Squackle Adages

A Squackle Adage follows the following formula:

1) Take a cliche/famous/inspirational/motivational quote.

2) Reverse two words in the phrase, particularly the important subject that is being addressed

3) Create new, hilarious meaning from something old and stale!

Here’s a list of the best ones and some sort of explanation as to what the “new quote” means.  If you’ve got some to add, comment below.

Better to not have it and not need it, than need it and have it.
(Original: Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.)

Explanation: You’d rather not have things you wouldn’t usually want and actually need to use it.

I am feet on my light.
(Original: I am light on my feet)

Explanation:  I’m just a normal ass person who walks on top of light just like everyone else.

Out of miracles grow difficulties.
(Oiriginal: Out of difficulties grow miracles.)

Explanation: Miracles are hard to compare to after they occur.

Try to be a cloud in someone’s rainbow.
(Original: Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.)

Explanation: Fuck happy people.

Change your world and you change your thoughts.
(Oiriginal: Change your thoughts and you change your world.)

Explanation: You won’t be the same person when the world around you is different.

No act of waste, no matter how small, is ever kind.
(Original: No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.)

Explanation: If you waste something, you’re an asshole.

If lemons give you lemonade, make life.
(Original: If life gives you lemons, make lemonade)

Explanation: If you get lemonade from lemons, impregnate something.

You don’t take 100% of the shots you miss.
(Original: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.)

Explanation: If you miss you may as well have not done it.

Don’t smile because it happened, cry because it’s over.
(Original: Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.)

Explanation: You should feel bad about the thing you liked not being around anymore.

No gain, no pain.
(Original: No pain, no gain)

Explanation: If I don’t gain, then I don’t get hurt.  Cool.

What doesn’t make you stronger, kills you.
(Original: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger)

Explanation: Everything kills you.

If you don’t have anything at all to say, don’t say anything nice.
(Original: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.)

Explanation: You’re telling someone to shut up, basically, but in an even more assholish way than the “original” saying.

A doctor a day, keeps the apple away.
(Original: An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.)

Explanation: If you see a doctor everyday then you can refrain from having to eat so many damn apples.

Those who wait come to good things.
(Original: Good things come to those who wait.)

Explanation: If you wait longer you’ll “come” to something better than you had originally waited for.  So just keep waiting forever and never get anything!

Unexpect the expected.
(Original: Expect the unexpected)

Explanation: Forget what usually happens, even though its going to keep happening.

A thought for your penny?
(Original: A penny for your thoughts?)

Explanation: If I tell you something, will you pay me?

It’s going to be not impossible but hard is hard.
(Original: It’s going to be hard but hard is not impossible.)

Explanation: Don’t kid yourself, you’re going to have a hard time doing this shit.

If at average you don’t succeed; you are running about first.
(Original: If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average.)

Explanation: If you usually don’t succeed, you’re probably doing something else.

Someday in a week, seven days isn’t one of them.
(Original: Seven days in a week, someday isn’t one of them.)

Explanation: One of the days in the week is not considered to be worth seven days.

People often complain about the lack of direction when the lack of time is the real problem.
(Original: People often complain about lack of time when the lack of direction is the real problem.)

Explanation: You might think you’re on the wrong path, but you really just don’t have enough time to do it right.  So half-ass it.

 

The Many Ways to Say Penis

This entry is part 3 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

A – “the” Alpha

B – Banana, Burrito, Bulge, Beef, Baby-maker, Big one, Bat, Boner, Bone, Biscuit

C – Cock, Chub, Club, Chode

D – Dick, Dong, Donger, Dingaling, Dingdong, Drill

E – Ejaculater, Equipment

F – Frank, Frankfurter, Faucet, Fuckstick, Flute, Fire-hose, Five-Dollar Footlong, “a” Floppy

G – Gavel, Groin

H – Head, Hot dog, Hammer, Hose, Handle

I

J – Johnson, Joystick, Junior

K – Knob

L – Leaker, Love muscle, Limp Bizkit

M – Manhood, Meat, Member, Magnum

N – Noodle, Needle, Navy Ship (lots of sea-men)

