Tag Archives: Holmes

#7652: Bklynzballer -> Holmes

This entry is part 24 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

This took place on July 25, 2001.

Bklynzballer: why are you suck a d*ck

Bklynzballer: tracy said she wants ure mom….IN BED!……

Holmes: i want your mom

Holmes: in bed

Holmes: shes hot

Bklynzballer: sure…

Bklynzballer: anytime..

Holmes: we’ll trade tommorow

Holmes: k?

Holmes: ben is going to kick your ass

Bklynzballer: sure he is..

Holmes: so is james

Bklynzballer: i fucked ihis ass all night

Holmes: hey: It’s adam and eve not adam and steve

Bklynzballer: thats right

Holmes: your nasty i bet you screwed a dog before too

Bklynzballer: thats right

Bklynzballer: and bens ass

Holmes: how about a half cat and half dog

Bklynzballer: yup

Bklynzballer: catdog

Holmes: which end did you screw

Bklynzballer: i made them staight

Holmes: did you screw the dog or did you screw the cat

Bklynzballer: both

Holmes: which one was first

Holmes: you man whore! i just found out your a nymphomaniac

Holmes: ha you don’t even know what that word means do you

Bklynzballer: thats rite

Holmes: it means your GAY, you hear me? G-A-Y

Holmes: YOUR MOTHER COULDN”T EVEN LOVE YOU, thats how gay you are

#7650: Bklynzballer -> Holmes

This entry is part 22 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

This took place on July 20, 2001.

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: keep sending it

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: once more

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: come on do it faster

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: FASTER

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: slow poke

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: ugh my granny can type faster then you can

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: ure grannys dead

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: yeah how embarrasing is that for you

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: she’s dead and she can type faster then you

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: zzzz i’m falling asleep between im’s

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Holmes: oh sorry are you still talking?

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

Bklynzballer: cuz u are a fucking fag

(Bklynzballer got booted for IMing too fast)

schools out

This entry is part 21 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

OnlineHost: *** You are in “schools out”. ***

Holmes: sup

HeLLrAzOr: i just laughed at yours and daniels jokes

Bklynzballer: sure sure..

Bklynzballer: u sed he was a fag

Holmes: O.o i’m tellin daniel

Redfoxkid: i neva heard mike make fun of him it was u felix

Holmes: daniel’s my boy

Holmes: my dawg

Bklynzballer: william u protecting him

Bklynzballer: hahahahaha

HeLLrAzOr: no cuz its true u da lyer

Holmes: daniel will whoop your ass to grass and make you fall on your ass

Bklynzballer: man …me aron and tommy hav sum thing to do hehehehe

HeLLrAzOr: eh…

Bklynzballer: aron and tommy are ova.

Bklynzballer: mr. “HELL RAZOR” nice profile

Redfoxkid: who da hell is Holmes

Holmes: no way i heard aron biatch slapped tommy and tommy cried

Holmes: stfu don’t talk in that tone

HeLLrAzOr: i dont have 1 u lya

Bklynzballer: yes u do

Bklynzballer: it says location….

Bklynzballer: ……

Holmes: i will whoop you

HeLLrAzOr: so………

Bklynzballer: ::cough:: gay::cough::

Bklynzballer: tommy rote that

HeLLrAzOr: cough:: u fag::

Redfoxkid: who is Holmes

Holmes: hey tommy you got a cough

Holmes: SHUT UP

HeLLrAzOr: tommy is at your house?

Bklynzballer: so is aron..

Holmes: really

Bklynzballer: we all came wer goin to wendys now

HeLLrAzOr: good f u

Redfoxkid: bull shit

Bklynzballer: willy…shutup

Holmes: yeah will how many times do i have to tell you

Bklynzballer: how much u wanna bet..

HeLLrAzOr: u r a user

Bklynzballer: i used u mike for wut?

Redfoxkid: u jus wanna make people jealous

Bklynzballer: ure just mad wer not ure friend

Holmes: thats not cool

Bklynzballer: cuz u couldnt take daniels joke

HeLLrAzOr: no u used me 4 ma games and to hav friendz or u get da shit beatin out of u like in your old

Bklynzballer: i dont get it …daniel is the one who made up mikerreese..

HeLLrAzOr: skool

Bklynzballer: yea rite…who told u that..mike mineo??

HeLLrAzOr: no

Redfoxkid: u think ur better dan every one

Bklynzballer: hahahahahaha…

HeLLrAzOr: him and his cuz

Holmes: mikerreese..what a cool name i’m naming my kid that

HeLLrAzOr: u made dat up

Bklynzballer: dont worry…u kno

Holmes: yeah red i do

Bklynzballer: everyone in the older grades got the song that makes fun of you

Redfoxkid: u kno wat

Bklynzballer: so…

Bklynzballer: ahhaha

Holmes: shut up thats wat

Holmes: frickin punk

Holmes: i’m going to hunt you down

Redfoxkid: ha ha ha ha

HeLLrAzOr: holmes r u rory

Holmes: yeah

Holmes: why

HeLLrAzOr: is it true dat all da grades hav a song bout me?

Holmes: sorry can’t say shit like that

Holmes: secret

HeLLrAzOr: dan u do

Holmes: whatever

Holmes: will SHUT UP

Holmes: i’m outta this joint

HeLLrAzOr: i m sick of dis fuckin kid

Holmes: bye

#7647: Bklynzballer -> Holmes

This entry is part 19 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

This took place on July 12, 2001.

Bklynzballer: did u see me in school>?

Holmes: yes

Bklynzballer: i started a riot

Bklynzballer: mike…i think your hott…

Holmes: o

Bklynzballer: <—tracy

Bklynzballer: u have a tight butt

Bklynzballer: hows my butt?

Holmes: no comment

Bklynzballer: this is tracy not mike

Bklynzballer: im at miikes house

Holmes: oh

Holmes: i see

Bklynzballer: i know what u sed about me

Holmes: i thought you were talking to mike

Bklynzballer: u said i have a ass like a mule

Bklynzballer: even though mike thinks too

Holmes: yea

Bklynzballer: want a blow job>?

Bklynzballer: MIKE DOESNT CARE

Bklynzballer: hes in the bathroom now

Holmes: umm

Holmes: my moms right behind me

Holmes: thanks alot

Bklynzballer: no prob..

Bklynzballer: so u want or not?

Holmes: yeah come over my house

Holmes: NOW

Holmes: NOW

Bklynzballer: i want you to pork me like a dogg

Bklynzballer: woof woof.

Bklynzballer: mikes taking a shit

Holmes: did you pork him

Holmes: up the butt?

Bklynzballer: yup

Bklynzballer: he gott my butt

Bklynzballer: but keep it between me and you

Bklynzballer: he has a small dick

Bklynzballer: 6 inches

Bklynzballer: i hope u have bettr

Holmes: 15 inches

Bklynzballer: k..much better

Bklynzballer: mike was scared to f*** me

Holmes: ha

Holmes: jmikes such a pussy

Holmes: he’s so fucking gay

Bklynzballer: i told him i dont like rubber

Bklynzballer: hes like well i dunt want a baby

Holmes: i heard his dad raped him when he was young

Bklynzballer: yea ,,,its true.

Bklynzballer: i fucked his dad

Holmes: and his dad made him bend over while he spanked him

Bklynzballer: lol…seriously…

Bklynzballer: dont tell his mom..

Bklynzballer: im gunna fuck u like a hot dog

Bklynzballer: ask ure mom if she wants sumz?

