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Category Archives: Stories
Funny stories.
The Twisted Story of Binobobo and His Demise
Prologue
Bobo was a simple farmer in Wisconsin. He farmed cheese. Cheese is very popular in Wisconsin, which is why he farmed cheese. Cheese is made from milk. Bobo had cows, therefore he had milk, and with milk, he had cheese.
Chapter 1
Obo was a superhero. He had super powers, such as the ability to punch through walls. One day Obo was flying over the city of Wisconsin, which is a city in Wisconsin, when he saw a crime being comitted. The crime, specifically, was a typical bank robbery. Obo was just about to stop it when one of the robbers handed him a sack of money as a bribe. Obo looked at the robbers for a while, then decided to mind his own business and flew away with the sack of money. Thus, Obo “went bad.”
Chapter 2
Bingo was a happy monkey. He’s been like that for as long as he could remember, which is about five seconds. You see Bingo, too, was a super hero. He had the power of a very short term memory. This was useful for lots of things. One was if someone kept telling him the same joke over and over, it would still be funny. He could talk, too.
Chapter 3
Bobo, Obo, and Bingo meet as a result of a wormhole opening where each of them were standing.
“Hi,” said Bobo.
“Hello, I’m a talking monkey,” said Bingo.
“Hey, maybe we should team up and be three times as powerful and be a super, super, super hero!” said Obo.
“Hello, I’m a talking monkey,” said Bingo.
“I think it would only be a super, super hero,” said Bobo, “for you see, I am a simple farmer while you and the monkey are super heroes.”
“Hi, I’m a talking monkey.” said Bingo.
“Fine, whatever,” said Obo, “We can be a super, super hero that can make cheese!”
“Now yer talkin’!” said Bobo.
“Hi, I’m a talking monkey,” said Bingo.
Chapter 4
Obo, Bingo, and Bobo mash their bodies together in a trash compactor and become a “super, super hero that can make cheese,” which will now be known simply as “Binobobo.”
Chapter 5
Hamburgler was plotting an evil scheme to get rid of the newly arisen Binobobo. Hamburgler hated all super heroes, especially ones with names like Binobobo. His plan was to feed Binobobo a Sausage McMuffin, then wait for Binobobo to explode!
Chapter 6
“I’m hungry,” said Binobobo, “let’s get some chow!”
“Ok by me!” said Binobobo.
“I’m a talking monkey,” said Binobobo
Chapter 7
Binobobo was on his way to Taco Bell to get some Zesty Tacos when he heard someone say, “Um, excuse me Mr. Binobobo, but would you be interested in some free food?”
“Free food?!” said Binobobo, “How can any one refuse free food?!” So he flew down to where the man calling him was. It was at McDonalds. He glanced at the sign.
McDonalds
We love to see you smile – then explode!!
“Hmm…I don’t know about this…what do you think, Binobobo?” asked Binobobo.
“Seems fine to me, even though I hate McDonalds,” said Binobobo.
“I’m a talking monkey…hey, wait, I already said that. Geez, you guys are so boring that I actually remember what I said five seconds ago-Hi, I’m a talking monkey,” said Binobobo
“Whoa,” thought Hamburgler, “this guy is weirder than my commercials!”
“Ok!” said Binobobo, “Now we can take your food!”
“Hmm…maybe you’d better take three of these Sausage McMuffins…” said Hamburgler.
“Nonsense, we aren’t three people anymore,” said Binobobo, “Just three people mashed together!”
“Oh…I…see…” said Hamburgler while he handed Binobobo the Sausage McMuffin, “Here you go…free food!”
“Thank you!” said Binobobo.
“I’m a talking monkey,” said Binobobo
Binobobo ate the sausage McMuffin and exploded, as planned. The End
Panzazz
Panzazz was a cute, pink, little fluffball from the happy-go-lucky forest. Panzazz was so pink and fluffy one look and you could die from its fluffiness! This made Panzazz very dangerous and was the main reason there weren’t any other animals in the Happy-go-lucky forest. Panzazz got very bored because of this because there were no friends to play with, not even other cute, pink, little fluffball animals. This, too, was all Panzazz’s fluffiness-state of being fluffy fault.
You see, if there are more than one cute, pink, little fluffballs in the same forest, fierce competition breaks out over one’s fluffiness. As a result of this, the cute, pink, little fluffballs tend to eat each other. This isn’t all that good for their species, but they were doomed to die out any way. Humans have ground them up into colored marshmallows for as long as anyone in my family can remember. Anyway…Panzazz was very lonely, so he decided to go over into the nearby town to find some friends. This is very bad because, as I mentioned before, cute, pink, little fluffballs are lethal. Panzazz bounced, or flew, or however cute, pink little fluffballs move over to the city. The effect was lethal and everyone died, the end.