O – One-eyed Snake

P – Penis, Phallus, Pecker, Peter, Prick, Pickle, Package, Pole, Peepee, Pisser, Pounder, Poker, Popsicle, Pricker, Pen15, Pistol, Pogo stick, Pene (Spanish/Italian), Privates

Q

R – Rocket, Rod, Richard

S – Sausage, Shaft, Scepter, Schlong, Stick, Snake, Sword, Shooter, Squirter, Stamp, Submarine, Shower Not a Grower

T – Thing, Tool, Tower, Tripod, Third Leg, Ten-incher, Tip, Tinky Winky

U

V

W – Weewee, Weiner, Weenee, Wang, Willy, Wood, Wii, Wee, Whistle, Womb raider, Weapon

X

Y

Z

 

The Many Ways to Say Vagina

This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

A

B – Birthing region, Bleeder, Bush, Baby-pooper, Baby-maker, Baby factory, Box

C – Clit, Clitoris, Cunt, Cake, Cheese sandwich, Coin slot, Cooch, Cherry, Catcher’s Mitt, Carpet, Child Maker, Child factory

D – Ditch

E – Equipment

F – Fish

G

H – Hymen, Ham sandwich, Hole, Hooha

I

J

K – Kitty

L – Labia

M – Moisty Jungle, Muff

N – Nookie

O – Ovary Factory

P – Pussy, Pink taco, The Pink, Pie, Poontang, Poon, Privates, Private part, Pita sandwich, Port, Pocket

Q – Quesadilla, Queefer, Queefadilla

R

S – Sandwich, Slot, Spaceport, Snatch, Smelly Fish

T – Taco, Tunnel

U

V – Vagina, Vadge/Vag, Vajayjay, V, Very Intimate Area

W

X

Y

Z

 

The Many Ways to Say Boobs

This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

# – 5318008, 58008, 8008135, (  .  )(  .  ), (  .  Y  .  )

A – Areolas, (anything that is round), A-Cups

B – Boobs, Boobies, Breasts, Bosom, Bust, Balloons, Bags, B-Cups, Bangers, Bouncers, Baloombas, Bazongas, Bewbs

C – Cans, Chesticles, Chest, Cleavage, Chachas, Cheechees, Chestnuts, C-Cups, Casabas, Creampies, Cupcakes

D – Double D’s, D-Cups

E

F – Funbags, Flat-chest

G – Globes, Girls, Girl nuts

H – Hooters, Honkers, Headlights, Hoohahs

I

J – Jugs, Jubblies, Juicy Fruit, Jumblies

K – Knockers

L – Lady balls, Lady nuts, Ladies, Lady lumps, Lumps

M – Mammary glands, Melons, Milkbags, Milk Factories, Mounds, Mountains, Meatballs, Mangos

N – Nips, Nipples

O – Orbs

P – Pins, Puppies

Q

R – Rack

S – Spheres, Squirters, Set

T – Tits, Tittays, Titties, Teat, Ta-tas, Twins, Teeters, Tweeters, Teets, Tom-Toms

U – Udder

V

W

X

Y

Z

 

The Many Ways to Say Testicles

This entry is part 4 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

A

B – Balls, Berries, Bulge, Ballsack, Basket

C

D

E – Equipment

F – Family jewels, Fuzzy peaches

G – Gonads, Groin

H

I

J – Jewels, Junk

K

L

M – Merchandise

N – Nads, Nuts, Nutsack

O

P – Pills, Privates

Q

R – Rocks

S – Stones, Sack, Scrotum

T – Testicles, Testes

U – Undercarriage

V

W

X

Y

Z

 

Word Bombs

We like to substitute certain words by describing them as “bombs” to say the word without actually saying the word.  I was curious if there is a “bomb” word for each word, so here’s a list for each letter which will be updated as new ones are discovered.

Leave a comment if you know one.

