WoW Chat #24500: Bunnylol -> davepoobond

Bunnylol: (whispers me two Chinese words)
davepoobond: lol hi
Bunnylol: chinese
davepoobond: japanese
davepoobond: look at these!
Bunnylol: sorry
davepoobond: are you a girl?
Bunnylol: lol
Bunnylol: yes
davepoobond: can i ask u a question?
Bunnylol: no
davepoobond: y not?
davepoobond: do you like america?

 

#23298: chewy17171717 -> davepoobond

chewy17171717: hahhah i like your profile it matches mine

davepoobond: reallllly

chewy17171717: ya

chewy17171717: isn’t that so cool

chewy17171717: r u from china

davepoobond: definitely

chewy17171717: ?

davepoobond: oh yes i’m chinese

chewy17171717: what part

davepoobond: the place they speak mandarin

chewy17171717: hahah me too

chewy17171717: what part

davepoobond: coool

davepoobond: the place where they sell the fish frying in deep oil

chewy17171717: so what r u doin tonight

davepoobond: i’m going to jack off

davepoobond: what about you

chewy17171717: hey i have a kid in a room

davepoobond: a room?

davepoobond: what do you do with this kid in a room

chewy17171717: no my kid

chewy17171717: i um take care of it

chewy17171717: u perv its my kid

davepoobond: really?

chewy17171717: ok anyway

davepoobond: wait a seconddd

chewy17171717: actually i live in hong konk

chewy17171717: kong

davepoobond: your profile says you’re 14 and you go to catholic school

davepoobond: how can you have a kid

chewy17171717: i did like 3 weeks ago

chewy17171717: i need somone else to help me out

chewy17171717: like a father

davepoobond: and you think you’ll find one online

davepoobond: i getchya

chewy17171717: will u

chewy17171717: no im jk

chewy17171717: her name is Laurel

chewy17171717: i hate catholic skewls

chewy17171717: its so devestating

davepoobond: actually, i wouldn’t mind being your husband

chewy17171717: is your name dave

davepoobond: i’m 42, and have a decent job

davepoobond: yes i am

chewy17171717: really

chewy17171717: ooo u arn’t the pervert in the 17 magazine

chewy17171717: r u

davepoobond: no. i think he’s my cousin though

davepoobond: i’m a subscriber to it

davepoobond: i get every issue

chewy17171717: really have u read the recent one

davepoobond: i usually jack off to it everyday at 7:36 PM

davepoobond: no i haven’t

chewy17171717: what r the magazines about

davepoobond: i was going to open it at 7:33:23 to look through it

davepoobond: i dont know, i dont read the articles

davepoobond: there’s just stupid topics about stupid kids

davepoobond: i dont like them, i just fuck them

davepoobond: oops did i just say that

davepoobond: oh well

chewy17171717: hey im one those kids

chewy17171717: oo would u like to fuck me

davepoobond: well then, there goes by parole

davepoobond: sure

chewy17171717: your 42 and a redneck

chewy17171717: great

chewy17171717: what i always wanted

davepoobond: who says i’m a redneck?

chewy17171717: my name is Brigid

chewy17171717: i do

chewy17171717: sob

davepoobond: your profile says you’re julie

chewy17171717: jk

chewy17171717: hahah

chewy17171717: my bitch is fuckin me

davepoobond: oh no

chewy17171717: thats my friends name im spendin

chewy17171717: hahah jk

chewy17171717: so u must be one of those perverts arnt u

davepoobond: sure

chewy17171717: u guys r the ppl who did this to me

davepoobond: sowwy

chewy17171717: stop talken to me

davepoobond: i thought you wanted to fuck

davepoobond: you fuck

chewy17171717: um no

chewy17171717: excuse me but my daughter is to young

chewy17171717: u should no better

chewy17171717: u young kids should be thinking about skewl not girls

davepoobond: how old is she

chewy17171717: 9

davepoobond: so you had a baby when you were 5

chewy17171717: i think u would know better than that

chewy17171717: no this is the mother of the girl u just talked to

chewy17171717: so i said good day

Just then I get warned “anonymously.”

davepoobond: and then what did i say

Previous message was not received by chewy17171717 because of error: User chewy17171717 is not available.

