iraotseupte – v. to eat a rock after pissing on it and then yell at the moon
I wrote this in 2002.
I had a dream that I was out in the desert or something. The sand was red and there weren’t any trees, but big rocks every so often. There were a lot of people there, and there were a lot of houses. I wasn’t too far from my house. I looked up at the moon (which was very close). It was really hot, and the moon turned around pretty fast, and it looked the same except it had its own “red eye storm” like Jupiter. It’s kind of hard to describe. Anyway I pointed it out to my mom, and she said “that’s normal, they throw all our trash up there, you know?”
I thought “hmm, all that plastic up there is burning making it hot down here…” It seemed like it was raining fire from the moon. All of a sudden, it blew up. Everyone started screaming and went back inside their homes. After the moon rocks fell, I went over to my friends house, and there was my Grandma. She said his family wasn’t there because my friend was at the hospital. She pointed out the window shutters on the window, and said something about how cheap they were because a rock fell through. Then she disappeared.
Then it rained rocks again. Afterwards, I was crying and I turned on the TV. To get my mind off everything, I turned on the TV and watched cartoons, while there was another TV with the news on. It had a bunch of people talking about the moon blowing up, and how it was more horrible than September 11. The rocks fell again all of a sudden for the last time. I went outside to see what happened, and there were a lot of people on hospital beds, screaming because trash and rock shot into their body.
I woke up then. What a weird dream. I could barely describe it all. You should’ve dreamed it yourself…to truly understand.
“The best vacation I ever took was to Lake Tahoe because it was neat and I went somewhere else than to Las Vegas for out-of-state-trips. I had no mishaps. I’d like to spend a vacation on the moon!”
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the planetarium where we’re going to have another great day of astronomy notes. Looks to be a promising day as I see class hasn’t even started and a kid to my left, the teacher’s right, has already fallen asleep. OK, so class is now underway and his first issue of discussion is yelling at some kid for reading the BG News in class. Talk about taking the bull by the horns. Now we see him display information on the overhead. Personally, I see two things wrong with this. 1) It has words and number on it that no one in this class understands, and 2) The fricken print is about a size six font, it’s too small to even read! How are the students taking to this? Well, the one kid’s still asleep and another is playing games on his calculator. He’s obviously been in this class long enough to know how to pass the time. Kudos to you young man, kudos to you. Back to class at hand though. Let’s listen in with our in-class mic we have secretly attached to the professor. “Be glad you don’t live on Jupiter because if you did, you wouldn’t have a surface to live on, you would weight 2 1/2 times more than what you do here, and you would have about 25 more moons to memorize.”
Well that’s some good information. Obvious. But good. I tell you what, if I didn’t have a surface to stand on, I sure wouldn’t want to live there. Ah, now we see some information we can actually read. This has caught some of the students. One point for the teacher. I believe the students are still in the lead 3-1 however, due to the two kids sleeping and the calculator playing fellow. Well I’ve been part of some boring astronomy classes, but wow. Today’s is just bad. I see some desperate measures are being taken now by the professor as he has resorted to his slides, flipping from one to the next in a flee of unorganization. That’s going to be scored as minus one point for him. Bad form. During his search for the right slide, I believe I heard someone mutter a “Boring.” What a horrible display of teaching skills. And now he shows us a slide of a picture of a planet’s moon and shows his fascination with how it looks like the Death Star from Star Wars. I believe it is time to end this. This day of class has been ended prematurely due to the teachers own stupidity. I can’t even write anymore. I quit. Enjoy the rest of your day, folks. Your final score is…
Well, honestly, who cares?.
Guy 1: “What’s going on!?”
Guy 2: “The moons breaking up!”
– from The Time Machine
Q: What do you call a tick on the moon?
A: A lunar-tick
Q: When was Mickey Mouse’s girlfriend born?
A: Minnie moons ago.
Yankee Noodle Dandy
It Had to be Stew
Of Tea I Sing
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat
Fry Me to the Moon
There’s No Business Like Dough Business
“Moons dance with planets”
“Mooning someone is like losing your virginity”
“It has been shown that the effects of gamma rays on man in the moon Marigold can be quite harmful”
– Ms. Signs
“He was as imaginative as Bignose who described his adventures on the moon”
– Ms. Signs
If Detroit had manufactured the Apollo space capsules, man would have never reached the moon. The capsule would have been recalled halfway to its destination.