time we take a look at Prometheus as well as the upcoming summer schedule of movies. Its a big year for super heroes but not much else to get excited about.
WARNING: THERE ARE SOME PROMETHEUS SPOILERS! You can skip to about a third of the way through and skip all the Prometheus stuff if you care.
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Prometheus is a film that raises more questions than answers, like: “Why would you kill Charlize Theron?” and “Why didn’t we see that scene with Charlize getting it up the butt from the big black dude?”
And there’s also all that hullabaloo about the origins of man and the beginnings of the Xenomorphs, but that’s all secondary.
Inception noise? Meet your match: PROMETHEUS NOISE!
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Adam Sandler is intentionally making shitty movies. Its the only explanation. He just needs to stick with family comedies and dramatic movies, apparently.
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This summer has a list of movies it wants to murder, and its gotten a few of them already:
Battleship: Sunk
The Dictator: Assassinated
Dark Shadows: Black Eye
Chernobyl Diaries: Nuked
Prometheus: Hospitalized (In the baby ward)
That’s My Boy: Murdered
Rock of Ages: Murdered
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: Pending Assassination
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Brave is another one of those Pixar movies that I’ll probably just hate. I hate more Pixar movies than I do like them, apparently.
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Owen Wilson: I don’t like his voice, and I don’t like his face.
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Finding Nemo had the worst characters of any Pixar movie ever.
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The Good Dinosaur is probably just The Good Shepherd but with real dinosaurs, not people you could call dinosaurs.
Its actually worse than that. It has Lil’ Wayne in it.
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Pixar has an impressively boring list of upcoming movies.
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Magic Mike has Channing Tatum in it. Like, OH EM GEE.
Directed by Steven Soderbergh, no less.
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How does Tyler Perry keep making movies? He’s like Adam Sandler but successful.
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Katy Perry: Part of Me: Pending Stage Collapse
Savages: Dead on Arrival
Step Up Revolution: Someone Will Step Down (In the government. Get it? Revolution? Government? Step Down?)
The Watch: Legally murdered. Maybe.
Total Recall: Unfortunate Death Due to Lack of References. Please resubmit an application.
Expendables 2: Expendable (get it?)
ParaNorman: Already Dead
Resident Evil: Retribution: Been Dead
Sean Bean: Died 20+ times. Save Sean Bean!
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That’s it for this week, folks. Hope you like our rudimentary coverage of what’s to come for this summer in the movies.
If you want to be on the Squacklecast, let us know! We can schedule you for an interview and you can hang out with us for an hour.
Squacklecast Episode 8 – “Wait Till We Do a Number 9”
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We have a guest this week! It’s Daniel, the guy that went to the strawberry festival last week. We put him on the grill and insult his decision for going to the strawberry festival along with his weird two-headed friend, Lucy the Two-Headed Goosey.
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http://www.strawberryfestival.org/
What have we become? A never ending http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ ad for the http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ Strawberry Festival? http://www.strawberryfestival.org/
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In honor of the Zombie Apocalypse, AMC is starting a new show called…
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Zombie Apocalypse 2012:
Guy eating someone’s face off in Florida.
Guy eating his roommates brain in Maryland.
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Get off my computer, Jamie Oliver. You’re not a chemist. You’re just an asshole.
Silly Jaime Oliver, we shouldn’t be throwing away perfectly edible food. We should at least ship it off to Africa!
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McDonalds used to be a value. Now they try to sell you everything in bulk so that there is the same perceived value as what was once known as the Dollar Menu.
Only 20 bucks!
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That new Coldplay song is pretty bad. It doesn’t even sound like a Coldplay song.
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Rihanna looks dumb. Please remove her from my music and movies.
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Carly Rae Jepsen? Who stepped in what? Yet another terrible song for your listening pleasure:
The Sky Is The Limit must be gay code for anal sex. So is “funnel cake.”
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#1 – Piss
#2 – Poo
#3 – Poop and Pee at the same time.
#4 – Poo, Pee, and a Yak (a barf). Mostly done by bulimics and people who don’t feel very good.
#5 – Opening up your intestine and chopping up parts and throwing it at police (Zombies gotta poop somehow)
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The newer Dawn of the Dead introduced running zombies. Is it really that much weirder than the idea of zombies in the first place?
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[Rec] was a “demonic infestation” sort of zombie thing rather than a virus or reanimated corpses due to magic/radiation. By the way, that was a spoiler.
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Want to hire screamers with 13 dB yells or higher to make movies seem more scary than they are. Apply at the offices of William Castle.
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Facebook and Mark Zuckerburg jokes are so funny.
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The real #5 – Peeing inside someone. A whole #1, while penetrating them.
#6 – Same thing as #5 but taking a shit on them instead.
#7 – Forced ejaculation
#8 – Vegetables in orifices, coming out.
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The #1 (pun intended) defense against Zombies is making a house out of sugary treats.
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#9 – You don’t even need a can opener. You just peel it back and drop that shit in, then you turn it to medium heat and stir it.
#10 – Strawberry sauce/Period Juice on your Hot Dog.
#11 – “Painting the porta potty.” The paintbrush is your dick and the porta potty is a person’s ass.
