1. School Board of Directors (the dirty sons of bitches that are pocketing the money that should go to the schools. Whoops, we misplaced a lot of money. No Summer School for So and So school this year. And y’know that junior college you’re going to? Don’t bother going back, its not there anymore)
Let’s face it, no one gives a damn about NASA anymore – until now. After the space race, and the controversial “moon landing”
no one gave a damn anymore about NASA, because nothing important was happening. Slowly less and less of us cared about what the whole space program was doing, so why not have a little tragedy to remind people about NASA?
I would bet that this goes only to the high commanders of NASA. They don’t tell anyone and also pay off anyone that knows about a little “sabotage” that would make the Columbia blow up upon re-entry. It was probably lucky for them that a piece of foam fell off whatever it fell off of and hit the space shuttle. I find it kind of hard to believe that a piece of foam would do that, unless it weighed at least 500 pounds, and just happened to hit a weak panel on there that was cracked already. What would a measly 7 lives matter to the billions and billions of dollars and regaining the public’s appreciation after a 20 year hiatus? Absolutely nothing.
There was a great plus to having shuttle and human remains scatter over 2 states. Millions of people will feel for them and NASA then, too. What a great country this is. Blah page filler.
This is supposed to be like a parody kind of thing, of an actual news story, so its supposed to be taken as if this actually happened, but it didn’t.
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — On September 10, 2003, Bush held a press conference saying how important it is to spend 87 billion dollars, increasing the deficit from 475 billion to 525 billion (I don’t see how that adds up to 87 billion).
Suspiciously, Bush showed up to the press conference with new, assorted jewelry, and about 50 tons of silver trailing behind him. When asked how we are going to pay for the recent increase in the ever-growing deficit, Bush replied with saying that paying back the money is an “absurd notion.” Bush also said that “spending money that we don’t have is fun,” implying that Bush will do nothing to actually decrease the deficit spending.
After the press conference, public opinion was against the new 87 billion dollars needed, as polled by MSNBC. The poll results indicated that 24% were for, 25% were against and 51% were undecided.
“Its just crazy, I tell you! That stupid fucking Bush. The only thing he’s good for is taking a piss behind. But even then you have to watch out for the lizards that’ll jump out and bite penises off!” screamed a local grocery store bag boy. He continued to scream obscenties, that would not be ethical to write down on paper for children’s virgin eyes to see.
“I think that it’ll help out in the fight against terrorism,” said Joan, a soccer mom. “It always creeps me out when I see one of those guys with the long beards or the turbans or one of those things that makes them scream ‘I’m Middle Eastern’ to everyone without having to actually hear them say it. They’re just askin’ for it. Allah Ackbar to you, Mr. Middle Eastern! Let’s see how you like it when I drive my fucking minivan into your fucking house in the middle of the night, and unleash the terror that is a soccer team in a minivan after a 2 hour game without any Capri-Suns!”
“My mom will kick your ass! She wears the pants in the family!” screamed an annoying little 5 year old as I walked away. I flicked him off, and unfortunately his mom saw, and she took a crowbar to my head that she pulled out of her ass. That woman has a huge ass. I am lucky to be alive today, writing this article.
“Bush is going to keep asking for more and more money. You know what he’s REALLY spending it on? Tank tracks. That’s what it is. Its so obviously tank tracks, because they’re like 3 million dollars a piece, y’know? And because they’re in the soft sandy desert, the tank tracks get really worn out. I’ll tell you what he’s NOT spending it on though. Himself. Who cares if he has 87 billion dollars of new assorted jewelry he got a couple of days after he asked for more money? Its the tank tracks that do it,” said a local everyday, in-the-norm jeweler.
“Y’know what I’d do with that money? Buy France. Stupid France is always fucking us in the face. IN THE FACE. I mean France is really worth like 5 dollars? I mean, after the Napoleonic era, there wasn’t much to look forward to when it came to France. They’re fucking chocolate makers for crying out loud! Well…that’s what the white house said in one of their press conferences. It tickled my belly,” said a drunken farmer named Ted. “Scooby Doo is a good movie, no matter what you fucks say!” screamed Ted as he was hit by a semi truck.
This reporter once thought that we were getting only one Bush, but it ends up that we’re actually getting one in the bush and 2 in the tush, when it comes to the money question.Squackle was down from May 30th to September 18th.
Drinking alcohol has been around for as long as we can remember, but it isn’t until now that we realize the fatal effects and consequences of this horrific drug.
