Category Archives: Stories

Funny stories.

Stories, Fairy Tales

The Rabbit Who Pooped On Everyone

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This is kinda weird. We got 2 different versions of this same story from 2 different people. We don’t know who the first person was.

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1st version:

One Day A Rabbit named FLUFFY was sitting in his round terdy dirhea palace ande the toilet was made of realy talking terds somtimes they hugged him and said”i wove you”so anyway fluffys owner was coming home and took him out and held him above her head and he pooped on her face with a SPLAT she said “bitching rabbit”!!!she ran inside to take a shower when she came back out she held him and spanked me after that he shot out a marbly little terd into her mouth and she GULPED IT and he pee’d the second after that and hit her in the nose and she said “IM KILLING YOU”!!but before she could his terdy toilet freinds came and they punched her THWOCK THWOCK and SPLAT SPLITTY SPLAT!!his little toilet freinds said “o gosh i wove u”and little old fluffy/he ate them and chewed with a gooshy sound of munch’in terds and they screamed “Basterd EE OUSE rabbit”!?!and fluffys freind FROSTY came over and greated Fluffy and Fluffy Greated Frosty and Frosty And Fluffy built an invention called the Poop-Mini-Gunner and sceintific name –POOPIOSE LE’TERD ODDER LORD OF STINKY POO MICK COLEMN HAIRY FAT MAN TERD–so they aimed it toward there town called Toilet city poo eee (they lived in the poopyis town of the underground Retard toilets for fat men and fat assed woman and always getting new poopy , slimy visitors each second and each time we great them as they slide down the slippery slide of pooey)AND SHOT THE CITY AND EVERYONE GREW INTO THE BROWNIST BROWNEY TERDS IN THE WORLD!! ALSO ONE REMINDER the biggest TeRd in the town is stanly who came from a 560Pound SUmo wrestler THE END))))”””””

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2nd version:

One Day Fluffys owner was coming home and she took him out and said “hi”i pooped on her face and she yelled at me and said”YOU rabbIT YOU”she went to take a shower and came back and said”IM SPANKING YOU FLUFFY”before she could i pooped a little marbly terd and it went in her mouth and she gulped it and she was so frusterated she pulled down her pants and farted on me and after that i peed on here face then she ran inside to take another shower and i made an invention while she was in the shower i called it the poop shooter i aimed ot at her shower window and SPLAT then THWOCK i broke the glass and it hit her in the nose and splatted a huge mushy dirhea splatter all on here nose she inhaled it and puked at the marbly terd i escaped by opening the lach and brought my poop shooter and made 90 terds combinded and shot it at the city THWOCK the city blew up with a dirheaish fireworks and everyone thought they saw Hamtaro (from the CarttonNetwork at 8:30AM and the 4:00PM show)shoot it and everyone in the city got out spears and arrows (BY THE WAY HAMTARO IS A HAMSTER)and Hamtaro said “crum crumb crum” and EVERYONE stabbed him and HAMTAROS eyes popped out and plopped on the floor with a splitty splat splitty noise and his balls fell off and everyone ate dirhea to surrvive but saddly little fluffy had to much fluffyness and killed everyone who looked at his fizzzy,fuzzy,fluffy,soothing,touching,scottish,dirheashish furr so everyone DIED IN A DIRHEAISH DEATH

THE EMD KIDS AND ADULTS

Stories, Fairy Tales

The Grasshopper and the Ant

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As told by Ms. Signs.

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Once upon a time, in the land of fairy tales, there lived an ant and a grasshopper. The ant knew how to separate work time from free time. At the beginning of each day, this ant would get up early and collect food to store for the winter. He had a lot of food saved up by the end of the summer. The grasshopper was a different story, he was very lazy. He kept saying he would do the work tomorrow. The ant warned the grasshopper that unless he sacrificed some free time to work, he might find himself dying of starvation when winter came. The grasshopper didn’t pay attention. He kept sleeping late, playing Nintendo games, and not working at all. Suddenly, winter came. The ant was successful in storing his food he went into his ant pile to rest, the grasshopper was cold and hungry. He hadn’t built a house, or stored any food. If this story were a true fairy tale, the grasshopper would have died, because he was unprepared. However, this ending reflects the true nature of ants and grasshoppers. In this story, the grasshopper decides to eat the ant, and take all his food.