Star Compactor
Prologue
I have a three day weekend coming up after finals. I’m going to play video games the whole time. It will be so relaxing. I won’t even have to tink! I can just sit in my room and stare at the TV. I can’t wait. Actually, that will probably never happen. So…anyway, you can read this story I wrote, if you want.
Chapter 1
“Yes, I have finally done it! I have constructed a trash compactor so large, that I will be able to crush the earth with it!” thought Ted, the repair guy from Venus. Ted was a simple man. Well, he was. One day a couple very rich peoplecame and told him to repair all 50 billion of their trash compactors. Ted just snapped. He was used to maybe one or two jobs a month, but this was too much. Ted took the trash compactors, and used them to create a giant trash compactor big enough to crush the Earth.
“Why the Earth, and not Venus?” you might ask? Well, one day he decided that the Earth was much too big, and it would be more efficient as a small cube. He would do the same to Venus, after.
Chapter 2
Bill was walking down the street having a normal day on Earth. He was going to buy a newspaper, then go home and read a book by the fire. The newspaper was for kindling. Suddenly, there was an eclipse. Bob looked up and saw the outline of something very huge that was blocking the sun. It looked a bit like the trash compactor in his kitchen that he used all the “pets” his kids brought home, only much bigger, obviously. Bill could hear a voice coming from the giant thing. This is what it said:
“Hello everyone. This is Ted the repair guy and yes, I am flying a giant trash compactor. Do not be alarmed! I come in peace….well, no, actually I don’t. I’m going to crush your planet into a small cube. I’m sorry if this has caused any inconvenience.”
Bill shrugged and said, “I never thought you could do that with a trash compactor…maybe I’ll crush the moon sometime.” And with that, Ted crushed the Earth and killed everything on it.
Chapter 3
The people of Venus were talking. They were talking about launching nuclear missles at the giant trash compactor. The problem was that they talked too much and Ted crushed them all before they had a chance to stop talking.
Epilogue
This story had one point. Never use trash compactors. You just heard how dangerous they are, so why use them at all? Trash compactors are just plain bad, and that goes for garbaged disposals too. Those things slice and dice things to peices. I can only imagine how many people die each year from the use of garbage disposals. Both of these things are dangerous, and you should avoid them at all costs
GODZILLA Rampage in Ida, Michigan
Oh no! Godzilla is on a rampage in downtown Ida, Michigan! There is no way to stop him! “Well, actually,” said the really smart scientist guy, “there is a way to stop him.” “Really? Hmmm…no, I don’t believe it,” said the big mean general guy, “I say you are a dumb scientist who doesn’t know anything. I think we should blow him out into orbit with my new nukes I got!”
“NO!! You’ll KILL US ALL!!”
“Shut up, you crazy scientist whose plans never involve using my new nukes I got two weeks ago,” said the general. Then he put two fingers in the scientists face and said, “Two!…..do you see? Thats two weeks! Thats a lot of days! Do you realize that I could have had breakfast fourteen times in that span of time?? ….Actually, I did…that just shows you how long that is!”
“Alright, alright,” said the scientist, “you can use your nukes but as soon as they don’t work, I get to do my plan.”
“Yeah, we’ll see….”
They both jump into the general’s suped up “Hummer” and peel out of the trailer park. Suddenly the general stops the car. “That’s far enough, scientist boy. I didn’t buy this hummer so I could chouffer dumb scientists around. I’ll come back if my plan fails. …maybe,” said the general as he pushed the scientist out of the car.
The general (whose name was Bob) sped down Main Street really fast. He was probably going really fast, but he didn’t know for sure because his speedometer was broken. He knew he had to kill Godzilla before Godzilla destoryed the world…or at least downtown Ida. Bob smiled to himself. He didn’t really have any nuclear weapons. He was suprised he fooled the scientist (whose name was Albert).
“I thought scientists were supposed to be smart!” said Bob, “Or at least the smart ones should be…” This puzzled Bob. Why had the scientist smiled? Did he smile? Maybe the scientist had just pretended to smile, just to fool Bob. “Yeah, that sounds about right,” said Bob, as he pulled over next to Godzilla.
Meanwhile, back at the trailer park…
It sure was a long walk to Godzilla, but Albert knew a shortcut….no, he actually didn’t, he just likes to have a positive attitude. He had walked one mile already, and he was only halfway there. he could be there in half an hour, if he walked slow.
Half an hour was exactly how long Bob needed to fill his car’s gas tank with nitro glycerin. He would then offer Godzilla his car, and as soon as Godzilla turned the key…BOOM!! …Or he would just make Godzilla step on the car. The general smiled at himself and thought, “What am I smiling about? Maybe I’m just a happy person.” Just then the general finished filling his car with nitro glycerin. Now all he had to do was make Godzilla step on it.