Drinking excessively can do many things to our brain that make us loose control of our body. You can’t think, walk, or even talk right. There are three parts of the brain that are effected while drinking; the cerebrum, cerebellum, and the medulla. The cerebrum controls recognition, vision, reasoning, and emotions. Drinking at only .01-.30% can damage and control these emotions. Next is the Cerebellum, which coordinates movement like walking. This is effected at .15-.35%. Last is the medulla, which is effected when someone drinks more than their body can handle. It controls heartbeat and breathing and can make them stop at levels as low as .30%. The effects of drinking at these levels are horrible. The short-term effects that most intermediate drinkers get are hangovers, which may include a headache and maybe still some uncordination. The things that most people overlook are the long-term effects, which effect your liver, lungs and nervous system. Whether drinking effects you in the long run or in a short-term way, the fact it that drinking alcohol will effect you no matter what.
When people think about drinking, they usually know the afterward effects, but they usually forget about the consequences of it. While being drunk, you usually cannot control your actions the way you to. Last year, 600,000 college students were assaulted by another who was drinking, and another 70,000 college students were sexually assaulted. Also, 400,000 college students had unprotected sex because of intoxication. This leads to many things like pregnancy and diseases like HIV, STDS. Since drinking controls most of your actions and thoughts, there is much violence and academic consequences. Over 25% of the people that drink in colleges have damaged property and/or have academic consequences. When college students drink, they don’t even think about death, but the truth is that when you are drunk, you can pass out, throw up, choke on your own vomit, and die. There are many other ways of death as well. Last year, 2.1 million college students drove under the influence, and another 1,400 students die a year from alcohol related injuries. 150,000 other students tried to commit suicide because of drinking. College students shouldn’t drink if they don’t know that the effects are sexually transmitted diseases, property destruction, and even death.
College drinkers are the largest portions of drinkers in the U.S. Controlling college drinking would control the rest of societies drinking. And since alcohol is the biggest drug used by college students, then if they stopped drinking, it would stop at least 50% of drugs used. The fact is that college drinking is out of control, and if you can stop that, you can stop drug abuse everywhere.
Great. Another thing to worry about. Now we can’t even go to a place that we don’t want to without the risk of being killed. This is a stupid thing, that is just one more obstacle until you get out of school. not only do we have to get a passing GPA, pass a high school exit exam that had an essay that forces you to write about hummingbirds, not drop out, and get a good citizenship grade, we have to worry about how not to get killed, or if you will see a guy running down the halls of your school firing off shotguns and shit like that, and know how to get the fuck away without dying in the process. All your hard work wouldn’t mean a shit to anything if you die, and that time you spent on all the school and homework was wasted, when you could have been at home, for instance, doing something constructive, like watching TV, or writing stuff for Squackle!. Pretty stupid, huh?
Regional Studies is a class that is one semester long. This class was with Mrs. DYKE.
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The 1st quarter of Regional Studies was a somewhat educational experience though in my opinion, it will not help me in the future because I will probably not ever leave the U.S.
There were something that were fun, like the oil simulation, metaphor thingys and other projects. But they basically sucked, and i dont give a damn about them, cuz they had nothing to do about the real world AT ALL!
So far this is a somewhat STUPID class and i already knew 99% of the things that were mentioned in class, and its really stupid to be learning from resources that are from the early 80s, which still have the Russia as the USSR. STUPID!
I remember hearing my mom yelling at me, “School is not a democracy, you dont vote whether or not you want to do something, when the teacher tells you to do it, you do it, whether you like it or not.” That’s right mom, its not a democracy. Its a tyranny, all ran by someone deemed head of this small tyranny of a government inside of a half democracy half republican government, cleverly named “Principal,” and his Underlings called “Associate Principals” and “Assisstant Principals.” I myself had not had too good of an experience with “Assisstant Principals.” I was banned from eating in the school’s cafeteria for five consecutive life sentences. Of course, you see, that these guys have power, and know how to abuse it. If I go in there one more time and stay there, I’d get a referral for disobedience. What am I? A pet? Pets get punished for disobedience. I don’t see why a student in a school should be getting a referral for disobedience.
The national debt sucks. The White House is full of people that would rather spend billions and billions of dollars on military and never give a penny to pay off the damn debt our nation has. What are they preparing for? Another world war? It must be like 20 trillion dollars now! What are they going for? A record on how much one nation owes the world? They should pay off that damn bill and we’ll all be happy. If they’re trying to pay off the debt, its not good enough, cuz the interest keeps piling up on the damn debt, DAMMIT!
You may say i dont know anything about the National Debt, but i dont care.