Holmes: umm

Holmes: ok

Holmes: i’ll ask her

Bklynzballer: ok

Holmes: she said yes

Bklynzballer: sure my pleasure

Holmes: your a whore

Bklynzballer: exactly

Holmes: can i pay you 20 bucks to screw a shrew

Bklynzballer: sure

Holmes: ok

Holmes: screw one

Holmes: take pictures and send them to me

Holmes: well?

Holmes: any pictures yet?

Holmes: well?

Holmes: COME ON

Holmes: SCREW THAT SHREW GOOD

#7642: Bklynzballer -> Holmes

This entry is part 14 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

This took place on July 8, 2001

Bklynzballer: wer u in school?

Holmes: no

Holmes: i smoked up

Holmes: shot up

Holmes: drank up

Holmes: and sniffed up

Holmes: oh man

Holmes: i’m wasted

Holmes: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Holmes: gghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Holmes: why is the sky spinning

Holmes: whos talking!

Holmes: WHAT THE HECK IS THE ELEPHANT DOING IN MY PANTS

Holmes: OMG it’s the milkman coming back to haunt me!

Holmes: THE BOOGIE MAN WANTS MY BRAINS

#7639: Bklynzballer -> Holmes

This entry is part 11 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

This took place on July 8, 2001.

Bklynzballer: so wer not friends

Holmes: yeah we are that wa smy friend before

Bklynzballer: oo

Bklynzballer: i didnt see u today

Holmes: yeah

Holmes: you know how it is

Holmes: ,marijuana and drugs get to your head

Holmes: so you skip school

Bklynzballer: yup

Bklynzballer: son…tracy gave me head this morning

Holmes: and do the macarena without pants in your living room listening to ricky martin and blasting it on loud making wierd funny noises, you know what i mean?

Holmes: she did? wow

Bklynzballer: really

Bklynzballer: then i dumped her

Holmes: wow

Holmes: that sucks

Bklynzballer: ben is getting jumped

Holmes: O.o

Holmes: cooool

Holmes: thats so col

Holmes: cool*

Bklynzballer: im gunna kick his fucking asss

Holmes: ouch

Bklynzballer: arent u his friend?

Holmes: yeah but friends beat up friends

Bklynzballer: right….like how i beat u up

Holmes: haven’t you heard the circle of friends rules?

Holmes: no

Bklynzballer: im the strongest in our class.

Holmes: uh huh

Bklynzballer: am i black?

Bklynzballer: u hav a pic of me?

Holmes: no

Bklynzballer: am i white?

Holmes: your blackinese

Bklynzballer: no im not

Bklynzballer:

Holmes: fine your really half colombian, half australian and half estupido

Bklynzballer: seriously…

Holmes: estupido is a southern russian town where few people come from

Holmes: i[‘m serious

Bklynzballer37

This entry is part 4 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

So Bklynzballer invited Holmes and davepoobond to a chat. This happened on July 7, 2001.

OnlineHost: *** You are in “Bklynzballer37”. ***

Bklynzballer: yo who else is on

OnlineHost: Holmes has entered the room.

Bklynzballer: yo jason i just fucked tracy

davepoobond: are you serious?

Bklynzballer: seriously…

Bklynzballer: she just left

Bklynzballer: jason…whoses on?

Holmes: yeah he was tellin me

Holmes: as he was fuckin her

Bklynzballer: the bed is next to the comp

Holmes: yeah

davepoobond: but why would you be on the computer at the same time?

Bklynzballer: because…umm…i want to brag

Bklynzballer: lol….cuz…i f***ed tracy

Bklynzballer: i putting pics on the internet

davepoobond: you are? lemme see

Holmes: me too

Bklynzballer: anyways….

Bklynzballer: so jay i didnt see u in school today

davepoobond: dont change the subject. give us pictures

davepoobond: i was having a hangover

davepoobond: LSD really gets you high

Bklynzballer: wait…i broke holmes scanner

Holmes: so does MPV, have you tried MPV

davepoobond: i like, hangedover all through fuckin’ day until like the end of 5th period

davepoobond: by then, it was already too late to go to school

Bklynzballer: yo mike…im calling you holmes for now on

Bklynzballer: cuz my name is holmes

Bklynzballer: i mean mike

Holmes: and i’m calling you dicky if you call me holmes

Bklynzballer: its dicky tracy to me

Bklynzballer: lol

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: i get it…Dick…TRACY

davepoobond: hahaha

Bklynzballer: he gets it ten minutes later

Holmes: so tracy has a dick?

Holmes: eww i didn’t know that

Bklynzballer: no…

davepoobond: damn dude, i didnt know you were into transvestites

Holmes: last time i bend over infornt of you

davepoobond: do you have pictures or not?

Bklynzballer: i broke holmes scanner

Bklynzballer: i cant scan them….

davepoobond: what about YOUR scanner

Bklynzballer: i broke it

Holmes: scanners don’t like him

Bklynzballer: i broke everything holmes has

Holmes: yeah

Holmes: its true

Bklynzballer: holmes ..tell jay about the johnny knoxville

Holmes: he tried breaking my virginity

davepoobond: damn dude, pay for it then

Bklynzballer: holmes banned me from his house

Holmes: you called slapping a persons ass a hello, what was i suppose to do?

davepoobond: Ben is on

Holmes: oh yeah he is

Holmes: send him in

Holmes: i forgot his sn

Bklynzballer: same…

Bklynzballer: hmm…maybe ill be his friend

OnlineHost: MyLeftTesticle has entered the room.

MyLeftTesticle: Hello?

Holmes: hey

Bklynzballer: yo ben…

MyLeftTesticle: Sup

Bklynzballer: mike here

MyLeftTesticle: Hi Mike

Holmes: so ben, what did i miss 5th period

Holmes: i was sick today

Bklynzballer: i wonder me and ben never really became friends?

Bklynzballer: ::ponders alittle::

davepoobond: hey, did anyone see Jack today?

MyLeftTesticle: I’m not sure.

davepoobond: Jack Meoff?

MyLeftTesticle: I have a lot of friends at school.

MyLeftTesticle: Jack is one of ’em.

Holmes: yeah

Holmes: jack i heard was gay tho, is it true?

Bklynzballer: jacks ok

davepoobond: you sure?

davepoobond: i heard he had a goozak

MyLeftTesticle: Eh, he’s sorta gay. I told him I wasn’t and that if he tried hitting on me that I’d kick his

Bklynzballer: jack speaks fag

MyLeftTesticle: ass and stuff

davepoobond: he told me he humped trees…

Bklynzballer: ben i can fuck you up

MyLeftTesticle: Ha!

Bklynzballer: but i wont

Holmes: i heard someone called jack gay and jack hit him with his purse

MyLeftTesticle: lol

Bklynzballer: lolo

Bklynzballer: lol

MyLeftTesticle: I was there when it happened.

MyLeftTesticle: He had a brick in his purse

Bklynzballer: i beat up jack

MyLeftTesticle: No, you didn’t.

Bklynzballer: yes i did

MyLeftTesticle: Right.

Bklynzballer: i shot him with my bb gun

MyLeftTesticle: …

Bklynzballer: just kidding

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, you better be kidding.

Holmes: man you just want to feel jack up bk, thats why you want to beat hi,m up

Bklynzballer: fuck up holmes

Holmes: sorry

Holmes: i was just kidding

Bklynzballer: im just kiddin holmes

MyLeftTesticle: You guys, chill.

Holmes: sure you were, tell that to my broken feelings

MyLeftTesticle: Holmes, are you okay?

Bklynzballer: ok

Holmes: no…i’m going to go upstairs and fuck up

Bklynzballer: holmes broken feelings im sorry

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, you better be sorry.

Bklynzballer: lol you do that

davepoobond: how many times did you cornhole Tracy so far?