Just then Albert came over. “I guess I made it just in time, right Bob?” said Albert. “Don’t call me Bob,” said Bob.
“We have to stop Godzilla before he destroys the world!”
“I know that! Now get on top of my car and use this megaphone to talk to Godzilla.”
“Talk?? But…what? What should I say?”
“Talk scientist babble.”
“Umm…okay…ahem,” said Albert into the megaphone.
Godzilla looked over at them.
“Yes, well…,” said Albert, “Um….did you know that the gravitational pull-”
Albert was cut off by the giant explosion that occured when Godzilla jumped on top of the scientist and blew up the car. Bob was kind of smart. He knew that any giant monster hates scientists that want to kill them. They especially hate it when the scientists talk.
Bob, Albert, and Godzilla were all killed in the blast. (or at least Godzilla was, the other two were probably killed when Godzilla jumped on them)
The End
Walking Down the Street…
so i was walking down the… street… and…. uhh …wha? huh? oh, ok. yeah. and you know, circus monkeys make a lot of money… and…. uh- wha? huh? weasels aren’t very trustworthy, hence the stereotype… and… yeah. so i was walking… um… huh? wha- oh, already did that. if i was a baboon, i’d make pancakes… yes. when you put yoour right middle finger on your right index finger while doing the “whatever w” you can say “whatever peanut”. that’s just something you might want to try sometime… okay. lolipops remind me of puking, i don’t know why. i hate the feeling of puking. it’s all hot and big… it’s like pooping hot crap out of your mouth with a headache. blegh! i know some ways to say puke: upchuck, throw up, puke, lose your lunch, dinner, ect., barf, blow chunks, hurl, hwarf, spew, jetteson, deport, expatriate, repatriate, resettle, exile, banish, transport, seclude, extrude, throw up, cast up, wash up, wash ashore, spit out, cough up, spew out, put out, push out, throw out, chuck out, fling out, bounce, propel kick out, boot out, give the bum’s rush, throw out on one’s ear, give the heave-ho, hustle out, drum out, eruption, eruptiveness, outbreak, egestion, regurgitation, disgorgement, vomiting, throwing up, nausea, vomit, barf, upchuck, eructation. so, that’s all i have to say. yes.
Moose D. Cloun and the Evil Dr. Muffin
Chapter 1 Moose D. Cloun
The year is 1996. We are in a small town outside of New York,
the site of a small traveling circus. Let’s go inside…
“I want to hear them LAUGH!!! Got that Moose?! I want to hear them laugh so hard their stomachs come out their mouths….. literally! Okay?!” yells the Circus Manager.
“Duh, should I make a cheeeeese joke, coach?” asks Moose.
“Yeah, whatever,” mumbles Coach.
“Duh, oh happy day,” says Moose
Moose enters the ring. Everyone “boos” loudly, but Moose still has the same dumb expression on his face, his eyes glazed over, and his tongue hanging out. He runs right into the diving board ladder and bounces over to the tiger cage where he slams his face right between the bars. (This was not in the act!) Moose starts screaming as the tiger eats his fake nose, takes a bite out of his hat, and when it was about to devour moose’s right ear, Moose gets out. The crowd is roaring with laughter. Moose then stumbles around until he remembers what he is supposed to be doing.
“Duh, oh yeah, why did the chicken cross the road?” says Moose.
“Why?” the whole crowd says at once.
“Knockity knock knock!”
“Who’s there?” yells the crowd together.
“Gaaa! Who’s there!” yells Moose.
By the time Moose was going to sing his song, everyone was either gone or leaving.
“Duh, where did everybody go?” says Moose after his act was over, “I wanted to do my cheeeeese joke!”
” They’re all gone,” says the Coach, “oh well… To the next hopeless town, Moose!”
“Duh, oh boy! Maybe I’ll get to say my cheese joke!” says Moose happily.
“Yeah, whatever, I need some new clowns,” mumbles the coach.
Chapter 2 The Cheese Mafia
Now we travel to an abandoned warehouse somewhere in Texas…
There is a cute little squirrel sitting at a table. Across from him is Dr. Muffin, a mad scientist bent on global domination. In front of him is Squack, the normal one.
“Soon I will rule the world! Hah, ha, ha, ha , ha, ha, ha, and ha!! I just need one more piece for my giant cheese Electro magnet! Then, once I have all the cheese in the world, my plan will be complete! Mwah ha, ha! Ha! Ha!…..ha!” laughs Dr. Muffin. “The only problem is how to get a 30 ft lima bean……… I mean a clown that likes cheese…”
“Um, sir, maybe I could be of assistance,” says Squack, “I know of this certain traveling circus. I think it might have the perfect clown for us. His name is Moose D. Cloun. He is smart enough to breathe, but that’s about it. He’ll never suspect a thing.”