X Squared – all of the above
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Boy that was a great one, huh, guys? Who knows what’s going to happen next week!
Squacklecast Episode 7 – “FUCK the Strawberry Festival!”
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This week we watched Chernobyl Diaries, a movie about a bunch of college kids going to Russia to dick around and take Instagrams of ruined buildings and put them in meaningless filters so that they can show off to their friends. They also bring their crazy knife-wielding soccer coach along for the lulz.
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Chernobyl Diaries has an old zombie lady masturbating in a closet in an attic of one of the buildings. Gross!
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Too much Carrie Underwood and Colbie Caillat in Chernobyl Diaries for my taste. It’s almost like a boring wedding video.
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This is the knife that the soccer coach had.
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Why does Will Smith like making sequels to movies 10 years after the fact? It’s not like he was doing anything that important in the mean time between movies. If he’s going to make a shitty movie, he might as well make it while it is still relevant.
Bad Boys (1995) -> Bad Boys II (2003) = 8 years
Men in Black II (2002) -> Men In Black III (2012) = 10 years
I, Robot (2004) -> I, Robot 2 (currently 2015) = ~11 years
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Hologram Tupac takes the forefront in Men In Black III, don’t be fooled by the trailers. They’re pulling a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us.
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Ali 2 will be Will Smith walking around with Parkinson’s until he either cures it or dies from it, made in 2018.
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Independence Day 2 or even 3? Welcome to URF again in 10 years!
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Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith shitting on their White House and blowing up alien landmarks. How do you like that, mother fuckers!? Aliens getting shit on all the time!
Kind of sounds like Avatar…
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Avatar 2 is gonna be at the bottom of the ocean. Or something. You heard it here first, Jeff Goldblum is in Avatar 2.
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On the flip side of things, Prometheus looks like it’ll be a good movie.
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Mortal Kombat: Legacy was terrible. You should watch it. It was directed by that guy that did Fame.
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Street Fighter and The Legend of Chun-Li had it right — only have a story about one character, not 35 million characters at the same time. That’s about the only thing they did right, and the rest of it was so wrong it was right.
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Paul W.S. Anderson is the poor man’s Michael Bay. And obviously not as good looking.
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Dead Or Alive is one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s travesties. But at least that is better than any of Uwe Boll‘s movies.
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The Island is a less classy version of Never Let Me Go.
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George Lucas would probably go back into the Star Wars movies and remove Ewan MacGregor’s beauty marks just so that it is consistent through all of the movies.
Kind of something like this:
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And most of all, FUCK THE STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!
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Everything is going to be made from the blood of trees now.
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The Middle East is just a big fucking desert, who cares what happens to the environment there. No one freakin lives there anyway. So let’s toss all of our unused plastic bags into it.
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See you guys next week! :licky:
Squacklecast Episode 6 – “Mermaid Off the Port Bow!”
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Whoa, did we miss another week? Sorry ya’ll, but this week we’ll take a look at The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and how they’re both kind of crappy movies. The reason why we’re even bothering? Because Billy never watched it before last week!
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The Evil Queen should have put Snow White into a sleeper hold and then shot her.
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Little Mermaid run time – 83 minutes
Snow White run time – 83 minutes
D:
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Who would do a credit for “Birds”? Purv Pullen, of course.
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Bedtime for Bonzo… a movie with Ronald Reagan and a chimpanzee! I’d guess its a movie about killing a lab chimpanzee from the title.
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Squackle Film Festival, with Troll 2 to begin and to end! Also featuring Strange Saga of Hiroshi the Sex Machine and Hooking Up. More movies to be announced at a later date.
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Wouldn’t YOU like to penetrate the Little Mermaid?
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Sebastian is just a scrotum with a huge penis coming out of it along with pincers. A dick with pincers, even.
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Ariel would qualify for being an episode of Hoarders.
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TWO new Snow White movies? Whyyyyy? Number 1. Number 2.
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Who the fuck is that guy in the mirror? It must be Zordon.
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The fairest one of all?
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WHO PUT A DICK IN THIS BOX?
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Whatever you do, don’t search for “Little Mermaid Hentai…”
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Will it be two weeks or next week that we do the next podcast? No one knows.
Squacklecast Episode 4 – “DJ Honey, Drop It!”
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DJ HONEY, DROP IT!
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Now onto what we actually talk about.
This week we talk about The Lucky One, starring Zac Efron, and how dumb the premise sounds without actually watching the movie!
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Zac Efron’s bra trick apparently makes him a super hero.
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Dear John is a little more sensible than The Lucky One, wouldn’t you say?
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Don’t you get it? I FORGOT what THE VOW was which was ABOUT AMNESIA?!??!
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Rachel McAdams is apparently in movies.
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Channing Tatum wasn’t the standout figure in the first GI Joe.
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GI Joe Retaliation can’t be worse than the first one… right?
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EVERYBODY’S DEAD!!!
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Rachel Nichols is so beautiful…
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Jonathan Pryce as “U.S. President” in GI Joe 2? NOT BELIEVABLE
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Zac Efron and Channing Tatum in a gay romance movie? It’s gonna happen. DAT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN MARKET.
