This one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jlThis one time at band camp shit happened and stuff djsdlsd jkcdl;fdjkdljdls jsdhsjldsld djshldsdmls jhdjsl;;;jdl;a k;f;kda kd; ;akd;fkaj kf;ajf ;/ klafj;akd; kajfk fa;kfjd;faj;kdfj kajdkfa;fka; akdfjkdafd;;akjfd ;ajdfda fda; ajkjdjda ajklajk ajkl jkla jkla jkla jkla jkl jkl jkl jl jl jl jl
All posts by Holmes
Battle
It’s quiet…too quiet…the fields of war silently show their gleam of light. The pond stirs silently as the clouds of anguish and torment shadow these dark plains. Not a sound from crickets or the trees rustling by this pond. Suddenly, a head pops up from a field of grass by the pond…but it is no human nor intelligent lifeform’s head…it is no other then Donald Duck. He is wearing an army helmet with camoflauge paint around his face…his eyes shift from left to right, trying to spot an unseen enemy. His eyes widen as a loud bang is heard and he quickly ducks back down and rolls out of the way as an anvil drops to the place he had stuck his head out. From a distance a faint chukle can be heard…The chuckle is low and nearly inaudible…if you ignore the loud “quacks” between the laughter. The laughter and quacking comes from that of Daffy Duck, crouching down in military camoflauge uniform by a tree. His loud quacking and laughter does not go unnoticed…for another lifeform exists out there in the wild. Not a donkey or a platypus or a duck…wait it is a duck. Well, anyways this duck spots the enemy Daffy chuckling by the tree and smirks evily. The enemy has been spotted. He crawls through the brush and silently apporaches his enemy. Daffy, oblivious to Dacky’s existence, trys to spot Donald who has seemingly disappeared. He pops his head up only to realize that some sort of hot air is breathing upon the back of his neck. No, it wasn’t that of the wind or of a tree leaf dancing on his neck. As he fell deep into thought, his eyes shoot up. He knew who it was and slowly turned, facing his enemy Dacky, who is smirking evilly. The silence is broken by a loud quack, but it quickly comes back. Donald, aroused by the quack, slowly pops his head up, looking in the general direction. All he can see is the grass moving, as if something had been there…something…or someone…He slowly lowers his head and crawls through the brush…his eyes are focused on the grass that lay ahead as suddenly ,the grass stops and he sees an opening. And there, lying in the opening, lay a black figure. He lay unconscious, maybe for a short period of time or maybe for a lifetime, but Donald didn’t have time to find out. He quickly crawled over the figure and laid back against the tree trying to figure out who or what could have done this. Suddenly a sound is heard not to far off and Donald looks in the direction. He smirks and slowly crawls over to where the sound was heard. He comes to another opening, slowly peeking around. The sound was that of something hitting wood, and he saw a log near by. He walked over the muddy, soft ground as he came about a log. There was no sign of footprints or anything unusual. He moved closer and his hand encountered a rock. He picked it up and looked in terror. These grounds were muddy and did not contain rocks, and he knew what happened. He knew that the unseen enemy had thrown this rock to distract him. He knew that he had been played all along. So slowly, he turned around, and saw the figure right behind him. He sighed and accepted his fate, as darkness fell upon him in a flash.
DJ Deluxe
This story was started by Stussy4220, but finished by Holmes.
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A long time ago in a land far, far away, there’s was little place called ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ (pronounced rappas deelight). ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ is a magical place where DJ’s, Pimps, Prostitutes, Dealers, and, of course, Rappaz live. Obviously, ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ isn’t where all these people do their business, they go to New York to do that. Anyway, in ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ there is a swell lil’ yungin named DJ DeLuXe. He’s only 13 years old, but that’s not young for someone in ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’. DJ DeLuXe is a struggling Disc Jockey. He can also freestyle sorta well. One day, DeLuXe decides to go to his DJ sesai for help in DJing because business hasn’t been going to well for our little hero.