“Hmmm, I like it… Yes perfect! Ha!” laughs Dr. Muffin
All of a sudden Squack and Dr. Muffin start laughing, “HAAH, HAA, HAA!!!! HA, HA, HAAAAAA!!!! Hee, hee…….HAAAA!!!! HA, HA, HA, HA….” And so on.
Little do Dr. Muffin and Squack know, but the cute little squirrel (named Moo) had sneaked out. Don’t worry, Moo has big eyes, that means he’s good.
Chapter 3 Why?
You may be asking who is Moose? Well, he is a clown. Got it? Okay, you may also be wondering why Dr. Muffin needs a clown for his magnet. Well he just does. I hope that answers your questions!
Chapter 4 Moose says Moo
“Moo,” says Moose.
Chapter 5 Moose Meets Moo
Moo runs as fast as he can. He has to warn someone of Dr. Muffin’s plan! (Wow, that rhymes. I have a lot of dimes. I use them to buy wind chimes. Ha, ha! Oh, uh, back to the story.) Moo runs and runs. Finally he sees a giant tent with red and white stripes.
“There must be people in there!” thinks Moo.
Moose was just in the middle of ruining the third act when he saw the little squirrel run into the ring. Moose at once knew something was wrong. He rushed over to the squirrel and listened to what it had to say:
“Squeak- chatter!” says Moo
“Someone’s been stealing your acorns? I’m sorry to hear that little squirrel,” says Moose.
“Chatter- squeak!!”
“What, there’s more? …You say there is an evil doctor? And he’s going to- Wait a minute, does this have anything to do with 30ft lima beans? No? Okay sorry. He has a giant cheese Electro magnet and he’s going to do WHAT with it?!! Not that! He can’t! No! Nooooooooo!!!!!” screams Moose, “Duh, what are you still doing here?………………….Oh, right. Tip.”
Chapter 6 Evil People
Back to the warehouse…
“There is just one problem, Squack. How do we persuade this clown to come with us?” Asks Dr. Muffin.
“Um, sir, maybe I could be of assistance,” says Squack, “You see, I have these connections-”
“What kind of connections,” asks Dr. Muffin.
“Well you see-”
“See what, I don’t see anything.”
“Well I have these-”
“These what? Speak up!”
” Well you see! Sir! I have these connections with the-”
“With the what?”
“Sir would you please let me finish!!”
“Okay, fine, have it your way. Nyah. You think you’re so cool, mumble mumble, mumble..”
“Well the point is, I have these connections with the WWF.”
“Hmm, what kind of ‘connections’, Squack?”
“I am very good friends with (dun, don, duunn!!) ‘THE ROCK’.”
“Gasp!”
“Yes, it is pretty impressive.”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
“………………Yep.”
“Alright, shut-up.”
Chapter 7 Battle Scars for Hollywood Stars
We are now on a giant black cruise ship. It has big red fangs on the front. The sort of ship only very evil people would have. Guess who is aboard? That’s right, none other than (dun, dun, duunnn!!) the evil Dr. Muffin!!! (Evil guitar solo.) Okay, that’s where we are……….yep. Okay. Right.
Dr. Muffin and ‘The Rock” are talking business. I don’t mean good business, I mean bad business. Real bad. In fact, it’s so bad it’s evil. Very evil. Yes.
“The Rock is a Hollywood wrestler, exclaims The Rock! The Rock is a star, yells The Rock!” yells the Rock, “Why would The Rock want to do something stupid like that, questions? This angers The Rock!!”
The Rock breaks off a leg of the nearest table.
“You will pay for your insolence!!” shouts the Rock in a Darth Vader kind of voice.
He is using the leg as a kind of bat.
Dr. Muffin is hiding behind Squack. He is holding him like a shield from the Rock.
“Please don’t hurt me!” squeals Dr. Muffin.
“I am going to rip off your arm off and beat you to death with it, yells The Rock!” shouts the Rock, “I am going to do to you what I did to that table, shouts The Rock! The Rock says that he is going to squeeze you so hard your guts come out of –”
“Okay, okay! I get the point already!” says Dr. Muffin, ” Sheesh!”
Just then the Rock let out a viscous war cry and slammed the leg on Squack’s head. It launched him off the ship and into the water. Immediately after Squack hits the water a giant 747 crashes right on top of him. Then both the plane and Sqack sink down
down
down.
“Now that was a freak accident,” says Dr. Muffin.
“Yeah… weird,” says the Rock.
Suddenly Dr. Muffin remembered the bazooka he kept in his back pocket. He pulled it out and pointed it at the Rock.
“Okay buddy it’s my way or the freeway…… or something,” says Dr. Muffin.
“Okay, okay. The Rock will kidnap the clown for you,” says the Rock.