A-bomb – Atom bomb

B-bomb – ?

C-bomb – cunt(?)

D-bomb – ?

E-bomb – ?

F-bomb – fuck

G-bomb – ?

H-bomb – ?

I-bomb – ?

J-bomb – ?

K-bomb – ?

L-bomb – ?

M-bomb – ?

N-bomb – the derogatory word that describes black people

O-bomb – ?

P-bomb – ?

Q-bomb – ?

R-bomb – retard

S-bomb – ?

T-bomb – ?

U-bomb – ?

V-bomb – ?

X-bomb – ?

Y-bomb – ?

Z-bomb – ?

 

Funny Search Terms

Sometimes people find Squackle with odd or funny search terms.  They’re so funny or weird sometimes, that I feel like I need to share it with the world.  Not saying that there isn’t a lot of weird shit on this site, but there are times where I just don’t expect certain search terms to actually lead to Squackle.  Also, I wouldn’t mind being the number one search for “what sound does a beaver make.”

Here’s a list of the exceedingly funny search terms as I see them, newest on top:

pictures of guyz fucking there girl friend

how to say huge ass in a fancy way

boy inserting finger in girls asshole sexy hd pics

girls from america sexy nice vagina sexy

grandma is raped with toothbrush

i want to be a cashier and i dont have experience so can google teach me some lessons

sexy ladies sex fuck hard

what is a good porn name for a girl named ann catherine

why the f*ck are asian women so attractive

fireworks of cum and semen

sexy little girl feet on balls

i want to download a beautiful and sexy lady age under 26 that has a lot of photos on facebook

thumbelina hentai

sexxxxy sendals zapanis young cute girl feets

how to draw dick using alphabets

sign me up by email for nasty gay black porn

knock knock jokes about livers

most fucking sexiest ever women wallpaper

pictures huge female holes and the long trailing tities

fat bitches having a motherfucking orgy

gay man sit on mens face and fartshit

does katy perry let guys cum inside her

sexy girl doing fuck in youtube

cute hot fat woman boob

asian girl full hd cute witn attitude

attaching condom of sexy chinese babes

blowjob games earn coins to cum

dave’s review rating on penius enhancers

backpack that looks like a little boy from the waist down

mom fucks barney the dinosaur

what is a good website for robot porn

girl fucking a guy while talking on the phone with her boyfriend

you dont need a boyfriend to have sex

pure uncut heroin

chumlee shemale having sex with a girls manga

neighbors hate us because i married a felon

i want to cum in katy perrys mouth

molested pinball

real free gay porn by email

Football players asses

white guy saying fucking rice to every mustang that passes by

child molesting manatee

teens using tampons with whiskey

tall girls are racist

girl pump fart

can you fuck a vacuum

masturbate bicycle

monkey pooping on a car window

chat with someone horny site

seeing tv reporters panties

what cream for ass

what sound does a beaver make

degrassi has muslims in the show

ass-hole kingdom

filthiest way of saying butthole

woman doing toilet with lion

why da fuck people always getting shot in degrassi

katy perry penis face

girl puts 4 tennis balls in her ass

college fuck festival

subway sandwich girl sucking cock

 

Thank You Note Samples For You To Use

Nothing says thank you like a piece of paper with words written on it.  In fact, they call it a “Thank You” note.  But why do you have to reinvent the wheel when you can just copy what I’ve wrote in the past and modify it towards your specific situation?  These samples are only really useful for someone who has graduated from high school but has yet to go to college.  Nifty, ain’t it?

I think I did a damn fine job with these Thank You notes, so here they are!

SAMPLE 1 (For a college graduate):

Dear (INSERT NAME HERE),

Thank you very much for the very generous (INSERT ITEM HERE, OR SAY “GIFT” OR “PRESENT”), as I know this will most certainly help me in my college years, and also help prepare me for my future life after college.

I want to express how much it means to me that you’ve always been there for me throughout my life.  If you had not been able to take me to my medical, dental, and other appointments when I had no other way to get there, it would have been too hard to get to those appointments.  I also want to thank you severely for all the times you came over to our house and made food for us.