Bklynzballer: ben mine yo buissness yo

Bklynzballer: 2

MyLeftTesticle: It is my business.

Holmes: did you pork her good?

Bklynzballer: like a dog

davepoobond: why’d she submit to having Anal sex so fast?

MyLeftTesticle: I got some of the brown once.

MyLeftTesticle: She had a small hole then…

MyLeftTesticle: Now, I bet it’s like all big and loose and stuff.

MyLeftTesticle: It was pretty good stuff.

Holmes: yeah rumour has it she uses corn to get her anal needs

MyLeftTesticle: Heh, I wouldn’t doubt it.

Bklynzballer: so ben i guess wer friends?

MyLeftTesticle: I don’t know. I guess.

MyLeftTesticle: I have a lot of friends.

MyLeftTesticle: You could be one of the many.

Bklynzballer: k

MyLeftTesticle: We ever do much together? I can’t remember that well.

Holmes: so ben…what up

Bklynzballer: yo does anyone hav a pic of all 4 of us?

Holmes: i do

davepoobond: why the hell would we have one?

Holmes: but i cut you out

Bklynzballer: lol…why?

MyLeftTesticle: ‘Cause you don’t like gay people

Bklynzballer: was it wen we had a fight

Holmes: yeah

Bklynzballer: ben fuck off

Bklynzballer: dude…seriously

MyLeftTesticle: No, I’m serious too.

Holmes: boys stop fighting

Bklynzballer: ::reads playboy::

Bklynzballer: yo holmes…dont forget my pb

Bklynzballer: tommorrow

Holmes: eww dude how can you read a porno mag that has boy in it’s title

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah.

MyLeftTesticle: That’s kinda sick.

Bklynzballer: ok….it shows girls..

MyLeftTesticle: You gotta get the mags that have like Swanker in the title. Or something…

Bklynzballer: dude..holmes…you have my playboy magazines

Holmes: yeah but my dog went all over them

Holmes: soaking wet

Bklynzballer: ther ures now

Holmes: hey i don’t want your “boy” porno

Bklynzballer: ashley is a big bitch

MyLeftTesticle: No she’s not.

Bklynzballer: thats why you borrowed it

Holmes: shut up!

Holmes: don’t you remeber ben likes her

Bklynzballer: oo

Holmes: idiot!

Bklynzballer: my bad…

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, your bad alright.

Bklynzballer: but dam..she has pimples…no fence

MyLeftTesticle: You better start thinking before you talk.

Holmes: ben whoops his ass

davepoobond: how big are Tracy’s boobies?

Bklynzballer: big

Bklynzballer: ben….fuckin mind ure dam buissness

Holmes: size? like n or m?

Bklynzballer: n

MyLeftTesticle: Actually, back when I cornholed her, she had small ones.

davepoobond: i’m not ben

davepoobond: i’m Jason, remember?

Bklynzballer: im reffering to jimmy

MyLeftTesticle: And hey, this is my business. So, chill man.

Holmes: so she has a N cup

davepoobond: whos Jimmy?

Bklynzballer: yup

Bklynzballer: MyLeftTesticle

davepoobond: oh

MyLeftTesticle: That’s my SN

MyLeftTesticle: Dolt.

Holmes: his name is ben

Holmes: DUH

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, duh.

Bklynzballer: ::cough::

MyLeftTesticle: Need a cough drop?

davepoobond: ::stuffs a broom down mike’s neck::

MyLeftTesticle: heh.

Bklynzballer: mike can i cumova?

Holmes: cum!

Holmes: EWW

MyLeftTesticle: Yuck, dude.

Holmes: YOU SICK BASTARD

Holmes: fine

Bklynzballer: wtf?

MyLeftTesticle: Why do you want to cum over?

Holmes: yeah you can COME over

Bklynzballer: yo holmes let do another jackass

Holmes: but the second you unzip your pants i’m out

davepoobond: lol

MyLeftTesticle: lmao

Bklynzballer: fuck u talkin bout

MyLeftTesticle: Hey, can I come over too?

MyLeftTesticle: I want to do another Jackass too.

Holmes: well your talking about doing some guy named jacks ass

Bklynzballer: ben u did jackass?

MyLeftTesticle: Not jacking off in your ass though.

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, I did it once.

davepoobond: dont forget to put it back in your pants after you used it though

Bklynzballer: i did too

MyLeftTesticle: Jackass is fun.

Bklynzballer: ben what college u goin too?

MyLeftTesticle: What kinda question is that?

Bklynzballer: well…answer

MyLeftTesticle: No, you answer my question.

davepoobond: i’m going to NYU

Holmes: i’m gonna ta NOYB

Bklynzballer: im thinking off going to nyu cal state or ucla

davepoobond: umm…on second thought

davepoobond: i’m going to pepperdine

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, UCLA is the place to be.

MyLeftTesticle: What?!

Holmes: how about UCONN

MyLeftTesticle: Pepperdine?!

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, UCONN sounds nice.

Holmes: or ASSHO?

MyLeftTesticle: Oh that sounds even better.

Bklynzballer: or unc

MyLeftTesticle: …

MyLeftTesticle: No.

Holmes: UNC! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, I know, right.

Holmes: seriously i’m disowning you as my bitch

MyLeftTesticle: Word.

Bklynzballer: dude …they have like the best college basketball team

davepoobond: i’m gonna drown Tracy, can i do that?

Holmes: hey ben you can have this bitch for 5 dollars

Bklynzballer: sure…

MyLeftTesticle: You’re going because of BASKETBALL?!

davepoobond: yay!

MyLeftTesticle: I don’t want him.

MyLeftTesticle: Keep him.

Bklynzballer: ill help

MyLeftTesticle: B-ball is the worst sport in the world.

Bklynzballer: is anyone on?

davepoobond: no

MyLeftTesticle: I hate it now since the Lakers lost last nihgt.

davepoobond: not on my buddy list

MyLeftTesticle: night*

Bklynzballer: cuz you suck at it

MyLeftTesticle: I’m a good point gaurd

Bklynzballer: lakers are gunna win

Holmes: no now there not going to win

Holmes: cause you wished them luck

Holmes: thansk alot

davepoobond: Kobe is gay

Holmes: i had $50 on the game

MyLeftTesticle: The Lakers lost so bad last night.

Bklynzballer: fuck off mike

Holmes: …

MyLeftTesticle: …

davepoobond: …

MyLeftTesticle: Tisk, tisk, tisk.

Bklynzballer: there tellin koybe not to pass the ball

MyLeftTesticle: Bad bitch.

MyLeftTesticle: Well, he sucks.

MyLeftTesticle: Shaq all the way!

Bklynzballer: rick fox is good

Bklynzballer: and fisher

davepoobond: rick fox is a bastard

davepoobond: fisher should just fish

Holmes: i’ve been dissed by a bitch

Bklynzballer: lol

davepoobond: i know the lakers personally

MyLeftTesticle: Well, basket ball sucks now.

Bklynzballer: that bitch must be tracy

Bklynzballer: or…nevermind

davepoobond: hey, whats Tracy’s sn?

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah?

MyLeftTesticle: What is it?

Holmes: i got that bitch firday night

MyLeftTesticle: I had it somewhere, but I lost it.

Holmes: i called !

davepoobond: MIKE! WHATS TRACY’S SN? i wanna see if shes on

Bklynzballer: dude…she wont be on shes sore

davepoobond: whats it matter

Holmes: of what? a toothpick porking her?

Bklynzballer: dude..was that you?

davepoobond: was that who?

Bklynzballer: mike

Bklynzballer: cuz wen i went to the bathroom she said it felt like a tootth pick was porking her

Holmes: ?

davepoobond: lol!

