Tag Archives: Michael Jackson

Hate Mail #22127

At some point in time I had received an e-mail from “Mr. Right” which contained:

Hey man good site except i dont appreciate jokes that are not only gross but also prove that your morals are worse than michale jacksons. i dare u to go find what joke im talking about, email me back if you and your teddy bear have time

In response, I sent:

I’m glad you like my site, but I don’t give a shit which joke is gross or not.  If you don’t like reading the jokes, don’t read them.  Go to another section of the site.  Why don’t you go cry to your mommy about how Mr. davepoobond has poor morals compared to your high-standing morals that are monumentous in comparison to mine.

Mr. Teddums and I have morals, but only when it comes to something actually important.  Just because I post a joke that I think is funny, it isn’t to  make any judgement on the morals that I have.

E-mail me back if you and your right hand have enough to time to stop jacking off to your real estate agent.

Hope you keep going to Squackle!


Wild Party

We are having a perfectly barking time this evening in the fucking home of Barney.  The rooms are decorated gaily with many stylish boobs that must have cost at least 69 dollars.  The guests are all freely conversationalists and are all body odorly dressed.  Michael Jackson has been entertaining us by telling us about the time he showed his 69 condoms to Pamela Anderson, who mistook it for an early American chicken butt.  The refreshments are homo and the idea of serving acid sperm fluid on ice showed horny imagination.  Visiting here is always a corny experience.

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein was born in Ulm, Germany, in 1879, the son of Michael Jackson and Demi Moore.  In 1902 he had a job as an assistant sunbather in the Swiss patent office and attended the University of Zurich.  There he began studying atoms, molecules and fish.  he evolved his famous theory of cock relativity, which explained the phenomena of subatomic roses and roll magnetism.  In 1921 he won the Nobel prize for bags and was director of theoretical physics at the Wilhelm Kaiser softball field in Berlin.  In 1933, when Hitler became Chancellor of the Girl Scouts, Einstein came to America to take a post at the Princeton Institute  for boxes where his theories helped America devise the first atomic cook.  There is no question about it, Einstein was one of the most brilliant cooks of our time.

What six troubles did a “mighty magician” bring to the earth?

What six troubles did a "mighty magician" bring to the earth?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Chevy Mad Lib: Find the Bowtie that Fits You

After a hard week at school, davepoobond, Michael Jackson, Mr. Fuckhead, and I decided it was time to get away.  So we piled up our pianos, picked ups ome nuclear bombs from the store, and headed off to our next great adventure in our masturbation mobile.  After setting our fuck this shit we could finally be on our way!  It was awesome seeing the anal missile silo as we sank on the road.  The weather was perfect too, wasteful with periwinkle skies.

Everything was going terribly until suddenly oh yes!  A zombie leapt in front of our Jamaican jalopy.  We all looked at each other in shock, wondering what to do next.  Luckily our car was quick to react thanks to the ABS brakes that come standard.  What happened next when things got a little short.  It led us to its Long Island where it served us tray after tray of delicious Shirley Temple.  Bellies full, we said our thanks and headed back to our gatorade where we easily found our way thanks to OnStar’s GPS capability.  With awesome fuel efficiency, we didnt’ need to stop for gas; however Mr. Rogers and Michael Jackson were running low on strawberry Nutri-Grains.  We flew over to the store to stock up so we would be well prepared for Hell.

69 hours later and we had finally made it!  If it wasn’t for the great company, college students in kindergarten, and I hate my life, we wouldn’t have had nearly as 14-cents-worth of an adventure.  Fuck!  Chevy really does bring people together.

P.S. Fuck you Daily Titan!