A Sunday School teacher asked her class, “Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?”
A small girl replied, “Aren’t those the sins we should have committed, but didn’t?”
Tag Archives: teacher
Joke #9235: Dog Spotted on Truck
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
Then a third child brought the argument to a close…
“They use the dog,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
Joke #9219
A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to.
“I’m worried. I don’t know who my son can hang out with. He doesn’t have the kind of money all the other students have.”
The dean replied, “He can hang out with the faculty.”
Dream #9064
I had this dream today in the morning:
I was in a white room with a table, and like 5 other people were my “friends.” and we were like talking/waiting for something. there were windows, but it was just bright light. and the table was right next to a door, and some old ass lady comes out and introduces herself. she looks like a gym class teacher, but really old and haggy. and she like shakes our hands. i was sitting on the table, and i see the friend that was sitting down next to me go to shake her hand with the wrong hand and end up just petting her hand instead. and then i laugh at him for being a retard, but then he just looks at me like “why did you do that, i did that for a reason” and then i notice there’s like two huge rings on the old lady’s hand. and the old lady just keeps smiling.
I guess the only thing that could have been happening was that the 5 of us were there to infiltrate somethin and get somethin and we were just acting a part
Why Doctors Are Called Quacks
“Doc” “Shrink” “Quack?” Why are doctors called quacks? My Doctor told me to take a bath in Oatmeal when I told him I had itchy skin. Now tell me, how is a doctor NOT a quack? I had a Math Teacher who couldn’t speak clearly and couldn’t teach (in fact he got fired from the excessive complaints). He wasn’t Mr. Jamin*…he was Dr. JAMIN*. Doctors are all around us. I mean look at the silly quotes they make up: “An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor away.” Hell if that were true I’d eat more apples then Washington State ever had! I mean if you ever watch any commercials about medicine you’ll hear: ” 9 out of 10 doctors agree that so-and-so medicine works.” It seems to me that quacks can never make up there mind! It’s always 7 out of 10 or 18 out of 20, but never 20 out of 20! I bet the medicine companies had to bribe doctors to agree with each other, let alone actually support the medicine. Bottom line is: DOCTOR’S ARE QUACKS!
*His name was changed to keep him private and to hide his true stupidity to the outside world.
What Teachers Think About Those “Stupid Clicky Eraser Thingys!”
This portrays what a teacher thinks about when they hear a Clicky Eraser.
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“Aaargh those stupid clicky erasers! stop it! stop using them! Nooooo! click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click! AAAHHH! Its driving me CRAZY! I’m gonna kill that kid! I’m gonna kill the manufactures! I’m gonna kill everyone who has one of them! …good, it stopped! click-click-click-click. AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Ok, get a hold of yourself! umm…sing Lamchop’s play along song! Yeah! That’s it! Its a never-ending song! This is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends. click-click-click-click. This is the click that never ends, it goes on and on my friends! (the fuck?) We just started clicking, not knowing what it was, but that’s because because it is the click that never ends!”
Just about then, this teacher, which will remain anonymous, strangled someone, was sued, and is now piss poor. Too bad, just because of a clicky eraser, this honors physics college professor lost everything he had. The only defense he had during trial was “that stupid clicky eraser!”
USA: Why Teachers Are Paid So Little
It pisses me off when teachers complain about how they’re not paid that much. When you look at it in the total picture, they only REALLY work for 6 hours a day. 6 fucking hours! That’s almost nothing compared to what others do, which is 8-10 hours. They’re not running their own business, they chose their career to get low-paid positions as teachers at public schools, and they’re complaining about how much money they get. I don’t care about their money woes. They really don’t even work for 6 hours! There’s lunch breaks and passing periods that add up to about an hour in them just sitting around except when they say a student can come in during lunch. Suspiciously they don’t allow a student to come into class during lunch EVERY day…
If you work less, you get paid less. Its common sense. They get about 2 months of vacation a year, a dream to many other people, while those dreaming people still have to wok during that time. Teachers (that chose to) work for about 3-4 hours that other month of summer vacation, and then get the rest of the day off. That’s why they don’t get that much money. They would need probably $50 an hour to get the same annual income as someone who goes to work EVERYDAY except holidays and weekends working 8+ hours. And that’s another thing, the teachers get 2 weeks off for Christmas, 2 weeks off for Thanksgiving, a spring break, not to mention the summer vacation as well, and the other holidays which add up to about another week’s worth. It seems like there’s only a few months for them to actually work. And all these “teacher grading days” or “buy back days” or “days off to grade tests” or “days off to put grades for report cards in the books” and all that crap, its bull shit, I tell you. Big stinky bull shit!
Most teachers probably became teachers because they felt that they could never leave school and explore different fields of LIFE!
Quit complaining, you fucks. In the end, its all for the kids that will make more money working at McDonalds than you working at school. Isn’t it? No, not even then, cause there’s all these accounts of teachers raping, molesting, and kidnapping kids cause they can’t get any sex or kids or something otherwise. There’s 40 year old teachers with no spouses, probably because of the fact they’re teachers, and bastards/bitches as well. The teacher is a dirty job, worse than drug dealers. But that’s a different theory.
