All posts by davepoobond (DPB)

davepoobond of Squackle. Items under this user name are original works by davepoobond.

Thunder Butts – Rules

Materials: Something to jump on

# of Players: 2 or more

What You Do:

1. Jump up and down on the thing you have to jump up and down on

2. Slam your butts together to knock the other person off the thing you’re jumping on

3. If you get knocked off, you lose

4. Last person left, wins

Boundaries: The thing you’re jumping on

Airplane Soccer – Rules

Materials: A working airplane, soccer balls

# of Players: At least 2 plus 2 referees, and a pilot

What You Do:

1. Take out all the seats in the airplane

2. Take off into the air, with the doors closed

3. While in the air, start playing soccer, and the 2 referees open the doors to the outside. Caution: The referees may die without proper precautions, like a parachute.

4. Kick the ball into the door on the other person’s side and out the door

5. If there is a goalie, they have to stand right next to the door and save the ball before it goes out

6. After 80 minutes of play, whoever has the most points or one team that is left alive, wins

Boundaries: The airplane

Pencil Wrestling – Rules

Materials needed: A pencil or a pen, a TV

# of players: 1 or more

What you do:

1. Watch any wrestling program long enough to know and memorize their moves

2. Take a pen or pencil

3. Start performing moves on the pencil or pen, with your hand. This is just a “warm up,” but since you cant really get to #4 all the time, you mainly do it with pencils by yourself

4. Now, get 2 friends, one to be your opponent and another to be referee

5. Start wrestling with your opponents hand like it was a pencil, or pen, or whatever you “warmed up” with.

6. “Pin” your opponent for 3 counts

7. You can have whole tournaments with all your friends!

Boundaries: The wrestling “rink” if there are any

Modes of Play:

Practice = 1 hand vs. pencil

1vs1 = 1 hand vs. 1 hand

Tag Practice = 2 hands vs. pencil

2vs1 = 2 hands vs. 1 hand

2vs2 = 2 hands vs. 2 hands

and so on…

Kill the Gnats! – Rules

Materials needed: Fly swatter, RV with a light on the outside

# of players: as many as you want

What you do:

1. Turn on the RV light for the outside

2. Wait until night, until a storm of gnats come and start buzzing around the light on your RV.

3. Start swatting them like mad, until they’re all dead.

4. Gnats are about 1/3 as “smart” as a fly, so they’re easy to kill. Have fun, and be ready for a big mess to clean up the next day…

Boundaries: None

High School Chair Thingy Twist – Rules

Materials needed: A lot of high school chair thingys with table attached to them, and make at least 2 rows of the same amount of chairs. The more rows you have, the more can play.

# of players: 2 or more

What you do:

1. After you get all the materials, have everybody playing sit in the first chairs in the row, only one person per row.

2. After someone says “go,” twist to the left/right and don’t let go of the table of the seat behind you and sit in that chair and then repeat until you get to the last chair as fast as you can.

3. Whoever gets into the last seat wins. This game is guaranteed to break your shoes and lots of “fun.” If you don’t get fun out of this, why do people wash windows and say, “It was fun?”

Boundaries: The general area of the row, meaning you can’t break out and run away from the game and still be in it

Jeanne D’Arc (PSP) Review

Developer: Level 5 / Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment || Overall: 9.0/10

Traditional strategy RPG games were epitomized by the original Final Fantasy Tactics – it’s become my own personal bar for comparing against new games in the genre. Not every strategy game is totally comparable, but when a game comes along that can be, it has a lot to accomplish before it can be considered a worthy play. Jeanne D’Arc is one of those rare games that capture a piece of what made Final Fantasy Tactics such a great strategy RPG.

One of the most important parts of any RPG is, of course, the story. Jeanne D’Arc is a fantasy-based retelling of the old story of Joan of Arc. In case you don’t know who she is, Joan of Arc was the savior of the Hundred Years War between Great Britain and France. Joan of Arc was believed to be a divine messenger of God, fighting for the preservation of France. With some additional characters that have their own smaller stories, you’ll basically go around and battle against the British and the monsters they control. This may or may not rub you in the wrong way, however. Personally, I find it kind of hokey that you are fighting the British. Granted, it is within the context of the story they are trying to tell, I just find it sort of silly, since they’re not exactly the most evil antagonists ever constructed in a video game. There’s also the awkward placement of talking Furries (such as Lion-men) that add to the fantasy element of the game, but clashes with the apparent historical accuracy of the game.