So he hops on his moped and put-pudders away to Sesai’s Pagoda. About three hours later he finally makes it to Sensai’s
“Ahhh I’m finally here” says DeLuXe as he steps of his moped and puts the kickstand down. “Lets check to see what the Sensai has to sen-say!, ah-hahahahahahahaha, whooo, that was a good one!!” he says as he steps up the 400-step flight up to Sensai’s front door. Three hours later he makes it all the way to the top. “Ahh, made it” sighs DeLuXe. “Hey a note!” says DeLuXe as he walks up to the yellow Post-It Note “Hmm what’s it say?”
Gone for some yummy fried chicken, be back in 4 hours, 5 at the latest.
Peace,
§en§ai
“Four or five hours!?!?!?!?!” screams DeLuXe
DeLuXe, angered that Sensai left, starts cursing freestyle…..style. He curses for like an hour, freestylin these swears until he starts rhyming fuck and cheese. How do you rhyme fuck and cheese? I don’t know but DeLuXe did it…must be spanish or something….anyways after he’s done cursing, Sensai appears from the mist behind DeLuXe.
“Sensai…that was very magical…I laughed, I cried…you have reached your freestyle demon called rection.” says Sensai.
“erection?” questions the now giggling DeLuXe.
“No young one…you don’t know the difference between an erection and rection. Here is an erection.” Sensai pulls down his pants as DeLuXe’s eyes pop out. “That is an erection.” says Sensai. “a RECTION is located here.” Sensai pokes the area where DeLuXe’s penis is located. “It is behind the bladder and above the brain but below the rectum…You have to reach deep inside to reach your inner rection.”
DeLuXe pulls out a tickle-me elmo doll. “I now understand the truness and obscene injustice of the rection…”
Sensai says: “Come with me son…come with on my motor water bed as you will see the world as I have…you will see as many rections as I have” and then he mutters “and erections…” Sensai hops on the bed (he is still naked) and he ties the bed around DeLuXe’s butt cheeks and makes him pull the bed. The bed has no wheels or anything.
Sensai then says: “Only after you have seen your inner rection, you can comply onto this journey to rappaz stardome. You will see the many pimps, prostitutes, and playas I have…Only after—”
DeLuXe interrupts: “Why do I have to fuckin pull”
Sensai: “Don’t interrupt young rection illitereate student, silence has now befalled your mind, body, rection and erection” They travel as far as ‘Playa’z D-lyte’ (now know as hawaii) without saying a word to each other. Sensai, still naked, stares off into the sun, burning his iris in his eyes. Suddenly, after going 4 months without saying a word, DeLuXe finally speaks. “Sensai…why is a rection so important?”
Sensai: “Well, my sensai son, one must truly suck on the rection to get the true ideas of what it is. I have sucked on my rection plenty of times and extracted the juices of knowledge and expierience…infact my rection is truly dried out…”
DeLuXe, holding back from laughing: “How do you suck on your own erection?”
Sensai: “Silly boy…sucking a dick is just nasty…I’m talking about a RECTION! A RECTION GOD DAMNIT! Pull into the nearest KFC before my rection bursts with anger.” They pull into the nearest KFC only to realize that they are early, infact, very early because the KFC branch hasn’t even opened yet and won’t open for about 20 years. They decide to set up camp and party all night long with other rappaz and playaz that they pick up. They freestyle the night away. Thats when they meet Dlick Zuka, a rapper from the North-South side. He was the quiet type, smoked marijuana a lot and ate at KFC even though it hasn’t opened yet. They all decide to embark on there journey to find there rections. Sensai then hooks up the bed to Dlick Zucka’s butt cheeks, and lets DeLuXe ride on the bed with him, naked and admiring there rections. They stop by the nearest 2dolla whore store and pick up a bunch of bitches.
DeLuXe, excited by picking up the bitches, then says: “we are gonna get laid tonight!” Unfortunatley the whores didn’t appreciate that and kicked DeLuXe’s ass and Sensai’s ass and they both got fucked by Dlick Zuka. Deciding they were fucked (well not really), they decide to embark on there journey with out Dlick. They ride for days on there waterbed, viewing the worlds great treasures. After being gone for 90 years, they come home to ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’. Unfortunatley the place has completely changed and it turned into a dork hangout called “Harvard.” They decide they’ll live in cardboard boxes outside the place.