Stories

Scary Baby Retard

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In the Year 2069, there was a young boy named Wilson.

Wilson was mentaly retarded, and he was a 9 year old trapped inside a 8 month old girl’s body. He often stutterd when he talked, and stumbled over cordless phones for his enjoyment. He had a very unusual temper.

What he does when his temper is temped is… You know what? How about I tell you a story about him, and maybe your heart will be touched by this bisexual scary baby….

One afternoon wilson was at school in his classroom. The teacher was not there,

And his teacher put HIM in charge. He was holding his crayon backwards and poking himself interproprietly on top op the teacher’s desk… naked. His friend Mark put in a CD, and turned up the volume. He jumped ontop of his desk and did the macceréna dressed up in a Cheetah thong, and then the song started… It was ‘Modanna’-I toch myself. Every child was watching Wilson and Mark do their thing, they did a cheer and it went like this:

BANG! BANG!

CHOO-CHOO TRAIN,

C ‘MON WILSON LETS SEE YOUR THANG!

Mark was a jelous little girl.. so she pushed Wilson off of the desk and threw an apple at his vapenis/pigina. Wilson screamed out the words “VERONICAAAAAA!” and he got up and his eyes glowed red. he took beer out of his back pack and drank it. He told him he is a ‘Drunken Master’ and he will do ‘Drunken Monkey’ on him. (for those of you who don’t know… Jackie Chan has a movie called ‘The Legend of Drunken Master’) So then they decided to fight ontop of the school roof and it was the talk of the school… The next day after school, Wilson dressed up in a Rainbow Robe with a Purple Towel Turbin. Un like Mark…. She was naked with a 2 foot bamboo stick connected to her penis. they faught and faught for hours. Wilson tripped over his third foot and fell off the roof. He got up and said “VERONICAAAAAA!” Finaly the princible asked why he said Veronica and didnt get up and fight. Wilson said, “Because.” the princible said, “Because why?” Wilson said, “Because I am having P.M.S, and whenever I get hurt I always say VERONICA!!!!” the princible asked, “Would u like some chocolate?”

Wilson got cunfuzzed and did the macceréna and blew up.

THE END

Stories

The Sewer Farm

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Denice, Clemintine, and Momma are living on a farm full of raw sewage. Rivers of sewage flow through there large farm. Momma came out to the mud fields where Denice was digging. It seemed unsuccessful.

“The plants aren’t growing Mum,” blurted Denice!

“Did you use seeds,” asked Denice.

“Ohhhh.”

A truck pulled up. It was Poppa! He was holding five hundred dollars! Momma started a yellin!

“I told you to trade your ring for new shoes, how could you get a pair of shoes with five hundred dollors?!?!” Screamed Momma. “Denice go put the money in the bird cage.”

Clemintine comes back with a fishing rod. and a pair of old boots. They look really burnt up and dirty.

“All I could fish out of the sewer today was these boots,” stated Clemintine.

They decided to go on a slide. They dug up a sewer pipe, cut it open, and jumped in. Afterwards they went a watched the sewage burn tires into a liquid!

To be continued…..

Stories

The Name Of My Poop Is George. He Is a Male

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that’s the reason that i came here to dine

the poo is not all the good you are a big fat large guypoit ppoopp the reason that i asked you to come here is this: you are all part of a great entity….a gerat thing here

POOP ALL WORK

AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY

MAKESDJACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A

DULL BOY1/41/4_-ppo-machines

POOP

POOP

POOP IN A DSOOPMOO STUPID LARGE POOPOO POIOPTTTT FARTS HAVE

A DELICIOUS ODOR

tTque pasa? yo soy un gato grandepo tha poo

is no ver6y good

i like the

poop

i wantheo warmn my hands upon your poo

yes that would be very nice

the cool thing about that is that you areodumb the

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOppppppppppppppppp moshing song; guerilla radio

by RATY,MJLHGK

Stories

Attack of the Communist Sideburns

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Hey all you silly bastards!

