Bad Submission #22920

Submitted using the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission form.

This form was submitted:  May 08 2004 / 22:36:19

name = the killer
email =
use_email = no
song = tic tac toe 3 in a row barney got shot by a ji i joe moma called the doctor and said oops! barneys dead shot in the head  squirting out red! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

#22501: Para -> davepoobond

Para: ::jingles a baggy of teeth at him::

davepoobond: woowwee

Para: Heh

davepoobond: that was unexpected to see ya IM me

Para: Got my wisdom teeth removed.

Para: Heh

davepoobond: that’s funny

davepoobond: is your mouth all numb

Para: Nah, had em removed friday.

Para: Now I’m just in pain. 😀

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: how many did you have?

Para: 4

davepoobond: i had 6

davepoobond: 4 on the top 2 on the bottom

davepoobond: stupid doctor made the joke saying i have extra wisdom

davepoobond: i wonder how many times a day those nurses have to hear that jackass say that same joke

Para: Lol, now that sucks.

Para: Mine were just huge.

Para: The bottom ones were twice as large as the top.

davepoobond: interesting

Para: Looks like you could have pulled em out of a small cow.

Para: Had to cut of part of my jaw bone to get one out.

davepoobond: ow

Para: It had pinched some bone.

Para: I have the jaw bone too. 😀

Para: Did you keep yours?

davepoobond: i dont know

davepoobond: i dont think they let me keep them

davepoobond: or my mom didn’t want to

davepoobond: something like that

davepoobond: they said the 2nd set at the top just crumbled when they took them out

davepoobond: i think i actually lost them

Para: Actually they aren’t supposed to let you keep them.

Para: They are a biohazard.

davepoobond: then i probably don’t have them

Para: I’m persistant though.

davepoobond: or never did

Para: Plus they usually have to cut impacted ones up to get them out.

Para: So I have 2 teeth in 5 different pieces.

Para: But I can glue em back.

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: never know when you’ll need biohazard material, i guess

Para: Lol, they aren’t anymore.

Para: I washed em.

Para: I can understand why they would be.

davepoobond: people might eat them, they can’t take the chance

Para: It takes awhile to clean them, it would take them too long to clean them… so they would have to hand them to you bloody and with gum tissue hanging off.

Para: So I had a little gruesome bloody baggy off teeth for a bit.

Para: Creeped the hell out of my mom.

Para: I’m standing over the bathroom sink, about 4 hours after the surgery, a little dopey… and using a nail brush to scrap it all off.

Para: Which it didn’t work.

Para: So I had to boil them.

Para: She refused to come into the kitchen

davepoobond: ew

Para: Lol

Para: What, they are just teeth.

davepoobond: well you’re boiling them and scraping them

Para: Had to, rather do that then have rotten human flesh smell.

davepoobond: you could’ve always sucked it all off

Para: Can’t suck… can’t use a straw for a week.

davepoobond: meh

Para: Lol

Para: I don’t know why that seems to freak people out.

davepoobond: it doesn’t really

davepoobond: its just kind of nasty

Para: *shrugs*

Para: I had little options

davepoobond: the thought of seeing gum hanging off teeth dripping with blood

davepoobond: kind of unsettling

 

Joke #21636

Two doctors opened an office in a small town.

They put up a sign reading:

“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.”

The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.”

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

No go! Next they tried “Catatonics and Colonics” Thumbs down again.

Then came, “Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives.”

But is was still not good! So they tried:

“Minds and Behinds”

“Analysis and Anal Cysts”

“Nuts and Butts”

“Freaks and Cheeks”

“Loons and Moons”

“Lost Souls and Butt Holes”

None worked.

Almost at their wits’ end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:

“Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends.”

APPROVED.

 

Get My Doctor On the Line

Parody of “Baby One More Time,” by Britney Spears.

There’s more than 1 way to “blow up”…

Oh baby baby
How was I supposed to grow?
Into this size 9 here..
Oh baby baby
The doc should have let me know..
And now my shirt’s too tight,yeah..
He asked me how many cc’s
of silicone that I could hold..

Now-

My Double D’s are killing me..
I must confess sometimes I leak..
My shirt’s see through you can see my spine,
Give me a dime..
Get my doctor on the line!

Oh baby baby-
I wheeze when I squeeze,it true.
I can feel the bones behind them..
Oh baby baby-
Can you cut each one in two..
Or maybe I could cram them..
Before-going on MTV..
Are they big enough for my new show..?

Because-

My Double D’s are killing me..(filling me)
I must confess sometimes I leak,(sometimes I leak)
My shirt’s see through,you can see my spine-
Give me a dime..
Get my doctor on the line!

Oh baby baby-
You know I’m suppose to blow
your money on my tight brassieres..
Oh baby baby
I shouldn’t have had the hose..
Go and fill them through my right ear..
You promised me an average c-
But these basketballs are hitting my nose..

And-

My Double D’s are killing me (spilling free)
I must confess sometimes I leak (sometimes I leak)
My shirt’s see through,you can see my spine-
Give me a dime..
Get my doctor on the line!

 

Joke #21321

A blonde goes to the doctor and she tells him that she lives in a neighborhood that is surrounded with dogs and they bark all night and she can’t get a wink of sleep. The doctor gives her the strongest pills he has and tells her to come back in a week.

She comes back in one week and she looks even worse.

Then the blonde said “Once I actually caught the dog it was like hell to get him to take the pill!”

 

Joke #21241: Parachute Situation

You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Internal Revenue Service agent: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

Economist: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

Dramatist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Artist: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.

Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.

Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.

Association of Tobacco Growers representative: you explain very patiently that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown that jumping out of a plane is NOT harmful to your health.

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21036

I am a 40 year old male. I take viagra. I can admit it. I think it is the best thing since sliced bread!!!

Why go through the embaressment of going to a Doctors office? Why hand the prescription to that cute little woman behind the order
counter? All the employees working there know why you are there.We can fill your prescription on line, quietly and confidentially.

And we will take care of everything. I promise you it WORKS!!! You will feel like a kid again!!!All you do is take it 30 minutes before the time you are planning an intimate moment with your partner, and then BAM, you are READY! You are more confident, self assured, relaxed.It takes no effort to maintain an erection. I love it, and you will too!