One night, after a freezing day, DeLuXe asks his master: “Ok I thought I was going to be the best damn DJ on this side of the planet after I found my rection…”
Sensai sepnds 5 hours in deep thought then, finally, he answers the question: “No, bitch, dishwasher” He kicks DeLuXe out of the box and DeLuXe was forced to wander the streets. He heads to a bar and they ask him to freestyle on stage, he does and becomes popular in exactly 12 minutes. Yeah, it’s a world record. You don’t believe me? Read a dictionary…ok maybe it isn’t but whatever. He’s more popular then you. Anyways, Sensai never dies and is still that homeless bum outside of harvard talking about erections/rections and eating KFC chicken on his crappy waterbed. DeLuXe became king of the world and freestyle while he was trying to make world peace but he rhymed fuck and cheese and no one liked that so the world got into a terrible fight and everyone died except the person writing this story. Dlick Zuka was the gayest guy in this story so who cares. And they all lived happily ever after.
A Friend Lost…
I felt like I was being torn in two different directions. The decision would affect today, tomorrow and even next week. I wiped sweat off my forehead, trying to think while my parents urged me to make the decision quickly. They kept reminding me how they didn’t have all day, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. I kept telling them that I needed time to think, this was a big decision. A thousand thoughts rushed through my brain, my life flashing before me. Sweat poured down my face like Niagara Falls, each sweat drop hitting the floor with a small inaudible splash sound. My parents eyes were staring into me, awaiting a response. My parents urged me to continue, to choose what had to be chosen. Time was running out, they reminded me. I put my head into my hands, as if my head was falling loose and I could only hold it up. My dad made a loud ahem as I stared up from my dark hands to meet him eye to eye. My dad then said: “Look son, it’s either the white socks, or the gray socks…just make a decision!” Ugh, I thought, it’s just like my dad to make a complicated situation seem so simple. I looked at my choices of socks, thinking each had it’s own benefits and it’s own problems. The white socks stain easily but yet attract attention. While the gray socks, they don’t stain easily but could stain your popularity. I mean being popular was important when your in 5th grade. My dad, tapping his watch to grab my attention, sighed loudly as saying: “Hurry up.” My mom, sticking the choices of socks in front of my face to choose just made things worse. I saw a piece of red lint on the white socks. The horror, Imagine what that would do to my popularity! It would leave a red streak on my life. My hands trembled at the sight. I decided to try the gray sock on. Just then, the unexpected happened. My toenail ripped through the sock! My eyes bulged, I was struck with terror. I couldn’t move a limb. I looked down seeing my oversized toenail ripped through the beautiful grayness. I yelled out: “NooooooooooOOOOooo!” I put my head in my hands remembering the times I had with the gray sock. Oh what fun we use to have, playing in the dirt outside and so on. I met my first shoe with this sock. My mom said: “Oh dear” and took the sock off. I opened my eyes to the sight of her putting on the white sock. I stayed quiet, letting her adjust the sock so it wouldn’t be ripped through by my Godzilla toenails. She slipped on the other one on, taking the red piece of lint off. She slid my shoes on as she grabbed my backpack and handed it to me. I took it with no enthusiasm as I kept my head down. I lost an important friend that day.
Little Red Riding Tax Collector
Once there was a man who wore this red sweat shirt and red pants. He looked really stupid but infact was not. He only had the Ebola Virus. He use to ride upside down on his horse named red. His sattle was on the horses stomache and so he’d bonk his head on the ground everytime the horse stretched his legs.
One day he had to go collect taxes from George W Bush and his boss said: “Take this suit case with you and make sure you deliver it to his hands IMMEDIATLY!” The boss then slapped him on the ass and the tax collector left with the suit case. He got on his horse and he was off, bonking his head along the way. But, behold, a Portuguese Samurai with Bipolar diease heard what the boss said and he grinned evily. He was going to steal that nice suit case and sell it on the French black market.
So the Samurai jumped on his very own skunk and rode off towards the direction the tax collector went. But the samurai knew a shortcut through the Marijuana fields. He quickly made a lemonade stand, only not making lemonade, but making Spam on Ham sandwich stand. Now this grabbed the tax collectors attention. The tax collector fell off his horse and walked over.
