agenta – n. imitation meat that tastes nothing like meat
Q: What does Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
A: 40 year old meat in 10 year old buns.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, “no, the steaks are too high.”
Mrs. Stickums: “What does a taco have?”
davepoobond: “meat, taco…shell, cheese…lettuce”
Mrs. Stickums: “so, what is that?”
davepoobond: “a… taco”
Mrs. Stickums: “no, its a combination food”
– from davepoobond’s high school
Once upon a time, yee yonders ago, ok maybe it was last week…BUT ANYWAYS! There was a big, green, sharp tooth T-Rex named Hcaz Lizard. Hcaz didn’t have many friends because whenever he tried to have a conversation with the other dinosaurs he would “RAWR” loudly, but Hcaz couldn’t help it. He was just born with a loud Rawr.
So, Hcaz usually scared all the other dinosaurs away. Everyone though Hcaz was a bloodthirsty, meat-loving T-Rex but in fact he was the very opposite of that. he loved to eat herbs, grass, trees, and vegetables. Hcaz didn’t believe in killing animals to eat, plus it was too messy with all the blood everywhere.
One day while Hcaz was sleeping, a vegetarian thief stole all the veggies, herbs, grass, and trees. All the other dinosaurs rejoiced because they hated that stuff. When Hcaz woke up, he was hungry as usual and decided to eat a tree. He set out to find a delicious looking tree, but there were none left! 🙁
Hcaz was heartbroken and didn’t know what to do. All the other dinosaurs were happy because since Hcaz had no more food he would soon die.
One of the toddler dinosaurs named Ikik felt bad for Hcaz, she didn’t want him to die. Hcaz has been in his cave since the disappearance of his food, so one day Ikik decided to give Hcaz a piece of her meat, she set out on a journey to Hcaz’s cave.
When she arrived, she was scared. But she knew she had to do it. Hcaz was sleeping when he heard her footsteps. Usually Hcaz would have said “Leave me alone!” but he was too sad.
Ikik told Hcaz, “I brought you meat, you need to eat!” Hcaz said in a loud “Rawr”: “NO, but thanks!”
Ikik was scared because it sounded like thunder but she knew he was nice because he said thanks. Ikik began talking to him and he still had a loud rawr, but she understood why. Hcaz and Ikik talked and talked until she had to go home, but she said she would come back tomorrow. From that day on Ikik and Hcaz were good friends all because of a piece of meat. Until Hcaz died of starvation, that is.
Moral of the story: If you’re a vegetarian and you have to eat meat to survive, maybe you should.
Q: What’s the difference between prospectors and butchers?
A: Prospectors stake their claims, butchers claim their steaks.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a dog with lunch meat?
A: A cocker spamiel
Q: How would you serve lion meat at a restaurant?
A: As a mane dish!
Q: Why did the chopped meat get slapped in the face?
A: It was fresh!
Q: Why do so many meats have good manners?
A: Because they are braised properly!
Q: What did everyone ask the angry butcher when the cat stole something from his store?
A: “What’s the matter — cat got your tongue?”