“Good, good…Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!” laughs Dr. Muffin.
Chapter 8 Achoo (gezuntight)
We find Moose in New York, walking up and down the streets
looking for Dr. Muffin. He is mumbling to himself:
“Mumble, mumble, mumble… duh, guhh, umm, mumble, mumble. Giant cheese Electro magnet. Lima bean. Whee! Sledding on pudding.”
He walks in front of a weird shop called:
THE I.T.C.H.
Hippie Heaven
-It’s Quacktastic!-
A man with purple glasses, long hair, and flowers on his clothes jumped out and said:
“Whoa, dude! Are you some sort of hippie master? Whoa! All bow down! Whoa!”
“Duh, my name is Goose, no Moose. He, I, someone is looking for- I like cheese,” said Moose.
“Whoa… uh, cool. I’m Achoo. This, my friend, is the I.T.C.H. The International Thing for Cool Hippies. We like flowers and stuff… it’s fun.”
“Oh right… there’s something I need to tell you.”
“What?”
“Don’t do drugs.”
“No, seriously. I am a hippie.”
“Duh, okay.”
“Quack!”
“Where’d that come from?!”
“Excuse me. Duh, do you know where a phone is?”
“There’s a payphone right around the corner.”
“Corn- ear?”
“That way.”
Chapter 9 Payphone Rage
Moose walks up to the payphone.
“Dang, no shiny thingys,” says Moose, “Got to find 35 c’s.”
“Anyperson gots any c’s?!!”yells Moose.
A burglar that was stealing an old lady purse yelled back:
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DID YOU SAY YOU WANTED A ‘C’? SHUT- UP!”
“Umm, I need thirty- five c’s so I can make a phone call.”
“Oh, you need thirty- five cents,” said the burglar.
“No, actually, I need thirty- five c’s.”
“Well, um… take this shiny thingy and this other shiny thing. Hello! Duh, I’m an idiot! Duhhh! Duh! Duh! Duh!”
Moose is angry. (You would be too!)
“Argh! PAYPHONE RAGE!!!” screams Moose. Moose starts kicking the phone, “Ow!” Moose is jumping around in circles screaming and looking like a complete idiot, “Duh, stupid phone!” says Moose as he spanked the phone.
Moose dials a number.
Chapter 10 Squack Returns
“Um, hello?” says Moose.
“Hello, this is ‘We Let You Borrow a Car then You Give it Back to Us Later Along with Fifty Dollars Place’, how may I help you?”
“Duh, I want to rent a car,” says Moose.
“Okay, we’ll have one there in less than five minutes, or your money back!”
“Um, okay,” thinks Moose.
After about five minutes a car pulled up and a man covered in bandages stepped out. Moose is still on the phone.
“Did you ask for a car?” asks the man.
“Duh, yeah,” says Moose, still talking into the phone.
“Well take it.”
“Um… okay…”
Moose tries to get into the phone by the coin slot.
“Are you looking for the evil Dr. Muffin?” asks the man.
“Um, yes,” says Moose in a nervous voice.
“He’s in Meanietown, Texas in an abandoned warehouse.”
“Uh, thank you…”
“What?! I don’t look that weird with all these bandages do I?”
“No… of course not… Uh, thanks again.”
“I’m Squack. A plane fell on me. Here,” says Squck as he hands Moose a bomb belt, “Take this.”
“Okay, bye.”
Moose drives off, “Don’t do drugs,” Moose says to himself.
A Porsche skids out in front of Moose and slows down a lot so Moose slams into it. Then it drives off.
“Duh, hey! That wasn’t very nice!” says Moose, “Do not try to get away- ‘resistance is futile’!”
Uh, oh! The after affects of payphone rage- ROAD RAGE!
Chapter 11 I am The Rock
We find The Rock at a wrestling game in Hollywood fighting “Mr. Happy Guy”
“I am going to win states The Rock!” states The Rock.
“Yeah? Well I’ve just got one question for you,” says Mr. Happy Guy, “Do you like my costume? I just love pink!”
The Rock’s cell phone rings.
“Yeah, whatever. Hang on, I’ve got a call,” says The Rock as he picks up his phone, “Hello?”
“What are you doing?! You’re supposed to be kidnapping that clown!”
“Oh, hi Doctor. Yeah, I’m working on it. Okay. What? Fired? Why you- oh well… Okay, bye,” says the Rock, “Argh! That guy makes me angry exclaims The Rock!” exclaims The Rock.
“Hey, maybe we should talk this over, or have a group hug… uh- oh,” says Mr. Happy Guy.
The Rock picks up Mr. Happy Guy and throws him far out into the crowd.
“The winner!” shouts the announcer, holing up The Rock’s arm.
Chapter 12 New Allies
We find Moose on a main street trying to shove the Porsche driver’s head into his exhaust pipe
A monster truck pulls up next to Moose. The Rock steps out of the car.