Many of the story scenes are displayed through anime videos. The anime videos are high quality and have great production values. When compared to in-game moments, these cinemas make the story. They are interesting to watch and feel like an 80s cartoon, rather than a traditional anime you’d see on TV today. The videos will also be the only time you’ll hear voice acting. The lack of voice acting hurts the rest of the game, and effecting your immersion in the storyline.

Despite flaws in the story, the gameplay is solid. This is perhaps the most polished strategy game on the PSP. Jeanne D’Arc will be a pleasant game to moderate to casual strategy gamers, but gamers that play lots of strategy games may find less to be impressed with. However, as always, it depends on what you’re looking for. For those looking for a simpler strategy game, Jeanne D’Arc will be perfect; for someone who enjoys more options (read: lots of menus) and complexity in their strategy games, it will probably be underwhelming. Even so, almost any type of strategy gamer will be finding enjoyment at some level in this title since it’s so well designed.

The most unique element of the gameplay is the Transformations certain characters use to power-up. When a character attains a certain amount of Spirit Power (SP) charge they will be able to transform into a divine knight that has a great amount of power, at which point they’ll easily plow through your foes. Defeating an enemy when transformed allows you to take an extra turn. Theoretically, you could keep taking turns forever, as long as you are able to defeat an enemy during each turn. Characters will be transformed for a certain amount of turns, so you’ll have to plan accordingly. Also, you can only transform once per battle (per gem), so you’ll have to make sure you use that power strategically.

Besides all the normal aspects of a strategy game, Jeanne D’Arc has other quirks as well. Power-ups called Burning Auras will appear one square behind an enemy you strike with a non-ranged weapon. What this basically means, is if you gang up on one enemy, each character will be able to utilize the Burning Aura to inflict major pain on your enemy. Another is Unified Guard. Unified Guard is used automatically when you have more than one ally grouped near another ally, and ups the attacked ally’s defensive stats for that action. Supposedly Unified Guard is supposed to help you, but I have not found much of a difference between not having it used and having it used. Either way, you can’t turn it off. The number of units you can have on screen at one time ranges from 4 to 7 or so, depending on the situation. Enemies can appear up to 10 or so on screen at the same time, as well.

Equipment management is a simple process. Each character has their own class of armor or weapons that they can equip, and as long as you have enough money for them, you can buy it and equip them. Shields can be equipped to any character that doesn’t use a two-handed weapon. Skills can be equipped as long as a character has an empty slot for them. They can easily be switched out between battles, and you can have up to 8 slots for skills. If you equip skills in an effective way, you’ll be able to get yourself out of tight situations more often. Skill stones (the items which hold skills) require a character to be at a certain level before they can be equipped, however. Skill stones can be sold for money as well, which helps in buying other equipment you may need. Excess skill stones can also be combined to create new skill stones by “binding” them. Binding skill stones allows you to “create” skills using two skill stones, and once you’ve found the recipe to creating that skill, you’ll always know the outcome (if you’ve done it once already) of binding two skill stones.

The game looks about as good as a PS2 game should, which is quite a feat considering it’s on the PSP. The PSP’s screen allows for wide view of the battlefield, and the resolution helps in the presentation quality of the cel-shading. The audio is also top notch, but the lack of voice acting in anything except the anime movies is a disappointing omission, at least as far as I’m concerned.

With around 40 stages, you’ll probably sink quite a bit of time into this game –
you’ll get your money’s worth and then some. Most of the stages will be in unique areas, in addition to there being a few “free stages” for you to level up at during the course of the game.

Jeanne D’Arc is a great little strategy game. Although the real-world historical aspects of the game come out a little corny in the context of the game, it doesn’t stop it from being a solid strategy game experience that will satiate PSP strategy gamers. Jeanne D’Arc is a good PSP game to have if you’re trapped under the death grip of boredom, especially at the lower-than-usual price of $29.99.

Cheap Halloween Costumes

Fairly Cheap Costumes:

Tom Cruise – sunglasses, socks (no shoes), no pants or shorts, a dress shirt, and underwear

Chuck Norris – wear only pants, no socks or shoes, a bandana, and die your facial, chest, and back hair red

Ghandi – shave your head and wear a loin cloth toga

Tarzan – only wear loin cloth underwear or any underwear

 


Things you can say you are if someone asks and you aren’t dressed up:

“Myself”

“an Insomniac”

“a Necrophiliac”

“a trick or treater”

“a retired wrestler”

“a person with a bus pass”

“I wear shorts”

“I have candy”

“I’m a scary monster”

“I forgot my costume on my way to your house”

Or just run away before they can ask.