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Charlie St. Cloud is a movie about Zac Efron getting dating tips from his dead younger brother’s ghost. And something about sailing?
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Pretty In Pink, I like that shit.
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Theres about 100 more GI Joe characters to kill off before they reboot the franchise.
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Everything you need to know about the ThunderCats.
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And this BearCity movie looks pretty gross. Lots of hair. I get enough of that in the mirror.
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The Sound of Music is gay in the happy way.
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“Video Team” is an amazing name for a company.
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Edward Penishands???
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Thanks for listening this week. Maybe next week we’ll talk about more porn.
Squacklecast Episode 3 – “Live at Roscoe’s!!!”
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Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles is the host of the Squacklecast this week! Well, not really, but we did just eat there before we recorded the podcast. We would have went to MoLAA (Museum of Los Angeles Assholes) but we had a podcast to record!
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I hate Instagr.am — it does NUTH HING. Our shitty phones have all the shitty effects Instagram applies to your shitty pictures already.
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I want to see Houseguest re-released in theaters.
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Brock Pierce? He’s gotta be a porn actor now…
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The shitty trailer for LOL:
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James Spader was in a couple of space movies, like Supernova, Stargate, and Speaking of Sex.
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The Ice Pirates is one of my favorite movies of all time.
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The Strange Saga of Hiroshi the Freeloading Sex Machine is a “pink erotica” film from Japan full of medium-core sex, cucumbers shoved in asses, public nudity, lesbian sex in a graveyard, and people jerking it on top of fire escape ladders.
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Saving Silverman > Jersey Girl
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American Reunion – another tragedy loosely based off the actual actor’s lives?
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Bad Taste is one of Peter Jackson’s movies that he made before Lord of the Rings.
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Boiler Room is Ben Affleck’s best movie, because he wasn’t the main character.
It was much better than Daredevil, obviously.
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SHUT UP ALREADY!
See you guys next week.
Squacklecast Episode 2 – “We Planned This Out”
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Hello again, faithful Squacklers! This week we talk about more random movies with the second episode of the Squacklecast — “We Planned This Out.” Davepoobond and Solid Billy take on the pressing questions of our times, like “Why does Jean Claude Van Damme play the same character in Kickboxer and Bloodsport?” and realizing that Sean Bean is actually a lazy actor because he dies in practically all his movies so he doesn’t have to act anymore!
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The Schticky Commercial:
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Vince Offer was arrested for an altercation with a prostitute.
And here’s his mugshot!
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Vince Offer should just get a lavalier mic. But he insists on using his stupid headset.
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The Shamwow Spanish commercial:
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The SlapChop!
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American Reunion is coming out.
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American Pie: The Naked Mile was pretty dumb.
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Shannon Elizabeth could carry a movie by herself as a stereotypical foreigner.
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End of Days is probably better than Collateral Damage.
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John Leguizamo’s List of Victims
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There was a lot of innuendo in Home Alone 2.
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Training Day is a lot more like Home Alone 2 than you might care to realize…
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Home Alone 3 was also a travesty.
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There were only two black guys in Glory, a movie about a black-american regiment in the Civil War.
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Dr. Who should reunite all the James Bonds in a “reunion” movie.
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Little Man should be re-released in 3D.
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Bloodsport vs. Kickboxer – more like red haired guy vs. black guy with a machine gun!
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Sean Bean dies in all the movies he’s in:
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Someone getting hurt or killed during a robbery should be a given, shouldn’t it?
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Ca$h is the movie where Sean Bean dies twice.
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Thanks for tuning in! Next time we’ll be live at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles.
Squacklecast Episode 1 – “Episode 468”
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Hello everyone! This is the first episode of the Squacklecast, named “Episode 468,” with your hosts davepoobond and Solid Billy. If you aren’t aware, you can click the “play” button above to start the podcast. You can also play it in a popup window or even download it.
This post is meant to supplement the Squacklecast so that you can easily refer to all the things that we are talking about.
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Katy Perry – Part of Me music video
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Taxi Driver is a movie with Robert De Niro and Cybill Shepherd.
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That Justin Bieber magazine cover I was talking about:
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Lesbians That Look Like Justin Bieber on Tumblr.com
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Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like a Horse.com
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This movie that I hate called The Blind Side.
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Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
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Sandra Bullock is good in Crash because she’s good at being a racist.
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But her best movie is really Demolition Man.
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The necessarily annoying foil to Keanu Reeves in Speed.
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That He-man recut of that LMFAO song.
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Ninja Vixens on Google Image Search
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And here’s a Youtube trailer.
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Netflix doesn’t have Hard to Kill
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But they have Ernest Goes to Camp.
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Ernest Goes to Camp is 4.99 at Best Buy but you have to get 2 other movies too…
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A tribute to 3D chips.
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The Abyss is about aliens in the water.
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Avatar is a total rip off of the following movies:
Thumbelina – The Love Story in Avatar is pretty much this movie.
Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest – I swear this is pretty much the trailer for Avatar.
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I might have talked to her once on the phone…
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Until next time, folks!