“Ahhh!!!” screams the Porsche driver, “Okay! I give up! Take the car! Ahhh!!!”
“Okay, bye,” says Moose.
“Okay Moose! The Rock states that we are going to get that Dr. Muffin! The Rock argues that no one fires The Rock! Right, questions The Rock! Let’s go, Moose!” shouts The Rock.
The Rock takes out a giant chaingun and starts shooting it in the air like a maniac. He is screaming and foaming at the mouth.
“Uh- oh… PYCHO!” thinks Moose.
They both speed off to Dr. Muffin’s hideout.
Chapter 13 Hideout
Moose and The Rock pull up to the warehouse (Dr. Muffin’s hideout). There is one guard in front
of the warehouse. He has a monkey puppet on his hand. The puppet is holding a little spear.
The guard is throwing his voice so that it sounds like the monkey is talking. It talks in a voice exactly like Elmo (from Seasame Street). We can hear the monkey talking: “Well personally, I think a giant cheese Electro magnet is a wonderful idea!” says the monkey.
“I still don’t see how getting all the cheese on Earth is going to get him to rule the world. Also, why does he need a clown?” asks the guard, “What does that have to do with an Electro magnet? And how does the magnet attract cheese? How does- ”
“Oh shut up! You see it all works like this-”
The monkey stops talking and looks at Moose, who has just gotten out of the car and walked up to the guard.
“- Halt! You can’t go in there! Go away!”
“Duh, umm. Um, duh umm, umm. Uhhh…-”
“What the clown is trying to say,” says The Rock, “is…. Die!!!!”
The Rock takes out his chaingun and – ***
” – I is a person that Dr. Muffin wants to see… yes,” says Moose.
“Oh! Well why didn’t you say so! Right this way!” replies the monkey.
The guard leads Moose up to Dr. Muffin’s office.
“Ahh, Moose! I see you have come just as I suspected,” says Dr. Muffin in an evil voice.
“You knew that?!” says Moose, astonished.
“Well, um, OF COURSE! I am The Brilliant Dr. Muffin!”
“I thought it was the Evil Dr. Muffin.”
“Well, it was… but now it’s not!”
“Oh,” says Moose, “Let me ponder this for a while…”
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
*** Whoops! got a little carried away, there! I had to edit that part out, too violent. The Rock has left to go fight “Stone Cold”.
Chapter 14 Ponder
Ponder…
Chapter 15 Boom Ha, Ha
“Moose it is time for you to go into my giant cheese Electro magnet so I can rule the world!” yells Dr. Muffin.
Moose knows what he must do. He has to set off the bomb once he is inside the magnet.
Dr. Muffin leads him to an enormous magnet. They walk up to the door. Dr. Muffin is about to push Moose in, whet Moose takes off the bomb belt from under his shirt. He shoves Dr. Muffin in and throws in the belt after him.
The bomb is about to go off! Moose was planning on running away, but instead he just stands there and laughs at Dr. Muffin.
“HA, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!”
The bomb goes off and Moose, Dr. Muffin, and the guard all die.
THE WORLD IS SAVED!
Yay!
Chapter 16 Stuff
The Rock-
“I am the rock, states The Rock!” states The Rock! “AHHH, HA HA, HA, HA!!!”
The Writer-
Hello! Nya, nya, nya!
The Backpack Without Straps
Once upon a time, there was a backpack without straps. It was bought by a little boy named Johnny. Little Johnny loved the backpack and didn’t care if it didn’t have straps. Little Johnny carried the backpack to school every day and the kids there laughed at him and picked on him. After a while, the backpack grew tired of this. So one night, the backpack grew straps.
When little Johnny woke up, he was so happy to see his backpack had straps, that he hugged the backpack. The backpack hugged him back but got his straps all tangled up behind the boy’s back.
The morning went by and little Johnny tugged and pulled but the backpack wasn’t coming off. Little Johnny’s mom said that he should go to school like that. So, reluctantly little Johnny went to school with the backpack tied around his waist. At first some kids thought it was weird and made fun of little Johnny, but then they thought it was kinda cool. His friends thought it was weird but little Johnny just ignored them.
Soon everyone but little Johnny’s friends thought this idea was really cool and started copying him. Little Johnny was praised by the school but his friends just kept carrying their backpack the “normal” way. Little Johnny threatened to beat the friends up and never talk to them again if they didn’t follow his style. The friends gave up and started wearing their backpacks around their waist.
Little Johnny was happier then ever and the backpack was just holding onto his waist. Little Johnny went to sleep and woke up with the backpack around his waist. The backpack didn’t get much sleep and neither did little Johnny, because it was very uncomfortable to sleep like that. Months went by and little Johnny wasn’t getting much sleep and his grades were showing it. He became fixated with being cool and sacrificed his sleeping hours just to be cool. The backpack was getting mighty tired, too.
