Walter: Did you know that boys are smarter than girls?
Alison: No. I never knew that.
Walter: See what I mean?
Tag Archives: girl
alladode
alladode – v. to frequently find fresh flowers for a girl named Franny
Joke #11165
Q: What do you call it when guys with bad breath are out looking for girls?
A: Scoping.
Joke #10986
Q: What condition describes a young lady throwing up?
A: Girl hurl.
cityof
cityof – n. a girl that has a gay boyfriend
Bad Submission #8618
name: uthma lester
email: uthmalester@hotmail.com
use email: yes
type: funny
submission: girls suck….
they ALL suck
Who is your dream girl?
Loading ...Scary Baby Retard
In the Year 2069, there was a young boy named Wilson.
Wilson was mentaly retarded, and he was a 9 year old trapped inside a 8 month old girl’s body. He often stutterd when he talked, and stumbled over cordless phones for his enjoyment. He had a very unusual temper.
What he does when his temper is temped is… You know what? How about I tell you a story about him, and maybe your heart will be touched by this bisexual scary baby….
One afternoon wilson was at school in his classroom. The teacher was not there,
And his teacher put HIM in charge. He was holding his crayon backwards and poking himself interproprietly on top op the teacher’s desk… naked. His friend Mark put in a CD, and turned up the volume. He jumped ontop of his desk and did the macceréna dressed up in a Cheetah thong, and then the song started… It was ‘Modanna’-I toch myself. Every child was watching Wilson and Mark do their thing, they did a cheer and it went like this:
BANG! BANG!
CHOO-CHOO TRAIN,
C ‘MON WILSON LETS SEE YOUR THANG!
Mark was a jelous little girl.. so she pushed Wilson off of the desk and threw an apple at his vapenis/pigina. Wilson screamed out the words “VERONICAAAAAA!” and he got up and his eyes glowed red. he took beer out of his back pack and drank it. He told him he is a ‘Drunken Master’ and he will do ‘Drunken Monkey’ on him. (for those of you who don’t know… Jackie Chan has a movie called ‘The Legend of Drunken Master’) So then they decided to fight ontop of the school roof and it was the talk of the school… The next day after school, Wilson dressed up in a Rainbow Robe with a Purple Towel Turbin. Un like Mark…. She was naked with a 2 foot bamboo stick connected to her penis. they faught and faught for hours. Wilson tripped over his third foot and fell off the roof. He got up and said “VERONICAAAAAA!” Finaly the princible asked why he said Veronica and didnt get up and fight. Wilson said, “Because.” the princible said, “Because why?” Wilson said, “Because I am having P.M.S, and whenever I get hurt I always say VERONICA!!!!” the princible asked, “Would u like some chocolate?”
Wilson got cunfuzzed and did the macceréna and blew up.
THE END
Attack of the Communist Sideburns
Hey all you silly bastards!
Guess what?
Yep, you guessed it, it’s story time!!
Whoopee!!!!!!!!!!
Today’s installment is a sort of auto-biography (that means it’s about me, ya dumbass). But I’m going to write in the third person, ’cause I can, so eat that!
It’s about a large valley girl that likes MTV (Motivational Therapy for Virgins) and has a wee wee instead of a yum yum. You heard me! A wee wee!
“Aww crap, do I really have to,” said roblestheclown
“YES! I AM DAVEPOOBOND! YOU CANNOT DISOBEY ME, FOR I HAVE JELLO IN MY EAR!” replied the very drunk Aussie, davepoobond.
“OK, OK, just make sure you pay me in monopoly money this time, cause last time…IT WAS FRIGGEN REAL! I HATE REAL MONEY, CAUSE EVERY BILL HAS A BIG STUPID PICTURE OF A DEAD GUY! THEY JUST PISS ME OFF DAVE!”
“……….Fine, but this story HAS to involve flying curtains that snore!”
Anyway, back to the funny stuff.