The samurai said: “Look at That thing behind you!” Of course there was nothing there but the tax collector turned around and looked. The samurai then ran down to Bushs house and rang the door bell. Bush peaked out and the samurai bonked him on the head with beef jerky. Bush suddenly got hit with like 1000 calories and passed out. The samurai then dragged his body under the bed and took all his clothes.
Meanwhile the tax collector is still staring behind him trying to find what the samurai was pointing (what an idiot) and then decided to just go collect taxes because he was standing there for 3 hours straight. He got on his horse and bonked his head all along the way to Bush’s house.
He knocked on the door and the samurai (dressed as bush) opened the door. The tax collector handed him the brief case and asked for the Tic Tacs that he had to pay for his taxes. “Bush” gave him a whole box of tic tacs and the collector almost had a heart attack.
He had never seen a WHOLE bottle of TIC TACS! The tax collector went back home. The samurai opened the brief case and it was a coversational tape that helps you learn German and a bottle of spanish olives. The samurai ate the olives and later died of constipation. George W Bush late woke up but couldn’t find his way out from under the bed even though it wasn’t even a Queen size and died of starvation.
The End
The Day I Went Blind
I remeber that day well…I just came out of my english class, feeling my bodily fluids ready to burst out…I walked quickly to the bathroom, which seemed like a mile! The tile floors were white and red and tan, and I stared at them as I walked to the bathroom. Suddenly, I forgot where the bathroom was! I REALLY had to go, so i looked around, trying to find a sign that said “Boys” or “Men” or even (i was that desperate) “Girls”. I could see the bathroom sign marking: “Boys” as I jolted torward the door. I opened the door when I herd whispering and giggling. Until the door shut I herd a loud whisper say: “Shhhh here comes someone now!” and then it fell silent. I stepped into the bathroom, behind the bathroom wall until I saw it….It looked like a basketball with a big crack down the center. It had a wart on the left “cheek”. I herd someone yell: “You got MOONED”! I felt faint, my body took a 50 foot drop as I feel to the floor, with my eyes open. I couldn’t close them with out having that disgusting picture put into my vision. I winced a few times hearing the kids leaving as they went over the story over and over…I went blind…
The Backpack Without Straps
Once upon a time, there was a backpack without straps. It was bought by a little boy named Johnny. Little Johnny loved the backpack and didn’t care if it didn’t have straps. Little Johnny carried the backpack to school every day and the kids there laughed at him and picked on him. After a while, the backpack grew tired of this. So one night, the backpack grew straps.
When little Johnny woke up, he was so happy to see his backpack had straps, that he hugged the backpack. The backpack hugged him back but got his straps all tangled up behind the boy’s back.
The morning went by and little Johnny tugged and pulled but the backpack wasn’t coming off. Little Johnny’s mom said that he should go to school like that. So, reluctantly little Johnny went to school with the backpack tied around his waist. At first some kids thought it was weird and made fun of little Johnny, but then they thought it was kinda cool. His friends thought it was weird but little Johnny just ignored them.
Soon everyone but little Johnny’s friends thought this idea was really cool and started copying him. Little Johnny was praised by the school but his friends just kept carrying their backpack the “normal” way. Little Johnny threatened to beat the friends up and never talk to them again if they didn’t follow his style. The friends gave up and started wearing their backpacks around their waist.
Little Johnny was happier then ever and the backpack was just holding onto his waist. Little Johnny went to sleep and woke up with the backpack around his waist. The backpack didn’t get much sleep and neither did little Johnny, because it was very uncomfortable to sleep like that. Months went by and little Johnny wasn’t getting much sleep and his grades were showing it. He became fixated with being cool and sacrificed his sleeping hours just to be cool. The backpack was getting mighty tired, too.
One night while the boy was half asleep, the backpack stretched out it’s straps and the straps magically untied themselves. The backpack slowly crept away from little Johnny and fell sleep under his bed. The next morning, little Johnny woke up to a shock. Little Johnny searched for his backpack and found it, sound asleep, under his bed. Little Johnny tried to tie it behind his back but the backpack was too tired to hold on, so it kept falling off. Little Johnny grew angry and slid the backpack on his shoulders.