Guess what?

Yep, you guessed it, it’s story time!!

Whoopee!!!!!!!!!!

Today’s installment is a sort of auto-biography (that means it’s about me, ya dumbass). But I’m going to write in the third person, ’cause I can, so eat that!

It’s about a large valley girl that likes MTV (Motivational Therapy for Virgins) and has a wee wee instead of a yum yum. You heard me! A wee wee!

“Aww crap, do I really have to,” said roblestheclown

“YES! I AM DAVEPOOBOND! YOU CANNOT DISOBEY ME, FOR I HAVE JELLO IN MY EAR!” replied the very drunk Aussie, davepoobond.

“OK, OK, just make sure you pay me in monopoly money this time, cause last time…IT WAS FRIGGEN REAL! I HATE REAL MONEY, CAUSE EVERY BILL HAS A BIG STUPID PICTURE OF A DEAD GUY! THEY JUST PISS ME OFF DAVE!”

“……….Fine, but this story HAS to involve flying curtains that snore!”

Anyway, back to the funny stuff.

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Attack of the Communist Sideburns

One day, as Eddie (my nickname that I made up for myself because I have no friends) was walking down the street towards the zoo, he saw something scary, something very, very scary. A vase. Now you might say, if you were actually reading this, “Hey Eddie, vases arn’t scary. You must be stupid!” Well, this vase was no ordinary vase: it had a picture of Saddam Husein wearing a pretty pink tutu doing a pirouette while balancing on a 2 pound slab of veil(you know, baby cows). Now, tell me thats not scary and ill beat your grandma…thats more like it.

“AH!” exclaimed Eddie, after he saw Saddam wink at him from the vase. “HEY! Don’t scream at my vase, it’s very sensitive!”

“Oh, sorry old man Herpes, but it winked at me.”

“…mmmmmm…i have eight watches…none of them arefake.”

“Oh,…..good….for….you…Yea, I gotta go, you know, MTV!” Eddie replied happily.

“Damn virgins” mumbled Herpes.

So, instead of going to the zoo to laugh at all the old people that fall into the crocodile pits, Eddie went to his hourly MTV session. MTV is what Eddie lives for. Literally. Every hour he has to go to the doctor inside the MTV place for tequilla shots, with a needle, not a shot glass, or else he will implode. Once he gets his shots, he goes to his MTV class, quite convenient if you ask me, a two-fer so to speak.

In these MTV classes, Eddie learns about why being a virgin has its ups and downs. The downs: you havent had sex yet, people make fun of you, you suck. The ups:…uhh…well…there aren’t really any ups, they just say that to make it cool, ups and downs. Beacause if it just said downs, then no one would want to be a virgin. After that, they go around in a circle, explaining how smoking crack only makes you a crack whore, and no one likes them. Well, maybe crack pimps, but this story is not about them.

But the main reason Eddie watches MTV is for Tom Green, Andy Dick, Jackass, and…oh, wait, wrong MTV. Sorry about that. The main reason Eddie goes to MTV is because they serve virgin margaritas with those cool little umbrellas and a side order of ketchup, which also comes with an umbrella.

After a session one day, Friday, February 13, 1999 to be exact, Eddie spontaneously said, “I like to eat marijuana brownies through my ass!” Most of the virgins in there gasped, then thought about it, nodded their heads, and applauded. All of them in fact, except Gary the Constipated Virgin. She thought it was very cruel to make fun of her being constipated. Even though Eddie didn’t directly make the joke about her, she was very sure he was talking about her, beacuase she’s constipated, and stupid.

So, when Eddie left, after he excitedly stated, “I have a wee wee instead of a yum yum!! AHAHAHAHA!!!”, Gary followed him home, saw which room he slept in, and threw a brick into his window, smacking him in the head, and making him fall, unconcious, with no hair.

