The Triumphant Lion and the Arrogant Jy-Raffs

Once there was a rap group in the Sahara Desert called the Jy-Raffs.  It was a group of giraffes that loved to sing and rap.  They sang about eating leaves off trees and making sexual innuendos about those sexy giraffe bitches drinking from the watering holes.

One day an exuberantly manly lion named ReggIster Stupenstein published his first reggae/rap album.  He sang songs about legitimate love with his lioness pride without any baby killing beforehand.  He sang of lounging in the shade and eating yesterday’s zebra carcass with no hassle form the vulture community.

In essence, it was everything the Jy-Raffs were not and all the random lifeforms living in the Sahara Desert raved about the album.  This made the Jy-Raffs so jealous because deep down inside they were depressed that they were forced to sing about partying and smoking trees and looking at giraffe buttholes all day.  Most of them didn’t even like buttholes — they were mostly all about that tongue-action.

The Jy-Raffs decided to kill ReggIster Stupenstein because there was only enough room in the “politically correct reggae rap” niche for one successful artist.

Little did they know, this would be their demise.  As they were plotting their revenge in the cramped corridors of a secret underground cave, a genie’s lamp accidentally fell out of an encased tomb of sap that could only be unlocked by uttering the words “lion,” “reggae,” “kill,” “masturbate,” and “grind his liver between three calculus books” in the predicate of a 356-word-long run-on sentence with no correct punctuation.  They were rappers, after all…!

Anyhow, the genie, named Jardan Maura, didn’t come out of his lamp and grant the giraffes three wishes like you would expect.

Instead, the genie was a rebel genie who banished his victims to do irregular to insane monotonous tasks in a sweat shop in China that he owns.

The Jy-Raffs were fucked.  Instead of having to decide four different jobs for the giraffes to do, he combined them into one super giraffe — a four-headed, 16-legged monstrosity of a giraffe, doomed to forever lick closed 0% APR credit card applications sent to random people for the rest of their unnatural lives.

Moral of the story:  Appreciate the hard work that goes into mass-produced junk mail!

 

#21897: Evil Hell Cow -> davepoobond

 

Evil Hell Cow:

davepoobond: wow

Evil Hell Cow: I want that man 🙁

davepoobond: :-!

Evil Hell Cow: Not the woman… the booze

Evil Hell Cow: if it could do that for me…..

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: make you into a hot woman?

Evil Hell Cow: ….no

Evil Hell Cow: make other women into hot women!

 

#21895: janiekishiazg -> davepoobond

janiekishiazg: im soo bad … come spank me!

davepoobond: ok

janiekishiazg: hey 🙂

davepoobond: hi

janiekishiazg: how are you , are you busy? ? 🙂

davepoobond: hi

janiekishiazg: oohh ok well I saw ur online wanted to see if you wanted to chat in private right now ?? if your alone of course 😉 … i am 😉

davepoobond: hi

janiekishiazg: ok well 😉  ..just go here babe  (spam url here), just click on the accept the invite GREEN button … hurry my cam is on already …

davepoobond: is this reality

janiekishiazg: can you see ME??? … 😉 very sexy huh …lol well this site is soo cool .. we can chat with other girls in a big chat room … its like a big

orgy lol plus its free with my friend pass PLEASE DONT GIVE IT OUT!lol

davepoobond: my name is poop

davepoobond: i just came out of an ass

janiekishiazg: mindy

davepoobond: who

janiekishiazg: k papi rico i cant hear you or see wut your wrighting till you sign in soo ill be waiting just fill out the info for your account and the cc is just for age verification ok… (spam url here) here it is just in case you didnt get it 🙂

davepoobond: who are you

davepoobond: who is your daddy and what does he do

janiekishiazg: ok babe im ready, were are you?? you sign up ???im wet and waiting lol literly lol

davepoobond: yes i did

davepoobond: show me that pussy

janiekishiazg: K bye , ill be waiting …xoxo

davepoobond: what do you mean

davepoobond: are you leaving

janiekishiazg: punch my kitten 😉

davepoobond: i thought you said you wanted to chat

janiekishiazg: k

 

“That’s What She Said” (TWSS) List

This is a list of good and bad “That’s what She Said” lines that you can respond to by saying “That’s What She Said!” or the even more heinous “That’s What HE Said!” to sexualize/distort any statement you may hear in a conversation.

The same concept can be used for “…Sounds like a porno I saw”,  “…in bed!”, “Your mom/dad…”, and others, you just have to modify the statements to fit with the prefix/suffix phrases.

Leave a comment if you have a suggestion.

Good ones (they make sense):

“I need a bigger one” …that’s what she said!

“I can’t fit it in my mouth.” …that’s what she said!

“I want some In-N-Out.” …that’s what she said!

“I can’t hold it anymore.” …that’s what she said!

“You put one ball in”  …that’s what she said!

“That’s a lot of slides” …that’s what she said!  (“slides” like a power point presentation)

“I’m going to fill this up” …that’s what she said!

“It’s still warm back here” …that’s what she said!

“You just got them all right now” …that’s what she said!

“It came out the back” …that’s what she said!

“Where did all the balls go?”  ..that’s what she said!

“It is in one of three places”  …that’s what she said!

Bad ones (they don’t make sense):

(None yet.)