Random junk that doesn’t go anywhere else.
kjsckjhcjha
suck it (someone’s name) hehehehheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh
(someone’s name) penis soooooooo small, my penis sooooooooooobiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggg!!!!
once upon a time, I peeeeeeeeeeeeed my pink jeans. So my mommy told me to die. So I did…………whee!
182946536743ifwhbdjhpeepeeyahoowhawhawhawha
I’m going to make this short and sweet. (someone’s name) likes men and he wants you. Keep him away from your little boys and husbands. Peace out. It was theee a m. And he was lonely and he wanted companionship
You can reach the boy fucker at 1-800-(someone’s name)
Good morning,
I like to eat poop and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I think that is great in itself…so bite me.
Sincerely,
(your name)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
F F F F F F F F F F F T T T T T T T T ! ! !
F L U B B A – F L U B B A ! !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN E-FARTED!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW SNIFF YOUR MONITOR . . .
SMELLS BAD, DOESN’T IT?
WOOOOOOOO – WEEEEEEEEE ! ! !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DON’T PASS THIS ON . . . UNLESS
YOU FEEL THE URGE TO BE AN
IDIOT! NO, NOT LIKE ME . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:
His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes: Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store: Stopn Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white: Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh
His magician uncle: Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin’s American half brother: Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle: Can’t Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle: Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking: Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco: Go Gogh
His Italian uncle: Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie Bay Gogh
I.
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
II.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per house-hold; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second — 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
III.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the “flying” reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can’t be done with eight or even nine of them — Santa would need 360,000 of them.This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV.
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance — this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
V.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now…
Fairly Cheap Costumes:
Tom Cruise – sunglasses, socks (no shoes), no pants or shorts, a dress shirt, and underwear
Chuck Norris – wear only pants, no socks or shoes, a bandana, and die your facial, chest, and back hair red
Ghandi – shave your head and wear a loin cloth toga
Tarzan – only wear loin cloth underwear or any underwear
Things you can say you are if someone asks and you aren’t dressed up:
“Myself”
“an Insomniac”
“a Necrophiliac”
“a trick or treater”
“a retired wrestler”
“a person with a bus pass”
“I wear shorts”
“I have candy”
“I’m a scary monster”
“I forgot my costume on my way to your house”
Or just run away before they can ask.
1) When Kissing make sure your eyes are closed.
2) When you are kissing someone make sure it is not someone else’s b/f or g/f!!
3) You may NOT eat pizza anytime before you make out.
4) If a person is a bad kisser, you MAY NOT stop and leave at anytime, it’s rude.
5) A person with braces may not kiss another person who has them.
6) When kissing make sure your hands are where there allowed (they can wander sometimes and some people don’t like that)
7) NEVER ask someone if you’re a good kisser, you will either get a wrong answer, or the truth will hurt you.
8 ) If you were expecting More Than Kissing don’t complain, you will get less the next time.
9) Kissing more than one person in a day can result in you not being allowed to kiss one of those parties anymore
Top Five Places To Go On A First Date:
1) Movies
2) Shopping
3) To A Dance
4) Ice Skating
5) Theme Park
–
Top Five Places NOT To Go On A First Date:
1) Double Date
2) Out To Eat
3) Bowling
4) Their House To Meet Their Parents
5) A Sports Event
–
Top Three Things To Say To Your Girl Date:
1) Wow… you look amazing!
2) I Love You.
3) Wanna Sit In The Back?
–
Top Three Things To Say To Your Guy Date:
1) You’re such a hottie!
2) I Love You.
3) Where Do You Want To Make Out?
–
If You’re A Guy, DON’T wear:
1) A Tux
2) Baggy Jeans And An Old Shirt
3)Anything That Shows Your Stomach
–
If You’re A Girl, DON’T Wear:
1) Jeans And A Tee Shirt
2) Short Shorts And Tight Shirts- If You’re Fat
3) Sandals If You’re Toenails Are Long
–
If You’re A Girl, DON’T Say This To You’re Date:
1) Does This Make Me Look Fat?
2) Do I Have Something In My Teeth?
