Posts tagged with 'accident'
“Children in the dark cause accidents, Accidents in the dark cause children!”
– from the Internet
PLAINTIFF: “Your Honor, the defendant drove down my street in his car, hit me and knocked me into some bushes twenty feet away. He’s guilty of reckless driving.”
DEFENDANT: “Maybe I am, Your Honor, but he’s guilty of leaving the scene of an accident.”
My wife drove cross country in our car last summer and hit every small town from New York to Los Angeles. The accidents cost me a fortune.
One thing you can always count on. That’s getting sick or having an accident as soon as your medical insurance expires.
BOSS: “Smith has a fractured skull. How did the accident happen?”
JONES: “Well, Smith said to me, ‘I’ll hold this spike and when I nod my head, hit it with the sledgehammer.”
TRAFFIC OFFICER: “Ma’am, what gear were you in when you had the accident?”
LADY: “I was wearing a green blouse, a white skirt and blue shoes.”
The Excretory System
Our system is the excretory system. The purpose of the system is to get rid of materials that the body doesn’t need anymore. It’s essential to do this because otherwise waste would get blocked up and eventually poison you. You will hear about how waste is gotten rid of by the body in this report.
For solid waste, you need to have waste products which could include undigested food, water, salt, skin cells, bacteria, bacterial waste and pigment. All these things come together and, as they go through the small intestine, these things get filtered from the things you need to live on. The waste products get pushed on to the large intestine and then exit the body. The brown color comes from bacteria breaking down other bacteria. Some diseases you could get in this system are diarrhea and the intestinal flu.
For liquid waste, blood goes through the kidneys and the kidneys filter out any waste products which is mostly extra water (99.8%), salts and urea. Liquid waste is made by the kidneys filtering blood and taking out any waste products. When the kidneys filter this, it filters down into the bladder which fills up like a balloon. Then nerves inside the bladder tell your brain that you better go pee right away. Your brain usually says, “no, don’t bother me now.” This delaying can go on for a little while, but then you will really need to go and you better find a place quick. Liquid waste is cleaner than the skin on your face and the spit in your mouth. That’s because it is not home to bacteria. Diseases you can get from liquid waste are . What this disease does is make your kidneys stop filtering blood and that will eventually kill you if you don’t get it treated. Another thing that can go wrong is if you have some kind of accident where one of your kidneys gets destroyed. In that case the other kidney gets bigger to accommodate that.
One day a person named Ed was serving someone at Good Burger. The customer said, “I’d like to have a Good Shake please.” Ed said, “OK” then Ed shook him. The customer said, ” What are you doing? I’m going to Mondo Burger.” Then 2 aliens with 3 hands each came in. Ed said, “Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?” One alien said, “We want your planet……how much is it?” Ed says, “One Good Earth. That’ll be 8 bucks.” The alien said, “Thank you for selling your world for 8 bucks. We’ll send you to anytime in the past.” Ed said, “Cool” then he started shaking their hands in the middle of their stomachs and accidentally ripped them out. The alien said, “You have pulled out our hands from our stomachs!” Ed said, “Uh no.” “We will transport you to the midevil times now.” Then there was a circle over Ed. The circle sucked him up.
Meanwhile in the midevil times the evil God was about to kill the king. Then out of nowhere Ed fell on top of the evil God who died because the sword went through his head. Then Ed said, “Uh no.” The king said, “Thank you. You have saved me. I will grant you anything you want.” Ed said, “I want 8 bucks.” The king gave him 8 bucks and they lived happily ever after after Ed killed the king accidentally.
Moral: Violence don’t play that game.
Joke #5236: A Woman’s Wreck
A lady had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes officer, I’m just fine!” the woman chirped.”Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the woman began. “I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was …”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off… “there isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
satvoc – n. a stupid looking kid, that walks around with a huge backpack, with one hand shoved down into his shorts pocket. His shorts are above his knees, and he always has his other hand scratching behind his ear or something on his face. He walks around like he’s on drugs when he really isn’t, and at random times runs when he is walking. He wears the shoes you don’t have to tie–they’re kinda like slippers, but shoes. And he swerves around while walking at random times, “accidentally” knocking into other people, structures and things
axeident – n. an accident involving an axe