Holmes: yeh…i snook into yhour house and porked her

Holmes: then snook out

MyLeftTesticle: Heh.

davepoobond: i had a few shots at her too

Bklynzballer: with a tooth pick

MyLeftTesticle: I did, once.

Holmes: without a trace

Bklynzballer: there was a trace of toothpicks

davepoobond: dude. seriously. give me a picture, or her sn.

Bklynzballer: no…

davepoobond: why not

Bklynzballer: wen the site is open

davepoobond: when will that be?

Bklynzballer: in about 2 weeks

Bklynzballer: i dumped tracy

davepoobond: lol.

Holmes: wow

MyLeftTesticle: Dude, so she’s available?

Holmes: what was that

davepoobond: you cornholed her twice then dumped her?

Bklynzballer: she was begginning to get slutty

Holmes: a wam-bam-thank you ma’am?

MyLeftTesticle: I just want her to suck me off.

Bklynzballer: yup…thats the way

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: give me the site when you get it up

MyLeftTesticle: No, a wam-wam-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

Holmes: you can’t add 2 wams

MyLeftTesticle: Oh, you can’t?

Holmes: i mean a tooth pick can only handle so much

MyLeftTesticle: lol

MyLeftTesticle: True.

Bklynzballer: no a wam-wam-wam-wam-bam-bam-bam-thankkkkkkk you man

Bklynzballer: thats you holmes

Bklynzballer: mam**

MyLeftTesticle: Um…It’s a little bit longer than that, dude.

Holmes: EWW

Holmes: man

Holmes: lol

MyLeftTesticle: lol

Bklynzballer: meant mam

MyLeftTesticle: Man.

MyLeftTesticle: Ma’am*

MyLeftTesticle: You have bad grammar.

davepoobond: you’re a sick mother fucker. you just said you fucked a squirrel?

MyLeftTesticle: Ew.

Holmes: EW

MyLeftTesticle: Disgusting!

Bklynzballer: so ben you like ashley?

davepoobond: wamwamwam means “squirrel”

Bklynzballer: no thats a squirrel

Holmes: what a coicidence! my pet squirrel is named tracy

Bklynzballer: cool

Holmes: and shes missing!

Bklynzballer: so was mine

Bklynzballer: wait…shes missing

davepoobond: cuz u dumped her

Holmes: ew dude./..how could you…

Holmes: my own squirrel

Bklynzballer: well…like you said holmes…she was being a bitch

davepoobond: send her over to my house then

Holmes: true she was talkin about nuts

davepoobond: i’ll knock the bitch outta her

Bklynzballer: well i shaved the hair off her

Bklynzballer: if thats what you mean

davepoobond: that must’ve been……fun….

Bklynzballer: she doesnt clEAN IT

Bklynzballer: i had a mask over me

Holmes: ew

MyLeftTesticle: Heh.

Bklynzballer: but then…she asked me to clean her

Bklynzballer: and i said …well…if you let me clean you coochie

Bklynzballer: she said

Bklynzballer: sure

Bklynzballer: ::so we were cleaning::

MyLeftTesticle: Dude, that’s just sick now.

MyLeftTesticle: Shut up.

Bklynzballer: ok

Holmes: coochie coochie goo

davepoobond: tell me more

Bklynzballer: after we had sex i lighted a ciggarrette

davepoobond: dude. why do you smoke?

Holmes: marlboro or kool?

davepoobond: you just smell funny

Bklynzballer: its fun after sex

davepoobond: no…..

Bklynzballer: marlboro

davepoobond: whats so fun about smoking? you just breathe

Holmes: lights or menthol or shit-tasting

Bklynzballer: breathe hard

MyLeftTesticle: Smoking isn’t cool…Unless it’s weed!

Holmes: yeah!

Bklynzballer: i was playing

Holmes: the wacky-tobaccy

MyLeftTesticle: Hey Holmes, you gonna bring that ten tomorrow?

Bklynzballer: u know like in movies after sex they smoke

Holmes: damn straight

davepoobond: movies are stupid

davepoobond: and those are from the 1980s

Bklynzballer: holmes you got weed?

MyLeftTesticle: Cool. You gonna bring your pipe too?

davepoobond: like in Twins

davepoobond: with Arnold Schwarzenegger

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, Holmes grows it in his backyard

Bklynzballer: DAM…pass some down

Holmes: i just got a new bong, we have to try it out!

Holmes: yup

MyLeftTesticle: Cool!

MyLeftTesticle: What kinda bong?

davepoobond: dude. i have a bong that 5 people can use at the same time

Holmes: it’s for 5 people

MyLeftTesticle: Awesome!

davepoobond: and it can use a pound of weed at the same time

Bklynzballer: cool

MyLeftTesticle: O.O

MyLeftTesticle: No freakin’ way!

davepoobond: if you really stuff it in, it gets up to 1 pound and a half

MyLeftTesticle: A POUND of weed?!

Holmes: i also have Half Baked on tape!

Holmes: A POUND!

davepoobond: yeah, i’m the bong making master

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah!

Holmes: i have an acre!

Bklynzballer: dam

MyLeftTesticle: lol

Holmes: right in my back yard

MyLeftTesticle: Acre

davepoobond: yeah, holmes supplies me

MyLeftTesticle: Dude, your yard isn’t that big you dolt.

davepoobond: and i get 5 people high each shot

MyLeftTesticle: Holmes supplies the whole damn school.

davepoobond: and they pay me for it too

Bklynzballer: ok…ill bring the drinks

MyLeftTesticle: Drinks?!

Bklynzballer: house um..koolaid?

Holmes: they call me Hash wit da stash

davepoobond: koolaid sucks

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah!

Bklynzballer: lol

davepoobond: put some LSD in it, and we’ll call it a deal

Holmes: how about kool aid with WEED

MyLeftTesticle: Hash. I remember that from back in the day…

Bklynzballer: holmes stash me

Holmes: you got the doh

MyLeftTesticle: I have 20 bucks.

Bklynzballer: holmes remeber wen we first smoked weed

MyLeftTesticle: No…

Holmes: no

davepoobond: no

Bklynzballer: i dont either

MyLeftTesticle: lol

Bklynzballer: hehehe

MyLeftTesticle: You tend not remember a lot when you smoke weed.

Bklynzballer: lol

MyLeftTesticle: But, you two didn’t smoke weed together for the first time.

Holmes: some people smoke themselves retarded and make up stories of smoking weed with friends

MyLeftTesticle: Me and Holmes were at a rave and we got so F-ed up it was awesome.

MyLeftTesticle: It was our first time too.

Holmes: yeah i couldn’t walk afterwards

MyLeftTesticle: Same here

davepoobond: i was at that rave

MyLeftTesticle: I was like “What’s goin’ on? I can’t feel my legs!”

davepoobond: i got a blow from 3 hot chicks, the same night

Holmes: thats where we met james

Bklynzballer: i was there

Holmes: no

Bklynzballer: dam…

Holmes: you weren’t

Holmes: cause you wouldn’t have remebered

MyLeftTesticle: No, this was what, in Arizona?

Holmes: who cares

MyLeftTesticle: The rave was in AZ, right?

Holmes: i don’t remeber

MyLeftTesticle: Eh, me either.

Bklynzballer: we got to hav anotha rave

MyLeftTesticle: No.

Holmes: no

Bklynzballer: man…wen i first had weed

MyLeftTesticle: The first time was a week ago, right?

Bklynzballer: i went to the park and i was like telling everyone your my dad and mom

Bklynzballer: no…

MyLeftTesticle: You just want to act all cool in front of us.