Eddie woke up 10 seconds later somewhere in the vicinity of Nebraska, with hair again. To make matters worse, his pants had been replaced with a neon sign stapled to him, saying “I hate you.” He had only one choice: walk. Walk where, he didn’t know, but there was a giant sea tortoise that went by him and told Eddie to walk, or it would pee on him. So he walked. And walked. And walked, and walked, and walked. And every time he walked through a city, at least one person in every city would throw a bucket of water on him, electrocuting him. It also lowered his sperm count but thats not our problem.

“Wash my couch!”

“What?!” queried Eddie.

“I said, wash my couch! ya dumbass” said Harold theRocketship.

“NO!” Eddie said.

“Damn virgins,” murmured Harold.

“…FUCK AUTHORITY!…oh shit, sorry, I was just gettin into my music, but damn this backstreet boys CD rules!”

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“I’m the Squackle censor, and you have violated the rules that you agreed to.”

“What? Squackle doesn’t have any censors. Look, FUCK, SHIT, ASSHOLE, DICKFACE, STUPID COCK-PUMPER, GAY ARABIAN CAMEL RAPIST THAT LOVES TO EAT HAIR AND SKIN WHILE SNIFFING SQUIRREL PISS! See, no bleeps, well, except that one.”

“Sir, we dont bleep, we enforce fucked up words, and you have yet to say the following: soul train, Marilyn Manson, bong toker, smelly back disease, and beef. Since you have not complied with these terms, you will die.”

“Oh, OK…wha wha, wait…that’s illegal isn’t it?”

“No, not here. You see, here at Squackle, we can do anything we want. We say what we want, we tell people whatever we want, and we kill whoever we want, without any repercussions.”

“But, how the hell did you guys get such a good deal?!”

“Well, two words: Dave’s high. And since dave is high, the government doesn’t like dealing with him, because they think Squackle is ‘A site full of crap and we don’t want to look through all that crap for illegal things’, also…Dave’s high.”

“Oh, oh yeah! Well, bye!”

“Bye!”

Eddie finally made it to a city that looked like it sold pants, so he looked around, and found a store, called “Pants and Pink Pudding.” Eddie liked pink pudding, so he went in and bought a smiley face sticker, stuck it on his face and went back home.

Once back home, Eddie went door-to-door, telling eveyone, individually, about his adventure. But, after the thrid person, he was punched by a mysterious man that just happened to be the man he was talking to. When he woke up in the hospital, all he could say was, “Like, wut-everrrrrrrrrr!” ::does the wutever w with hands::

THE END!

Oh yea, I knew this girl once, and one time she brought to show-

and-tell her flying cutains that snore. They were AWESOME!!!!!!

 

THE END…FOR REALZ, YO!

Stories

Those Crazy Americans

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Buzz blared Elizabeth’s alarm. Elizabeth awoke and opened the blinds. The bright, gold, British sun shined through the window stinging her eyes like a blind man’s first site. She got out of bed and walked over to her computer. As she checked her E-mail she saw a message. It was from the Burns family in New York, New York. They invited her to come as an aupair to America.

 

 

Elizabeth ran to tell her parents the good news. It wasn’t long before the fourteen year old girl worked out all the details. Soon enough she was about to board her plain. Elizabeth felt a nervous feeling in her stomach. She had not yet seen any of the Burns family so you could understand her fear. Little did Elizabeth know that she would just now be exposed to insanity!

 

 

As Elizabeth stepped into the plane she saw an old man sitting across from her row on the right side of the plain. He looked to be in his fifties drinking a glass of orange juice. Elizabeth sat between to old men. One was senile and the other nearly deaf. Elizabeth thought to herself that this was going to be an interesting flight. As she fastened her seatbelt she was exposed to the pure maddness.

 

 

“Hello Young Lady, what is your name,” asked the senile looking old man. “I’m Bert but you can call me honey pie.”

 

 

“I’m Elizabeth.” “And sir what’s your name,” she asked looking at the second old man.”

 

 

“Notre Dame, a heck of a football team.”

 

 

“No!” Exclaimed Elizabeth. “Your name!” “What is your name.”

 

 

“They are certainly not lame!”

 

 

“Your name,” Elizabeth stated very slowly.