One night while the boy was half asleep, the backpack stretched out it’s straps and the straps magically untied themselves. The backpack slowly crept away from little Johnny and fell sleep under his bed. The next morning, little Johnny woke up to a shock. Little Johnny searched for his backpack and found it, sound asleep, under his bed. Little Johnny tried to tie it behind his back but the backpack was too tired to hold on, so it kept falling off. Little Johnny grew angry and slid the backpack on his shoulders.
As he walked to school, the backpack didn’t have enough strength to hold the zipper shut and slowly opened up. Little Johnny’s book’s fell out all over the ground.
Little Johnny was too concerned at what the kids would say when they would find out he didn’t have the backpack around his waist to listen to the sound of his books falling. When little Johnny got to school, the kids didn’t even notice. Little Johnny’s friends didn’t care either. It was like Little Johnny was invisible. He was relieved but he went to class and found out all his books were missing! Little Johnny grew so angry that when he went home, he threw his backpack in the corner to never use it again.
The backpack felt lonely after a couple of nights and magically removed his straps! The next day little Johnny was so happy and he carried his backpack to school. Little Johnny’s friends started talking to little Johnny again and little Johnny felt happy.
They removed their straps from around their waist. Little Johnny and his backpack had there own secret straps attached to each another, it’s just you couldn’t see it. They lived happily ever after.
The Baked Beans Story
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, ‘She’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. He putt-putted down one hill and putt-putted up the next. By the time he arrive home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!” She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak.
At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and rriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, “Surprise!”
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
The Sad Pallet
Once upon a time there was an artist. He was an Impressionist that seemed to paint the saddest looking paintings when he used a particular pallet. He nicknamed the pallet George Jatus Sicklehymer Smit III, but for short, George.
George wasn’t really ever happy. He wasn’t popular in school, got bad grades, and didn’t get his first thumbing until he was 25. George was the saddest pallet in the world, and when the artist painted with him, the saddest shades of every color on him came out on the canvas.
One day, in the pallet box, Jonathon Ronald John Esquire (John for short) and Elizabeth Louise Patrick (Lizzy for short) were all sitting around drinking alcoholic paint. John and Lizzy had been going out for about 15 years, and often got their paint mixed up on each other, (if you know what I mean) and George often envied them, because he wanted to mix pain with someone, too.
So John and Lizzy, knowing how sad George was, thought they should help him out a bit. They thought it would be good for George to go to the paint store, and check out the teenagers. We all need some under-aged love sometimes, y’know. George thought about it, and decided to go along with what they suggested. As soon as George left, John and Lizzy made a mess of paint. There was so much paint dripping and squirting, it was nasty to watch.
Anywayyyy! George went to Mr. Rosebud’s Paint Shoppe. There were a lot of nice pallets and he liked the way their holes looked. He met a simple 15 year old pallet named Sandra. Sandra was actually a whore, but George didn’t know that, even though she had a tag that said “Whore Paint Supplies” and was priced at $8.99 without tax. It may give the impression that she was $8, like those damn corporate businesses want us to think, but its really $9! They think they can trick us with their sly methods of deceiving!
So then George and Sandra squirted some paint around (if you know what I mean) and when George found out Sandra was a whore, he shot her, then shot John and Lizzy and the artist. George was finally happy, as he was carted off to an art school.
The Sentinels of Sismob
In the distant land of Bomsi, there lived a fair ruler, that received daily blow jobs from every hot woman in the place he rules. Even little girls, as soon as they are taught how, gave the king blow jobs. Yes, life was good. The children’s mouths almost resembled the shape of the king’s “weewee.” They were told this was good, because it would be a better advantage for them when sucking off the king because he would like it better.
The king loved his wife, but getting 2,000+ BJs a day wore him out. He had to take weekends off. But on the weekends he got to roam the streets of Licenburg, the capital of Bomsi, and fondle anyone he saw fit. What could the king do? He was a horny bastard.
But that’s when the army, called The Sentinels, from the neighboring country of Sismob invaded. Sismob had heard of these lude acts performed by the king and decided to put a stop to it, for the people of Bomsi’s sake. The Sentinels had advanced items of warfare – – swords. All that the defending Bomsians could do was just give them BJs to stop them, because that’s all they knew how to do. The sentinels felt sorry for them, and decided to kill them even before they touched their belts.
The General of The Sentinels, Hulk Hogan, had the most blood on his hands. He set aflame villages after villages with his monstrous Python Flamethrowers. He was called Devil Hogan by the Bomsians. But they’re just stupid.
When the King got word of the Sentinels of Sismob kicking ass, the King packed up his things, his wife, left his kids and went to a secluded area at the edge of the world.
