“You told me that kitties peepee in the sand!”
I’m so frail that the last time someone kicked sand in my face, the grains knocked me out cold.
FIRST MAN: “My wife and I are going to the beach for our vacation.”
SECOND MAN: “We saved money on our vacation last summer. Instead of going to the seashore, we stayed home, and every morning my wife passed a fish under my nose and threw sand in my face.”
Q: Why aren’t short Martians as lazy as tall Martians?
A: Because they aren’t as long in bed.
Q: What does Christmas have to do with a cat in a desert?
A: They both have sandy claws.
Another version of this joke:
Q: What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the sand?
A: Sandy Claws!
Q: How come beachcombers never starve at the beach?
A: Because of all the sand-which-is there.
Another version of this joke:
Q: How come the Martian didn’t starve to death in the desert?
A: Because of the sand which is there.
Saddy-Back Sandbags: Howdy howdy howdy! I’m Saddy-Back Sandbags, and I own SAddle SAndbags. Believe me when I say this, but Saddleback Sandbags is a completely different company than SAddle SAndbags…just because it is. If you come down to your local hardware store, pick up a bag of our sand or a whole parking lot of them, you can have a lot of sand! There’s unlimited sand in this world, and we take it and bag it and sell it to you. Won’t you buy them? You can prepare for flood, tornados, and other natural disasters, such as politicians coming to speak, Rosie O’ Donnel and to keep your children safe from Michael Jackson, just pile’m on top of them, you can never be too safe from MJ, the king of pop!
William Shakespeare dies and goes to heaven. There he meets St. Peter, who asks him “what is your name and what were you in the past life?” Shakespeare says, “I’m William Shakespeare and I was a poet.”
At the same time, a scottish poet, Robbie Burns dies, and he goes to heaven. St. Peter asks him, “what is your name and what were you in your past life?” Burns says, “I’m Robbie Burns and I was a poet.”
St. Peter then says “well, we only have room for one poet in heaven, so we will have a contest! Whoever can write a better poem, gets in! The topic will be Timbuctoo, and you will both have one hour to complete the poems.” So after one hour, they come back, and Shakespeare goes first,
“As I walk across the golden sands, as I walk across the golden land, a great big ship comes in to view, It’s destination Timbuctoo.”
St. Peter says, “Okay, now we will hear Burns’ poem”
Burns says, “As Tim and I a walking went, we saw three damsels by a tent, as they were three and we were two, I bucked one and Tim bucked two!”
An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said “You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me… do you still have intercourse?”
“Just a minute, I’ll have to ask my husband,” she said.
She went out to the reception room and said: ” Morris do we still have intercourse?”
Morris answered impatiently… “If I told you once I told you a thousand times…We have Blue Cross!!”
SQand – n. dumb “sculpting” sand used in fish tanks that is dry when you take it out of the water. Dumb.