 

The Truth About Recycling

Recycling is not all it’s cracked up to be.  It isn’t going to save our planet by itself, but it does accomplish one thing for sure: it becomes a social burden on society.

We’ve all seen people digging through trash and random dumpsters for cans and bottles.  Those five cents that we couldn’t care less for (it IS why it is in the trash can to begin with) are the major source of income for these types of people.  In and of itself, it isn’t necessarily something that is bad or you have to feel bad about — these people somehow make their way in life by doing what they’re doing.

What recycling does, when taking this into account is create a class of these people who do nothing with their time but scavenge and dig through trash, with little to no assurance that they will make even a dime.  Imagine having to wake up in the morning everyday and go on the same route, checking the same trash cans, day in and day out.  Not only because its necessary, but they have no time to do anything to get out of the situation they are in — otherwise they wouldn’t have to do what they’re doing.

States that charge recycling fees profit big time from recyclables.  They use the noble cause of recycling to charge you an extra tax, a majority of which will never be recovered from recycling.  People then scam the State out of these extra taxes by filling up cans and bottles with sand or something to get higher weights when redeeming their recyclables.  Then the people who receive these items then scam the State even more and bump up their numbers of received recyclables for a bulk rate.  Then these recyclables are sold to major vendors who ship most of their stuff to China to be processed so that it can be re-sold back to us.  Don’t even worry about how most of our recyclables that we toss into the bins is basically “free” money for the waste contractors who employ hundreds of penguins to go through and get all of the recyclables they can.

But this is all very grand and elaborate.  You have to go back to the people who scour the world for recyclables because they have no other forms of income.  It is sad, and if recycling were abolished, then that would force people to not want to carry around 50 pound trash bags full of cans or shopping carts full of bottles.  Recycling may be good for the Earth, but its bad for society.

 

WoW Chat #22440 davepoobond -> Sandychris

In trade chat, Sandychris is selling expensive mounts and other stuff, so I say to her…

davepoobond: 20k each

Sandychris: sorry only real money.:P

davepoobond: gold is real money

Sandychris: lol i mean$

davepoobond: yeah, $20k

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: thats what i wanna give you,,,,

Sandychris: sorry i dont wanna ur gold.:P

davepoobond: it is real gold

davepoobond: i just need a down payment to bring th gold into the country

Sandychris: i know, but we dont use it.:P

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: how?

davepoobond: i need it to pay the customs fees

davepoobond: but i will pay you back with the gold, cause its actual bullion

Sandychris: lol thanks

davepoobond: but i need these mounts

davepoobond: i told you i would pay you real gold money

Sandychris: i told u i only need $.:P

davepoobond: are you a girl

Sandychris: Yeah why

davepoobond: what is your cup size

Sandychris: what?

davepoobond: how big are your breasts

Sandychris: oh god

Sandychris: why do u know?

Sandychris: big enough

davepoobond: i want to know because i like boobs

Sandychris: ewww

davepoobond: what is so ew about that?

davepoobond: do you not like boobs?

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: are u married?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: are you?

Sandychris: no

Sandychris: i am younger than u

davepoobond: how old are you?

Sandychris: why dont u get married?

Sandychris: i am younger 10 years old then u.:P

davepoobond: i am trying to find a good woman

Sandychris: Nice

davepoobond: when do you want to get married

Sandychris: maybe 25 or 26.:)

davepoobond: can i ask you a question

Sandychris: sure

davepoobond: do you like butt sex

Sandychris: sure why?

davepoobond: i was just wondering

davepoobond: can i ask you another question

Sandychris: okay

davepoobond: will you marry me

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: i cant

davepoobond: why not?

davepoobond: you like everything i like

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: but i am not live in USA

davepoobond: details, my love

Sandychris: i am living in China,lol

davepoobond: that is ok

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: so, since we are getting married, you will be able to come to usa

Sandychris: lol never

davepoobond: do you like china?

Sandychris: sure

davepoobond: why

Sandychris: do u like USA?

davepoobond: yes

Sandychris: then my answer is same with u

davepoobond: but i am a citizen of the world, i can live anywhere i want to

davepoobond: if you will not come to me, i will go to you

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: are u a rich person?

davepoobond: yes, i have gold in many countries

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: how long is your tongue?