As he walked to school, the backpack didn’t have enough strength to hold the zipper shut and slowly opened up. Little Johnny’s book’s fell out all over the ground.
Little Johnny was too concerned at what the kids would say when they would find out he didn’t have the backpack around his waist to listen to the sound of his books falling. When little Johnny got to school, the kids didn’t even notice. Little Johnny’s friends didn’t care either. It was like Little Johnny was invisible. He was relieved but he went to class and found out all his books were missing! Little Johnny grew so angry that when he went home, he threw his backpack in the corner to never use it again.
The backpack felt lonely after a couple of nights and magically removed his straps! The next day little Johnny was so happy and he carried his backpack to school. Little Johnny’s friends started talking to little Johnny again and little Johnny felt happy.
They removed their straps from around their waist. Little Johnny and his backpack had there own secret straps attached to each another, it’s just you couldn’t see it. They lived happily ever after.
Quote #6692
“you had the right to think i blew toads…i never thought i’d hear myself say that”
– Holmes
The Ice Cream Poem
Ice Cream Ice Cream
Oh how i love Ice cream.
I take my spoon
and smile like a bafoon.
I dip my spoon in,
letting the fun begin.
I swallow the sweet ice
making me feel so nice.
I dip the spoon another time,
eating like i commited a crime.
I eat silently, going faster and faster,
leaving the area around me an ice cream disaester!
Ice cream on my lips and all over my face…
eating ice cream like it was a race.
The cold solid touching my toungue,
I worry about my arteries; Thank god i’m young!
I should stop eating for god’s sake!
Thats when i started getting a headache.
My head felt as it was about to explode,
oh boy was that ice cream cold.
I rushed to the cabinet to get some tylenol
i felt like i was about to fall.
I took the medicine and felts better,
although my face was a lot redder.
My headache was really bad,
it was getting me mad.
My sister snook in to take a peek,
she let out a small yell: “Eeek!”
I kicked the carton of ice cream,
and it hit her in the face; she screamed.
Ice Cream Ice Cream
Oh how I hate Ice Cream.
My Belly Button
My Belly Button is in a pop-out way.
I can sit there and look at it all day!
It’s big and full of grey lint..
that stuffs pretty good, it takes like mint.
If I squeeze my belly, it looks like a butt….
I showed it to my brothers…they kneed me in the gut…
I had pain for like the next 7 days
they bruised my belly button, the doctor says…
The doc put bandages over my belly
an he put cream that was really smelly…
My belly button was fine in a week
while my brothers kept calling me a geek
they said with the bandages I looked like a mummy
but they didn’t notice they were removed, what dummies…
So now I have my belly button back
and now I have lint for a snack!
If I Had Three Wishes
If I had 3 wishes
It’d be superb-o-licious!
I’d wish for a car
that would bring me near and far.
Until it ran out of gas
that’d be a pain in the ass…
But I could fart in the gas tank
which would make it STANK
but it would run
like a bullet from a gun!
I’d wish for a door
just like the one at the dollar store.
I could slam into the door
and then do it more and more!
I could ram my head at a 100 miles an hour
but don’t worry about the door: it only cost a dollar…
My last wish would be
the wish that left me with glee…
I would wish for the best thing of all
and nothing you could buy at the mall…
my last and final wish would be…
that I could wish for more wishes: exactly 3!
Kurt Cobain’s Magic Talking 8-Ball
Q: Kurt Will I ever Over-dose in the future?
A: No you’ll end up just like me
——-
Q: Kurt Will I ever get a girlfriend?
A: The future is fuzzy from the hangover
——-
Q: Kurt Will you ever come back?
A: No I like it in Hell
——-
Q: Kurt Is your wife HOT?
A: Now how am I SUPPOSE TO KNOW?
——-
Q: Kurt did you kill your self?
A: The chances are High, just like me
——-
Q: Kurt did you smoke weed a lot?
A: HAHAHAHAHA he said Weed HAHAHAHA
——-
Q: Kurt are you gay or what?
