Tag Archives: women

Joke #9117

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.” With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.

The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only, one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only
one in this line?”

And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

Joke #9115

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard. As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it.

She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!”

Mildred turned to her and cried, “Holy crap! Who’s driving?”

The Manicle

Written in conjunction with stimpyismyname

Inside an “abandoned” wherehouse music store, lurks the evil evil man, Mr. Dr. Evil, that is not from Austin Powers because this is an entirely different story as you will see.

Well, here came along Miss Poodle back from pooing off the Statue of LIberty. She said, “Well, I am relieved now and the statue has a lovely new brown coat!”

And then Mr. Dr. Evil (that’s his full name), he…exposed…how he loathed all fat women named Miss Poodle, when he exclaimed, “How I loathe you fat women, named Miss Poodle!”

Miss Poodle was flabbergasted and said, “I’m flabbergasted,” she also added, “I have gas and my armpits are sweaty.”

Mr. Dr. Evil said, “Get out of my house, for I too have gas and together, we….um….yeah”

Miss Poodle got very interested. She raised a finger and as she did, the excitement was too much for her and she farted.

THE END…

nope

Mr. Dr. Evil realized then that he hadn’t gotten new shoes from Payless, and he ran away from his lab rather quickly, but being careful to not step on Miss Poodle, because, along with her large…um…thing…she was very attractive in a very strange way.

After getting his Land Before Time shoes, he was happy.

After Mr. Dr. Evil and Miss Poodle had a brief love affair, Mr. Dr. Evil decided that she was too big to handle…har har…and he would, have to giver her his Terribly Bad Bad Bad Evil Dangerously Bad Untested Big Bad Bottled Potion.

Oh no! Miss Poodle turned into The Manicle! The super cool fat lady that’s not really a lady comma but a man, and…and…and Mr. Dr. Evil is gay.

The Manicle is a guy with a spike on his….a real one, that can retract just like Wolverine’s but its on his head, not his hands.

The Manicle killed Mr. Dr. Evil because he’s gay and he doesn’t like gay people.

You may think its The End, but its not.

Kurt Cobain’s Magic Talking 8-Ball

Q: Kurt Will I ever Over-dose in the future?

A: No you’ll end up just like me

——-

Q: Kurt Will I ever get a girlfriend?

A: The future is fuzzy from the hangover

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Q: Kurt Will you ever come back?

A: No I like it in Hell

——-

Q: Kurt Is your wife HOT?

A: Now how am I SUPPOSE TO KNOW?

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Q: Kurt did you kill your self?

A: The chances are High, just like me

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Q: Kurt did you smoke weed a lot?

A: HAHAHAHAHA he said Weed HAHAHAHA

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Q: Kurt are you gay or what?

A: Hey it’s HARD to find a women in hell…

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Q: Kurt, Yes or No?

A: Or

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Q: Kurt do you have cocaine I can have?

A: Ask Tommorow (and bring cash)

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Q: Kurt can I marry your wife?

A: Hey kid: Nice Ass ::wink wink::

——-

Q: Kurt is it true your in an 8 ball?

A: Hey i chose to come in here, I just like being in balls…

——-

Q: Kurt, will I ever find a GOOD girlfriend?

A: You just found a new boyfriend

——-

Q: Kurt, do I look sexy or what?

A: I like every bone in your body, especially mine ((eww sick))

Q: Kurt do you miss your Nirvana band?

A: Yeah I haven’t done Stereroids in a while, wait what was the question?

Holmes’ Sayings for a Conversation

These are good to use if you want to spark up a conversation but don’t know what to say!

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1. “Hey, are you circumcised?”

2. “Nice shirt, I saw one exactly like that at the salvation army”

3. “Hey, would you like to start a sexual relationship?”

4. “You don’t know me but will you marry me?”

5. “You might not remember me but that’s because of all the booze you drank last night.”

6. “My friend told me you were nice and good in bed”

7. “So what do you think, Cheese Whiz or Cheese sticks?”

8. “Can I follow you home?”

9. “Hey, I’m doing a poll: Do you wear protection?”

10. “Can I come over to your house and eat one time?”

11. “Are you a lonely puristic loyal Caucasian women?”

12. “Do I have anything up my nose?”

13. “Can I touch your body or do you want to touch mine? Tell you what, we’ll flip a coin for it.”

14. “Have you ever herd of this thing called ‘The Internet'”?

15. “Hey, how much do you make every month?”

16. “Don’t look at me like that!”

17. “Hola, yo estoy hablar en un lingua romantica.”

18. “Stop touching me in my private areas!”

19. “I’m related to Bill Gates.”

20. “So you look more beautiful up close then from the treetop near your bathroom.”

woman

woman – n. a stupid piece of shit that’s only good for sex, and some aren’t even good for that

;} a lying, evil creature with no brain or soul, created in Hell to make men suffer

;} somebody that will lie to you, break your heart, and ruin the way you think about all other women

;} God’s first mistake

;} something God made to be a sex toy for men, since God didn’t give women any brains

;} women are not only stupid, they’re liars too.

Ex. Sharon Turner is a woman.