SAMPLE 2 (For moving away to college):

Dear (INSERT NAME HERE),

I want to thank you for the (INSERT ITEM HERE, OR SAY “GIFT” OR “PRESENT”) you gave me.  It was very generous of you to do so, and I will definitely make use of it when I go to college.  It will help make college easier for me, because I will have the ability to buy things for my room, making my day-to-day life easier.

I’ve always thought of you as family, and appreciate your compassion and support through the years.

SAMPLE 3 (For a High School Graduate):

Dear (INSERT NAME HERE),

Thank you very much for being able to attend my high school graduation.  It means a lot to me that you were able to take off work and drive all the way over to (INSERT YOUR CITY) to see it.  It was very meaningful to me that you both have supported me as much as you could through the years, and helped me out as much as you can, even though you live far away.

I appreciate the very generous graduation present you gave me.  I will always remember your generosity and support.

 

The Flapper’s Dictionary

These are the words that originated in the 1920s which were used by flappers…some of these are still used today.

Dimbox – a taxicab

Flatwheeler – a young man who takes a young lady to an egg harbor

Egg harbor – a fall dance

Clothesline – one who tells neighborhood stories

Whiskbroom – a man who cultivates whiskers

Let’s blouse – let’s go

Crabhanger – reformer

Shifter – a grafter

Snugglepup – young man who frequents petting parties

Petting party – social event devoted to hugging

Finale hopper – young man who arrives after all bills are paid

Hiphound – one who drinks hootch

Sodbuster – an undertaker

Applesauce – flattery or bunk

Weeping willow – same as crepehanger

Ritz – stuck up

Alarm clock – a chaperone

Father time – any man over 30 years

Sugar – money

Urban set – a new gown

His blue serge – his girl

Cutting yourself a piece of cake – making yourself wait patiently

Dog Kennels – pair of shoes

Dogs – feet

Stilts – legs

Mouthpiece – lawyer

Handcuff – engagement ring

Stutter-tub – motor boat

An alibi – a box of flowers

Anchor – bank roll

Monogolist – young man who hates himself

Dropping the plot – getting a divorce

Appleknocker – a hick

Biscuit – a pettable flapper

Butt me – give me a cigarette

Barney – a scandal walker

Dincher – a half smoked cigarette

Ear muffs – radio receivers

Dingledangler – one who persists in telephoning

Cake basket – a limousine

Statts (?) – conversation that means nothing

Oilcan – an imposter

Fire alarm – a divorced woman

Cuddle-cootie – young man who takes a girl for a ride on a bus

Forty-niner – man who is prospecting for a rich wife

Tomato – good looking girl with no brains

Slat – young man

Strike breaker – young woman who goes with her friend’s “steady” while there is a coolness

Dud – a wall flower

Cake-eater – harmless lounge lizard

Noodle-juice – tea

Boob-tickler – girl who has to entertain her father’s customers from out of town

Barney-muggin – love-making

Brush-ape – anyone from the sticks – a hayshaker

Cake-eater – a wearer of tight clothes, belted coat with spear like lapels and one button, sausage trousers, low quick fitting collar, greenish pink shirt; and one of those jazzbo ties that gives you the giggles

Cat’s pajamas – anything that’s good

Dapper – a flapper’s father

Darb – gink with a roll of coin

Finale hopper – always ready to promise the last wrestle and never there when it comes around; the spendthrift who arrives after the ticket-takers have departed

Snake-charmer – a female bootlegger

Dive-ducat – subway ticket

Mad money – carfare home if she has a fight with her escort

Hikers – knickerbockers

Whangdoodle – jazz band

Grubstake – invitation to dinner

Pillowcase – young man who is full of feathers

Feathers – small talk

Hush money – allowance from father

Bean-picker – one who tries to patch up trouble

Corn-shredder – young man who dances on lady’s feet

Police-dog – young woman’s fiancé

Airedale – homely man

Fig leaf – one piece bathing suit

John D. – an oily person

Sweetie – anybody she hates

Frog’s eyebrows – nice, fine

Fluky – funny, odd, different

Goof – flapper’s intoxicated

Half cut – happily intoxicated

Kippy – neat or nice

Neckers – those who park while dancing

Sharpshooter – a good dancer (who spends his money freely)