I was watching the Rosie O’ Donnel show a while ago before it was canceled, for some God forsaken reason that I don’t know.
So she’s talking about some shit, and there’s this voice every once in a while that agrees with her, and it doesn’t look at that guy, just at Rosie, and pretty soon its getting really redundant, then all of a sudden she says “my 3 year old son and I were watching Justice Files, on that cartoon station….Cartoon Network, that’s right, and there was this show called Justice Files, y’know with Superman, Batman, and they go around and fight aliens and stuff. Well, my son turns around and says ‘mom, I like this show.’ And I say ‘yes, son, I like this show too.'” All through her endless babble of not knowing what she was talking about, the guy kept saying “unh hunh” and then Rosie says “Then I got to wondering, WHAT ABOUT ROBIN?” and she leans forward on her desk, toward the guy, and the camera finally switches to this guy sitting at a black piano, with a huge microphone in his face, and it covered half of it, at least, and he’s right up next to it, saying “unh hunh” and says something about that, and then Rosie says, “we’ll be right back after this commercial break.”
What a dumb bitch, first of all its Justice LEAGUE. Justice Files is a Discovery Channel investigative show, which, obviously, she has never seen or heard of, in which detectives and cops tell stories and the Discovery Channel makes recreations and shit like that. Rosie needs to learn how to listen, because it always says “Justice League will be back after these messages.” And she probably doesn’t even know about Justice Friends, which is the same thing but it has Robin ::spins finger around:: whoohoo, and it was made in the 70s, the era in which SHE grew up in. Now, how do I know that and she not know that? What a dumb bitch!
These two old ladys have like, 90000 cats, kittens and they are very cute and I want one. I asked, and they said ok, but my momther said, “no.”
I said, whawhahwhaaaaawhyyyyyyyyyyy they are sooooo cute and nice she said, no, and because i said so.
So i said, “boooom!” and she fell and she picked up the ballon and got up my wall is beeping beeeep beeep beeeep beeeep beeeep beeep beeep
damn
what is that
sh-
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
damn alarm clock
Last night, my little sister and her freind came into my room and told me they had a kitten in her room. I went in and they had it in a ziplock baggie (gallon sized), which was a bit odd, she said they were gonna sneek it into her friends house, and her dad would probly let her keep it, they wouldent let it out, so in best interest of the cat I poked a few holes in the bag, (thought i saw his face change colors, heh), my sister said she got it out of some old ladys house, and I thought she had stole it, but the next day on the way to summer school, there was a sign on the garage door that said you could take them (the garage was open a bit) so I reached in and picked one up, and he was sooooooo cuuuuuuuuutttte, and this old lady came out and she was sooo olddd and sooooo cutttteeee, and (if youve seen “Happy Gilmore” you know what im talking about) she was like “Do you want a kitten”, i was like AWWWWWWWWWWWWW that was sooooo cuttttee and a small child walked up behind me (if youve experienced the magic of Sherly Temple, you know what im talking about) and she said “Can I hold her”, I was like AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWww, AWWWWWWWwWWWWWWwWWWW, then i put the cat down and speed walked away, because it was getting really weird…
I want my kitty. My cat is so good, and pretty, and nice, but she might not like a little kitten around the house and Deda knows best my cat is really cool man, im asking her if she wants a kitten around and she said, “meow.”
I want to get it. I dont know if i can just walk up and take it. I wonder if i can break in to their garage.
That day my little sister took one the other day, and gave it to her friend, it pissed me off, because her dad was just like “Oh, a cat, you cant have that.”
She said, “Why?” and hes all “Ohhh, wellllll, ok. Do you need to stop at the pet shop?”
This is a documentary of what Mr. C Fat Nuts eats everyday (or mostly everyday) for lunch, while elmoisfurry is in his computer class thingy, bored off his ass. he was inspired to do this when he saw Mr. C Fat Nuts eating like a lion through the window that separates his class from Mr. C Fat Nuts’ class. And other random occurrences with this fat nutted man.
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– September 4, 2001 – What he ate for lunch: 1. Corn on the cob. 2. Some weird little soup thingy out of a foil bowl (a TV dinner kind of thing). 3. Some weird cake or something he was ripping apart
elmoisfurry: As I looked through the window to the other class, I saw Mr. C Fat Nuts going “RAWM-RAWM-RAWM” and chewing his corn. Then he ate his soupy thingy, I didn’t really watch what he did with that, I just saw him eat it sort of. Then he started eating some cakey thingy, ripping it apart, and jamming it in his mouth.
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– September 5, 2001 – What he ate for lunch: 1. A bag with some type of paste in it 2. A TV dinner-type-bowl-type-thing
elmoisfurry: There was a bag on his desk and near the bottom of the bag and there was an inch of some weird yellow paste, and it looked like he had a whole bag of paste for lunch. Then I saw him eat some goopy chicken type thing, I had no idea what the fuck it was. I saw him hold his fork really tightly, then Mr. C Fat Nuts stuck his fork into the food in the bowl, into whatever was in the bowl, took it out, and I saw that it was all clumped together in one slab of slop. Then, in one hand he held the thingy on his fork, and was eating it, going “AWM AWRM AWM AWRM,” with the other hand he was typing on his computer, as he ate. That’s all I saw.
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– September 7, 2001 – What he ate for lunch: 1. Diet Mountain Dew
davepoobond: Today elmoisfurry was being a bitch, so this is all that davepoobond can remember, and elmoisfurry is such a bastard, that he wouldn’t tell him what he had on the 6th either
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– September 10, 2001 – What he ate for lunch: 1. A huge plate of taquitos 2. A huge bowl of guacamole 3. Diet Mountain Dew
davepoobond: elmoisfurry said something about Mr. C Fat Nuts dipping taquitos into the bowl of guacamole and eating half of the taquito, then dipped the taquito back into it, and then he chugged his diet Mountain Dew. Again, elmoisfurry was being a bitch so he wouldn’t give a quote
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davepoobond: well, what turned out to be something that was supposed to be an everyday thing for his lunch, turned out to not be something that will be done with everyday because stupid bitch elmoisfurry was moved from his seat in his class, so he can’t see Mr. C Fat Nuts eating lunch anymore….oh well. We’ll post whatever if we see Mr. C Fat Nuts or whatever…..
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– September 18, 2001 –
davepoobond: I saw Mr. C Fat Nuts all jolly and happy because he was driving a new Honda Accord that had a really gay blue color, and he was really far away from the steering wheel, but his stomach was only about 2 inches away from the steering wheel. Haa…..
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Funny – some guy told us he and his brother followed Mr. C Fat Nuts around to different chat rooms, and Mr. C Fat Nuts was saying “15/m wanna cyber” in chat rooms. pretty nasty.
Ms E is so boring. She talks on and on about how b over a equals 3 + 5 and b divided by the square root of 1 equals absolutely 3! How boring can a math teacher get you might say? She just set the record.
She’s a bad teacher too, because she can’t notice I’m writing this in her class. She doesn’t explain anything. She does the easiest problems with not even all the different types of ways to do the problem. She gives us problems like: find the sum of the two lowest greatest consecutive odd negative integers.
Its crazy. She makes us do Long Division with letters. Its absolutely nuts. How do they get x cubed + 3x squared minus 4x minus 12 divided by x squared + 5x + 6 to be x-2!?!?!
I doubt I’ll ever need this shit! We never do it again in our lives! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!
Our Alien’s name is Tayler. She is 9 years old. Tayler can’t walk on this planet, she can only walk on Uranus, because on Uranus one foot has to be taller than the other to be able to walk around.
This Alien can open her body. Inside her body is some extra things for her. For example, she has a few pens to write down info about Uranus. She has tape just in case her mouth comes off. She only drinks oil. She does not eat food.
She hears on her neck. Her eyes are made of stars that sparkle, and they are different colors (one is turquoise, and the other one is bright yellow.) Her body’s color is also turquoise. On the bottom of her feet, she has shields to protect her feet from getting too cold.
Tayler breaths through pipes. She gets around on Uranus, by walking on her shields that connect to her feet. She has a brown box inside of her that has all the oil she needs to drink to stay in good shape.
Her body is made of this thick kind of wood, and her head is made of cardboard with foil on it. Her feet are also made of cardboard and her shields are made of thin metal, because it doesn’t get that cold. Her shields don’t need to be thick.
Hi, My name is sisterpoobond. I am 10 years old right now. My favorite teach-
ers are: Mrs. Gallager, Mrs. Cuttingham, Miss. Mocerie, and of course Mrs. Miller. My favorite subject in school is Math, and Science. My favorite stores that I like o go to are: Limited Too, Afterthoughts, and Miller’s Outpost. I LOVE to go Shopping on the weekends! It is totally one of my favorite hobbies. I like to wear as many cool clothes as I possibly can. Around the world I have been to Catalina, Valley Forge, Big Bear, Lake Tahoe, Los Vegas, San Francisco, Laughlin, Grand Canyon, Hoover Damn, San Diego, Palm Springs, and some other place. And of course I have a lot of really good friends.