 

 

“Oh my name.” “Why didn’t you ask me sooner?” “I’m Jack.”

 

 

“And I’m Barry, Mrs. Beautiful,” said the first man.”

 

 

Barry reaches under his seat and pull out the small cup from a Children’s Tylenol bottle. Then he reaches under again and pulls out a carton of Orange Juice. He sips out of the carton. The stuardest comes and gives the man another carton. She then offers everyone a bag of peanuts. When she first comes to Elizabeth’s row she talks to Jack first.

 

 

“Here are your nuts, sir.”

 

 

“I’m not nuts!” I may not be one of them young fellers, but I’m still hip.”

“Let me tell you a story nut lady.”

 

 

“Where’s my passport to fun?” Interrupted Bert. “You can’t have the ice cream, Jill.” “Let’s dance.” I can’t afford that, refuse a chicken to my wife.”

 

 

“Huh,” Jack stated.

 

 

“Get me another carton of Orange Juice, I’m going for the record.”

 

 

Elizabeth got up and stayed in the bathroom for the next eight hours. She came out when the plane landed. Elizabeth came out of the plain and into New York City. She saw a family. There was an old lady in a wheel chair, a small man standing next to a big woman in overalls and a yellow shirt, a kid who looks about twelve wearing braces head gear, and a small Japanese woman.

 

 

“Welcome to the family,” exclaimed the woman! “This is Grandma Burns.” “This is my husband Chris.” “This little bundle of metallic joy is my son Nicholas.” ” And this is our Japanese aupair Ms. Woo.” “You can call me Momma!”

 

 

Elizabeth took her bags with her and everyone loaded into the Burn’s old Station Wagon. Momma started the engine and drove off. Bang! Boom, roared the engine as hordes of dust blasted out of the tail pipe like a sandstorm.

 

 

Everyone drove down to a local resturant. Ala’s BBQ “The Best Food in Ala New York.” Everyone sat down to eat. After they gave their orders they started up a conversation.

 

 

“Hey there Nicky,” stated Ms. Woo.

 

 

“Don’t call him that,” exclaimed Momma! “Call him one of those nick names again and all loose my mind!”

 

 

“Liz, do they eat fatty foods in Great Britian?” Asked Grandma. “Because your rather husky.” “I never had a very good history with husky people!” “No offense of course.”

 

 

Soon enough the bill come reading fourteen dollars and eighty-six cents. When Grandma saw the bill she gasped and put her hand over her heart. Momma tipped over Grandma’s wheel chair. Then the entire family got in the Station Wagon and drove off.

 

 

To be continued……

Stories

A (stupid) Story

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As told by Ms. Signs.

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I was trying to cross the dance floor to the phone, but getting through the crowd was like trying to part the Red Sea. Since I’m more of a Woody Allen than a David Robinson, I decided to give peace a chance and wait for a while. Suddenly, I saw a virtual Mel Gibson who looked lost. I decided to play the Good Samaritan and go help him out. I hoped he wouldn’t see me as the Elephant Man’s Twin sister or something. Unfortunately, these Beavis and Butthead characters started trying to talk to me and they wouldn’t go away. it was like I was Linda Hamilton in “The Terminator.” They kept staring at me as if I were dressed like Madonna. One of them was even wearing a hat like Gilligan! By the time I ditched them, the Mel Gibson character had pulled a Jimmy Hoffa.

Stories

The Ham Pan Story

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As told by Mrs. DYKE

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There was this lady that always took off 4 inches the back of her ham. One day, her girlfriends said, “why do you cut the back 4 inches off your ham? You’re not supposed to do that!” She said, “I don’t know, that’s what my mom always did.” So she asked her mom why she cut the back 4 inches of the ham, and her mom said, “because my pan couldn’t hold the last 4 inches of the ham.” That’s the relation between the Opium Wars and my butt

Stories

The Bar War

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“I am a drug addict. This is my story.” I was sitting in my one room apartment, because I spent all my money on drugs. I just finished smiffing some crack when the crack demons appered! There were three green ones. They tryed to stabb me with there pitch forks. “Pinkie, HELP!!!!” I yelled and drank a six-pack quickly. Suddenly I heard a elephant call and my trusty pink elephant Pinkie ran in. He grabbed one demon with his trunk and choked it while he smashed the other 2 with his massive front legs. He tipped his hat to me and we went to the bar together for a drink.