Now if a teacher is reading this and they say “hey we work for more than 6 hours a day,” well this is what I say to you: you don’t have to. You’re only paid to stay at your job until a certain time, and what you chose to do afterwards is your own decision. You can sit and grade papers for 500 hours for all I care, but you do it at your leisure. No one gets 3 months to make a presentation for work or something like that, while they sit at home and do it at the times they want to. But for the teachers, no one is forcing them to give back any tests or essays or homework. They could just say that everyone did it and never pass those things back, and make up some excuse like “I lost them.” That’s not fair to the students who put hard work into it, sacrificing their time at which they could be living life as a teenager, which they don’t have too many years of, to do some bullshit assignment or study for some bullshit test that never gets passed back.
Stoopid Komiks – Episode 2
Hillman The Marvelous
Scary Baby Retard
In the Year 2069, there was a young boy named Wilson.
Wilson was mentaly retarded, and he was a 9 year old trapped inside a 8 month old girl’s body. He often stutterd when he talked, and stumbled over cordless phones for his enjoyment. He had a very unusual temper.
What he does when his temper is temped is… You know what? How about I tell you a story about him, and maybe your heart will be touched by this bisexual scary baby….
One afternoon wilson was at school in his classroom. The teacher was not there,
And his teacher put HIM in charge. He was holding his crayon backwards and poking himself interproprietly on top op the teacher’s desk… naked. His friend Mark put in a CD, and turned up the volume. He jumped ontop of his desk and did the macceréna dressed up in a Cheetah thong, and then the song started… It was ‘Modanna’-I toch myself. Every child was watching Wilson and Mark do their thing, they did a cheer and it went like this:
BANG! BANG!
CHOO-CHOO TRAIN,
C ‘MON WILSON LETS SEE YOUR THANG!
Mark was a jelous little girl.. so she pushed Wilson off of the desk and threw an apple at his vapenis/pigina. Wilson screamed out the words “VERONICAAAAAA!” and he got up and his eyes glowed red. he took beer out of his back pack and drank it. He told him he is a ‘Drunken Master’ and he will do ‘Drunken Monkey’ on him. (for those of you who don’t know… Jackie Chan has a movie called ‘The Legend of Drunken Master’) So then they decided to fight ontop of the school roof and it was the talk of the school… The next day after school, Wilson dressed up in a Rainbow Robe with a Purple Towel Turbin. Un like Mark…. She was naked with a 2 foot bamboo stick connected to her penis. they faught and faught for hours. Wilson tripped over his third foot and fell off the roof. He got up and said “VERONICAAAAAA!” Finaly the princible asked why he said Veronica and didnt get up and fight. Wilson said, “Because.” the princible said, “Because why?” Wilson said, “Because I am having P.M.S, and whenever I get hurt I always say VERONICA!!!!” the princible asked, “Would u like some chocolate?”
Wilson got cunfuzzed and did the macceréna and blew up.
THE END
Billy Bob
Moo, Pennsylvania, probably the smallest town in America should go down in history. It has a population of twelve people, 436 chickens, 115 pigs, and an old dog that ironically has the name Puppy. The town consists of four houses, a one room school house that has four students, a gas station, and of course a KFC. Now in this town people have the choice of three careers–a gas station attendant, a teacher who teaches every grade, or a farmer.
Now in this town lives a man named Billy Bob. Fat, ugly and stupid, nobody likes Billy Bob. Due to his lack of social skills, Billy Bob has worn the same shirt and jeans for two years. For some odd reason, he smells like shoe polish. He’s very clumsy and almost always doing something wrong. In a town with a population of twelve people it’s easy for people to get on each other’s nerves. People were considering throwing him out of town.
One day while Billy Bob was working in the cornfields, he tripped over a bag and fell in some cow poop. He began to swear and punch at nothing, when he decided to take a look in the bag. In it was one million dollars in hundred dollar bills. Billy Bob immediately decided what he wanted to do with it. First, he wanted to buy a bunch of chicken wings, second, he wanted to buy a boat (this should show you what kind of an idiot he was, seeing as there was no water within 150 miles, and he had no car), and, third, he wanted to buy some gum.
He immediately went to the KFC and ordered 200 buckets of chicken wings. The waitress asked if he could pay for it and he showed her the bag. He began to eat his chicken wings. After he was pleasantly full, he walked outside and tripped over a pig. He hit his head on a nearby truck and broke his neck and died.
The waitress, noticing he had left his bag in the KFC, walked outside after him with the bag of money. The Mafia all of a sudden gunned her down, and they took the money. The Mafia then shot at the gas station to blow the town up. Their plan, however, backfired. Not only did they blow up the town, but themselves as well. The money hasn’t been seen since.
The moral of the story is don’t fire a gun when your right next to a gas station after killing a waitress who has a million dollars in her hand because a man named Billy Bob had stupidly forgotten it in a KFC. If you do this, you will die.