Holmes: what kind was it? Northern lights or AK-47?

Bklynzballer: ak-47 is a gun

davepoobond: same thing

Holmes: it is?

davepoobond: an AK-47 is actually a type of Bong i made

davepoobond: its special

Holmes: oh i get it it’s a gun that can “shot you up” with being high

davepoobond: it has 47 places to smoke weed

Holmes: WHOA

MyLeftTesticle: Woah!

Bklynzballer: cool

Holmes: DUDE

davepoobond: but, unfortunately it only has 1 ounce capacity

MyLeftTesticle: Heh.

MyLeftTesticle: That sucks.

davepoobond: because you have to drill a hole in the table

Holmes: yeah

davepoobond: so that all the people can put their mouths on it

Holmes: remeber bk when you got all drunk?

Bklynzballer: yup

Holmes: well i don’t

Holmes: what time was that

Bklynzballer: never

Bklynzballer: i was drunk

Holmes: …

Holmes: umm

Bklynzballer: ….

Holmes: ok?!?!?

Bklynzballer: …

Bklynzballer: …

Bklynzballer: …

Holmes: dude now your turning gay

Bklynzballer: anyways…

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, gay.

Holmes: so…

Bklynzballer: sure,sure

MyLeftTesticle: So, bring the weed tomorrow, okay Holmes?

Holmes: ok

Holmes: we’ll smoke till we choke

Bklynzballer: holmes wer u bringin the weed

Holmes: what are you?

Holmes: a cop?

Holmes: HUH

Holmes: going to tell on me

Bklynzballer: no….

MyLeftTesticle: Heh, don’t tell dude.

MyLeftTesticle: I’ll have to get my gang on your ass.

Holmes: be like “oh holmes is doing marijuana and it’s bad for you”

Holmes: we’ll do it by the river

MyLeftTesticle: I’m in the Neo West Side gang.

Bklynzballer: and im in the bond gang

MyLeftTesticle: Man, you know there’s all them bums at the river. I don’t want to be wasting weed just to

Bklynzballer: with jason

Holmes: then i have to supply some to Charles the pot-head-and-crack-fiend

MyLeftTesticle: keep them quiet and stuff.

Holmes: yeah true

MyLeftTesticle: Dude, Bk, I’m not bullshittin’ ya.

MyLeftTesticle: My gang will kill you.

Bklynzballer: fuck i didnt say anythin yo

MyLeftTesticle: I don’t play around with stuff this serious.

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, you were gonna tell the cops on us and stuff.

Bklynzballer: no..

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, you better not say anything.

Bklynzballer: yo holmes this is zack

Bklynzballer: mike went out with tracy

MyLeftTesticle: I’ll have one of the new guys watch you…

MyLeftTesticle: We’ll be keeping an eye on you Bk.

Holmes: hey zack want some crack

Bklynzballer: hes in the kitchen with her

Holmes: hey that rhymes

Holmes: lol

Bklynzballer: sure

Holmes: no you don’t!

Holmes: I don’t sell crack, crack-head

Holmes: go get your crack somewhere else, crack-baby

Holmes: your so full of crack, i can see your crack-head ears filled with crack smoke’

Bklynzballer: mike gunna giv me some

MyLeftTesticle: Dude, I got a craving for something that I used to eat back in the day…

MyLeftTesticle: What was it called?…

MyLeftTesticle: Oh yeah…

MyLeftTesticle: Pussy.

Bklynzballer: “hot dogs”

MyLeftTesticle: I ate your mom’s pussy once…

MyLeftTesticle: It was pretty rotten.

MyLeftTesticle: It stunk like dead fish.

Holmes: eww you have a craving for man hot dogs bk

MyLeftTesticle: I was like “Damn bitch, you should clean that shit out!”

OnlineHost: Holmes has left the room.

MyLeftTesticle: Hey, why’d Holmes leave?

OnlineHost: Holmes has entered the room.

MyLeftTesticle: Hey!

Holmes: back

MyLeftTesticle: Where’d you go?

Holmes: had to make a quick drug deal

MyLeftTesticle: Oh, good times.

MyLeftTesticle: How much did ya make?

Holmes: 20

Holmes: thousand

Holmes: it was a truck load

davepoobond: i’m shaping a new 50 person bong in Ceramics class, but no one knows its a bong

Holmes: it’s chump change

Bklynzballer: ::coughs::

davepoobond: i just call it “tube tree”

MyLeftTesticle: Heh

MyLeftTesticle: Tube…

MyLeftTesticle: Hahah

Holmes: lol tree

davepoobond: the base is gonna have a diameter of 10 inches

davepoobond: almost a fuckin foot

Holmes: lol have

Holmes: sorry i just hit my bong

davepoobond: is it one of mine that i made for you?

Holmes: yeah

Holmes: that 10 foot one

Holmes: had to stand on a stool

davepoobond: oh yeah..

davepoobond: you can put it on the wall too

Holmes: you can!

davepoobond: if you want to decorate your walls

Holmes: wow

davepoobond: stain it

Holmes: LOL LOL LOL look at me i’m typing

davepoobond: with the marijuana color

MyLeftTesticle: Dude, I got the munchies.

Holmes: lets eat Bk, no one will miss him

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah.

MyLeftTesticle: But he’s all stringy and stuff.

MyLeftTesticle: Not a good meal.

Holmes: besides bk stands for burger king

MyLeftTesticle: Eh, Burger King is a good place to eat.

Bklynzballer: wutever

Holmes: shut up dinner

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah.

MyLeftTesticle: Bitch.

MyLeftTesticle: If you were here right now Bk, I’d slap you.

Holmes: you gonna take that Bk?

Holmes: HUH

Holmes: gonna take that like the bitch you are

MyLeftTesticle: Of course he is, he’s everyone’s bitch.

Bklynzballer: no…he likes ashley..thats a big enough diss

MyLeftTesticle: Ha!

MyLeftTesticle: Hmm…

Holmes: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

davepoobond: dude, baller, change your font

MyLeftTesticle: Well, Ashley sucks dick better than your mom.

Holmes: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

Bklynzballer: i see you tested mikes mom cuz this is not mike

MyLeftTesticle: Doesn’t matter.

davepoobond: hahahahahahahaahhahahahaha

Holmes: OH

Holmes: your mom is an elephant

MyLeftTesticle: Mike’s mom was pretty hot, dude.

Holmes: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

MyLeftTesticle: She’s got tits that gigle with every step she takes.

Holmes: lol!

MyLeftTesticle: It gives me a boner just thinking about it…

Holmes: his mom…naked…oh a bear skin rug

Holmes: oh=on

Bklynzballer: mikes back

MyLeftTesticle: His mom is a bear!

Bklynzballer: yo guys

Bklynzballer: im back

Holmes:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

MyLeftTesticle: All hairy and shit.

Holmes: shut up mike

Bklynzballer: i just came back

Holmes: you made me mad

Holmes: just ignoring us

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, me too.

Holmes: like were notihng

MyLeftTesticle: And that diss about Ashley.

Bklynzballer: holmes dissed her yesterday

Bklynzballer: that she was hairy

Bklynzballer: and had pimples like a dog

Holmes: LIAR!

MyLeftTesticle: Pimples like a dog?

Bklynzballer: you said that

Holmes: wtf?

MyLeftTesticle: You mean tits like a dog

MyLeftTesticle: dumb dumb

davepoobond: haha. doggie tits

Bklynzballer: tits like a rat

Holmes: i’m not that dumb that i would say: ‘pimples like a dog”

Bklynzballer: actually…..

OnlineHost: Bklynzballer: has left the room.