Strangler – what a spendthrift isn’t

Toddler – a finale hopper’s faster sister

Sap – a finale hopper

Smoke-eater – a girl cigarette user

Plastered – a synonym for pie-eyed; oiled; intoxicated

They – refers to objecting parents

 

How to Speak Dubbish – The Dudbear Language

Dubbish is a very simple language, and there isn’t very much you can really say in it.  Dubbish’s origins are from the game Legend of Mana by Square Enix.

Dub! – a greeting, also means yes

Dud – means no and also goodbye

Duba – you

Duda – me

Dubba – friends

Bubu – Dudbear

Gugu – all other creatures

Da – light and stars

Ba – night

Dadda – light

Dubababa – many or very

Du – little

Baba – music

Dada – please

Gak – used to show displeasure

Bub? – used if you don’t understand

if you are trying to sell lamps, say – dada dadda?

Dabba duba – fuck you!

Foofoo – blow me

Da doodoo – holy shit

::spitting sound:: – eat me

 

What Your Pet Name Really Means

What’s in a name? Apparently, a lot more than you (or I) ever thought there was. Here’s what his pet name for you *really* means…..

Darling – Depends on how he says it. If he stresses the first syllable, then he’s probably done something wrong or wants money.

Dear – Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of Ovaltine to lager.

Sweetheart – If it’s said patronizingly, it’s not so sweet.  But when uttered in earnest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.

Babe – Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for flares or signs that he’s a 70s throwback. He’s a bit of a medallion man. Chances are he’s got his initials on his chunky ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.

Baby doll – This type of man will probably require you to wear transparent frilly nighties even in the dead of winter.  He doesn’t want you to grow up, and obviously can’t deal with real women.

Princess – Never trust a man who calls you princess. You may think you’re being treated like royalty, but beware of Prince Charmings – they may be secretly plotting your overthrow.

Sexy – Fine if you’re sexy. If you’re not, who cares? He probably thinks you are anyway!!

My girlfriend – He’s honest, open and probably glad to have you around. The next thing you know he’ll be using your name!

The wife – If you’re married then he probably thinks he owns you. If you’re not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which case, he thinks he owns you.

My other half – You complete the set – he’s only half a man without you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity somewhere.

The missus – See The Wife.

My partner – He’s right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging trees.

My significant other – He’s even more right on. Probably thinks it’s cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own space.

She who must be obeyed – He thinks you’re a nag, but probably doesn’t lift a finger around the house.

 

Woman’s Dictionary

– Yes = No.

– No = Yes.

– Maybe = No.

– I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.

– We need = I want.

– It’s your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.

– Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

– We need to talk = I need to complain.

– Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.

– I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron.

– This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

– I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.

– I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

– Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

– How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate.

– I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

– You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

– Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.

 

Tongue Twisters

– Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.

– Seventy sailors sailed seven swift ships.

– Joe jumps joyfully in June and July.

– Davy Dear ducks Dinah Dear daily.

– Fast Freddie Frog fries fat flying fish.

– Hairy Harry Hartley hurries home.

– Slippery southern snakes slide swiftly down ski slopes.

– Billy Bunny burst his big beautiful blue balloon.

– Fran fans Fred frantically.

– Fast Frank fries frankfurters and french fries.

– How many bagels could a Beagle bake if a Beagle could bake bagels?

– Seven silly skunks sighed sadly.

– Little Linda Lamb licks her lovely lips.

– “Shoot, Sally,” Slim Sam shouted shyly.

– Wee Willy whistles to wise Wilber Whale.

 

An Unusual Paragraph

This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

The letter “e,” which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph…