“I hope they have 4G coverage in heaven. Otherwise, they’re being ripped off for service.”
We all have things to do. Sometimes we put them in a list. Well, today I found a list of things to do on the ground. And since I didn’t have anything better to do, I thought it would be worth my time to completely obliterate this person’s list of things to do, for no reason other to be a dick.
So, here we go!:
“1. Confirm still life”
Yes, this is your confirmation, my friend. This is a still life. We are doomed to forever work at our crappy jobs and breathe the air on this Earth until we die and then that’s it. The only redeeming factor to this “still life” is 80’s music. And metalcore with piano in it.
“2. Complete graphite transfer”
Uh oh. Graphite transfer of what? Your naked body? Mmm… You better be that kinda hot Asian chick that I think dropped this list if that’s going down.
“3. Clean room”
An honest proposition. However, an even more honest assessment would be that your room will never be “clean” considering you’ve tainted it with your being.
“4. Write letter”
This is as ambiguous as you can get. Technically, you’ve written a lot of “letters” already. However, if this is a letter that you send in the mail, it is oddly very unspecific… almost as if just in case this list had been seen by someone else, such as myself, if they ever wrote an article about it and posted it on a web site for all to see, we wouldn’t know to who this mysterious “letter” is for.
“5. Fill out concentration/major paperwork.”
I hope you don’t have to rely on this list to remember to do that. Cause I guess you’re not gonna have a major ever if you do.
“6. Pay Insurance!”
Interestingly this is of midway importance for this person. It is sort of a commentary on America itself, once you think about it. Insurance is only #6 on the list of importance. That’s why Republicans want to get rid of Obamacare, not because they want to insurance companies to keep their costs down, but to keep the individual’s costs high and to keep rising!
The “ce” was also whited out, so it brings to question what she had actually spelled originally.
“7. Spay Ammy”
Looks like today is Ammy’s lucky day. Ammy will still be able to make babies when this day is through. Maybe.
“8. Rework Artwork”
This feels like some sort of rhyming action is trying to take place. I wonder if “Rework Artwork” is the name of an object or an art piece in and of itself. Which would mean we don’t know what the hell this actually means.
“9. Lay out story/storyboards”
Considering a storyboard is supposed to help you lay out a story, I don’t know why you’d want to do both at the same time. Sounds like this should have been two numbers!
“10. Be happy!”
This is what gets me about this whole list. You have to remind yourself to “be happy” cause your life is apparently so crummy, that you have to artificially make yourself happy by telling yourself to “be happy” in a list of things to do.
Anyway, I’m just glad I wasn’t put in the awkward position of having to explain why I was writing two pages about this girl’s To-Do list that she dropped on the floor unknowingly, had she unexpectedly come back.
Yesterday some douchebag wanted to buy a pencil and he only had like 95 cents. I told him the pencil he was interested in buying was 1.08 with tax. And he was all, “can’t I just bring the rest of the money later?”
I told him, “No, you’re about 9 cents short and I can’t let things out of the store without it being paid for.”
“Really? 9 Cents? You won’t let it go for 9 cents?”
At first I thought he was being sarcastic/joking but then it became apparent he was actually pissed as he started shaking his head and cursing under his breath.
Like, what the fuck do you want me to do, asshole? Short my register for your sorry “can’t afford 9 more cents” ass? Or pull money out of my pocket for you?
Fuck you! Fuckin’ asshole!