Tag Archives: mouth

The Rotting Bowl of Carrots

I wanna fly into the air!

I wanna take over the skies!

With my rotting bowl of carrots in hand!

I’ll shit all over the masses and fuck them over!

I have a ton of fucking carrots in my fucking bowl!

Remember when I used to swim through ranch dressing in a two-piece bikini?

Let me take them carrots and put them in my mouth, chew them up, and spit them on your face!

Joke #18665

A church-going cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

The next morning a cow walked up carrying the Bible in it’s mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes!

He took the book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heaven-ward and exclaimed, “Praise God! It’s a miracle!”

“Not really….” said the cow. “Your name was written inside the cover.”

Top Ten Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much at Thanksgiving

10. You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net.

9. Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams.

8. All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps.

7. While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker.

6. Strangers keep addressing you as “Mr. President.”

5. This morning, the display on your bathroom scale read “Good Lord!”

4. You now have an butt the size of Plymouth Rock.

3. People keep looking at you and saying, “I thought the Macy’s Parade was over.”

2. Your relatives can’t go home because they’re stuck in your gravitational field.

1. You’re sweatin’ gravy, my friend!