——————————————————
Attack of the Communist Sideburns
One day, as Eddie (my nickname that I made up for myself because I have no friends) was walking down the street towards the zoo, he saw something scary, something very, very scary. A vase. Now you might say, if you were actually reading this, “Hey Eddie, vases arn’t scary. You must be stupid!” Well, this vase was no ordinary vase: it had a picture of Saddam Husein wearing a pretty pink tutu doing a pirouette while balancing on a 2 pound slab of veil(you know, baby cows). Now, tell me thats not scary and ill beat your grandma…thats more like it.
“AH!” exclaimed Eddie, after he saw Saddam wink at him from the vase. “HEY! Don’t scream at my vase, it’s very sensitive!”
“Oh, sorry old man Herpes, but it winked at me.”
“…mmmmmm…i have eight watches…none of them arefake.”
“Oh,…..good….for….you…Yea, I gotta go, you know, MTV!” Eddie replied happily.
“Damn virgins” mumbled Herpes.
So, instead of going to the zoo to laugh at all the old people that fall into the crocodile pits, Eddie went to his hourly MTV session. MTV is what Eddie lives for. Literally. Every hour he has to go to the doctor inside the MTV place for tequilla shots, with a needle, not a shot glass, or else he will implode. Once he gets his shots, he goes to his MTV class, quite convenient if you ask me, a two-fer so to speak.
In these MTV classes, Eddie learns about why being a virgin has its ups and downs. The downs: you havent had sex yet, people make fun of you, you suck. The ups:…uhh…well…there aren’t really any ups, they just say that to make it cool, ups and downs. Beacause if it just said downs, then no one would want to be a virgin. After that, they go around in a circle, explaining how smoking crack only makes you a crack whore, and no one likes them. Well, maybe crack pimps, but this story is not about them.
But the main reason Eddie watches MTV is for Tom Green, Andy Dick, Jackass, and…oh, wait, wrong MTV. Sorry about that. The main reason Eddie goes to MTV is because they serve virgin margaritas with those cool little umbrellas and a side order of ketchup, which also comes with an umbrella.
After a session one day, Friday, February 13, 1999 to be exact, Eddie spontaneously said, “I like to eat marijuana brownies through my ass!” Most of the virgins in there gasped, then thought about it, nodded their heads, and applauded. All of them in fact, except Gary the Constipated Virgin. She thought it was very cruel to make fun of her being constipated. Even though Eddie didn’t directly make the joke about her, she was very sure he was talking about her, beacuase she’s constipated, and stupid.
So, when Eddie left, after he excitedly stated, “I have a wee wee instead of a yum yum!! AHAHAHAHA!!!”, Gary followed him home, saw which room he slept in, and threw a brick into his window, smacking him in the head, and making him fall, unconcious, with no hair.
Eddie woke up 10 seconds later somewhere in the vicinity of Nebraska, with hair again. To make matters worse, his pants had been replaced with a neon sign stapled to him, saying “I hate you.” He had only one choice: walk. Walk where, he didn’t know, but there was a giant sea tortoise that went by him and told Eddie to walk, or it would pee on him. So he walked. And walked. And walked, and walked, and walked. And every time he walked through a city, at least one person in every city would throw a bucket of water on him, electrocuting him. It also lowered his sperm count but thats not our problem.
“Wash my couch!”
“What?!” queried Eddie.
“I said, wash my couch! ya dumbass” said Harold theRocketship.
“NO!” Eddie said.
“Damn virgins,” murmured Harold.
“…FUCK AUTHORITY!…oh shit, sorry, I was just gettin into my music, but damn this backstreet boys CD rules!”
“Sir?”
“Yes?”
“I’m the Squackle censor, and you have violated the rules that you agreed to.”
“What? Squackle doesn’t have any censors. Look, FUCK, SHIT, ASSHOLE, DICKFACE, STUPID COCK-PUMPER, GAY ARABIAN CAMEL RAPIST THAT LOVES TO EAT HAIR AND SKIN WHILE SNIFFING SQUIRREL PISS! See, no bleeps, well, except that one.”
“Sir, we dont bleep, we enforce fucked up words, and you have yet to say the following: soul train, Marilyn Manson, bong toker, smelly back disease, and beef. Since you have not complied with these terms, you will die.”
“Oh, OK…wha wha, wait…that’s illegal isn’t it?”
