Tag Archives: gold

Undermine (PC) Review

Developer/Publisher: Thorium Entertainment || Overall: 9.5/10


Undermine might seem like “yet another top down roguelike that resembles an old Zelda game,” but under the immediate aesthetic surface, you’ll find a wonderfully designed, fun, yet tough roguelike. The appeal of playing Undermine isn’t about messing around with a gimmick, but focusing solely on the strength of the genre with its gameplay and dungeon crawling.

You play as the endless queue of Peasants being sent to their doom by their king. The goal being to kill/loot/discover whatever it is in the Undermine. Each male and female you play as look exactly the same as the last; other than a pallet swap for clothing, a randomly assigned name, and different skin tones. The lack of individuality plays a role here as the Peasant will always die, and a new one will take their place.

While the story isn’t too complex, it keeps you guessing what the overall point of the whole endeavor is. You’ll discover/unlock upgrades and shops to help you get deeper into the Undermine, and progress the story bit by bit.


Undermine is a beautiful game. At first it was off-putting since I typically dislike “oversized” styles for characters, but I got used to it. While there isn’t a whole lot of customization to the player character (which is part of the dark humor in the game), they aren’t usually going to be alive long enough to matter before you are randomly assigned another Peasant.

There are a lot of unique enemies, only some being pallet-swapped versions of previous types. Effects are unique for each of the relics (power-ups) that you get, so it is easy to tell when something activates (which is also satisfying to see). Icons are also well done, so you recognize what each one is on sight rather than having to read it each time — though there are a lot of curses, blessings, and relics to remember so you’ll certainly have to check several times before recognizing repeats.


Sound is great, everything has a good feel to it. The music is also good, but there’s only one track for each dungeon, I believe. I ended up muting the music and playing my own music after a while (a lot of DragonForce in particular, recently).


The gameplay is actually not that unique from other roguelikes. What separates it is execution, which is practically perfect.

You don’t blast through the dungeons (a feeling I had with another roguelike, Moonlighter) due to the way the game is balanced. There are a lot of rooms with unique configurations; learning the rooms and enemies is a big part about preserving your health, which is hard to recover. You’ll die several times in the first dungeon before you get enough Gold to buy some permanent upgrades. Health recovery is possible, but food only heals a very low amount. I seldom ever get back to maximum health once I lose it; this is generally where a lot of the difficulty comes from since playing perfectly is emphasized as a result.

There are probably a hundred or more unique rooms, most of which are exclusive to their dungeon. New room configurations seem to pop up after a number of runs, perhaps due to a low chance of appearing, or maybe they unlock after a certain amount of time. Even after 30 hours, I still see new configurations in the first dungeon (known as the Gold Mine). When the room layouts are the same, enemy loadouts can still differ, so it keeps it fresh longer. A high percentage of rooms also have some sort of puzzle associated with them, sometimes not that obvious, so it’ll take experimenting over multiple runs to figure out what to do. Secret rooms are also fairly common, so being inquisitive often rewards you. You’ll use bombs and keys to solve the puzzles.

Progress ends up being slow and measured due to game design. This is a benefit because it doesn’t feel too easy and beating a boss or getting to the next dungeon feels like an earned experience. Once you discover a new dungeon you’ll be able to quick travel to it, bypassing the previous dungeon completely. However, it’s not the best decision to do so since you’ll lose out on all of the relics/items those floors have. You’ll get two relics for free for quick traveling, which is something they recently added to the build I was playing for this review — I found that it promotes quick travel as a more viable option. Before they added that in, I was traveling and completing the first floor of each dungeon before venturing deeper into the “progression” dungeon, but that strategy is painful by the time you hit the fourth dungeon.

Gold is the main currency of the game which can be used to purchase a number of upgrades at the entrance. A very important aspect to keeping the game high paced, is that after clearing a room, you’ll open chests or mine gold. The game doesn’t let you off that easy since there is an enemy called a Pilfer which will actually steal any gold that drops on the ground. They will keep spawning until the gold is gone, so you’ll have to run around and pick everything up or you lose out on it. This keeps the game high-paced and not always combat-focused.

