Joke #24865

A man took his six-year-old son to his first football game.  Afterward, he asked the boy what he thought of the game.

“It was exciting,” he replied.  “But I don’t understand why they were killing each other for twenty-five cents.”

“What do you mean?” the dad asked.

“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!'”

 

Tackle Frisbee

Materials: Frisbee, Ocarina, Texan, Atheist

Number of Players: Five to twelve players, plus one to be the ‘Coach’

Boundaries: A Small Field

What You Do:

Before you play, set up the cheerleaders. Take the Texan and make him play the Ocarnia. Take the Atheist and make him sing Everybody Dance Now.

This game works like football. Have one player, The ‘Coach’, throw the frisbee, and the others have to try and grab the frisbee and take it to The Touchdown. The touchdown is in between the Texan and the Atheist.

After someone scores, have the ‘Coach’ writes down there score on a sheet of paper.  The game ends when someone scores 15 touchdowns, and the winner gets a cookie!

NOTE: Unless you are playing with really Heavy people who will squish you, no safety equipment is allowed.

 

Am I an Introvert or an Extrovert?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?  Answer the next 10 questions, and tally up your results at the end to see your fate.

I would find it more fun to:

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The sports I like best are (mark the answer that includes the most sports you like):

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If I knew the answer to a question my teacher asked and no one else seemed to, I would:

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In the last year I have made:

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The people I admire most are:

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I would rather:

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I would dislike most:

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When I am asked questions that I know the answers to, I:

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In group activities I am:

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If my class were divided into two groups, with half the class the most outgoing kids and the other half the least outgoing, which would I be in?

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Total up how many of each Introvert and Extrovert answers you’ve selected.

If you’ve chosen more answers that are marked as Introvert, then you’re a loner.  Get some friends.  Or play volleyball.

If you selected more answers that are marked as Extrovert, then you’re an asshole.  You might want to keep yourself a little contained, you try-hard.

If you chose more of the third answer in this quiz, then you are either extremely lame or really really crazy.

 

Contest

This is a gigantic contest in which you already may be a wood.  Anyone, and we mean anyone, can enter this sexy contest.  Just follow these sexy rules.  Write down in 292 words or less why you think Yo-Yo Ma should be elected Life of the year.  remember he/she does not know that you think so rusty of him.

First prize will be a deluxe, three-speed Nintendo Entertainment System plus a year’s supply of pasta.  Second prize is a twenty-one foot castle. Third prize is a full-color garlic bread plus a set of justice.  Each entry must be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed Aerosmith.  Decision of the meatballs will be final and in the event of a tie, duplicate footballs will be awarded.

 

School Absence Excuses

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected from schools all over the country.

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ( )’s were crossed out].

12. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wears.

16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

22. Please excuse little jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father id gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.