“No, not here. You see, here at Squackle, we can do anything we want. We say what we want, we tell people whatever we want, and we kill whoever we want, without any repercussions.”
“But, how the hell did you guys get such a good deal?!”
“Well, two words: Dave’s high. And since dave is high, the government doesn’t like dealing with him, because they think Squackle is ‘A site full of crap and we don’t want to look through all that crap for illegal things’, also…Dave’s high.”
“Oh, oh yeah! Well, bye!”
“Bye!”
Eddie finally made it to a city that looked like it sold pants, so he looked around, and found a store, called “Pants and Pink Pudding.” Eddie liked pink pudding, so he went in and bought a smiley face sticker, stuck it on his face and went back home.
Once back home, Eddie went door-to-door, telling eveyone, individually, about his adventure. But, after the thrid person, he was punched by a mysterious man that just happened to be the man he was talking to. When he woke up in the hospital, all he could say was, “Like, wut-everrrrrrrrrr!” ::does the wutever w with hands::
THE END!
Oh yea, I knew this girl once, and one time she brought to show-
and-tell her flying cutains that snore. They were AWESOME!!!!!!
THE END…FOR REALZ, YO!
Those Crazy Americans
Buzz blared Elizabeth’s alarm. Elizabeth awoke and opened the blinds. The bright, gold, British sun shined through the window stinging her eyes like a blind man’s first site. She got out of bed and walked over to her computer. As she checked her E-mail she saw a message. It was from the Burns family in New York, New York. They invited her to come as an aupair to America.
Elizabeth ran to tell her parents the good news. It wasn’t long before the fourteen year old girl worked out all the details. Soon enough she was about to board her plain. Elizabeth felt a nervous feeling in her stomach. She had not yet seen any of the Burns family so you could understand her fear. Little did Elizabeth know that she would just now be exposed to insanity!
As Elizabeth stepped into the plane she saw an old man sitting across from her row on the right side of the plain. He looked to be in his fifties drinking a glass of orange juice. Elizabeth sat between to old men. One was senile and the other nearly deaf. Elizabeth thought to herself that this was going to be an interesting flight. As she fastened her seatbelt she was exposed to the pure maddness.
“Hello Young Lady, what is your name,” asked the senile looking old man. “I’m Bert but you can call me honey pie.”
“I’m Elizabeth.” “And sir what’s your name,” she asked looking at the second old man.”
“Notre Dame, a heck of a football team.”
“No!” Exclaimed Elizabeth. “Your name!” “What is your name.”
“They are certainly not lame!”
“Your name,” Elizabeth stated very slowly.
“Oh my name.” “Why didn’t you ask me sooner?” “I’m Jack.”
“And I’m Barry, Mrs. Beautiful,” said the first man.”
Barry reaches under his seat and pull out the small cup from a Children’s Tylenol bottle. Then he reaches under again and pulls out a carton of Orange Juice. He sips out of the carton. The stuardest comes and gives the man another carton. She then offers everyone a bag of peanuts. When she first comes to Elizabeth’s row she talks to Jack first.
“Here are your nuts, sir.”
“I’m not nuts!” I may not be one of them young fellers, but I’m still hip.”
“Let me tell you a story nut lady.”
“Where’s my passport to fun?” Interrupted Bert. “You can’t have the ice cream, Jill.” “Let’s dance.” I can’t afford that, refuse a chicken to my wife.”
“Huh,” Jack stated.
“Get me another carton of Orange Juice, I’m going for the record.”
Elizabeth got up and stayed in the bathroom for the next eight hours. She came out when the plane landed. Elizabeth came out of the plain and into New York City. She saw a family. There was an old lady in a wheel chair, a small man standing next to a big woman in overalls and a yellow shirt, a kid who looks about twelve wearing braces head gear, and a small Japanese woman.
“Welcome to the family,” exclaimed the woman! “This is Grandma Burns.” “This is my husband Chris.” “This little bundle of metallic joy is my son Nicholas.” ” And this is our Japanese aupair Ms. Woo.” “You can call me Momma!”
Elizabeth took her bags with her and everyone loaded into the Burn’s old Station Wagon. Momma started the engine and drove off. Bang! Boom, roared the engine as hordes of dust blasted out of the tail pipe like a sandstorm.