The Janitor’s Great Adventure
The first time I saw the lady, I knew my life was over. But why start the story at the end? Let’s start from the beginning…
It was Saint Patrick’s Day, and everyone was drunk. That’s when I was made. Ain’t it grand? Anyway, I got born. Momma said I’d be a good janitor. Dadda said that I’d make a good towel rack. So I did what I thought I should do for a career. Be a janitor. Momma always liked it when I helped her work at home. She was a homework maker. The type of person that makes homework worksheets for schools and lazy teachers to use when they didn’t want to make their own.
Annnnnyyywayyy….my parents named me when I was old enough to go to college, even though I would never go to college. They named me after their favorite restaurant. Burger King. Burger King was a strong, forceful name, Dadda said. Dadda never married Momma. That meant Dadda could go out and hump the grass whenever he wanted. Dadda and Momma wanted to get married, but unfortunately, they were waiting for me to make income before they could use my money to get married, and give 5 dollars to all the dancers that would come. They were planning a grand marriage. One that would never come, because a freak accident happened to them. An invisible man came over and chopped their heads off, while they were getting stoned.
Poor unfortunate parents…
ANYWAY. I got hired at a school, and was treated with respect, people were so nice to me, saying hi to me then walking away laughing. I’m glad I made them happy. I think it was my smell that did it.
One day, I heard a rumor from one of the loser kids I became friends with, and sometimes buy alcohol for so he can give to other people, that a teacher was all high on heroin, and was raped 56 times up the ass. Of course it was a rumor, it wasn’t true…
Or was it?
I will never forget that day…February 31, 2009. You may say “hey wait a minute, February doesn’t have 31 days!” Well, I say to you “WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!!” In the year 2009, the inhabitants of Bahrain got pissed off that February only had 28 days, and 29 days for some years, that they made a proposition at the United Nations to change that. Europe was in an outrage, and so was the Americas. But, China and India got behind Bahrain. The world made war on itself over the issue. Eventually a smart man said, “lets jus thave 31 days in February.” And everyone said, “ok” and stopped fighting. Treaties were signed, movies were made, history book writers were bored, and everyone went back to their boring old jobs.
Besides the fact that only a puppy lost his life from natural causes during the war, it was about time that…um…whatever…
Anyway, that teacher I told you about? 9 months after I heard that rumor, I saw her wobbling down the hallway, all fat and shit, and she shoulda been teaching her damn fangled Social Studies class. That bitch. She was screaming something about her water breaking to me, but I looked at the drinking fountain and it looked fine to me. Then she shook me by the collar screaming, “take me to the hospital, you assholeeeeee!!!”
I never been to a hospital, so I grabbed her, and got into my janitor car thingy, and shoved her in it too, driving down the main road in town, hoping to find the thing she was talking about.
I saw a big blue sign. Momma said that hospitals have big blue signs so I assumed it was the hospital, so I drove through the windows but when I crashed through it, everyone was sitting down at tables…eating pancakes…since when did hospitals have pancakes? But…I was wrong. Dead wrong.
The teacher was pissing all over the place, tossing baby poop, baby pee and babies all around the place,and people got pissed off and threw up, and tossed their pancakes at the waiters. Of course the waiters were getting mad, so the waiters charged the customers more money. We were smack dab in the middle of an IHOP. Don’t blame me, I’m just a janitor…
The End.
Hannah Is a Palindrome
This is a story I read a long time ago, and it is mad stupid. I don’t remember the details, but they really aren’t important….trust me. This is my retelling of that old story.
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Hannah is this stupid girl that is sitting in her class one day. She always wanted to clap the erasers when they were dirty, but the teacher never called on her to do it, always someone else in class, especially the same person over and over. One day, the teacher taught them a new grammar thingy called a “palindrome.” The teacher pointed out Hannah and said, “Hannah is a palindrome, but I won’t tell you what a palindrome is until after recess, because I’m a bitch. So figure it out.”
Hannah didn’t like the fact the teacher pointed her out, and out on the playground, all the kids teased her, chanting, “Hannah is a palindrome, Hannah is a palindrome.” Hannah didn’t know what to say, because she didn’t know what a palindrome was. She got mad at the teacher for calling her a palindrome. How could she do such a thing? She never even let Hannah clap the chalkboard erasers, for crying out loud! WHAT A STUPID BITCH! SHE SHOULD BE SHOT! GOD DAMMIT!
After recess, all the way back to the room, the kids teased her, still chanting. When they got back in the room, the teacher explained what a palindrome was. It was a word that could be spelled backwards the same way forwards. The teacher told the kids they shouldn’t have teased Hannah for having a name that could be spelled backwards the same as forwards. Now the kids all felt like dumbasses. Then the teacher showed it to them on the board, doing it regularly, and backwards, erased it, then asked Hannah to clap the erasers by the window. Hannah did, and she enjoyed it.
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good job, Hannah, I hope you enjoyed clapping those erasers and smelled that chalk dust. I hope you had fun, too, ya loser!
Joke #5355
GOOD: The teacher likes your son.
BAD: Sexually.
WORSE: He’s gay.
Joke #5261: Little Mary
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school; usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?”
When Mary did not stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty!” shouted Mary and the teacher said, “Very good.” and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, “Who is our Lord and Savior,” but, Mary did not even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”
The Teacher fainted.