“The best vacation I ever took was to Lake Tahoe because it was neat and I went somewhere else than to Las Vegas for out-of-state-trips.  I had no mishaps.  I’d like to spend a vacation on the moon!”

- davepoobond

Tags: A DPB Tag, Lake Tahoe, Las Vegas, moon, vacation

Tagged People: davepoobond

Q: What is tan and has a truck?

A: A mouse going on vacation.

Tags: mouse, truck, vacation

Q: Where did the dentist go on his vacation?

A: To the mouth of the Mississippi.

Tags: dentist, Mississippi, mouth, vacation

A vacation is when you take a trip to some sexy place with your stupid family.  Usually you go to some place that is near a car or up on a head.  A good vacation is one where you can ride apes, or play sex, or go hunting for boobs.  I like to spend my time gargling or fucking.  When parents go on vacation, they spend their time eating three pizzas a day, and fathers play golf and mothers sit around sexing.  Last summer my little brother fell in a pussy and got poison Venus fly trap all over his dick.  My family is going to a strip club, and I will practice partying.  Parents need vacations more than kids because parents are always very sexy and because they have to work 69 hours every day all year making enough dicks to pay for the vacation.

Tags: boobs, family, father, MadLibs, mother, parents, pizza, poison, pussy, strip club, summer, vacation, Venus

Vacationing in Alaska, I couldn’t help but notice all the warnings about bears posted in campgrounds, visitors centers and rest areas advising people not to feed the bears, how to avoid bears, what to do if a bear sees you, what to do if a bear attacks, and so on.

My favorite, however, was a hand-lettered sign on the door of a small gas station in a remote area. It said: “Warning! If you are being chased by a bear, don’t come in here!”

Tags: Alaska, bear, gas station, sign, vacation

So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

Tags: employee, vacation, work

Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon.

I was under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, “Man, I look like a clown.”

I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me.

He asked, “Are you giving out balloons?”

Tags: balloon, clown, eye, grocery store, mirror, sunglasses, vacation

I was a salesman and always wore a shirt and tie which made me stand out in Key West. Tourists would walk up to me and ask me what to do at night. I would tell them that people gather at “Mallory Square” to watch the sunset. There are street performers and very interesting sights but most go there just to watch the sunset.

They would reply, “How often is that?”

Tags: shirt, sun, tie, vacation

Lisa, my co-worker at the travel agency, needed to send a letter of apology to a customer whose trip was a complete fiasco from start to finish. I reminded her of a similar situation a year earlier and dug out the letter I’d written then.

“All you have to do,” I told her, “is to change the details, the date, and the name.”

She looked it over and smiled wryly. “We won’t even need to change the name.”

Tags: vacation

Vacationing in Kentucky, a friend and I spent the night at a small motel outside of Louisville. In the morning, I asked the woman at the desk for directions to Churchill Downs. Not able to tell us, she called her husband from the back room.

“Churchill Downs?” he asked. “That’s the race-track, isn’t it?”

We nodded. He hesitated and then said, “I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere south of the university. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can be much help.”

At that point his wife left the room. The husband looked over his shoulder to make sure she had disappeared. Then he winked
at us, leaned over the counter and whispered, “Take Third Street through town, go past the university and turn right on Central Avenue. After that, just look for the twin spires.  You can’t miss ‘em!”

Tags: Kentucky, morning, vacation

Q: What’s brown, has eight legs and a big trunk?

A: A spider coming back from vacation.

Tags: brown, leg, spider, vacation

Q: Where do snakes go on vacation?

A: Venom-Zuela

Tags: snake, vacation, Venezuela

Q: Where do cauliflowers love to vacation?

A: Caulifornia!

Tags: California, cauliflower, vacation

Q: Where do chickens love to vacation?

A: In the state of Hennessee!

Tags: chicken, Tennessee, vacation

Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation in August?

A: To the sea ghost!

Tags: August, ghost, sea, vacation