Everyone drove down to a local resturant. Ala’s BBQ “The Best Food in Ala New York.” Everyone sat down to eat. After they gave their orders they started up a conversation.
“Hey there Nicky,” stated Ms. Woo.
“Don’t call him that,” exclaimed Momma! “Call him one of those nick names again and all loose my mind!”
“Liz, do they eat fatty foods in Great Britian?” Asked Grandma. “Because your rather husky.” “I never had a very good history with husky people!” “No offense of course.”
Soon enough the bill come reading fourteen dollars and eighty-six cents. When Grandma saw the bill she gasped and put her hand over her heart. Momma tipped over Grandma’s wheel chair. Then the entire family got in the Station Wagon and drove off.
To be continued……
Children’s Story
One day, in a small city called Kingsburg in California there live a family of four people. There are two parents with two children. One child is a girl and the other is a girl also. The two children don’t get along very well probably because of their age difference. Their parents think of everything, trying to make them get along. When they have an idea they would write it down on a piece of paper and later that day they would try it.
The five-year-old girl is named Tina, and the other seven-year-old daughter is named Susan. One idea that the parents came up with is to take them both to their Aunt Helen’s house, so that they can spend some quiet time together in the playroom. The parents thought that they might just get along if they get to play pirates or Robin Hood or some other game like that together.
It worked at first when they were playing Sleeping Beauty. But after awhile they began arguing and arguing led to fighting. They were fighting about who will be the witch and who will be the princess. The parents sighed and had to go back to the drawing board. Another idea the parents came up with that might just bring their two children to become civil with each other is to assign Tina and Susan, to a project. Their project turned out to be a Birthday card for their Aunt Helen.
That idea didn’t work because Tina drew a heart on the top left corner of the card, red and Susan wanted it to be blue. So they began fighting once again. The parents sighed and tried again. The next idea for the children is to switch places for a day. If they do this, they can find out something interesting about each other.
At first, Tina and Armen thought that this idea was going to be fun but after the day went by, they hated the idea because Tina went into her room and Armen went into his room. When the parents said that they also had to switch rooms for the night, the two kids started to cry. The parents started getting very frustrated with this whole situation. After thinking for awhile, they came up with a very simple and, at the same time, genius solution.
That simple solution was to politely ask Tina and Armen to participate and really try to get along. The two parents told them what they were trying to do for so long which was to try to make Tina and Susan to get along. Their kids understood because they too were sick of fighting every day. About a week later the two parents saw much improvement with their kids, and they are now a very happy family.
Goopy Blip
Written in conjunction with elmoisfurry
–
It all started with an avocado. That damn fruit. I hate avocados. Avocados are green. They bounce. I don’t like bouncy things. Especially bouncing avocados that are green and hit mailman car thingys. This is my story. I’m a postal worker.
…………..
“BOO!!” said Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man. Naturally, I screamed. I was a bit of a pansy. I AM a mailman. I run away from a lot of things. Kittens…dogs…myself, but most of all clothes hangers. Clothes hangers are scary. They’re all pointy and stuff. If you brought one up to me, I’d scream like a little girl in a yellow polka dot dress. Its horrible…not really.
Y’know what I did when Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man scared me? I PEED MY PANTS! Quack, quack, quack, moo pie. Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man laughed at my pants, and gave me a free Moon Pie. The Moon Pie was cold. Mmmmmmmmm moon pie, taste like…………..moon. I had to think of a way to leave the Ice Cream Truck man…so I told him my peas were getting cold. He said he understood, and he left.
I was at home. In my underwear. Not boxers, but whitey tighties. I like the way they feel. My mother is a nut. Seriously. She’s a walnut. A giant walnut. Don’t ask me how my dad got me. It is a science unknown to man. Ahglahglah. So, I was sitting down…drinking a beer…watching soap operas…the good kind…you know, Vietnamese soap operas. I didn’t understand the soap operas, because the captions were in Vietnamese. That really pisses me off. But its funny because I dub for them. I record the soap operas and then leave them in the mail boxes I go to during work. Smell my cheese grater.