Holmes: hmm

Holmes: he left

Holmes: please stand by

Holmes: >>>Intermission<<<

OnlineHost: Bklynzballer: has entered the room.

OnlineHost: Bklynzballer: has left the room.

MyLeftTesticle: Intermission!

MyLeftTesticle: Haha!

MyLeftTesticle: What a dolt…

MyLeftTesticle: Can we step out of character now?

Holmes: yeah

MyLeftTesticle: That was amuzing.

Holmes: that was funny

MyLeftTesticle: Yeah.

davepoobond: lol

MyLeftTesticle: What a moron.

davepoobond: what an IDIOT

MyLeftTesticle: lmao

Holmes: WHAT A STUPID ASS

MyLeftTesticle: Um, what a dolt.

Holmes: i swear that would lok great on squackle

MyLeftTesticle: Word

MyLeftTesticle: This should be a special feature or something.

Holmes: lol yeah

Holmes: “Squakles stupidest people”

Holmes: Bklynzballer [7:52 PM]: i just food remember…

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: can anyone translate that?

davepoobond: i just food remember

Holmes: Bklynzballer [7:52 PM]: no one would care remeber just eat me

davepoobond: LOOOOOLLLLLL

MyLeftTesticle: Heh, what a moron.

Holmes: this just SPEAKS and he immediatly gets on squakle

davepoobond: lol

davepoobond: i’ll put this guy up on Stupid People

davepoobond: wait

davepoobond: Screwed Up People

davepoobond: its a new section

Holmes: make a whjole new section

Holmes: “Stupides people”

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: Screwed Up People

Holmes: k

MyLeftTesticle: No

davepoobond: in the Screwed Up Chronicles

MyLeftTesticle: Squackle’s Stupidest People

davepoobond: NO

MyLeftTesticle: YES!!

davepoobond: forget you

MyLeftTesticle: Okay

Holmes: Holmes [7:54 PM]: fine

MyLeftTesticle: ::forgotten::

Holmes: Holmes [7:55 PM]: be a party pooper

Holmes: Bklynzballer [7:55 PM]: im not a party pooper im food

davepoobond: 😛

MyLeftTesticle: He’s poop food

davepoobond: great

#7630: Bklynzballer -> Holmes

This entry is part 2 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

This took place on July 7, 2001

Bklynzballer: yo mike….wutup?

Holmes: nothin much what up with you?

Bklynzballer: nuttin….me and tracy went to the bathroom

Holmes: wow bounce wit me dawg!

Bklynzballer: lol….we worked with rubber…hehehehe

Bklynzballer: u speak to her?

Holmes: nah sick today

Bklynzballer: THATS WHY I DIDNT SEE YOU

Holmes: yeah no shit

Bklynzballer: ashley wants to date you

Holmes: eww tell that bicth to bounce

Bklynzballer: lol

Bklynzballer: i told her you would come over today …with …..RUBBER

Holmes: what’d that biatch say

Bklynzballer: she said for real in a real geaky tone ..i said no shit

Holmes: shes a man-whore

Bklynzballer: my little friend cALLED you yesterday

Bklynzballer: did you hear a little kid saying is holmes there lol?

Holmes: yup

Bklynzballer: thatz zack…neighbor

Bklynzballer: wut you say?

Holmes: nothin

Bklynzballer: oo

Holmes: SCARED THE CRAP OUTTA ME THOUGHT IT WAS A PRANK CALLER

Bklynzballer: he said your answer machine was gay…..

Holmes: sorry for caps

Bklynzballer: lol

Holmes: yeah it’s gay

Holmes: i deleted the message

Holmes: i’ll get your playboys tommorow

Holmes: almost forogt about em

Bklynzballer: i got chyna

Holmes: wtf is chyna

Bklynzballer: wwf superstar chyna

Holmes: o her

Bklynzballer: yup….she looks like ashley

Bklynzballer: lol….man im gettin my money back

Bklynzballer: unless you want it

Holmes: nah

Bklynzballer: k

Bklynzballer: me and tracy are going to hit it off

Holmes: dawg that is so cooool…you gettin that ass on ur dick

Holmes: ?

Bklynzballer: yup…dam rite

Bklynzballer: comeova man

Holmes: dayammmmmmmmn bounce wit me

Bklynzballer: tracys ova

Holmes: she just came

Bklynzballer: yea…….shes gunna blow me…yo i swear

Bklynzballer: no one home

Holmes: holy shit

Holmes: and you want my ass there?

Bklynzballer: your gunna film it

Holmes: lol my video cameras busted, remeber that shit? lol i never seen you flip so much

Bklynzballer: i kno

Holmes: you owe me a new one, wanna-be-johnny-knoxville

Bklynzballer: whos ure best friend in school?

Holmes: Ben, that kid that sits in your math class, you guys haven’t chilled together though, you should

Bklynzballer: mine is tracys ass…which im feeling now….

Holmes: damn! put it on your dick and bounce wit it

Bklynzballer: ben acts queer

Bklynzballer: no fence to u….i just dont like him

Holmes: o well

Holmes: not the end of the world

Bklynzballer: i kno

Holmes: whats tracy doin now

Bklynzballer: werrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr fucking

Bklynzballer: dude ……i owe u so many things

Bklynzballer: im not a virgin im not a virgin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holmes: no shit, like that noteboook you busted up by smashing it on your head

Holmes: great goin, genius

Bklynzballer: jeez…i cant remeber all this shit wut else

Holmes: man the noteboook must have knocked your brain out!

Bklynzballer: son…this sex buissness hurts..

Holmes: take it like a man

Bklynzballer: wut else did i fuck up

Holmes: your head

Bklynzballer: lol…u ever have sex?

Holmes: DUH! of course

Bklynzballer: wit who

Holmes: your mom lol

Holmes: just playin with you dude

Bklynzballer: grrrrrrrrrrrr…………

Bklynzballer: lol

Holmes: a girl named stephany back in 9th grade

Bklynzballer: dude…..9th grade?

Bklynzballer: shit

Holmes: yea

Holmes: bounce wit me

Bklynzballer: wut else did i break of yours?

Holmes: my eminem cd

Holmes: you almost broke my fan

Bklynzballer: o yea….eminem sucks anyways….good thing i broke it

Holmes: biatch that ain’t the point! it was my cd

Bklynzballer: lol hehehe

Bklynzballer: crap how i can brake things…owell…

Bklynzballer: didnt i almost brake your cd player?

Holmes: ALMOST!

Holmes: HA

Holmes: you did!

Holmes: broke the fast forward button

Bklynzballer: wow….next on my hitlist is ……ps2

Holmes: you bust my ps2 and i’ll bust a cap

Bklynzballer: hehehehe

Bklynzballer: son…i can bust you up

Bklynzballer: dam….dude…zacks here

Holmes: who the hell is zack

Bklynzballer: hey mike..zack here

Bklynzballer: the kid you wer talking to yesterday

Holmes: oh

Bklynzballer: how many lines you have?

Holmes: lines?

Bklynzballer: phone lines

Holmes: 2

Bklynzballer: zacks gunna call you now….lol hehehe

Bklynzballer: k?

Bklynzballer: i have to go bye

#7629: Bklynzballer -> Holmes

This entry is part 1 of 26 in the series Bklynzballer

Note: Holmes doesnt know how Bklynzballer got his sn. This took place on July 6, 2001.

This guy Bklynzballer was really a screwed up fella. We had a lot of stuff from him that was just IMs and chat rooms stuff. Starting from this post, you’ll go through each day as the things happened. We don’t know how, but he got Holmes’s sn first..this is everything we have about him. We don’t know if he thought we were actual people he knew or if he was bullshitting us the whole time…

Bklynzballer: want a pic of my char?

