otreibucsed – n. a man over 40 known for throwing up on turtles
Some guy offers another guy some Tagalong-brand Girl Scout cookies.
“I don’t like ’em,” he says. “They make me puke.”
“Who?” the other guy replies.
“The cookies or the girl scouts?”
It was a full auditorium. Halfway through the author’s talk, she began to feel sick. In a calm voice, she announced that she had left a few pages of her speech offstage, in her bag.
She walked off slowly and, as soon as she was out of sight, ran to the bathroom where she immediately threw up.
She was just about finished when someone came into the bathroom to tell her that her lapel mic was still on.
“you’re getting vomit on my prince!”
– from the TV
Q: What do you call it when an oyster throws up into a jelly jar?
A: A Pearl Jam.
1) Look both ways before crossing the street. (Road kill should always be small animals.)
2) Eat your cereal before it gets soggy. (Gag me with the spoon.)
3) Drink your milk before it gets hot. (Barf, anyone?)
4) Clean those crusty things out of your eyes before you try to walk around in the morning.
5) Give your teacher an apple; just check for worm holes and rotten parts.
1) Eat greasy food before going on a roller coaster. (Sometimes what goes down does come up.)
2) Pick your nose and park it on the bedpost. (Who wants to see that later?)
3) Have Doritos before going on anything resembling a date. (Breath with a bad attitude.)
4) Drink anything anybody hands you. (Lugey alert!)
5) Wet the bed if you’re on the top bunk.
Q: What’s the difference between someone putting a lugey in your milk and an oyster in a shell?
A: One makes a pearl, and the other makes you hurl.
Q: What happened to the kid who ate too much salad with bleu cheese dressing?
A: He blew chunks.
Q: What happened to the kid who ate too much junk food?
A: He tossed his cookies.
Q: What sound does a dog make when it has an upset stomach?
A: Barf, barf!