delfium – n. a first date which is skydiving and dinner.
National First Date Day – n. a holiday that occurs on August 1st
Q: What fruit is on a nickel?
A: A date!
If you’re wondering what the youngest “socially acceptable” age for dating someone would be, it’s pretty simple to figure out.
All you do is divide your age by 2, then add 7. As long as you’re 14 and over, this formula works. Here’s a few examples:
14 year old can date a 14 year old
18 year old can date a 16 year old.
20 year old can date a 17 year old.
26 year old can date a 20 year old.
40 year old can date a 27 year old.
80 year old can date a 47 year old.
The only time this breaks down is when you are trying to figure it out if you’re 13 or less. You shouldn’t be dating at that age anyway, so you shouldn’t be trying to figure it out.
Now, it might not exactly be “legal” to date a 17 year old if you’re 20 in certain states, or even 18 to date a 16 year old. But that’s besides the point of the formula. Whether or not it’s “socially acceptable” is what you’re trying to figure out. It is basically trying to easily let you figure out if you should be going out with someone of a drastically younger age than you, and if it would be perceived as odd.
As long as the divide by 2 add 7 formula checks out, and they’re the age or older of the product of the equation, then you’re good!
Girls, never date F.B.I. agents. Not only do they want your name and number, but also your fingerprints.
A gal was out with a soldier when she pointed to the stripe on his arm and asked, “What does P.F.C. mean?”
The soldier answered, “Praying For Civilians.”
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’d like to visit you tomorrow.”
DOCTOR: “I’m busy tomorrow. Make a date with my nurse.”
PATIENT: “Gee, do you think she’ll go out with me?”
Once I went out with a beautiful dental hygienist. Before she let me kiss her goodnight, she took Novocaine.
Bunny: Hello, honey? How about a date?
Honey: You want a date? Okay! How’s 1066 B.C.?
Q: What did the candle say to the other candle?
A: Let’s go out together.
1) Look both ways before crossing the street. (Road kill should always be small animals.)
2) Eat your cereal before it gets soggy. (Gag me with the spoon.)
3) Drink your milk before it gets hot. (Barf, anyone?)
4) Clean those crusty things out of your eyes before you try to walk around in the morning.
5) Give your teacher an apple; just check for worm holes and rotten parts.
1) Eat greasy food before going on a roller coaster. (Sometimes what goes down does come up.)
2) Pick your nose and park it on the bedpost. (Who wants to see that later?)
3) Have Doritos before going on anything resembling a date. (Breath with a bad attitude.)
4) Drink anything anybody hands you. (Lugey alert!)
5) Wet the bed if you’re on the top bunk.
Q: Where did King Arthur take his girlfriend on a date?
A: To a knight club (nightclub)
It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.
“That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”
Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie’s dad to repeat it.
“Oh yeah,” says Carries father, “our Carrie really loves to screw. She’d screw all night if we’d let her!”
Well, this makes Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening is beginning to look pretty good.
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “DARN IT, DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”