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: hello?

Sandychris: hello

davepoobond: what kind of activities do you like to do in your free time

Sandychris: nothing

davepoobond: do you know nancy?

davepoobond: i havent heard from her for a long time

Sandychris: who is Nancy?

davepoobond: she works in china doing the same thing you do

Sandychris: i dont know here

davepoobond: she got married

Sandychris: her

Sandychris: Yeah

davepoobond: and then another person, named danny said she was dead

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: which site does she from?

Sandychris: do u know ?

Sandychris: u can contact with her by livechat on her site

davepoobond: i think from susanexpress

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: did u buy gold or mount before?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: we were friends

Sandychris: i am not working for susanexpress.:P

davepoobond: i was so happy to hear she was getting married

Sandychris: lol nice

davepoobond: and then a week later someone said she was dead

Sandychris: lol so weird

davepoobond: i think it was because she was dealing drugs

Sandychris: ahh?

davepoobond: opium

Sandychris: horrible

davepoobond: but she was so nice.  she had to sit on a box and type on her computer

Sandychris: why sit on a box?

davepoobond: they did not allow them to have chairs

Sandychris: lol horrilbe

Sandychris: i cant believe

Sandychris: chinese boss is good and cent do like this

davepoobond: what is your favorite movie

Sandychris: why should i tell u?

Sandychris: Forest Gump

Sandychris: do u know?

davepoobond: yes, i know that movie

davepoobond: it is a good movie

davepoobond: what is your favorite part

Sandychris: do u love it ?

davepoobond: yes

Sandychris: every is good

davepoobond: why do you like it

Sandychris: not sure

 

Fortunes Cookies …in Bed! List

Everyone knows that Fortune Cookies have some important things to tell us about our future.  Most of the time they don’t make much sense as a “future prediction.”   But that is true until you add the suffix of “…in bed!”  That favorable fortune you just cracked out of your sugary cookie from your favorite Chinese food establishment just got sexy!

So, here’s a list of Fortune Cookie messages — you can add “…in bed” to the end of them and they will become super sexualized and funny!

If you have more fortunes, feel free to leave a comment and I will add it to the list.

The world will soon be ready to receive your talents  …in bed!

Be willing to be uncomfortable.  Be comfortable being uncomfortable.  It may get tough …in bed!

The person closest to you is more important than you realize …in bed!

You’ll get more secure and confident in your relationships with co-workers …in bed!

We do three kinds of jobs, cheap, quick, and good …in bed!

An enjoyable vacation awaits you …in bed!

The current year will bring you much happiness …in bed!

Don’t look back, always look ahead …in bed!

Happy events will take place shortly in your home …in bed!

An important discussion will take place today …in bed!

Nothing can keep you from reaching your goals …in bed!

You have a charming way with words.  Write a letter this week …in bed!

Try something new today …in bed!

Watch for a stranger near you to soon become a friend …in bed!

When in doubt, let your instincts guide you …in bed!

Now is the time for peace in your life.  Go along with other’s ideas …in bed!

You will soon be changing your present line of work …in bed!

You are the center of every group’s attention …in bed!

You may lose the small ones but win the big ones …in bed!

People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner …in bed!

Express your talents in art and music …in bed!

You will do well to expand your horizons …in bed!

You could prosper in the field of medicine …in bed!

The sky’s the limit this month …in bed!

The strengths in your character will bring you serenity …in bed!

You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands on …in bed!

Your investment of time in work or school next week is important …in bed!

Your next business venture will be very profitable …in bed!

You will be involved in many humanitarian projects …in bed!

If you look in the right places, you can find good offerings …in bed!

Find release from your cares, have a good time …in bed!

You will soon be crossing the great waters …in bed!

Turn your thoughts within — find yourself …in bed!

A thrilling time is in your immediate future …in bed!

Someone from your past will happily re-enter your life soon …in bed!

Soon, you will receive pleasant news …in bed!

You will find your horizons suddenly broadened …in bed!

A pleasant surprise is in store for you soon …in bed!

You are attracted to things with an exotic flavor …in bed!

Many pleasurable and memorable adventures are in store for you …in bed!

Next week, green is a lucky color for you …in bed!

