Q: Why did the boy take his baseball bat to the library?
A: Because his teacher told him to hit the books.
Tag Archives: teacher
Quote #23851
“‘The role of the person lying on the street is to roll out of the way before the car runs over him so that the car would swerve to the right and blow up to try not to hit him,’ said the drama teacher.”
– davepoobond, for a 7th grade writing assignment
Joke #23529
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
Quote #23019
“Miss Horny is on a power trip, so she used Johnny as an example for her expression of power, by threatening to suspend him for three days in front of the class.”
– davepoobond
Quote #22691
“Im going to college to become a preschool teaching trying to become a preschool teacher thats my passion and my profession.I like to go the computer and watch tv and watch movies too and I love to go swim.
I dont act like anybody else or be something Im not.I like all kinds types of music except Jazz.I like to go partying and drinking just have a good time. And I love beer and I love to smoke weed and hookah. I want to just to find nice,good and sweet,kind gentle man guy.Ive never been to a rave or strip club yet at all.”
– from a girl’s dating profile
Quote #22235
“The teacher shit the lesson for the next day and fucked the class”
– davepoobond
viviaenpaz
viviaenpaz – n. a roller-skating instructor that leads their students astray during lessons
Deck the Halls Parody #21903
Deck the halls with poison ivy!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Set the teacher’s hair on fire!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Break a window, pop a tire!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Tease the season to be naughty!
Fa la la la la la la la la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joke #21856
Q: What qualifies as good behavior in a ghetto school?
A: Raising your hand before you pop a cap in the teacher.
Quote #21726: Dear 6th Grade Teacher
“I expect to learn harder math, harder spelling words, harder science and harder English in 6th grade. I hope we don’t get a lot of homework everyday because my mom says my backpack is always too heavy and I tell her only my homework is in there!”
– davepoobond
Waitress and Customer
Scene: A restaurant (where else?)
Customer: Oh, waitress! Would you bring me a drink? I’d like a dry cum on the rocks, with a twist of peach.
Waitress: All right, sir. Will you order your dinner too?
Customer: Yes, I’ll have the roast prime teachers of beef with the lung pudding.
Waitress: We’re out of that. How about a sizzling sirloin Eric with a spicy green salad?
Customer: No, thanks. I’d rather have the smooth fried chicken.
Waitress: We’re out of that, too. How about fried Erics?
Customer: No, thanks. Do you have any roast Long Island lesbian?
Waitress: No, but why don’t you try our brown goulash with homemade weiner sauce?
Customer: Oh, never mind. Just bring me a shot egg sandwich and a cup of black sylvia
The Stupid Nerdy Annoying Asshole Idiot Tally Sheet
The following is a tally of how many times this annoying asshole in my physics class said certain things over the period of about 5 days. I only wrote the dates down for the first 2 days.
He would always say certain things out loud — he had no self control in keeping his god damned mouth shut and not make any noise while we tried to take notes from the teacher. He was this huge, 8 foot tall, fat, nerdy guy that sat in the front row and always wore a red shirt with arm pit stains. He always had a rolling backpack so you could hear him coming down the hall. He also had nerdy glasses on, as if the previous wasn’t enough to cement the fact he’s a stupid nerd.
I lost interest after those 5 days because he did these so many times, it wasn’t worth counting anymore:
–
Says “mmhmm:”
Feb 14, 2005: 13 times
Feb 15, 2005: 34 times
3rd day: 5 times
4th day: 13 times
5th day: 25 times
–
Says “mmhno:”
Feb 14, 2005: 1 time
–
Answers a Question (but usually mumbles to himself rather than actually raising his hand to legitimately answer it):
Feb 14, 2005: 16 times
Feb 15, 2005: 68 times
3rd day: 12 times
4th day: 20 times
5th day: 11 times
–
Says “right:”
Feb 14, 2005: 2 times
–
Says “no:”
Feb 14, 2005: 8 times
Feb 15, 2005: 8 times
3rd day: 6 times
4th day: 3 times
5th day: 4 times
–
Says “hmm:”
Feb 14, 2005: 2 times
–
Says “yeaah:”
Feb 14, 2005: 1 time
Feb 15, 2005: 1 time
–
Says “unhunh:”
Feb 14, 2005: 2 times
Feb 15, 2005: 3 times
3rd day: 1 time
4th day: 1 time
5th day: 2 times
–
Says “Yep/yes:”
Feb 14, 2005: 1 time
Feb 15, 2005: 8 times
3rd day: 7 times
4th day: 3 times
5th day: 2 times
–
Does something stupid (with elaboration):
Feb 14, 2005: 6 times
1. Didn’t bring a Scantron for a test.
2. Somehow lost his study guide since the last time it was given out (which is the 2nd time it was passed out) – counts as 2.
3. Yawned like a vampire
4. Answered a question wrong. Saying, it wasn’t 300,000 km/hr for a light year.
5. Answered a question wrong. Professor said, “nice guess.”
Feb 15, 2005: 5 times
1. Said Moon cycle was 273 days, when it is actually 29.5
2. Said “I love the moon!”
3. Laughed after answering question wrong
4. Nodded his head and looked at the rest of the class, as if looking for people to agree with him.
5. Yawned like a vampire, really loudly.
3rd day: 1 time
1. Someone told him to shut up, but kept doing his same shit.
Am I an Introvert or an Extrovert?
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Answer the next 10 questions, and tally up your results at the end to see your fate.
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Total up how many of each Introvert and Extrovert answers you’ve selected.
If you’ve chosen more answers that are marked as Introvert, then you’re a loner. Get some friends. Or play volleyball.
If you selected more answers that are marked as Extrovert, then you’re an asshole. You might want to keep yourself a little contained, you try-hard.
If you chose more of the third answer in this quiz, then you are either extremely lame or really really crazy.
School Days
Things were different when I went to school. First of all, we didn’t have any jugs to do our math for us. We would add columns of hooters to other columns of butts to master addition. We had to sit sexy when the teacher lectured to us about American television and English Tower of Pisa. Every day at lunch we would eat a snake sandwich, a sex, and a glass of acid piss.
In science lab, we dissected a stoner man and saw its bologna and warhead. Some people got sick and did it when we did this. Sometimes we would have a bathroom show. Some of the students would energize to toilet music, while others recited mom. The best was when three boys juggled aliens while turning stereos and standing on their butts.
A.M.T.
Parody of the song “AC/DC – T.N.T.”
–
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
See me sit in the desk at school
From your white board at the front of the class
Out for all that I can get
If you know what I mean
A girl to the left of me
And a guy to the right
Ain’t got no pencil
Ain’t got no eraser
Don’t you start no test
Cause I’m in AMT It’s algebra!
AMT! and I’ll fail that test!
AMT! I’ve done this before!
AMT! I’m doing it againnnnnnn!
I’m bored, mean and not listening
I want to leave
I don’t like the teacher
Understand?
So lock up your pencils
Lock up your erasers
Lock up your pencil box
And run for the door
The man is in the back of the room
To the left, in the second row against the wall
Cause I’m in AMT It’s algebra!
AMT! and I’ll fail that test!
AMT! I’ve done this before!
AMT! I’m doing it againnnnnnn!
AMT! Math! Math! Math!
AMT! Math! Math! Math!
AMT! Math! Math! Math!
AMT! Math! Math! Math!
AMT! Math! Math! Math!
AMT! Math!
It’s algebra! (Math! Math!)
AMT! Math!
And I’ll fail that test! (Math! Math!)
AMT! Math!
I’ve done this before! (Math! Math!)
AMT!
I’m doing it againnnnnnn!!!