Tag Archives: car

Jingle Bells Song #21879

Driving on the highway,
Shooting cars with snow,
“Get of the road, jerk,” I say!
When the people blow!

Jingle bells, jingle bells lovely chrashing cars!
Oh what fun it is to ride and give all people SARS!

Pissing on the roof,
I love this thing I know,
Saying, “Whoff poff duff!
diddladiidddeli dow!”

Jingle bells, jingle bells lovely chrashing cars!
Oh what fun it is to ride and give all people SARS!

gibidadiduddidididuuuuu!
bombabadudididdaaaaa!
bommelummetrommelummeuuuu!
I think I kill santa!

Jingle bells, jingle bells lovely chrashing cars!
Oh what fun it is to ride and give all people SARS!

THE END!

That Was a Weird Dog Walk

Went outside to walk my dog and these things happened:

2 people were pulled over in their car in a “no stopping at any time” zone. One was on his phone away from the open passenger car door. The other, which I assume was a girl, was making puking/spitting sounds inside the car, even though the car door was open and she was actually standing outside. and the guy was just on his phone talking about something I didn’t understand.

I cut across the street so I don’t have to walk past them. then I see some random fat lady sitting on the concrete box thing full of phone/cable equipment or whatever it is in there just sitting there doing nothing, staring at a wall.

Then I avoid her and walk back towards where I came from, and some old guy comes out of the gate and just stands there and just stares at stuff around, he’s not even doing anything.

So I walk farther down the sidewalk away from him, and some shirtless younger looking guy is walking in my direction putting a shirt on. He says something like “good morning” to me and then goes over to where the old guy is and stands around him. No idea what they’re saying cause im far away from them at that point.

So I’m kinda looking in the general direction to see if they’re doing a drug deal, then I see the fat lady getting up and walking down the middle of the street going towards something I didn’t care to find out because I was freaked out and ran back into my house.

And this all happened before 12 am, thursday night… wtf was that all about?

T-bone slap

T-bone slap – n. a type of slap where you take a T-bone steak and slap them in the face

;} v. to slap someone with the tip of your penis, with a forward motion as to blindside them.  Kind of like a car crash but with a penis and a face.

;} n. the act of slapping someone with the tip of your penis in a forward motion, as to blindside them.

 

The Attractive Mother-In-Law Temptation

I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, which made me feel uncomfortable.

One day she called me and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. So before I got married and committed life to her daughter, she wanted to make love to me just once.

What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.

So, she said, “I’ll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me.” I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door… I opened it, and stepped out of the house.

Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, we are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn’t have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in the car!

Forever Repressed: Zero Fluid Motions

Speed Racer: What a crappy day. I think I’ll go back inside. (Walks inside.)

Mr. Game & Watch: Hey bud, you’re walking like me.

Speed Racer: So?

Mr. Game & Watch: That’s my bit! That’s how I walk in Super Smash Bros. Melee!

(Mr. Game & Watch hits the B Button and flips bacon in Speed Racer’s face)

Speed Racer: Ouch! That’s greasy!

(Speed Racer gets in his Mach 5 car)

Speed Racer: IT’S ON!

(Meanwhile, in Hell…)

One-legged Squirrel: Another play with a car? I’ll sit this one out.

Satan: Hey, I’m not slave-driving you to talk.

(Meanwhile, back in the unspecified setting…)

Mr. Game & Watch: You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry!

(Mr. Game & Watch turns red by hitting the Y button before the match.)

John Tesh: This calls for some quality fightin’ music. You two just get it on, and I’ll take care of the tunes.

(Speed Racer and Mr. Game & Watch stare one another down.)

Speed Racer: Are you ready?

Mr. Game & Watch: Let’s get this over with.

(Speed Racer runs over John Tesh. Mr. Game & Watch makes John Tesh fly off the screen with his smash hammer [B Button].)

Speed Racer: That felt good. Now, I must leave. I have a race.

Mr. Game & Watch: And I’m a guest on Carson Daly’s show.