3) You’re Alot Nicer Than My Old Boyfriend
Disabling StartUp Programs In Win 98/ME/XP
In the System Configuration Utility:
1. Click your Start button, then click Run. Type MSCONFIG and click Ok.
2. Click the StartUp tab.
3. You will see a long list of programs with check boxes next to them. Uncheck all the programs except the following:
Registry Scan
Systray
Explorer
4. Reboot your computer and see how it runs.
You can always go back to the MSCONFIG window and recheck items if you find that you absolutely must have them launch at start up.
In Win.Ini File:
1. Click Start button, click Run, type SYSEDIT, click OK.
2. Click the C:\WINDOWS\WIN.INI tab.
3. Look near the top for a section called [Windows]. In that section, look for the load= and run= lines. If those lines are empty, just close the System Configuration window. If there is anything in those lines, put a semi-colon in front of the line, so it would look like this:
;run=c:\etc
;load=c:\etc
This will prevent the programs reference here from loading at startup; if you remove the semi-colon, the programs will again load at startup.
In the Windows Registry:
1. Click Start button, click Run, type RegEdit, click OK, to open the Registry Editor.
2. Click HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE, then SOFTWARE, then Microsoft, then Windows\CurrentVersion, then RUN.
3. In the right window pane, you will find programs that load when Win 95 starts. Right click your mouse on the one you wish to turn off at startup, click Delete.
4. Close the Registry Editor.
Disabling StartUp programs in Win 95
To see what programs you have running, press CTRL + ALT + DEL one time. This shows you a Close Program list. You want the Systray available, but most of these programs can be disabled so they do not load when you start your computer.
In the Startup Folder:
1. Right click your Start button, click Open.
2. Double click the Programs folder; double click the StartUp folder.
3. Highlight each item in the folder and press the Delete key on your keyboard. Do this for all items. Or, you can simply move the items to some other temporary folder using Win95’s cut and paste. This does not remove the programs from your computer; it just removes the shortcuts for those programs from the StartUp Folder. These shortcuts can always be recreated and moved back into the StartUp folder if you want.
4. Reboot your computer.
Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to check for any programs that are left. If you still have programs listed, do the following:
In Win.Ini File:
1. Click Start button, click Run, type SYSEDIT, click OK.
2. Click the C:\WINDOWS\WIN.INI tab.
3. Look near the top for a section called [Windows]. In that section, look for the load= and run= lines. If those lines are empty, just close the System Configuration window. If there is anything in those lines, put a semi-colon in front of the line, so it would look like this:
;run=c:\etc
;load=c:\etc
This will prevent the programs reference here from loading at startup; if you remove the semi-colon, the programs will again load at startup.
In the Windows Registry:
1. Click Start button, click Run, type RegEdit, click OK, to open the Registry Editor.
2. Click HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE, then SOFTWARE, then Microsoft, then Windows\CurrentVersion, then RUN.
3. In the right window pane, you will find programs that load when Win 95 starts. Right click your mouse on the one you wish to turn off at startup, click Delete.
4. Close the Registry Editor.
Note: Don’t actually do this, please.
1. Get a bunch of your friends and people that would like to join your gang that you don’t hate, and drop out of school. Or go to school and make your school your gang’s territory.
2. Name your gang from this list, and choose a theme:
Name:
Theme:
3. Now that you have your gang name, you have to name you and your friends. Pick names from this list:
4. Get some guns, bazookas, knives and boxes full of beanie babies, and gloves. You have to wear the gloves at all times, it covers your fingerprints. Recruit all the guys you can, to make your gang big, and a problem.
5. Now, go to any street not named Percy or Pansy. Hold that street like it was your home, because now it is!
6. For practice, stab the beanie babies you got in the boxes with your knives, shoot them with your guns, and beat them down with large, painful looking sticks.
7. Just in case cops come, take out the magazine of real bullets in your gun and put in a magazine of blanks and say, “You were only practicing your aim with blank bullets.” If the cop doesn’t believe you, start whacking the guy with those sticks that you got and use your fancy knifing work. Take his body out into an alley and dump him in a trash can. No one will find him until next trash day, and by then all the evidence will be shat on by cats (if you were stupid enough to leave any), so it won’t matter.
