What Your Pet Name Really Means

What’s in a name? Apparently, a lot more than you (or I) ever thought there was. Here’s what his pet name for you *really* means…..

Darling – Depends on how he says it. If he stresses the first syllable, then he’s probably done something wrong or wants money.

Dear – Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of Ovaltine to lager.

Sweetheart – If it’s said patronizingly, it’s not so sweet.  But when uttered in earnest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.

Babe – Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for flares or signs that he’s a 70s throwback. He’s a bit of a medallion man. Chances are he’s got his initials on his chunky ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.

Baby doll – This type of man will probably require you to wear transparent frilly nighties even in the dead of winter.  He doesn’t want you to grow up, and obviously can’t deal with real women.

Princess – Never trust a man who calls you princess. You may think you’re being treated like royalty, but beware of Prince Charmings – they may be secretly plotting your overthrow.

Sexy – Fine if you’re sexy. If you’re not, who cares? He probably thinks you are anyway!!

My girlfriend – He’s honest, open and probably glad to have you around. The next thing you know he’ll be using your name!

The wife – If you’re married then he probably thinks he owns you. If you’re not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which case, he thinks he owns you.

My other half – You complete the set – he’s only half a man without you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity somewhere.

The missus – See The Wife.

My partner – He’s right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging trees.

My significant other – He’s even more right on. Probably thinks it’s cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own space.

She who must be obeyed – He thinks you’re a nag, but probably doesn’t lift a finger around the house.

 

The Snoopy-Snoop Dog Connection

I always figured snoop dogg was in some way connected to snoopy, the dog from Peanuts, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…Then I finally realiazed something! They both have big ears! I figure they came from the same parents, which were Charley Brown and Lassie was snoopy’s mom and dad, but then charley got a divorce when he caught lassie cheating with rin tin tin. Then Charley Brown remarried to Xena, warrior princess. This is when Snoop Dogg was born. Xena left Charley Brown because she though he called her a “Good Grief”. She misunderstood the meaning of this and took it offensively. She then went out and married Hercules. Charley never told any of his sons how they were related and he slipped into depression. He began drinking heavily and saying good grief until he couldn’t hold on any longer. He packed his bags and went to Mexico changing his name to Don Carlos Browne.

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the snoopy snoop dog connection in other languages. Yayyy!

Spanish

¡Yo siempre figuré dogg de que snoop estaba en alguna manera conectada al snoopy, el perro de Manís, pero de yo no podría poner bastante el dedo en lo. ..Then yo finalmente realiazed algo! ¡Ellos ambos tienen orejas grandes! Figuro que ellos vinieron de los mismos padres, que era Charley se Tosta y Lassie era mamá de snoopy y papá, pero entonces charley obtuvo un divorcio cuando él estafar cogido de lassie con estaño de estaño de rin. Entonces Charley se Tosta remarried a Xena, princesa de guerrero. Esto es cuándo Snoop Dogg nacía. La izquierda de Xena Charley se Tosta porque ella aunque él le llamó una “Pena Buena”. Ella entendió mal el significar de este y lo tomó ofensivamente. Ella entonces salió y Hércules casado. Charley nunca dijo cualquiera de sus hijos cómo ellos fueron relacionados y él resbaló en la depresión. El comenzó a beber pesadamente y decir la pena buena hasta que él no pudiera aguantar cualquier más largo. El empacó sus bolsas y fue a México que cambia su nombre a Don Carlos Browne.

French

Je toujours ai calculé snoop dogg était à certains égards connecté à snoopy, le chien des Arachides, mais je pas tout à fait pourrais mettre mon doigt dessus. ..Then je finalement realiazed quelque chose! Ils les deux a de grandes oreilles! Je calcule ils sont venus des parents pareils, qui étaient Charley Brun et Lassie était snoopy mom et le papa, mais alors charley a reçu un divorce quand il a attrapé tricher de lassie avec l’étain d’étain de rin. Alors Charley remarried Brun à Xena, la princesse de guerrier. Ceci est quand Snoop Dogg était né. Xena part Charley Brun parce qu’elle bien qu’il l’a appelée un “le Bon Chagrin”. Elle misunderstood le sens de ceci et l’a pris choquamment. Elle est sorti alors et Hercules épousé. Charley n’a jamais dit n’importe quel de ses fils comment ils ont été relatés et il a glissé dans la dépression. Il a commencé à boire lourdement et la maxime bon chagrin jusqu’à ce qu’il ne pourrait pas tenir sur plus long. Il a emballé ses sacs et est allé à changer de Mexique son nom à Don Carlos Browne.