How To Make a Squackle Gang

Note: Don’t actually do this, please.

1. Get a bunch of your friends and people that would like to join your gang that you don’t hate, and drop out of school. Or go to school and make your school your gang’s territory.

2. Name your gang from this list, and choose a theme:
Name:

  • The Cazzys
  • Foo Foo Tinas
  • The Tutu Posse
  • Mean Clowns that Bark
  • The Crazy Kitties
  • The Counts of Monte Cristo
  • The Vampire Squad
  • The CraZys (notice the misspelling)
  • The Miss Pellers
  • The Hotties
  • The Coldies
  • The Assrammers
  • The Spider
  • Las Silla Locas (The Crazy Chairs)
  • The Guys that Follow You Home
  • The Second of Man
  • Summer Time
  • Waugh
  • The Super Marios
  • The Crown Jewels
  • The Homeless
  • We Breathe
  • Tarzan RULES
  • Metallicats
  • The Swat Katz
  • Allison Chains
  • The Bud Light Buddies
  • The Treks
  • The Reservation (only allowed to be a Native American-themed gang)

Theme:

  • Gay – everyone has man sex, no women allowed
  • Lesbian – everyone has hot steamy woman sex, no men allowed
  • Arrogant – everyone thinks they’re better than everyone else. If you get 2 of them in the same neighborhood, watch out!
  • Latino – everyone talks with a latino accent, and they listen to music made by WCW wrestlers who can’t get a job at the WWF/WWE.
  • Black – everyone talks in Ebonics, listens to rap, watches BET only (with the occasional dash of CNN, just to see what the white man is saying about the black man), and never visits Squackle
  • White – everyone is white, and sometimes includes albinos. Squackle is a recently visited web site, mostly among the Western Europeans. Usually does not include Eastern Europeans, unless they’re Americanized. Can be broken down into NRA (mostly Americans), Mafia (mostly Italians), and others.
  • Soviet – everyone is mainly Eastern European, Russian, or just can’t be considered black or purely white.
  • Arab – everyone listens to Arab music, and they usually kill everyone that doesn’t have heritage from a country that doesn’t have endless deserts, huge oil deposits, and blistering heat. (which is pretty much everywhere except Southern California)
  • Albino Black Guy – everyone is an albino or an albino black guy. You won’t see them out during the day.
  • Cheerleader – everyone is a hot cheerleader. Watch out for their sexy ass shakes and pom poms. They’ll fuck you then stab you in the back. Either way they fuck you, I guess. They usually only listen to the popular music at the time, and hate anything older than a month, including music they used to like.
  • Ugly Cheerleader – usually known as the Color Guard, these girls couldn’t get into the Cheerleading squad, so they had to go to the second level — Color Guard. Everyone is either ugly or moderately good looking. They listen to the popular music at the time, and usually don’t hate music they used to like. They say everything else just “isn’t their flavor.”
  • Suicidal Teenager – everyone is a suicidal teenager. Watch out for these suckers, cause when they snap…they kill themselves. They usually listen to intelligent music like Mozart, Beethoven, or Slayer
  • Agent Smith – everyone is Agent Smith. Wouldn’t actually be a reality, unless this were actually the Matrix and Agent Smith took over lots of people’s bodies and made his own gang for fun. Everyone would have the same hair cut and the same suit. They would all talk in unison or an echo-like type of speech, so it would be in a wave that you hear anything. Kind of weird. They’re a hive mind or whatever so they can do that kind of weird shit. If you don’t know who Agent Smith is, watch a Matrix movie.
  • The Military – a government regulated gang, where they’re gonna make you think Hell is an amusement park with the training they give you. The Military can do whatever they damn well please, because in a sense, they rule the country.
  • The Militia – a group of commonfolk from a certain town that get together on the weekends and shoot at trees and deer. They don’t really do anything that helpful, except waste trees and buy bullets from K-Mart.
  • Heavy Metal – this gang doesn’t do anything but sit on mattresses in a basement, listening to heavy metal from the 80s and 90s (possibly some from later years), and beat the shit out of anyone who thinks their music sucks. They usually have long hair or really short hair. Usually have tattoos, and most of them play an instrument like a guitar, bass, drums or an accordian. Some even play a triangle (those guys are bad mother fuckers)
  • Soccer Mom – these bitches never shut the fuck up. When they invade other territories, they bring their endless lines of minivans with soccer team after soccer team in each minivan. These soccer teams will beat the shit out of you if they believe they can get a Capri-Sun after doing so. Stupid manipulative soccer mom bitches.
  • Internet Geeks – these people never leave their chairs, and its amazing how most of them aren’t fat. Rather than being an “IRL” (also known as “In Real Life”) Gang, they are moreover an online-sort of gang, and hack into other people’s computers either for pleasure or to find porn because their parents put a Cyber Cop program on their computer so they can’t go to any porn sites, so they have to get it by hacking other people’s computers.
  • Demon – spawns of Hell or humans possessed by the Devil. These guys usually listen to Anti-Christ music and promote abortion, just so they can piss off the Anti-Abortionist Radical Christian Fucks.
  • Anti-Abortionist Radical Christian Fucks – these stupid fuckers bomb abortion clinics and would wish for nothing but having every teenager’s penis cut off, as well as everyone who has one that has sex more than 1 time and is unsuccessful at impregnation.
  • Trekkies – everyone is a Star Trek fan. These idiots can’t face reality, so they usually fight their gang fights with their photon laser weapons that haven’t been invented yet, so they have to make their own sound effects
  • Native American – a Native American gang whose motto is “we’re still here.”  They harp on about the “Native Era” when the Native Americans ruled all of America before the white man came and had sex with their antelopes.