The moral of the story-Don’t do crack,drink! Oh, and don’t try this at home this can only be done by drug induced hallucinations…so go get some!

Stories, Fairy Tales

Children’s Story

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One day, in a small city called Kingsburg in California there live a family of four people. There are two parents with two children. One child is a girl and the other is a girl also. The two children don’t get along very well probably because of their age difference. Their parents think of everything, trying to make them get along. When they have an idea they would write it down on a piece of paper and later that day they would try it.

The five-year-old girl is named Tina, and the other seven-year-old daughter is named Susan. One idea that the parents came up with is to take them both to their Aunt Helen’s house, so that they can spend some quiet time together in the playroom. The parents thought that they might just get along if they get to play pirates or Robin Hood or some other game like that together.

It worked at first when they were playing Sleeping Beauty. But after awhile they began arguing and arguing led to fighting. They were fighting about who will be the witch and who will be the princess. The parents sighed and had to go back to the drawing board. Another idea the parents came up with that might just bring their two children to become civil with each other is to assign Tina and Susan, to a project. Their project turned out to be a Birthday card for their Aunt Helen.

That idea didn’t work because Tina drew a heart on the top left corner of the card, red and Susan wanted it to be blue. So they began fighting once again. The parents sighed and tried again. The next idea for the children is to switch places for a day. If they do this, they can find out something interesting about each other.

At first, Tina and Armen thought that this idea was going to be fun but after the day went by, they hated the idea because Tina went into her room and Armen went into his room. When the parents said that they also had to switch rooms for the night, the two kids started to cry. The parents started getting very frustrated with this whole situation. After thinking for awhile, they came up with a very simple and, at the same time, genius solution.

That simple solution was to politely ask Tina and Armen to participate and really try to get along. The two parents told them what they were trying to do for so long which was to try to make Tina and Susan to get along. Their kids understood because they too were sick of fighting every day. About a week later the two parents saw much improvement with their kids, and they are now a very happy family.

Stories

The Crowded Quad…

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As I walked around the crowded quad with my friend Christina, I noticed that next to the wall grew a beautiful flower called a rose. So I sat down on a nearby bench, and started to study this wonderful plant. I found out a couple interesting facts about this rose. For example, it smelled like a perfume that my mother wears to a party or to her work. It has spiky thorns located on its stem, and has the color pink and red in its petals. Later, I saw a bug on a lunch table that scared Christina and me because we had not seen such a bug before. It had a lime green body with six legs, three on each side of its body. It jumped about three inches high into the air, kind of like a baby cricket.

A couple of feet away from the bug there lay a trash can, in the dirt next to some grass and weeds. The trash can became covered in dirt from the wind. It used to smell like rubber, but now it smells like trash. I saw some kids squash it a couple of days ago, which can destroy the environment. I smelled many things in the quad that I did not notice until I really gave it some thought. For example, the air smelled of a hot dog which came from the snack shop. The trees smelled of pine.

I’ve learned that there are many smells in not only the quad but everywhere in the world. There are also plants, little tiny creatures, interesting smells, and many other things on this Earth, that we need to take some time to think about. For all we know, those facts that we came up with will be very handy in our future.

Stories

Smrat anal sex

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This one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jl

Stories

Battle

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It’s quiet…too quiet…the fields of war silently show their gleam of light. The pond stirs silently as the clouds of anguish and torment shadow these dark plains. Not a sound from crickets or the trees rustling by this pond. Suddenly, a head pops up from a field of grass by the pond…but it is no human nor intelligent lifeform’s head…it is no other then Donald Duck. He is wearing an army helmet with camoflauge paint around his face…his eyes shift from left to right, trying to spot an unseen enemy. His eyes widen as a loud bang is heard and he quickly ducks back down and rolls out of the way as an anvil drops to the place he had stuck his head out. From a distance a faint chukle can be heard…The chuckle is low and nearly inaudible…if you ignore the loud “quacks” between the laughter. The laughter and quacking comes from that of Daffy Duck, crouching down in military camoflauge uniform by a tree. His loud quacking and laughter does not go unnoticed…for another lifeform exists out there in the wild. Not a donkey or a platypus or a duck…wait it is a duck. Well, anyways this duck spots the enemy Daffy chuckling by the tree and smirks evily. The enemy has been spotted. He crawls through the brush and silently apporaches his enemy. Daffy, oblivious to Dacky’s existence, trys to spot Donald who has seemingly disappeared. He pops his head up only to realize that some sort of hot air is breathing upon the back of his neck. No, it wasn’t that of the wind or of a tree leaf dancing on his neck. As he fell deep into thought, his eyes shoot up. He knew who it was and slowly turned, facing his enemy Dacky, who is smirking evilly. The silence is broken by a loud quack, but it quickly comes back. Donald, aroused by the quack, slowly pops his head up, looking in the general direction. All he can see is the grass moving, as if something had been there…something…or someone…He slowly lowers his head and crawls through the brush…his eyes are focused on the grass that lay ahead as suddenly ,the grass stops and he sees an opening. And there, lying in the opening, lay a black figure. He lay unconscious, maybe for a short period of time or maybe for a lifetime, but Donald didn’t have time to find out. He quickly crawled over the figure and laid back against the tree trying to figure out who or what could have done this. Suddenly a sound is heard not to far off and Donald looks in the direction. He smirks and slowly crawls over to where the sound was heard. He comes to another opening, slowly peeking around. The sound was that of something hitting wood, and he saw a log near by. He walked over the muddy, soft ground as he came about a log. There was no sign of footprints or anything unusual. He moved closer and his hand encountered a rock. He picked it up and looked in terror. These grounds were muddy and did not contain rocks, and he knew what happened. He knew that the unseen enemy had thrown this rock to distract him. He knew that he had been played all along. So slowly, he turned around, and saw the figure right behind him. He sighed and accepted his fate, as darkness fell upon him in a flash.

Stories

DJ Deluxe

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This story was started by Stussy4220, but finished by Holmes.

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A long time ago in a land far, far away, there’s was little place called ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ (pronounced rappas deelight). ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ is a magical place where DJ’s, Pimps, Prostitutes, Dealers, and, of course, Rappaz live. Obviously, ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ isn’t where all these people do their business, they go to New York to do that. Anyway, in ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ there is a swell lil’ yungin named DJ DeLuXe. He’s only 13 years old, but that’s not young for someone in ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’. DJ DeLuXe is a struggling Disc Jockey. He can also freestyle sorta well. One day, DeLuXe decides to go to his DJ sesai for help in DJing because business hasn’t been going to well for our little hero.

So he hops on his moped and put-pudders away to Sesai’s Pagoda. About three hours later he finally makes it to Sensai’s

“Ahhh I’m finally here” says DeLuXe as he steps of his moped and puts the kickstand down. “Lets check to see what the Sensai has to sen-say!, ah-hahahahahahahaha, whooo, that was a good one!!” he says as he steps up the 400-step flight up to Sensai’s front door. Three hours later he makes it all the way to the top. “Ahh, made it” sighs DeLuXe. “Hey a note!” says DeLuXe as he walks up to the yellow Post-It Note “Hmm what’s it say?”

Gone for some yummy fried chicken, be back in 4 hours, 5 at the latest.

Peace,

§en§ai

“Four or five hours!?!?!?!?!” screams DeLuXe

DeLuXe, angered that Sensai left, starts cursing freestyle…..style. He curses for like an hour, freestylin these swears until he starts rhyming fuck and cheese. How do you rhyme fuck and cheese? I don’t know but DeLuXe did it…must be spanish or something….anyways after he’s done cursing, Sensai appears from the mist behind DeLuXe.

“Sensai…that was very magical…I laughed, I cried…you have reached your freestyle demon called rection.” says Sensai.

“erection?” questions the now giggling DeLuXe.

“No young one…you don’t know the difference between an erection and rection. Here is an erection.” Sensai pulls down his pants as DeLuXe’s eyes pop out. “That is an erection.” says Sensai. “a RECTION is located here.” Sensai pokes the area where DeLuXe’s penis is located. “It is behind the bladder and above the brain but below the rectum…You have to reach deep inside to reach your inner rection.”

DeLuXe pulls out a tickle-me elmo doll. “I now understand the truness and obscene injustice of the rection…”

Sensai says: “Come with me son…come with on my motor water bed as you will see the world as I have…you will see as many rections as I have” and then he mutters “and erections…” Sensai hops on the bed (he is still naked) and he ties the bed around DeLuXe’s butt cheeks and makes him pull the bed. The bed has no wheels or anything.

Sensai then says: “Only after you have seen your inner rection, you can comply onto this journey to rappaz stardome. You will see the many pimps, prostitutes, and playas I have…Only after—”

DeLuXe interrupts: “Why do I have to fuckin pull”

Sensai: “Don’t interrupt young rection illitereate student, silence has now befalled your mind, body, rection and erection” They travel as far as ‘Playa’z D-lyte’ (now know as hawaii) without saying a word to each other. Sensai, still naked, stares off into the sun, burning his iris in his eyes. Suddenly, after going 4 months without saying a word, DeLuXe finally speaks. “Sensai…why is a rection so important?”

Sensai: “Well, my sensai son, one must truly suck on the rection to get the true ideas of what it is. I have sucked on my rection plenty of times and extracted the juices of knowledge and expierience…infact my rection is truly dried out…”

DeLuXe, holding back from laughing: “How do you suck on your own erection?”

Sensai: “Silly boy…sucking a dick is just nasty…I’m talking about a RECTION! A RECTION GOD DAMNIT! Pull into the nearest KFC before my rection bursts with anger.” They pull into the nearest KFC only to realize that they are early, infact, very early because the KFC branch hasn’t even opened yet and won’t open for about 20 years. They decide to set up camp and party all night long with other rappaz and playaz that they pick up. They freestyle the night away. Thats when they meet Dlick Zuka, a rapper from the North-South side. He was the quiet type, smoked marijuana a lot and ate at KFC even though it hasn’t opened yet. They all decide to embark on there journey to find there rections. Sensai then hooks up the bed to Dlick Zucka’s butt cheeks, and lets DeLuXe ride on the bed with him, naked and admiring there rections. They stop by the nearest 2dolla whore store and pick up a bunch of bitches.

DeLuXe, excited by picking up the bitches, then says: “we are gonna get laid tonight!” Unfortunatley the whores didn’t appreciate that and kicked DeLuXe’s ass and Sensai’s ass and they both got fucked by Dlick Zuka. Deciding they were fucked (well not really), they decide to embark on there journey with out Dlick. They ride for days on there waterbed, viewing the worlds great treasures. After being gone for 90 years, they come home to ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’. Unfortunatley the place has completely changed and it turned into a dork hangout called “Harvard.” They decide they’ll live in cardboard boxes outside the place.

One night, after a freezing day, DeLuXe asks his master: “Ok I thought I was going to be the best damn DJ on this side of the planet after I found my rection…”

Sensai sepnds 5 hours in deep thought then, finally, he answers the question: “No, bitch, dishwasher” He kicks DeLuXe out of the box and DeLuXe was forced to wander the streets. He heads to a bar and they ask him to freestyle on stage, he does and becomes popular in exactly 12 minutes. Yeah, it’s a world record. You don’t believe me? Read a dictionary…ok maybe it isn’t but whatever. He’s more popular then you. Anyways, Sensai never dies and is still that homeless bum outside of harvard talking about erections/rections and eating KFC chicken on his crappy waterbed. DeLuXe became king of the world and freestyle while he was trying to make world peace but he rhymed fuck and cheese and no one liked that so the world got into a terrible fight and everyone died except the person writing this story. Dlick Zuka was the gayest guy in this story so who cares. And they all lived happily ever after.