A: Hey it’s HARD to find a women in hell…
——-
Q: Kurt, Yes or No?
A: Or
——-
Q: Kurt do you have cocaine I can have?
A: Ask Tommorow (and bring cash)
——-
Q: Kurt can I marry your wife?
A: Hey kid: Nice Ass ::wink wink::
——-
Q: Kurt is it true your in an 8 ball?
A: Hey i chose to come in here, I just like being in balls…
——-
Q: Kurt, will I ever find a GOOD girlfriend?
A: You just found a new boyfriend
——-
Q: Kurt, do I look sexy or what?
A: I like every bone in your body, especially mine ((eww sick))
Q: Kurt do you miss your Nirvana band?
A: Yeah I haven’t done Stereroids in a while, wait what was the question?
Holmes’ Sayings for a Conversation
These are good to use if you want to spark up a conversation but don’t know what to say!
————————————-
1. “Hey, are you circumcised?”
2. “Nice shirt, I saw one exactly like that at the salvation army”
3. “Hey, would you like to start a sexual relationship?”
4. “You don’t know me but will you marry me?”
5. “You might not remember me but that’s because of all the booze you drank last night.”
6. “My friend told me you were nice and good in bed”
7. “So what do you think, Cheese Whiz or Cheese sticks?”
8. “Can I follow you home?”
9. “Hey, I’m doing a poll: Do you wear protection?”
10. “Can I come over to your house and eat one time?”
11. “Are you a lonely puristic loyal Caucasian women?”
12. “Do I have anything up my nose?”
13. “Can I touch your body or do you want to touch mine? Tell you what, we’ll flip a coin for it.”
14. “Have you ever herd of this thing called ‘The Internet'”?
15. “Hey, how much do you make every month?”
16. “Don’t look at me like that!”
17. “Hola, yo estoy hablar en un lingua romantica.”
18. “Stop touching me in my private areas!”
19. “I’m related to Bill Gates.”
20. “So you look more beautiful up close then from the treetop near your bathroom.”
#5932: Holmes -> Sprivenx
Holmes is on a different sn from before he IMd Sprivenx in the previous IM.
—
Holmes: Poopimopi
Sprivenx: whos this>
Holmes: Wanker
Sprivenx: whos this?!
Holmes: I already told you, Wanker
Holmes: I believe you contacted my boss
Sprivenx: whos yer boss?
Holmes: I cannot tell you his name, but his America Online screen name is “Holmes”
Sprivenx: Holmes
Holmes: Exactly
Sprivenx: so?
Holmes: He has called upon his family members to threaten a certain production company
Sprivenx: yea?
Holmes: and in return, he has asked you for a favor
Sprivenx: i know but listen…
Sprivenx: he wnts over $60 in DVDS and im broke! im trying to save up money for myself! and i cant do that for a TV show!
Holmes: I understand
Holmes: Well then, I guess I will not being able to get my “Tom And Huck” film
Holmes: I know a great thing that will help us both out
Sprivenx: waht..?
Holmes: You can talk with our Prime Negotiator and Buisness dealsman and Professional Pimp, Ronny “Bobonny” Feefiefofonny…he’s on right now
Holmes: i’m afraid i must get off, his America Online Screen name is “davepoobond”
Holmes: Talk to him, he will settle it all”
———
he doesn’t, dave trys to IM him, but he doesn’t respond
#5931: KungPowJuggalo -> Holmes
KungPowJuggalo: oof!
KungPowJuggalo: i hit my head
Holmes: HEY it’s you!
Holmes: hjahahahahhahahah
Holmes: zhhsahahahahahhah
Holmes: jdshkzxzdl/zl;dsjldsdsah;
KungPowJuggalo: mwah!
KungPowJuggalo: oof! nyargh! i hit my knee on the dashboard
KungPowJuggalo: i dunno what a dashboard is, bit i hit my knee on it =/
Holmes: i hit my head on the pool table when i was playing internet pool
KungPowJuggalo: well i chocked on a chess piece while playing internet chess
Holmes: well i got an erection while loking at internet porn
Holmes: oops
Holmes: wrong IM
Holmes: i thought i was talking to my mom
KungPowJuggalo: wew! good
Holmes: anyways
Holmes: whats up
KungPowJuggalo: do you holmes dance
Holmes: yes
Holmes: when i’m happy
KungPowJuggalo: !!!!!