German

Ich habe snoop dogg in mancher Hinsicht an snoopy, der Hund von Erdnüssen immer gerechnet war hat angeschlossen, aber ich könnte nicht sehr meinen Finger darauf stellen. ..Then ich schließlich realiazed etwas! Sie haben beide große Ohren! Ich rechne sie von den gleichen Eltern, die Charley Braun und Lassie waren, Mutti snoopy und Vater sind gekommen war, aber dann hat charley eine Scheidung erhalten, als er lassie gefangen hat, der mit rin Zinn Zinn betrügt. Dann Charley Braun remarried zu Xena, Krieger Prinzessin. Dies ist, als Snoop Dogg geboren war. Xena verlassen Charley Braun weil sie, obwohl er sie ein “Guter Gram” gerufen hat. Sie hat das Bedeuten von diesem mißverstanden und hat es anstößig genommen. Sie ist aus und verheiratet Hercules dann gegangen. Charley hat irgendein von seinen Söhnen nie erzählt, wie sie verwandt waren, und er ist in Depression gerutscht. Er hat begonnen, schwer zu trinken, und Spruch von gutem Gram, bis er auf irgendeinem längeren nicht halten könnte. Er hat seine Säcke eingepackt und ist nach Mexiko Änderung sein Name zu Don Carlos Browne gegangen.

Italian

Ho calcolato sempre il dogg di snoop era in alcuna maniera collegata allo snoopy, il cane dalle Arachidi, ma non potrei mettere completamente il mia dito su esso. ..Then io finalmente il realiazed qualcosa! Loro entrambi l’ha gli orecchia grandi! Calcolo sono venuti dagli stessi genitori, che erano Charley Marrone e Lassie era il mom dello snoopy ed il babbo, ma poi il charley ha preso un divorzio quando ha preso ingannare di lassie con lo stagno di stagno di rin. Poi Charley il remarried Marrone a Xena, la principessa di guerriero. Questo è quando Snoop Dogg era nato. Lo Xena Charley sinistro Marrone perché lei nonostante l’ha chiamata un “dolore Buono”. Ha frainteso il significato di quest’e l’ha portato offensivamente. È uscita poi ed Hercules sposato. Il Charley non ha mai detto qualunque di suoi figli come erano raccontati ed ha scivolato nella depressione. Ha iniziato a bere pesantementemente ed il detto dolore buono finché non potrebbe tenere su qualunque più lungo. Ha fatto le valigie le sue borse ed è andato a cambiare di Messico il suo nome a Don Carlos Browne.

Norwegian

Jeg alltid beregnet snoop dogg var på noen måter koplet til snoopyhunden fra Peanøttermen jeg ikke helt kunne anbringe min finger på det..then jeg til slutt realiazed noe! De begge har store øre! Jeg beregner de kom fra de samme foreldrenesom var Charley Brun og Lassie var snoopys mamma og pappamen da charley fikk en skilsmisse da han fanget lassie som snyter med rin tinntinn. Da Charley Brun remarried til Xenakrigerprinsesse. Dette er når Snoop Dogg var født. Xena venstre side Charley Brun fordi hun skjønt han kalte henne enGod Sorg. Hun misunderstood det betyende av dette og tok det anstøtelig. Hun da drog ut og giftet seg med Hercules. Charley aldri fortalte noe av hans sønner hvordan de ble fortalt og han glapp inn i depresjon. Han begynte å drikke tungt og ordspråk god sorg til han ikke kunne holde på noe lengre. Han pakket inn hans sekker og drog til Mexico forandring hans navn til Don Carlos Browne.

