Tag Archives: Jewish

Joke #21950

There are three guys going hiking together: a black guy, a white guy, and a Jewish guy. They are all friends.

They all go hiking through the forest and through the meadow.  One of them steps on a bee’s nest, and the bee’s starting swarming them and start stinging the shit out of them and they all yell “ouch, shit” and they all flee through the meadow to get away from their nest.

They are soon catching their breath.

The white guy says “Ow, man I must got stung at least a dozen times!”

The black guy says “Aw that ain’t shit a got stung at least 30 times.”

The Jewish guys says “Fuck you guys I got stung 6 million times!”

WoW Chat #21628: davepoobond -> Xonthebeach

Xonthebeach was spamming in trade to whisper “Zathwiker” for free gold.

davepoobond: can i have gold

davepoobond: can i have gold

Xonthebeach: pst zathwiker

davepoobond: who is that

Xonthebeach: hes giving gold

davepoobond: cant you just give me gold

Xonthebeach: no

Xonthebeach: wish i could tho man 🙁

davepoobond: why not

Xonthebeach: gotta support the family

Xonthebeach: hard times.

davepoobond: how do you get a family

Xonthebeach: well

Xonthebeach: are u sitting down?

Xonthebeach: its a long story

davepoobond: ok i have all day

Xonthebeach: k

Xonthebeach: well, it started back in 1096

Xonthebeach: 1986*

Xonthebeach: i was born

Xonthebeach: i was conceived by Chilo

davepoobond: is that before or after Tom and Huck?

Xonthebeach: he’s in your guild

Xonthebeach: probably after

Xonthebeach: Chilo should know

Xonthebeach: hes my biological father

davepoobond: go on

Xonthebeach: anyways

Xonthebeach: Chilo was a great father

Xonthebeach: but then i grew up

davepoobond: like jesus?

Xonthebeach: and met a female

Xonthebeach: better than Jesus

davepoobond: female jesus?

Xonthebeach: we fell in love, and startd a family

Xonthebeach: i was a blue collar worker

davepoobond: with jesus?

Xonthebeach: then the recession hit

davepoobond: is that before or after postmodernism?

Xonthebeach: after

Xonthebeach: this is during the time of the hipsters

Xonthebeach: anyways

Xonthebeach: recession hit, and raid boss werent getting killed, so my funds went low “(

Xonthebeach: so theres my shitty story.

davepoobond: but can i have gold?

Xonthebeach: im sorry, i cant spare a copper

Xonthebeach: see im also a Jew/

davepoobond: why

Xonthebeach: i have the nose

davepoobond: you know what they say right

davepoobond: the nose knows

Xonthebeach: lul

Xonthebeach: haha that shit made me laugh

Xonthebeach: can we be friends?

davepoobond: sure

Xonthebeach: im also drunk atm

Xonthebeach: tell chilo i said hi 🙂

Xonthebeach: he was my old GM

Xonthebeach: on our old server

davepoobond: will do

Joke #18729

A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home.

That December, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard.

One boy said, “We’re Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass.”

“Were Jewish,” said another child. “And we’re going to have a Hanukkah celebration.”

Madison chimed in, “We’re Texans, and were going to have a barbecue.”

Joke #18499

It was a small town and the Catholic Priest, the Protestant Minister and the Jewish Rabbi were very good friends. Of course, there was a lot of kidding and joking between them all year long.

To their surprise one year, the Priest and the Minister received a Christmas card from the Rabbi. It read:

Roses are reddish,

Violets are bluish,

When the Messiah really comes,

You’ll wish you were Jewish.

Joke #18430

A New York judge is ready to go through the day’s business and he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.

The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk: “Quick…get me a translator.”

Translator shows up and the judge says: “Ask him what his name is, how old is he and where does he come from?”

The translator says: “Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?”

The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect English with a British accent: “Your Honour. My name is Sir Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be 82 next Thursday and I’ve come from England where I hold the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at Oxford University.”

The translator turns to the judge and says: “Ehr zukt, ehr is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt, und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun Oxford.”