After the Sentinels killed everyone in Bomsi, the Sismobs moved in, polluted the area with their SUVs and horse carriages and moved on. As for the king, he still got 2,000+ BJs, but from only one person. The Queen. She had the strongest jaw muscles in the world.
Daddy’s Porno
An owl is sitting on a couch, in his tree house (not to be confused with a treehouse, his house is actually IN a tree and not gay). The owl’s wings are doing something near his crotch. The room is dark and you can see the TV’s glare on the owl. Cooing sounds and squawking sounds are coming from the TV.
Just then, Baby Owl comes into the room, and sees Daddy watching pigeon porno. Daddy Owl whips his head around 360 degree without moving his body (because he’s an owl and not a human).
Daddy was astonished to find Baby Owl in the doorway. And where there’s baby owl, there’s that stupid owl bitch mommy owl.
But this particular owl was “Big Mama” from the Fox and the Hound. And she wasn’t called Big Mama for nothing. She had the biggest ass cheeks in town, including the grandma-type lady that is probably still a virgin, or raped the guy next door, (he was raped) anywho…
“WHAT THA FUCK!” Big Mama yelled as she came in ass first. “Now, now. Let me explain dear….” Daddy Owl said. Big Mama said, “What the HELL is this crap? You get off to this shit? Other races of bird?” Big Mama flapped her fat wings around. “Oh baby!” the TV said. Daddy Owl tried to cover up his owl boner. Big Mama said, “Don’t even try to hide it. Its so small you can’t even feel anything happening in an ass as big as mine!”
“Now, now!” Daddy Owl rebutted. “A man has to have a little exotic arousal every now and then to keep the juices goin’, you wouldn’t understand.”
“OH! I understand PLENTY! You call that trickling faucet of yours juice? Its not even enough to fill one of my ass pimples!” Big Mama was furious.
“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about! I was voted ‘most likely to have the biggest dick though no one actually measured’ in my class! So shut your trap, bitch!”
While all this was happening, Baby Owl was humping the TV and feeling himself up like crazy. “Look what your perverted-ness did to Junior! He’s humping the fucking TV! Goddamn you, Daddy Owl, I want a divorce!” Big Mama screeched.
Daddy Owl was in deep shit now. If he got a divorce, he’d have to move back in with his parents! And all they did was make their own porn movies to sell. What could Daddy Owl say? It was in the family. Daddy Owl was tired of being in his parents films anyway.
Just then a fairy flies in and makes everyone disappear, and a family of pigeons move in. The Daddy Pigeon was a priest, so instead of legal problems with porn, there would be more interesting illegal problems with the priest molesting eggs. The End.
The Melon Conspiracy
The magical world of Melone. Melone was beautiful place. So green, free from corruption. And so beautiful. From far away, the planet looked like a Honeydew Melon, orbited by a watermelon moon.
The technologically less superior planet of Squashe resented the happiness of Melone. When Melone had all these nice shapen melons, Squashe’s squash was in all messed up shapes, and most looked like huge penises. It wasn’t a very comforting fact to know that you are eating a limp penis. Pumpkins, Squash, Zucchini. The list goes on and on, and no one liked it. People treated Squashe like Squash. They passed it around the table, taking pokes at it and then pass it onto a gullible bastard who would eat the squash. No one liked Squashe. Not even the Squashens.
Squashens absolutely despised the Melonies, and often poked fun at them, even though none of their jokes were even funny. One was: What is the name of a male living on Melone? Melanie!
See? Its-not-funny. Anyway, RoboCop, the leader of Melone, decided enough was enough and RoboCop got all the Melonian armies and whupped Squashe’s ass. Yeah! Alright yessssss! Squashe stinks!!
RoboCop placed Melone’s flag on the highest point of Squashe. And so began the Melonian empire! This is what the flag looked like:
The END
Where Pink Lemonade Comes From
Pink Lemonade comes from the far away land of Lemone, which is of course a democracy. With the creation of Lemonade, the land’s economy skyrocketed, because everyone wanted lemonade. The local stock markets, The Dow Lemon and the NasLemon, were at all-time highs, and people lived prosperously.
Jealous of Lemone’s success in creating lemonade, Limee, the tyrannic nation to the left of Lemone, made Limenade, which was very bitter in taste, but still sold enough to take away from the economy of Lemone.
So Lemone put some food coloring combinations into lemonade, made Pink Lemonade, and stuck it up Limee’s ass. Lemone sold double of what it was before. Lemone rules! Lemone foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Whoooooooooooooo!
Ken’s Muscles
Ken wants to build his muscles so that he can make the football team next year. Tara wants to be able to run the 100-yard dash fast enough to beat a rival at another school. Yukio is looking for an exercise to trim her body and help her lose some extra weight.