3. Now that you have your gang name, you have to name you and your friends. Pick names from this list:

  • Foyf – short for Fart On Your Face
  • Spoyc – short for Spit Poop On Your Chair
  • Dip – short for Dingo In Propulsion
  • Dop – short for Donkeys on Parade
  • Boink – short for Big Orange Industrial Noogie Kaka
  • Fnb – short for Freaky Nugget Boy
  • Brig – short for Bunny Rump In Ginger
  • Gog – short for Goofy On Goo
  • Li,ne (pronounced Line) – short for Lick Iguanas, Naughty Elf
  • Cwafa – short for Crab With a French Accent
  • Yagoga – short for Yellow Antelopes Go Over Green Apples
  • Smit – short for Smelly Monkeys in Tents

4. Get some guns, bazookas, knives and boxes full of beanie babies, and gloves. You have to wear the gloves at all times, it covers your fingerprints. Recruit all the guys you can, to make your gang big, and a problem.

5. Now, go to any street not named Percy or Pansy. Hold that street like it was your home, because now it is!

6. For practice, stab the beanie babies you got in the boxes with your knives, shoot them with your guns, and beat them down with large, painful looking sticks.

7. Just in case cops come, take out the magazine of real bullets in your gun and put in a magazine of blanks and say, “You were only practicing your aim with blank bullets.” If the cop doesn’t believe you, start whacking the guy with those sticks that you got and use your fancy knifing work. Take his body out into an alley and dump him in a trash can. No one will find him until next trash day, and by then all the evidence will be shat on by cats (if you were stupid enough to leave any), so it won’t matter.

8. If any other gang tries to invade your territory, do what comes to mind…KILL’EM! And then after you kill them all, take over their territory, and then adopt all the dead gang member’s moms and dads, so they can give you pasta every Sunday.

9. Once a territory that you hold has been in your gang’s possession for a long time, make it a state. It is reccomended that you register this new mini-state with the U.S. Government, so that you’ll have exclusive rights over the acquired state, but they’ll probably just send the Army after you, then you’ll really be fucked. So, you probably shouldn’t do that.

10. Live, and make sure your fellow gang members do too.

How To Be a Squackle Hobo

1. Lose or get kicked out of your house, or don’t. Its more authentic and makes you look more believable that you are homeless. Make sure you have a few sets of your favorite run-down and smelly clothing with you to change into.

2. Get lots of cardboard and a pack of markers that are all black

3. Jog to your nearest freeway enterance or exit, highly populated area where there are lots of people willing to spend money, or right outside a McDonalds, with your supplies.

4. Write some stuff on the cardboard from this list:

  • Will work for smoothies
  • FART! Give me money!
  • A penny for my thoughts?
  • Can i go home with you?
  • Help! I can’t read or write!
  • Don’t you feel sorry for me?
  • MONEY!
  • Donations right here!
  • Oh no!!! BSB are coming to town! Give me money so I can get out of this cursed land!
  • Burp!
  • AOL got me here!
  • Just toss anything, that I can use at me, please!
  • Hell – why lie? I need a drink

5. Hold up your signs so people can see you and feel sorry for you and probably give you money or anything else they feel like giving you. WARNING: This may include a few gun shots in the leg, so have a first aid kit, and make a new sign saying “i was shot in the leg! help me! give me money!”