Portuguese

Eu sempre imaginei dogg de snoop estava em algum meio ligou a snoopy, para o cachorro de Amendoim, mas mim bem nao podia por o meu dedo em ele. ..Then eu finalmente realiazed algo! Eles ambos têm orelhas grandes! Imagino vieram dos mesmos pais, que eram Charley Lassie Marrom era mom do snoopy e papai, mas então charley recebeu um divórcio quando pegou cheating de lassie com estanho de estanho de rin. Então Charley remarried Marrom a Xena, princesa de guerreiro. Isto é quando Dogg de Snoop nascia. O Xena Charley esquerdo Marrom porque ela embora chamou seu um “Boa Mágoa”. Ela misunderstood o querer dizer deste e tomou ofensivamente. Ela então saiu e Hercules casado. O Charley nunca contou qualquer dseus filhos como eles foram relacionados e escorregou em depressão. Começou bebida pesadamente e ditado boa mágoa até que ele nao podia agarrar-se mais. Empacotou suas sacolas e foi a mudança de México seu nome a Browne de Carlos de Don.

 

Time Warp

One day a person named Ed was serving someone at Good Burger. The customer said, “I’d like to have a Good Shake please.” Ed said, “OK” then Ed shook him. The customer said, ” What are you doing? I’m going to Mondo Burger.” Then 2 aliens with 3 hands each came in. Ed said, “Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?” One alien said, “We want your planet……how much is it?” Ed says, “One Good Earth. That’ll be 8 bucks.” The alien said, “Thank you for selling your world for 8 bucks. We’ll send you to anytime in the past.” Ed said, “Cool” then he started shaking their hands in the middle of their stomachs and accidentally ripped them out. The alien said, “You have pulled out our hands from our stomachs!” Ed said, “Uh no.” “We will transport you to the midevil times now.” Then there was a circle over Ed. The circle sucked him up.

Meanwhile in the midevil times the evil God was about to kill the king. Then out of nowhere Ed fell on top of the evil God who died because the sword went through his head. Then Ed said, “Uh no.” The king said, “Thank you. You have saved me. I will grant you anything you want.” Ed said, “I want 8 bucks.” The king gave him 8 bucks and they lived happily ever after after Ed killed the king accidentally.

THE END

Moral: Violence don’t play that game.

 

Hannah Is a Palindrome

This entry is part 1 of 5 in the series Dave's Notes

This is a story I read a long time ago, and it is mad stupid. I don’t remember the details, but they really aren’t important….trust me. This is my retelling of that old story.

Hannah is this stupid girl that is sitting in her class one day. She always wanted to clap the erasers when they were dirty, but the teacher never called on her to do it, always someone else in class, especially the same person over and over. One day, the teacher taught them a new grammar thingy called a “palindrome.” The teacher pointed out Hannah and said, “Hannah is a palindrome, but I won’t tell you what a palindrome is until after recess, because I’m a bitch. So figure it out.”

Hannah didn’t like the fact the teacher pointed her out, and out on the playground, all the kids teased her, chanting, “Hannah is a palindrome, Hannah is a palindrome.” Hannah didn’t know what to say, because she didn’t know what a palindrome was. She got mad at the teacher for calling her a palindrome. How could she do such a thing? She never even let Hannah clap the chalkboard erasers, for crying out loud! WHAT A STUPID BITCH! SHE SHOULD BE SHOT! GOD DAMMIT!

After recess, all the way back to the room, the kids teased her, still chanting. When they got back in the room, the teacher explained what a palindrome was. It was a word that could be spelled backwards the same way forwards. The teacher told the kids they shouldn’t have teased Hannah for having a name that could be spelled backwards the same as forwards. Now the kids all felt like dumbasses. Then the teacher showed it to them on the board, doing it regularly, and backwards, erased it, then asked Hannah to clap the erasers by the window. Hannah did, and she enjoyed it.

good job, Hannah, I hope you enjoyed clapping those erasers and smelled that chalk dust. I hope you had fun, too, ya loser!

 