Holmes: why

Bklynzballer: this is mike from school

Holmes: seriously

Holmes: ?

Bklynzballer: yea

Holmes: howd you get the sn

Bklynzballer: i just found you in my buddyslist

Bklynzballer: so…you going to school tommorrow

Holmes: oh

Holmes: yeah

Holmes: so i’ll see you 5th period?

Holmes: ?

Bklynzballer: yea

Bklynzballer: so who do you like

Bklynzballer: like girls in school

Holmes: i like tracy

Holmes: shes got an ass like a mule

Bklynzballer: ewwww

Bklynzballer: sick f***

Bklynzballer: i like ashley

Bklynzballer: she has tits like a dog….

Holmes: EW that bitch has a beard of pimples

Bklynzballer: lol…just kidding

Holmes: i was about to say

Bklynzballer: i dont know why but tracy asked me out

Holmes: really? what’d you say?

Bklynzballer: i said k

Bklynzballer: were going out friday

Holmes: damn try to save some for me

Bklynzballer: im going to get the ass on my dick

Holmes: during spanish she passed a note saying “tengo un regallo para tu”, i dunno what that means…

Holmes: you go boy-eeee!

Bklynzballer: hehehe

Holmes: makes me wish i hadn’t slept in spanish class

Bklynzballer: it means she has something for you

Holmes: oh

Holmes: well good to know

Bklynzballer: man…well im going grab that ass all night

Bklynzballer: bounce wit me

Holmes: ouch shes going to be hurtin

Bklynzballer: i knoe

Bklynzballer: shes coming over friday too!

Bklynzballer: she said she wants to see my room

Holmes: wow! i’ll bet you’ll show her something more won’t you…like your closet

Bklynzballer: she wants me bad

Bklynzballer: tell tracy tommorrow if she is ready for our date

Holmes: man i wish i hadn’t said she was a bitch by accident infront of her friends

Holmes: alright

Bklynzballer: tell…im hard

Bklynzballer: yo…im bringing a condum to school

Holmes: show it to me duroing lunch

Bklynzballer: kk

Bklynzballer: im going to tell her for me and her to go to the bathroom

Holmes: do you want your playboys on friday too?

Holmes: ok will do

Bklynzballer: yup

Holmes: i got 3 extra just for you

Bklynzballer: giv me a pic of her so i can jerk off

Holmes: wow jeeze some things shouldn’t be told to friends

Bklynzballer: lol

Bklynzballer: send me pic of her now!

Bklynzballer: ol.

Bklynzballer: i wanna get my freak on

Holmes: damn you know my scanners busted

Bklynzballer: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!grrrrrrrr

Holmes: yeah i know, i’m about to bust it open

Bklynzballer: fuck….come to my house

Holmes: nah i’m playin playstation 2 and lookin at some porno

Bklynzballer: dam…

Holmes: nothing like a vibrating controler on your lap

Bklynzballer: i just got a new game for ps2

Bklynzballer: winter sport x-games

Holmes: lol i thought you didn’t have ps2

Bklynzballer: i just got it

Bklynzballer: duh

Holmes: oh

Holmes: lucky bastard

Holmes: i had to wait for 3 months

Holmes: since i reserved it

Bklynzballer: yo holmes….whats tracys #

Bklynzballer: dam…she wants to go out but no # grrrr

Holmes: damn that bitch hates me why would i have her number

Holmes: ask her tommorow

Bklynzballer: shes my next g/f dick

Holmes: tel her i said hi

Holmes: sorry but she can be a bitch

Bklynzballer: yes i will do

Bklynzballer: im gonna get her like a animal

Holmes: good

Bklynzballer: what grade are we again?

Bklynzballer: lol

Holmes: lol you were always an idiot, 11th DUmbass

Bklynzballer: i slept everytime in school.

Bklynzballer: o ya

Bklynzballer: hehehe

Holmes: no shit you stayed back once in 5th grade

Bklynzballer: dont remind please…

Bklynzballer: lol

Bklynzballer: i got myself a car

Holmes: quit bullshiting

Bklynzballer: nah…but im getting one

Bklynzballer: im thinking about buying a mercedes benz

Holmes: suuuure what is it? a BMW?

Holmes: HA

Holmes: lets see if your broke ass could afford that

Bklynzballer: yo…dont diss how broke i am

Bklynzballer: im richer than you dick

Holmes: well you got tracy

Bklynzballer: i know….hehe

Holmes: crap i gtg

Bklynzballer: yo holmes giv me your #

Holmes: 232-6797

Bklynzballer: l8er

Bklynzballer: area code

Holmes: l8ter

Holmes: dumb ass! how do you not know our area code?

Bklynzballer: lol..i cant remeber

Holmes: you should have stayed back in 9th grade

Holmes: 860

Holmes: jeeze

Bklynzballer: lol im gunna call you kno3

Holmes: i will bitch slap you tommorow

Bklynzballer: is your mom home?

Holmes: k call me in 30 minutes

Holmes: nah

Holmes: working

Bklynzballer: im gunna be like yo is holmes there

Holmes: aiight

Bklynzballer: where state do i liv in?

Bklynzballer: lol hehehehe

Holmes: seriously dude, do you have amnesia?

Bklynzballer: im so dumb

Bklynzballer: nah im just playing

Holmes: about to say

Holmes: well see ya later

Bklynzballer: what state you live in?

Holmes: ugh dude conn.

Holmes: BYE

Bklynzballer: lol

blowthetoad

Your search for extreme gayness has finally ended. His obsession with Squackle has left many Squackle members being very careful when they bend over and waking up in the middle of the night screaming.

Age: 12 or something, who cares

Thought to have been real pictures of blowthetoad, but is actually his “ex-girlfriend’s brother.” But we’re still gonna leave it up, just because they’re funny.  Sorry to this guy who’s real name is supposedly Devin, if he ever sees these.  I’d take a bet that this is actually blowthetoad’s gay lover in his dreams (or even in real life???):

Interesting Facts

1. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; “7” was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. “UP” indicated the direction of the bubbles.

2. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

3. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

4. American car horns beep in the tone of F.

5. No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.

6. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

7. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

8. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

9. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

10. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.

11. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

12. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s first flight.

13. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

14. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA.”

15. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

16. The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of Varieties of pickles the company once had.

17. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

18. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

19. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

20. Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

21. Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.

22. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

23. Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

24. Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

25. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn’t like being seen wearing them in public.

26. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

27. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly

28. Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

29. Pearls melt in vinegar.

30. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.

31. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

32. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

33. Average life span of a major league baseball: seven pitches.

34. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo and no one knows why.

35. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

36. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

37. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

38. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

39. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

40. There are more chickens than people in the world.

41. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

42. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”

43. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

44. All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:20.

45. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

46. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”

47. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial, on the back of the $5 bill.

48. Almonds are a member of the peach family.

49. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

50. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

51. There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

52. Los Angeles’ full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”

53. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

54. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

55. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

56. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

57. Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

58. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street, were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life,”

59. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

60. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

61. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

62. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

63. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

64. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

65. The microwave was invented, after a researcher walked by a radar tube, and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

66. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

67. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

68. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

69. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

70. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dogs face it gets mad at you but when you take the dog in a car it sticks its head out the window?

71. Sometimes…when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes…when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just one time….

72. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

73. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.

74. David Duchovny was in a porno series called the Red Shoe Diaries where he read letters from people telling him a story, reading it aloud for his dog. He never got any, actually, in the show.