So, I went to work the next day. I had a few joints. Not like it mattered. I just tripped over a few chairs…regular postal etiquette. I got my box full of mail to make my rounds. It takes 9 hours at least to deliver all the mail. There’s this one guy that has half a box of mail everyday. Its all porn, too. He’s a crazy old man. I think he has two 89 year old granddaughters. He’s got to be as old as the White House. He has a dog, too, you know. It’s called Mr. Giant Fluffy Bunny Fur. Mr. GFBF for short. She (the dog) smells like Dr. Pepper and guacamole. Anywho!
I have my own place, but its a pile of mulch. I bought it on ebay. Ebay is a cool thingy. You can get beer for one dollar. And its easier than going to the store I live under. Sometimes, the toilets leak, and the flushed toilet water seeps through the boards, and waters my plants. I just had a seizure. Ok, now, I’ll tell you about my pets. I have a pet keyboard. He types stuff. He talks with me when I pet him. He only does it when he’s turned on. Yes…
Comma. Wait….coma. I’m in a coma. I don’t know how, but I am. Ok, I’m out of it. That was a nice one second coma. I’ll tell you a story. Its about a patio chair, and the way it impaled me.
I was sitting on a chair. Then my only friend, Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man, took his patio chair, and stuck it up my nose. LISTEN TO MY GIANT BLOATED ORANGE!!! LISTEN TO IT!!!!!!! I screamed, and screamed and screamed. It hurt like a mother walrus. Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man said he was sorry, and left, ringing his bell. I don’t know why he did that, because he didn’t have a bell…
I’ll tell you about a pillow. Pillows are funny. They’re soft and cuddly. But they’re also deadly. The feathers in my pillow punctured through the material surrounding it, and jammed into my eye. I thought I was being speared like a fish. OoOOoo, look at the lumpy sack of graham crackers.
I’m going to talk about a vacuum cleaner now. Vacuum cleaners are noisy. Sorta like a toilet, but the flushing noise is always there. Its really annoying. I’ll tell you something about vacuum cleaners. You can get sucked into them. Only if you’re two foot four or under. Jabba the Hut makes good slushies. I like the Backstreet Boys. They’re silly. SILLY LIKE A MOTH! That means they’re stupid, and they eat cloth. I’ll tell you another thing about them.
Oh, I have another story.
The End.
Wait, wait. I’m not done
The End.
Life After High School: a story
Yay! Fifi is finally out of high school…whoopee…time to go to that college, Fifi. You wanted to go so badly. What was it again? Oh yeah, SUK. Squackle University for Kids. And the bad thing about it is, the college starts tomorrow. No summer vacation. Yay. Time to hop on that train and go down to New Mexico. Fifi hasn’t even seen the university yet. All of Fifi’s friends said she shouldn’t go to SUK. They said that there was a lot of weird stuff going on near that university that it would be hazardous for you health. “We’ll just see,” said Fifi as she got onto the train in her tutu and two suitcases…
* * *
Just as Fifi stepped off the train, a bunch of clowns came by and picked her up, leaving her suitcases for the myriad squirrels trailing behind them to pick them up. The clowns ran for about fifteen miles before they stopped at an old secluded warehouse.
“Hey! Is this SUK?” Fifi exclaimed. At this comment the six clowns got into a huddle and started talking.
“SUK? What is that?”
“It’s a university not far from here”
“Why is our smuggler trying to get to SUK?”
“Smuggler?”
“Yeah the smuggler that was smuggling in some beans. He said he would be wearing a tutu and would have two suitcases that said, “I am going to SUK, I am going to SUK!”
“Hmm…i have a feeling this isnt the right person. Let’s just wait for the squirrels to come with the suitcases, then we’ll see.”
One clown called Big Nose went up to Fifi and said, “Why, hello there little girl…there is a thingy that every freshmen at our fine university has to do before…we allow them to use our facilities freely…” Big Nose turned around and winked at the other 5 clowns. The other five clowns winked back and gave a thumbs up sign.
A clown named Red Nose gave Big Nose a rope and Big Nose tied up Fifi, very tightly with it. Fifi then shouted, “HEY! What’s this got to do with learning? Is this rope tying class?”