Additionally, when you die, you’ll lose about 25% of your total gold (before upgrades). The loss of gold makes it more effective to purchase upgrades while you’re in the mine instead of just saving everything up for upgrades. Think of it as buying insurance before the taxes kick in on your pay check. If you repeatedly die without upgrading or buying things, you waste the opportunity of getting that much further in your next run.

A secondary currency called Thorium can be found, but is much rarer. This currency is used exclusively to craft new relics or potions, which can be used in your next run and is added to the loot pool from then on. The only time a relic can be guaranteed is when you craft it initially; if you craft more than one you’ll actually lose the additional relics to a Pilfer, so you’ll only be able to use one crafted relic per run — same goes for Potions. You are only able to craft them one time, at which point they become a “normal” relic/potion in the dungeon waiting to be found.

Crappiest Part:

It is hard to pick something that is crappy, but probably the lack of gameplay customization or different classes. While it is certainly not NEEDED, it would be nice to be able to modify your initial loadout just a bit so that gameplay can differ right off the bat and not always rely on a “luck of the draw.”

Not all relics are playstyle changers, so it isn’t guaranteed you’ll get to play differently anyway. Eventually, you unlock a shop upgrade that allows for Relics to be bought, but I have yet to see one pop up at the vendor. Not sure if this is a bug or not.


9.5 is high praise for a game, and while it isn’t perfect, it is damn near it. My only gripe is probably the lack of agency in customizing runs reliably. Undermine is a genuinely fun title that deserves praise and fans of the genre should be very pleased. The benefit of being in Early Access for so long seems to have looked favorably upon Thorium’s development of this title.

The 8 Year Old’s Dream

When he was 8 years old, he started being a famous archaeologist.  For this, tonight he dreamed that he was making a large trip with my girlfriend.  In his dream, Susana and he explored mysterious things in the jungle.  They navigated by canoe and admired the parrots of many colors.

One day, Susana got dirty because he said she saw a snake try to capture a rat.  He said to her that the snake isn’t dangerous and they went to the camp very fast.

At the end, they saw a magnificent temple that had dirt and some trees around the floor.  They found a secret door and when we entered, they discovered a large treasure of objects of gold and silver.  They started to take them whent hey remembered we didn’t have a bakcpack.

Then we left without the treasure, at this moment he woke up.

WoW Chat #23076: Gylana -> davepoobond

People were asking about what mounts the Worgen racial mounts were, and I linked them. IN TRADE, everyone was saying where to get them, which was in Darnassus. Then this guy messages me…

Gylana: were do u get that

davepoobond: 10g

Gylana: from where

davepoobond: 10g

Gylana: pay u?w

davepoobond: yes

Gylana: 5 then 5 after u tell me

davepoobond: ok mail me 5 right now

Gylana: meet met at bank

davepoobond: im in a bg!

davepoobond: i cant!

Infinity Blade (iOS) Review

Developer: Chair Entertainment Group | Publisher: Epic Games || Overall: 5.0/10

Hardware Used: iPhone 5 with iOS 6

Infinity Blade is a game in which you must vanquish a bum in his castle.

How does a bum get a castle? Hell if I know. But this guy who owns his five-room castle full of his sex-slave gimp-dressed “Champions” stand around and jerk it all day waiting for the next adventurous idiot (20 years apart from each) to go through the castle and kill them.

Infinity Blade is everything that is wrong with traditional gaming trying to make its way on mobile platforms. It’s an on-rails dungeon crawler with some point-and-click (or is it point-and-touch, now?) elements to it. It takes the feeling of freedom away from the player since you aren’t necessarily able to explore wherever you like and can only progress in a few paths that all ultimately end up in the same place. As opposed to a traditional console game where you’re able to move by yourself with ease, the designers decided it was best to not allow you to have the frustration of moving in 3D with only a touch screen and completely removed the ability to freely control your character. During battles, all you do is swipe your finger to hit the enemy with a sword, block, dodge, or use your overpowered specials (a stun and various magic spells) that can help you win a battle. Battles break up your combos whether you like it or not by inserting a five second cutscene at every third of the enemy’s health. The camera angle is also changed so that you become disoriented to limit your ability in fucking up the enemy again right off the bat.