75. The main character from Pay It Forward died from a stomach wound

76. Dacky was made in paint by Fajita Bum

77. You CAN get into trouble for calling a white guy Aunt Jemima and calling him that name 10 times a day for a year

78. The AAA DOES NOT care about right triangles

79. Tiger’s Hit Clips don’t play the whole song. You buy less than a song

80. The cards in Guess Who? don’t actually talk

81. All the pets in really old movies over 10 years, are all (most likely) dead

82. Tagalong Girl Scout cookies cost 20 cents a cookie, at $3.00 a box of 15

Situations It Would Suck to Be In

By Nose:

– A badger is in your pants. Those mofo’s have sharp claws.

– On stage naked when you have to urinate. People could lose their careers this way.

– Bitchslapping Mike Tyson…cover your ears!

– Having a pencil up your ass

– Standing in a pile of hippo crap. You’ve seen how much they eat. Can you imagine standing in the crap of an animal who eats aobut 400 pounds of food a day.

– If you’re a guy. Never walk into a gay bar with no pants. Some people don’t wait until they get home.

– Don’t wear butt tight pants when you go to the beach. When you have a stiffy, people are gonna know.

– Making love to a gorilla. Some of those animls weigh 2000 pounds.

– Doing doggy style to a dog. Think where that thing has been.

By Holmes:

– Bending over in a Prison Shower Room…Welcome to Anal Penetration 101, your going to feel like your shitting backwards.

– In a Port-o-potty while it’s rolling down a hill…the toilet is going to be shitting on you

– Drinking Coca-Cola in a Pepsi plant…HOW COULD YOU!

By The typical Aussie bloke:

– Taking a shit in a really old outback dunnycan that hasn’t been washed in 50 years. Imagine all the crabs on the dunny seat and the crusty shit stains ewwwwwww!!!

– Being tackled by John Hopoate during a Rugby League footy match. You know what John (BROWN FINGERS) Hopoate likes to do to footy players on the opposite team, especially when they are wearing really stubby footy shorts!

– Being a beer swilling yobbo at a local pub that has no beer. Yobbos can’t survive without beer!

– Thrown in a prison cell with nothing but a “Richie Benaud’s Autobiography” book. Now THAT’s boring!

– Being a little Aussie kid chanting “USA! USA! USA!” at the Melborune AFL Aussie Rules footy match. I guess the kid has been watching too much Simpsons episodes and doesn’t know that the Australian chant is “Aussie Aussie Aussie!!! Oi Oi Oi!!!”

– Some bastard pulling a prank on you by putting dark gooey shit to an empty Vegemite jar and passing it off to you as Vegemite. When you spread it on toast and eat it you’ll be chucking up in the dunny.

– Being the janitor cleaning a passenger jet after a shitfaced footy team has been on it. When a footy team gets pissed on a few slabs of VB, they will not care where they decide to hang a piss so there will be urine flowing down the aisle of the plane.

– Getting smacked hard in the K-nackers with a cricket ball when playing cricket with your mates. OWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL that would hurt!!!!! Cricket balls are SOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!

– Having a wedgy up your bumcrack while you’re in the bloke’s change room. All the blokes would think you’re wearing a G-string.

– Some bugger filling the tray of your Holden Kingswood ute with polyfiller. You won’t be able to transport any beer slabs or your pisstank yobbo pub mates around.

#6474: Holmes -> davepoobond

Holmes: hey, are you good at riddles?

davepoobond: i guess

Holmes: A man and a woman were driving in their car when it broke down. The man decided to go for help at a gas station a few miles back. He made sure nobody was in the car, rolled all the windows up, and locked all of the sedan’s doors. He went off, but when he came back, his wife was dead, and there was a stranger in the car. No physical damage was done to the car, so how did the stranger get in?

davepoobond: dont know

davepoobond: came in thrhough the glove compartment

Holmes: damnit! ask someone who would know, this riddle is makin me mad

Holmes: already guessed that

Holmes: i also guessed that the strange was a blowup doll and when the wife saw it she died of a heargt attack

davepoobond: whered u get it

davepoobond: dont they have an answer for it?

Holmes: nope

Holmes: they said: “sorry were not givin the answer for this one”

Holmes: a friend and his friend gave it to me

Holmes: ask around…

Holmes: like to all your friends

davepoobond: http://www.ben-ritter.com/

davepoobond: thats this site this kid gave me at school

davepoobond: i sorta know him.

davepoobond: met him at the shuttle stop one day

davepoobond: gave him Squackle, and he said the menu was very unorganized

davepoobond: and he told me to look at the menu he has

Holmes: uh

Holmes: he’s got a lot less links

Holmes: then you do

davepoobond: yeah, i know that now

davepoobond: but this site is pretty good for format

Holmes: just tell him that i get more hits on my site then your mom gets in one night

davepoobond: heh, its not even finished yet tho

Holmes: i can tell that

Holmes:

Holmes:

davepoobond: he said its gonna be like a hacker page thingy

Holmes: yeah what eva, they all say that

davepoobond: but “not R-rated stuff’

Holmes: wtf hackers are all about r rated stuff

davepoobond: lol

davepoobond: i dont know

davepoobond: i think he’s in 9th grade or 7 or 8. i’m not sure

Holmes: i c

davepoobond: this is really gay. i spilled water on my keyboard accidently and my shift key and ctrl key are sticking, but they still work

Holmes: heheheh

davepoobond: do you think i should make the font on squackle smaller?

Holmes: keyboards and water don’t mix

davepoobond: do you think i should make the font on squackle smaller?

Holmes: hmm

Holmes: the font looks fine to me

davepoobond: is there anything that you think i should do that would make the site look better?

Holmes: yes

Holmes: don’t listen to what dumbasses say about your site

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: well, this guy said that he makes formats for companies and they pay him

Holmes: whoich guy?

davepoobond: the same guy

Holmes: yeah right that looks like a template made from some program

davepoobond: that could mean he’s that good though

Holmes: hmm..

Holmes: it COULD, but ask him HTML questions

davepoobond: its not like i know anything about HTML

Holmes: . . . you made THAT entire website without ANY knowledge of HTML?

davepoobond: if i did, i wouldn’t have asked anyone for help formatting the site…you saw how it was before D-Fiance designed it

davepoobond: yeah

Holmes: …what is the internet coming too?

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: but i did have web site experience before i went into it

davepoobond: and a nifty little tool called AOLPress

Holmes: get dreamweaver

davepoobond: though it might be old, its still the best out there

davepoobond: dreamweaver wouldnt fit on my comp

Holmes: THE BEST!!!!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Holmes: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Holmes: no

davepoobond: best for me

Holmes: even front page is better the AOL press

davepoobond: how much space does Dreamweaver take?

Holmes: it took an hour and a half to download

Holmes: let me check

Holmes: about 71 MB

davepoobond: hmm

Holmes: flash is 35 mb

davepoobond: i’d have to get rid of all my MP3s…

davepoobond: i want around 200 mb of free space on my computer

Holmes: adobe photoshop is 100mb

Holmes: YAY i hit all the ducks! whats my prize?

davepoobond: where

Holmes: on your website

Holmes: it said on one of the banner ads: “hit the ducks and win a prize”

davepoobond: i have one of those?

davepoobond: heh

Holmes: ye-up

davepoobond: was it on the top?

Holmes: bottom

Holmes: gtg

Holmes: bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

davepoobond: does dreamweaver make you edit the HTML only?

Holmes: no

Holmes: it’s like AOL press

davepoobond: or is like AOLPress

Holmes: but not gay

davepoobond: ok

Holmes: and a lot better

Holmes: abnd stuff

Holmes: bye

davepoobond: where do i get it

Holmes: you can buy it

Holmes: for 900 dollars

davepoobond: lol…………….