8. If any other gang tries to invade your territory, do what comes to mind…KILL’EM! And then after you kill them all, take over their territory, and then adopt all the dead gang member’s moms and dads, so they can give you pasta every Sunday.
9. Once a territory that you hold has been in your gang’s possession for a long time, make it a state. It is reccomended that you register this new mini-state with the U.S. Government, so that you’ll have exclusive rights over the acquired state, but they’ll probably just send the Army after you, then you’ll really be fucked. So, you probably shouldn’t do that.
10. Live, and make sure your fellow gang members do too.
1. Lose or get kicked out of your house, or don’t. Its more authentic and makes you look more believable that you are homeless. Make sure you have a few sets of your favorite run-down and smelly clothing with you to change into.
2. Get lots of cardboard and a pack of markers that are all black
3. Jog to your nearest freeway enterance or exit, highly populated area where there are lots of people willing to spend money, or right outside a McDonalds, with your supplies.
4. Write some stuff on the cardboard from this list:
5. Hold up your signs so people can see you and feel sorry for you and probably give you money or anything else they feel like giving you. WARNING: This may include a few gun shots in the leg, so have a first aid kit, and make a new sign saying “i was shot in the leg! help me! give me money!”
6. If another hobo is there, move to another location, it would just be mean if you were there too, taking his customers…unless he invites you to stay.
7. If possible, borrow or buy a dog or cat and have it with you at all times. People will feel sorry for you more if you have a pet.
8. Do not drink a Starbucks or have anything really expensive looking with you while you’re on the job, people will think you’re fine and not give you money, or think your fine and steal everything you got from you. You should get things from McDonalds only, Who wouldn’t feel sorry for you then?
11. In just a few decades, you’ll be rich! Keep waving those signs, you Squackle Hobos!
davepoobond: I’ve been through a lot of shit, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do to make a DVD and how I can make a DVD full of movies that me and my friends have made. This is what I have to tell you through my experience
1. To have interactive menus, you should have a DVD authoring program, such as Sonic MyDVD, or Ulead MovieFactory. They convert your files into MPEG 2 for you, which is the format you must convert your movie files into, so you can burn it onto DVDs, so they play in most DVD players. Anyway, don’t encode your movies into mpeg 2 using those programs, because you’ll only be able to fit maybe 2 hours or less of footage on there (you won’t be able to change the quality of the video either). If you want 3 or more, then you should get a separate program that converts avi files to MPEG 2. I suggest that you get TMPGEnc Plus (for the encoding), which is a great program. I’ve
downloaded several others, and this is the only one that is free (for 30 days at least), works fast, and best of all has no watermark. You can get it at
2. Once you get all your files into avi format, put them through TMPGenc, as according to this guide on www.dvdrhelp.com (which is an absolutely faaaaabulous website for anything DVD, VCD, or SVCD related. Its got an enormous amount of information for this kind of stuff)
http://www.dvdrhelp.com/tmpgencdvd.htm
but instead of having 1:1 VGA, I put 4:3 display. I don’t know if it makes a difference on the TV, but the 4:3 display makes the black bars smaller (as opposed to the 1:1 VGA). The only thing that it affects is when you view the mpeg 2 files themselves (not from the DVD), on the computer. If you’re
going to want to see your movies on your computer at all, you should make it 1:1 VGA then.
3. Once you get it all into MPEG 2, put it into your DVD authoring program, you’ll be able to pack a lot more movie time into it, as opposed to if you did it with just the DVD authoring program. I used the TMPGEnc DVD Author program (at the same link above). Also, all this information took me 2 months
to gather, because its hell trying to find a free AVI to MPG2 program without a watermark that you can use for an unlimited amount of video time. Most have a watermark or have it only for 1 minute or 5 minutes or something for maximum conversion time. It’s the goy.
1. Take a long narrow strip of paper
2. Give the strip a half-twist
3. Tape the ends together. The result is a Möbius band
1. Don appropriately comfortable clothes (a.k.a grubbies)
2. Pop mega bowl of Orville’s Gourmet popping corn
3. Locate remote. Allow body to fall backwards. Elevate feet.
4. Pop fluffy kernel into mouth. Repeat. Repeat. Move over – you’ve got company!