Funny Names

1.)Al Dente

2.)Al Fresco

3.)Anita Bath

4.)Barb Dwyer

5.)Bob Katz

6.)Bud Light

7.)Candy Kane

8.)Casey Macy

9.)Chris Cross

10.)Dick Tator

11.)Dusty Rhodes

12.)Eaton Wright

13.)Liv Good

14.)Faith Christian

15.)Gail Storm

16.)Gil Fish

17.)Harry Cary

18.)Harry Potter

19.)Harry Rump

20.)Jean Poole

21.)Justin Case

22.)Justin Time

23.)Kerry Oki

24.)Lance Boyle

25.)Les Moore

26.)Lou Pole

27.)Luke Warm

28.)Marlon Fisher

29.)Marty Graw

30.)Mary Christmas

31.)Max Little

32.)Max Power

33.)Mia Hamm

34.)Mike Rotch

35.)Mike Raffone

36.)Minny van Gogh

37.)Mo Lestor

38.)Neil Down

39.)Ophelia Payne

40.)Pat McCann

41.)Penny Lane

42.)Penny Wise

43.)Pete Moss

44.)Pierce Deere

45.)Price Wright

46.)Rick O’Shea

47.)Rick Shaw

48.)Rip Torn

49.)Russell Leeves

50.)Rusty Irons

51.)Rusty Steele

52.)Seymour Butz

53.)Shanda Lear

54. 55. and 56.)Skip Dover, Ben Dover, Eileen Dover

57.)Tom Katt

58.)Warren Peace

59.)Warren T.

 

Joke #5257: William Shakespere

William Shakespeare dies and goes to heaven. There he meets St. Peter, who asks him “what is your name and what were you in the past life?” Shakespeare says, “I’m William Shakespeare and I was a poet.”

At the same time, a scottish poet, Robbie Burns dies, and he goes to heaven. St. Peter asks him, “what is your name and what were you in your past life?” Burns says, “I’m Robbie Burns and I was a poet.”

St. Peter then says “well, we only have room for one poet in heaven, so we will have a contest! Whoever can write a better poem, gets in! The topic will be Timbuctoo, and you will both have one hour to complete the poems.” So after one hour, they come back, and Shakespeare goes first,

“As I walk across the golden sands, as I walk across the golden land, a great big ship comes in to view, It’s destination Timbuctoo.”

St. Peter says, “Okay, now we will hear Burns’ poem”

Burns says, “As Tim and I a walking went, we saw three damsels by a tent, as they were three and we were two, I bucked one and Tim bucked two!”

 

What Names Mean

These are a list of names that tell you what they mean. Look for yours and see what it means. If it’s not on here, tell us your name, and we’ll put it up for you. Most of these we just got from a stupid email, obviously made by a girl. Don’t think that we’re gay or anything….ok?

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Aaron – is smart and quiet
Adam – is loud and obnoxious
Alex – is small and holmley
Andy – is nice (until you get to know them)
Anthony – is funny and has lots of friends
Ben – is sweet and cute
Bob – is quiet and unpopular
Brad – thinks everyone likes them..(they don’t though)
Brendon – is a screwoff
Brett – wants “some” but can’t get any
Brian – is a hotty
Bryan – is sexy, but stupid
Chris – is adorable, and have lots of “different” friends
Clark – is hilarious and always in trouble
Cory – ready for anything (especially with girls)
Craig – is popular and “studly”
Curt – can kick anyones butt
Dan – can be shy or they can be loud and annoying
David – usually hot
Derek – has a good butt
Doug – has a greasy face
Drew – is a bad loser
Eric – is a loner
Erik – think they’re funny and popular (they’re not!)
Ethan – is a quiet pshycopath
Frank – is a complete butthole
Gary – is a drug addict
Greg – is a suck-up
Jake – is hott and sweet
Jason – is a player
Jeff – wants everyone
Jeremey – is a molester
Jesse – has no friends
James – is luscious, and studly
Jimmy – is cool and sweet
Joe – has no friends
John – is fat and lazy
Josh – is a horny man
Justin – is an ugly butthole
Kevin – can never get a girlfriend
Kyle – is a little cutie
Lance – will do anybody
Luke – seems to be sweet (watch out)
Mark – is popular with girls only
Matt – is popular and hott (they can be too up front)
Mike – is very good looking, but will do anything with anyone
Nathan – is smarter then hell
Nick – thinks he’s cool (boy is he wrong!)
Noel – is fucking retarded
Paul – wants too many chicks he’ll never get!
Phil – has an awesome six-pack
Ross – is rich
Ryan – is known they can get any girl
Sam – is a stalker
Scott – is the best type of person to be around
Sean – is fat amd horny
Shane – is a crack addict
Steve – wishes they had more friends
Tim – is too skinny
Tom – is too hairy
Travis – can’t get anything (from chicks or guys) hint,hint
Trevor – expects too much from their girlfriend
Tyler – is sexy
Will – uses every girl they go out with (they don’t really like them)