The touch screen is no replacement for buttons, and this game makes it all too apparent that buttons are an evolution of necessity – it is easy to know when you push something it will react. However, when you swipe your hand across the screen or push a touch-screen-button the reliability of the action that you actually want to happen is around 85% rather than 99%. My biggest problem with the game is that the touch screen “buttons” in the game are not reactive to my lifeless hands. For some reason I always have trouble conducting enough electricity or heat or jazz in my hands to make something work on my touch screen. Don’t ask me why, it just happens. No matter how many times I smack my finger down on the touch screen to dodge, if it isn’t going to work, it isn’t going to work. The other annoying thing about Infinity Blade is instead of pushing a button and an analog stick to swipe; you have to move your whole hand, wrist, and arm to do one swipe. Essentially, you are playing Fruit Ninja on steroids, and I really wish there were buttons for this game because I’m going to get tendonitis in my shoulder if all games end up being like this.

But I suppose that buttons would make this game too easy as is. You can tell that the difficulty is adjusted to allow for reaction times in swiping. However, once you memorize the animations of each of your enemies (there are probably about 5 unique models in total, with different skins), you will breeze through most of the encounters. You can also use a healing spell, depending on which item you have equipped, which will basically help you cheat. Items are also an important part of the game, as when you master one of the hundreds of weapons and armor in the game, you gain a stat point to allocate. This aspect forces you to progress and not use the same items forever so that you can master more items and gain more stats, in addition to the stats you gain each level.

On the other side of Infinity Blade, you have a game that aspires to be something greater than it is. “Amazing” graphics, notwithstanding, you’ve got a unique experience with Infinity Blade that isn’t replicated very often in mobile gaming right now. I would align the graphics in the game to early-PlayStation 3 quality, but since the image is shrunk down to a 5 inch screen, that would be a bit too much credit. It’s probably more like late-PlayStation 2 graphics shrunk down with cooler lighting. However, the game will make you say “hey this looks pretty cool” …and then you get used to the graphics and it kind of doesn’t matter anymore. Except when you notice that the battery on your phone drains faster while playing than your phone can charge if you have the foresight to have it plugged in while playing.

So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about what makes the game even worse. Once I figured out the point of the game, I actually got sad. The overall, repeating, arc of the game is that you go in as this nameless adventurer guy, fight through battles until you get to the bum who is ridiculously powerful and kills you almost assuredly on your first encounter. Once you die, you see your adventurer’s son appear on the same ledge overlooking the castle that his father did 20 to 23 years earlier. Each tour through the castle and meeting your fateful demise is considered a “Bloodline.”

What this game tells you about the story is basically nothing. What it implies, though, is that there is society outside of the reach of the bum who owns a shitty castle. This society breeds new adventurers so that one day, a hundred or so years in the future, the bum will be killed. So, since these adventurers are somehow forced to father a son before leaving on their journey, he must be banging all of the women in the society to make sure that there is one son before he leaves, so that in twenty or so years, that fatherless child can go and die the same death his father did.

Thinking further about this “society,” you have to wonder about its structure. Is it matriarchal or patriarchal? My personal thought is that the women in this society are propagating this attitude of sending the son of this same Bloodline over and over to their death because they’re mad the bum bought up all the tampons at the general store for his Champions.

These women have deemed this particular Bloodline the only one that can go and fight the bum known as a “Deathless.” The Deathless guy sits on his chair eating chips and his Champions stand in the middle of rooms for twenty years at a time. He only ever gets out of his comfy throne to fight an adventurer who is idiotic enough to go and die by his blade. Pretty weird, if you ask me. Nothing is demonstrated as to the terrorizing the Deathless dude actually does to anyone else in the world, so I have to fill in the blanks. He just sits on his throne and watches Law & Order all the time. Leave the guy alone!