At this comment, Big Nose was stunned, so he replied with, “Uh…you want to…learn?”
Fifi said, “Yeah…that’s what a university is all about.”
“Riiiigghhtt…” said Big Nose. The squirrels came inside the warehouse chittering and chattering, and when the Master Squirrel talked with his little squirrely voice, he said, “Why do you guys have to have a warehouse all the way out here?”
Fifi finally realized that this was a warehouse, and not the University she had wanted to go to. Fifi screamed. She screamed so loud that the nose on Red Nose came off and bounced across the room. “This isn’t SUK!!!!” Fifi screeched.
“No, it isn’t, whiny little girly tutu face person.” Shiny Nose said.
What will Fifi do? Will Fifi find a way to break out of the warehouse and go to SUK? Well…to make a long story short, she did.
In a pile, the six clowns were in a pile and the squirrels were hanging off the walls and ceilings of the warehouse, taped onto them. “Now, its time to go to SUK!” Fifi said proudly.
When Fifi got to the University she saw a bunch of ducks quacking and waddling around a big campus to the ducks, but not at all big for Fifi.
Fifi then said, “Hey! This isn’t a university!”
Just then, a duck wearing glasses and a book in its wing, he said, “Oh, of course not little tutu brain. This is a university for ducks only, not for humans. You better go back home before some clowns and squirrels kidnap you and tie you in ropes and do nothing afterward. A lot of stuff happens around here.”
“What else happens around here, Mr. Quack?” Fifi replied.
“Oh, you know, the usual thing. Moose overcharging you for their taxi service, mice crawling over your house and leaving their footprints on it, crows using anything and everything for target practice, which is very lethal for some species. Anyway, you should go…so GO!”
Mr. Quack took out something that looked like a remote control and zapped Fifi with it. After about 10 minutes of being shocked by 600 killowatts of electricity by the remote control, she disappeared and was back at home on her bed with her suitcases on her legs. In the next room, she heard her parents barking.
Fifi didn’t pay attention to it, and just went to sleep.
The moral of the story is to visit the college you are going to before you actually go to it for reals, not for fakes, dress appropriately, stay away from clowns being trailed by lots of squirrels, stay away from warehouses in the middle of nowhere, don’t go to universities with a duck named Mr. Quack that has glasses on.
You also know what your parents do when you are gone to college…
The Baked Beans Story
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, ‘She’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. He putt-putted down one hill and putt-putted up the next. By the time he arrive home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!” She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak.
At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and rriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, “Surprise!”
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
The Sentinels of Sismob
In the distant land of Bomsi, there lived a fair ruler, that received daily blow jobs from every hot woman in the place he rules. Even little girls, as soon as they are taught how, gave the king blow jobs. Yes, life was good. The children’s mouths almost resembled the shape of the king’s “weewee.” They were told this was good, because it would be a better advantage for them when sucking off the king because he would like it better.
The king loved his wife, but getting 2,000+ BJs a day wore him out. He had to take weekends off. But on the weekends he got to roam the streets of Licenburg, the capital of Bomsi, and fondle anyone he saw fit. What could the king do? He was a horny bastard.
But that’s when the army, called The Sentinels, from the neighboring country of Sismob invaded. Sismob had heard of these lude acts performed by the king and decided to put a stop to it, for the people of Bomsi’s sake. The Sentinels had advanced items of warfare – – swords. All that the defending Bomsians could do was just give them BJs to stop them, because that’s all they knew how to do. The sentinels felt sorry for them, and decided to kill them even before they touched their belts.
The General of The Sentinels, Hulk Hogan, had the most blood on his hands. He set aflame villages after villages with his monstrous Python Flamethrowers. He was called Devil Hogan by the Bomsians. But they’re just stupid.
When the King got word of the Sentinels of Sismob kicking ass, the King packed up his things, his wife, left his kids and went to a secluded area at the edge of the world.
After the Sentinels killed everyone in Bomsi, the Sismobs moved in, polluted the area with their SUVs and horse carriages and moved on. As for the king, he still got 2,000+ BJs, but from only one person. The Queen. She had the strongest jaw muscles in the world.