KungPowJuggalo: i made that up
KungPowJuggalo: i did the first holmes dance
KungPowJuggalo: in the 60’s
KungPowJuggalo: it goes like this:
KungPowJuggalo: *does the holmes dance*
KungPowJuggalo: see
Holmes: you copied me
KungPowJuggalo: notice how i maneuver my waist and wink at the end?
KungPowJuggalo: that is the real way
Holmes: i did mine in the 40’s it goes like this *does the HOLMES dance*
KungPowJuggalo: well, i had a diffrent dance before you were born and it goes like this: *does da holmes groove*
Holmes: Thats copywrited by sherlock holmes!
Holmes: he’ll sue you!
KungPowJuggalo: well… mr. sherlock wasnt born before the 40s
Holmes: how do you know
KungPowJuggalo: because i read the books
Holmes: and did i say 40’s? i mean 1740’s
Holmes: is when
Holmes: i created
KungPowJuggalo: i have the WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE wangdoodle!
Holmes: the dance
KungPowJuggalo: no
KungPowJuggalo: i meant 1540
KungPowJuggalo: so, sorry
Holmes: of i mean 40
Holmes: BC
Holmes: SO HA
Holmes: 4000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 BC
Holmes: HAHHAHA
KungPowJuggalo: 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999x infitite BC
Holmes: uh ok
Holmes: anywas
KungPowJuggalo: poppycocks taste good
KungPowJuggalo: cock from a poppy
Holmes: too bad daves not around we coulda sent him this IM
KungPowJuggalo: yeah :-/
KungPowJuggalo: when will he be back?
Holmes: how do i know? i cant telegraph him…jeeze you sound like your in love with him
KungPowJuggalo: how do you know im not………
KungPowJuggalo: =-o
Holmes: :-X
KungPowJuggalo: :-*
Holmes: =-O
Holmes: :-X
Holmes: >:o
KungPowJuggalo: sorry
Holmes: my door doesn’t swing that way
KungPowJuggalo: smilys are oraterd
Holmes: yeah
Holmes: whatever
Holmes: when i grow up and my IQ ends up dieing, i want to grow up to be just like dave
KungPowJuggalo: no
KungPowJuggalo: i called it first
KungPowJuggalo: i hate ICQ
Holmes: fine
KungPowJuggalo: it sucks
KungPowJuggalo: AND
KungPowJuggalo: i get to be Nose
Holmes: uh
KungPowJuggalo: Elmo
KungPowJuggalo: stimpy
KungPowJuggalo: atc
KungPowJuggalo: atc
KungPowJuggalo: etc*
KungPowJuggalo: etc*
Holmes: damn dude you better be kidding, thos guys are wierd
KungPowJuggalo: i know that
KungPowJuggalo: BUT
KungPowJuggalo: i repeat………
KungPowJuggalo: BUT!
KungPowJuggalo: they have sex with dave
KungPowJuggalo: which gives me a bonus
Holmes: and you want in on the orgy?
KungPowJuggalo: and makes them cool
KungPowJuggalo: no
KungPowJuggalo: only me and dave
Holmes: dave is your god?
Holmes: WHAT A COINCDENCE! he is my god!
KungPowJuggalo: backwards
Holmes: heh
Holmes: dog
KungPowJuggalo: yes
KungPowJuggalo: he is my bitch
Holmes: well he’s my god
Holmes: so FUCK OFF
KungPowJuggalo: *slaps dave*
KungPowJuggalo: HE IS MY BITCH
Holmes: yh yeah fine you can have him
Holmes: i don’t want him
Holmes: he’s a lowdown good for nothing
KungPowJuggalo: soooooooooo
KungPowJuggalo: he is an assvirgin
Holmes: and you want to pop that cherry?
KungPowJuggalo: i want to pop his rectum
Holmes: eww
Holmes: <–getting mental images
KungPowJuggalo: 🙂
Holmes: don[‘t make a smiley face!