If this society’s only purpose is to destroy this Deathless guy, why hasn’t the Deathless guy got off his ass in the hundreds of years before and after you start playing the game and just fucking kill them? Who the fuck knows. He’s probably a lazy bum, that’s why I keep calling him that. I mean, he doesn’t even improve his living situation. There are literally no cool features of his castle — he doesn’t have a bowling alley, or a game room, or even a bathroom. What the hell are you paying your Champions for? Train them to be plumbers and masons instead of just how to use weapons only once every twenty years. They’ve got to be depressed being sanctioned to only a certain part of the castle and never being able to do anything fulfilling. Can’t he find a better castle? One where these stupid adventurer guys won’t bug him?

Once you are able to fight the Deathless guy and beat him to about a third of his health, he will proposition you to either join him or you can pick up your sword again and fight him to the death. If you join him, you just fight him again, so the game doesn’t really “let you” join him. If you end up actually killing the guy, the Deathless dude will say something inane about “other dangers” in the world being even worse than him. And as if that wasn’t a cop out enough, the adventurer dude is now alone in this stupid castle and has nothing better to do than snoop around. So he presses some weird console on his throne and all of a sudden a 3D Holographic map appears and some weird sci-fi music and other random weird shit happens. I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this game. What the fuck is the point of all of this? All you do is grind XP, master your weapons, gain stats, and swipe your sword over and over at the same five enemies, and then they throw in this mind-fuck for no good reason.

If ChAIR even bothered to put some sort of inkling of a story in this travesty of a game I wouldn’t feel like I was put out to pasture. What the hell is the point of half-assing this story and throwing in some random sci-fi shit that doesn’t belong just to give us a mind-blowing moment or whatever? Just so that they can get us pissing our pants in excitement for the next Infinity Blade game? Get out of here with that shit. The only reason I even downloaded this game to begin with was because it was free. If I paid 9 dollars or whatever it is for this game I would be fucking pissed off right now.

As if endlessly grinding XP and Gold wasn’t enough, they make the prices of this shit so astronomical they “allow” you to buy Gold in the game. 2.5 million Gold-things for 50 bucks or whatever? Doing more research about what you do in the game after you kill the level 50 God King Deathless bum, you are able to purchase the Infinity Blade for 500,000 gold. Using this blade, you can open three or four extra bosses who have levels in the hundreds. So, that’s one reason to keep grinding the game after you’ve “beaten” it.

Yeah, that sounds great. What a load of bullshit. This game sucks. I’m uninstalling it. Eventually.

WoW Chat #22440 davepoobond -> Sandychris

In trade chat, Sandychris is selling expensive mounts and other stuff, so I say to her…

davepoobond: 20k each

Sandychris: sorry only real money.:P

davepoobond: gold is real money

Sandychris: lol i mean$

davepoobond: yeah, $20k

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: thats what i wanna give you,,,,

Sandychris: sorry i dont wanna ur gold.:P

davepoobond: it is real gold

davepoobond: i just need a down payment to bring th gold into the country

Sandychris: i know, but we dont use it.:P

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: how?

davepoobond: i need it to pay the customs fees

davepoobond: but i will pay you back with the gold, cause its actual bullion

Sandychris: lol thanks

davepoobond: but i need these mounts

davepoobond: i told you i would pay you real gold money

Sandychris: i told u i only need $.:P

davepoobond: are you a girl

Sandychris: Yeah why

davepoobond: what is your cup size

Sandychris: what?

davepoobond: how big are your breasts

Sandychris: oh god

Sandychris: why do u know?

Sandychris: big enough

davepoobond: i want to know because i like boobs

Sandychris: ewww

davepoobond: what is so ew about that?

davepoobond: do you not like boobs?

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: are u married?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: are you?

Sandychris: no

Sandychris: i am younger than u

davepoobond: how old are you?

Sandychris: why dont u get married?

Sandychris: i am younger 10 years old then u.:P

davepoobond: i am trying to find a good woman

Sandychris: Nice

davepoobond: when do you want to get married

Sandychris: maybe 25 or 26.:)

davepoobond: can i ask you a question

Sandychris: sure

davepoobond: do you like butt sex

Sandychris: sure why?

davepoobond: i was just wondering

davepoobond: can i ask you another question

Sandychris: okay

davepoobond: will you marry me

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: i cant

davepoobond: why not?

davepoobond: you like everything i like

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: but i am not live in USA

davepoobond: details, my love

Sandychris: i am living in China,lol

davepoobond: that is ok

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: so, since we are getting married, you will be able to come to usa

Sandychris: lol never

davepoobond: do you like china?