Tomorrow your friend or partner will tell you some exciting news …in bed!

On Friday your creative side will shine forth with exceptional ideas …in bed!

A thrilling time is in your future …in bed!

Next summer, you will dance to a different beat …in bed!

Nothing can keep you from reaching your goals.  Do it!  …in bed!

Don’t underestimate yourself.  Your social skills are needed by others at this time …in bed!

The near future holds a gift of contentment …in bed!

Your present plans will be successful …in bed!

An admirer is too shy to greet you …in bed!

Don’t worry about the stock market.  Invest in family …in bed!

You will receive some prestigious prize or award within the month …in bed!

Your talents will prove to be especially useful this week …in bed!

There are big changes ahead for you …in bed!

You are imaginative in using your skills.  Apply this next week …in bed!

Someone is interested in you.  Keep your eyes open …in bed!

An unexpected windfall will soon be yours …in bed!

You will receive an unexpected gift from an acquaintance …in bed!

You will be successful through innovation and determination …in bed!

Listen these next few days to your friends to get answers you seek …in bed!

A simple kindness today will bring you great reward …in bed!

Someone is speaking well of you at this very moment!  …in bed!

You are bright and witty …in bed!

You have an accurate and professional mind …in bed!

Executive ability is prominent in your makeup …in bed!

Your talents will capture you the highest status and prestige …in bed!

The star of happiness is shining on you …in bed!

Forge ahead with your new ideas …in bed!

Now is a lucky time for you — take a chance …in bed!

You will soon bring joy to someone new in your life …in bed!

Your persistence will pay off …in bed!

Investigate new possibilities with friends.  Now is the time!  …in bed!

The wise thing to do is to prepare for the unexpected …in bed!

You will win favors when you expand your social circle …in bed!

You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems …in bed!

You have an ambitious nature and will make a name for yourself …in bed!

Someone in your life needs a letter from you …in bed!

This week, you have a good head in matters of money …in bed!

Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance.  Share your news …in bed!

You will have many friends when you need them …in bed!

You will find your solution where you least expect it …in bed!

You will soon receive an usual [sic] gift of food for your health …in bed!

A small act of charity will go a long way …in bed!

Now is a good time to call a loved one at a distance from you …in bed!

An unexpected visitor will bring you good blessings …in bed!

You will be coming into a fortune …in bed!

Now is the time to set your sights high and go for it …in bed!

You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily …in bed!

Any doubts you may have will disappear early this month …in bed!

A new relationship is about to blossom.  You will be blessed …in bed!

Someone is speaking well of you at this very moment …in bed!

You will soon be reunited with an old friend …in bed!

When one door closes, another one will open …in bed!

Investigate new possibilities with friends.  Now is the time …in bed!

You will win success in whatever you attempt …in bed!

You will enjoy doing something different this coming weekend …in bed!

Remember three months from this date.  Good things are in store for you …in bed!

This year your highest priority will be your family …in bed!

Your warmth radiates on those around you …in bed!

You will soon be the center of attention.  Enjoy the spotlight …in bed!

Use your abilities at this time to stay focused on your goal.  You will succeed …in bed!

Three times a week, treat yourself to dessert …in bed!

You deserve to have a good time after a hard day’s work …in bed!

Your hard work is about to pay off!  Congratulations! …in bed!

You will soon witness a miracle …in bed!

Wise man is slow in choosing friends, slower in changing …in bed!

A movie would be a great way to relax this weekend …in bed!

You will always have good luck in your personal affairs …in bed!

Now is a good time to explore …in bed!

Avenues of good fortune are ahead for you …in bed!

It’s time to write a letter or email to one who is distant …in bed!

You will accomplish great things in your free time this week …in bed!

Prosperity is in the cards for you this year …in bed!

Your musical talents will soon be showcased …in bed!

Flowers would brighten the day of your close friend …in bed!

 

Joke #21169

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
– Two Italian men and one Italian woman
– Two French men and one French woman
– Two German men and one German woman
– Two Greek men and one Greek woman
– Two English men and one English woman
– Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
– Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
– Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
– Two Irish men and one Irish woman
– Two American men and one American woman

One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a “ménage à trois.”

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they’re satisfied because the English aren’t having any fun.