Holmes: it just makes the images worse!
Holmes: OMG what if your bitch…i mean dave…comes back?
KungPowJuggalo: he is back\
KungPowJuggalo: door
Holmes: he is back?
Holmes: relaly?
Holmes: really
Holmes: door?
Holmes: WHAT
Holmes: HEY!
Holmes: I’M TALKING TO YOU
KungPowJuggalo: sorry
Holmes: hey if dave never comes back, it’s no skin off my back
KungPowJuggalo: dave came all up in my lip
Holmes: thats nasty in more ways then i can count
Holmes: i’m going to go throw up now
KungPowJuggalo: 🙂
KungPowJuggalo: join the fun
Holmes: no thats ok
Holmes: i perfer the female type
KungPowJuggalo: Nose is letting dave and i stretch out all the nostrils in his body
KungPowJuggalo: …….with our penises
Holmes: what if i shot dave would you stop saying nasty shit!!!!!
KungPowJuggalo: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
KungPowJuggalo: that’s a ponder!
Holmes: what if i gave you a blow up doll with a 294 incher, would you shut up about dave then…oh and of course i shot him
KungPowJuggalo: ok
Holmes: good
Holmes: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!
KungPowJuggalo: ok
KungPowJuggalo: brb
KungPowJuggalo: okay back
KungPowJuggalo: i had to wipe david’s ass
KungPowJuggalo: (he has no wrist or hands)
KungPowJuggalo: he just punds on the keyboard
KungPowJuggalo: and has his mother and/or sister delete the propper letters
Holmes: uh huh
Holmes: well
Holmes: to tell a lie
Holmes: i mean
Holmes: the truth
Holmes: i put a virus on daves computer and in his brain
Holmes: it’s the heterosexual virus
Holmes: so
Holmes: he’s
Holmes: not
Holmes: gay
Holmes: anymore
KungPowJuggalo: well
KungPowJuggalo: i just hacked it outa him
Holmes: through the backdoor?
Holmes: damn i knew i shoulda plugged it up!
KungPowJuggalo: 🙂
KungPowJuggalo: use a cork skrew
Holmes: anyways
KungPowJuggalo: hmm
Holmes: no more dave,i’m sick of dave
KungPowJuggalo: why
Holmes: just am
KungPowJuggalo: lol
Holmes: before he got disconnected he always was iming me and shit
Holmes: it was ok but then it just got ridiculous
Holmes: so i stopped talking to him for a while
KungPowJuggalo: lol
KungPowJuggalo: what did he say to you
KungPowJuggalo: in the IMs
Holmes: always tried to start a stupid IM
Holmes: even when i wanted to talk seriously
Holmes: like about movies and stuff
Holmes: he stopped after a while though
Holmes: thats when he told me his mom was ready to take away his mouseball for a good while
KungPowJuggalo: oh
KungPowJuggalo: try to remember why she did
KungPowJuggalo: think HARD
Holmes: hell if i remebered, i would tell you but i seriously don’t
KungPowJuggalo: oh
KungPowJuggalo: any thing about school?
KungPowJuggalo: being on too much
Holmes: um i duno
Holmes: probablly that if anything
Holmes: being on too much
KungPowJuggalo: yeah
KungPowJuggalo: then why didnt the dumbass just get off the comp and settle it out
Holmes: i’m not at daves house so i wouldn’t know
KungPowJuggalo: go on AIM
Holmes: i cant the last time my bro caught me
Holmes: he uses aim
Holmes: not me
KungPowJuggalo: oh
KungPowJuggalo: why cant u use it?
Holmes: because it’s HIS
KungPowJuggalo: LOL
Holmes: anyways enough about squackle and dave, i almost forgot about it till you mentioned it
KungPowJuggalo: lol
KungPowJuggalo: asl
Holmes: 17/m/connecticut
KungPowJuggalo: oh
Holmes: what
KungPowJuggalo: your bro’s asl
Holmes: 20
KungPowJuggalo: lol
Holmes: well i gotta go…forget about dave, he;s just a regular joe schmoe!!!!!!!!!
KungPowJuggalo: lol
KungPowJuggalo: later