6. If another hobo is there, move to another location, it would just be mean if you were there too, taking his customers…unless he invites you to stay.

7. If possible, borrow or buy a dog or cat and have it with you at all times. People will feel sorry for you more if you have a pet.

8. Do not drink a Starbucks or have anything really expensive looking with you while you’re on the job, people will think you’re fine and not give you money, or think your fine and steal everything you got from you. You should get things from McDonalds only, Who wouldn’t feel sorry for you then?

11. In just a few decades, you’ll be rich! Keep waving those signs, you Squackle Hobos!

How to Make a DVD

davepoobond: I’ve been through a lot of shit, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do to make a DVD and how I can make a DVD full of movies that me and my friends have made. This is what I have to tell you through my experience

 


1. To have interactive menus, you should have a DVD authoring program, such as Sonic MyDVD, or Ulead MovieFactory. They convert your files into MPEG 2 for you, which is the format you must convert your movie files into, so you can burn it onto DVDs, so they play in most DVD players. Anyway, don’t encode your movies into mpeg 2 using those programs, because you’ll only be able to fit maybe 2 hours or less of footage on there (you won’t be able to change the quality of the video either). If you want 3 or more, then you should get a separate program that converts avi files to MPEG 2. I suggest that you get TMPGEnc Plus (for the encoding), which is a great program. I’ve
downloaded several others, and this is the only one that is free (for 30 days at least), works fast, and best of all has no watermark. You can get it at

www.tmpgenc.com

 

2. Once you get all your files into avi format, put them through TMPGenc, as according to this guide on www.dvdrhelp.com (which is an absolutely faaaaabulous website for anything DVD, VCD, or SVCD related. Its got an enormous amount of information for this kind of stuff)

 

http://www.dvdrhelp.com/tmpgencdvd.htm

 

but instead of having 1:1 VGA, I put 4:3 display. I don’t know if it makes a difference on the TV, but the 4:3 display makes the black bars smaller (as opposed to the 1:1 VGA). The only thing that it affects is when you view the mpeg 2 files themselves (not from the DVD), on the computer. If you’re
going to want to see your movies on your computer at all, you should make it 1:1 VGA then.

 

3. Once you get it all into MPEG 2, put it into your DVD authoring program, you’ll be able to pack a lot more movie time into it, as opposed to if you did it with just the DVD authoring program. I used the TMPGEnc DVD Author program (at the same link above). Also, all this information took me 2 months
to gather, because its hell trying to find a free AVI to MPG2 program without a watermark that you can use for an unlimited amount of video time. Most have a watermark or have it only for 1 minute or 5 minutes or something for maximum conversion time. It’s the goy.

 

How to Get “the Signature” of the Road

1. Get into a car, but have someone else drive it

2. hold a pencil to a piece of paper that is reinforced by something

3. As you go along let the pencil move as the road gets bumpy or whatever. You have to hold the pencil lightly enough that it’ll write but move when there are bumps or whatever

4. There. You have the signature of the road! Label it, and save it, or burn it…we don’t care.

Essay of Definition – Peace

Definition of peace is no violence and argument. Everybody would be appreciated if they had peace in their lives. But why can’t they enjoy a peaceful life? Violence and disruption between many nations and terrorists are the answer. Nations and terrorists seek power. When they seek power, they look up to weapons of mass destruction. In order to obtain peace, the world must get rid of threats and weapons of mass destruction.

Iraq was supposed to dispose and seize making weapons of mass destruction. Because of their act of continuous development of biological and nuclear weapons, the United States feared Iraq. President Bush wanted peace between every nation, but it seemed some countries like Iraq wanted to disturb many other nations’ peace. President Bush wanted to end any act of terrorism so he issued his army to assault Iraq. Surely using force may get rid of threats and weapons of mass destruction, UN (United Nation) tries to resolve this matter with negotiation. Negotiating with words is better than using force. Force just disturbs the surrounding environment. It involves lives and it takes away lives. Negotiating terminates the use of force. President’s decision of using force just to end threats is wrong. For it brings more uproar to middle east. If war should be fought, war must be fought against terrorists.

Oatmeal

Oatmeal is really pointless. When you eat oatmeal, you don’t actually EAT it. You just move around your teeth, pretending like you’re actually doing something with the oats, when you’re not, and just pretty much swallow it the way you put it in your mouth. There’s no point in chewing, had it not been for the way oatmeal sticks together. Oatmeal is dumb. You put sugar on it, but it really doesn’t do much good even then. Ooh, wow. A sugary taste. Wheee!