The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut the fuck up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn’t they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this godforsaken deserted island in the middle of friggin’ nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping…

 

“Immigration Interview” Breakdown

This entry is part 6 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I kid you not, this is the exact text from which I found on a poster board at my high school.  The spelling and grammar errors are exactly as they appeared on this poster board.  I found this around 2004, and wrote up my part of the article when posting.

“An interview with Helen
Made by her son Michael

Q: What was your impression of America before today?
A: peaceful life and today my view of America is I hope there are no more wars

I don’t even know where to begin.  How is it a view of America to “hope there are no more wars”?  You make it sound like America has always been in a war.  I guess we’ve been in one for 10 years, and since this was answered around 2004, guess you’re very not impressed by America anymore or something.

“Q: Why did you leave Burma so suddenly?
A: a riot broke out in the city I was living in from a group from Chinese government”

One riot and that makes you get on a boat and go 5000 miles across an ocean?  I’m sure there’s something more, I don’t know, MEANINGFUL to pick from a list of reasons for leaving Burma.

“Q: if you went back in time and if did not have to any place you went what would it be?
A: China”

You’re not even from fucking-China.  You’re from fucking Burma!  Also, what the fuck kinda question is that to ask?  Who the fuck cares if she can go back in time to an indistinct era to just “go somewhere.”  What the fuck is she gonna do by going back in time?

“Q: Why did you immigrate to Canada instead straight to America
A: the weather was good and there are many more job opportunity”

So, when you got on the boat to go to Canada, they handed you a brochure which outlined “the weather is good” and “there are many more job opportunity?”  How the fuck do you know that if you’re getting on a boat in Burma?

“Q: what the reason that most of your family members stayed in Canada instead of coming down?
A: the health care union was very good”

And I guess you didn’t care enough about health care which prompted your movement to the United States?  I don’t get it.  If you were so inclined to move, then why not the rest of your family?  This is about as ridiculous as the reason you chose to leave Burma.  This woman sounds very finicky.

“Q: in your opinion how is life in the United States differ from life in Canada?
A: there is more stress in America while in Canada it is more of a relaxing life”

Not only does she leave Canada for nondescript reasons, she says Canada is BETTER than the United States.  Why the fuck didn’t she just go back to Canada if it was too stressful for her?

“Q: if there were no riots in Burma would you have still made the immigration to America?
A: most likely because I wanted a better life”

Yeah, right!  You just said the only reason you left Burma was because of the riots.  I don’t think you actually know what you would have even done.  How would you know if the weather was good or not if it wasn’t for that handy brochure they passed out on the Passage to America boating line?

“Q: what is one thing that is important to you in America?
A: My job”

So, let me get this straight.  Your son, interviewing you for his class, asks you what is important to you in America.  And you say your job.  You don’t say your son, who is standing right there asking you this question, hoping to hear something that would make him learn how to write English better, but no.  You throw it back into his face and tell him that your stinking 9-5 that you somehow convinced someone to let you have is more meaningful to you than your son or your family in America.

“Q: what is the most charitable thing you have coming to America?
A: security, financial stability, and many others”

This question doesn’t make any sense.  On top of that, the answer makes even less sense.  How the fuck is security and financial stability even considered charitable?  What the hell does it even mean to have something charitable by coming to America?   English is hard.

In closing, this lady is fucking stupid.  Just looking at her responses makes you wonder what the hell she was smoking.

No wonder American values are going down the drain, stupid foreigners are teaching their children that the most important thing in life is your job, and not your family or something like that that is more important.  Even non-foreigners are teaching their children this.  I blame everyone.

I hate older generations.

 

Rejected International Sports Team Names

– Brussels Sprouts

– Cannes Openers

– Amsterdam Yankees

– Vienna Sausages

– Belgium Waffles

– Manila Folders

– Czech Bouncers

– New Dehli Catessans

– Buenos Airheads

– Guadalajara Krishnas

– Iraqi Raccoons

– Bolivia DeHavillands

– Seoul Brothers

– Taipei Personalities

– Syria Killers

– Hungary Jacks

– Dublin Mint Twins

– Prague Tologists

– Peking Toms

 

Joke #18531

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal.

Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you’d expect from a Jedi Master.

Poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.

Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, “Use the FORKS, Luke.”