Sandychris: sure

davepoobond: why

Sandychris: do u like USA?

davepoobond: yes

Sandychris: then my answer is same with u

davepoobond: but i am a citizen of the world, i can live anywhere i want to

davepoobond: if you will not come to me, i will go to you

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: are u a rich person?

davepoobond: yes, i have gold in many countries

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: how long is your tongue?

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: hello?

Sandychris: hello

davepoobond: what kind of activities do you like to do in your free time

Sandychris: nothing

davepoobond: do you know nancy?

davepoobond: i havent heard from her for a long time

Sandychris: who is Nancy?

davepoobond: she works in china doing the same thing you do

Sandychris: i dont know here

davepoobond: she got married

Sandychris: her

Sandychris: Yeah

davepoobond: and then another person, named danny said she was dead

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: which site does she from?

Sandychris: do u know ?

Sandychris: u can contact with her by livechat on her site

davepoobond: i think from susanexpress

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: did u buy gold or mount before?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: we were friends

Sandychris: i am not working for susanexpress.:P

davepoobond: i was so happy to hear she was getting married

Sandychris: lol nice

davepoobond: and then a week later someone said she was dead

Sandychris: lol so weird

davepoobond: i think it was because she was dealing drugs

Sandychris: ahh?

davepoobond: opium

Sandychris: horrible

davepoobond: but she was so nice.  she had to sit on a box and type on her computer

Sandychris: why sit on a box?

davepoobond: they did not allow them to have chairs

Sandychris: lol horrilbe

Sandychris: i cant believe

Sandychris: chinese boss is good and cent do like this

davepoobond: what is your favorite movie

Sandychris: why should i tell u?

Sandychris: Forest Gump

Sandychris: do u know?

davepoobond: yes, i know that movie

davepoobond: it is a good movie

davepoobond: what is your favorite part

Sandychris: do u love it ?

davepoobond: yes

Sandychris: every is good

davepoobond: why do you like it

Sandychris: not sure

WoW Chat #22142: davepoobond -> Sanydiusw

Sanydiusw is selling rare mounts in trade.

davepoobond: ill buy it for 10k

Sanydiusw: lol no thanks

davepoobond: how much for magic rooster egg then???

Sanydiusw: Cash

davepoobond: whats that

Sanydiusw: $

davepoobond: gold?

Sanydiusw: No

davepoobond: ??

davepoobond: can i trade you a copy of death to all humans: big willy unleashed

Sanydiusw: only real money.:(

davepoobond: and a flask of winds

Sanydiusw: Sorry.:P

Sanydiusw: sorry

davepoobond: what are you sorry for

Sanydiusw: coz we selling them in $.:)

davepoobond: who is we???

Sanydiusw: dollars

davepoobond: who

Sanydiusw: our company.:)

davepoobond: what is a that

Sanydiusw: i am a gold seller

davepoobond: i thought you said you dont want gold?

davepoobond: i have a sick

davepoobond: i need god to fix to my visa

Joke #5257: William Shakespere

William Shakespeare dies and goes to heaven. There he meets St. Peter, who asks him “what is your name and what were you in the past life?” Shakespeare says, “I’m William Shakespeare and I was a poet.”

At the same time, a scottish poet, Robbie Burns dies, and he goes to heaven. St. Peter asks him, “what is your name and what were you in your past life?” Burns says, “I’m Robbie Burns and I was a poet.”

St. Peter then says “well, we only have room for one poet in heaven, so we will have a contest! Whoever can write a better poem, gets in! The topic will be Timbuctoo, and you will both have one hour to complete the poems.” So after one hour, they come back, and Shakespeare goes first,

“As I walk across the golden sands, as I walk across the golden land, a great big ship comes in to view, It’s destination Timbuctoo.”

St. Peter says, “Okay, now we will hear Burns’ poem”

Burns says, “As Tim and I a walking went, we saw three damsels by a tent, as they were three and we were two, I bucked one and Tim bucked two!”