calculator test – n. a test for your calculator
Tag Archives: test
ndu
ndu – n. a cancelled test because someone ejaculated on the tests
Stoopid Komiks – Episode 2
Quiz
The Manicle
Written in conjunction with stimpyismyname
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Inside an “abandoned” wherehouse music store, lurks the evil evil man, Mr. Dr. Evil, that is not from Austin Powers because this is an entirely different story as you will see.
Well, here came along Miss Poodle back from pooing off the Statue of LIberty. She said, “Well, I am relieved now and the statue has a lovely new brown coat!”
And then Mr. Dr. Evil (that’s his full name), he…exposed…how he loathed all fat women named Miss Poodle, when he exclaimed, “How I loathe you fat women, named Miss Poodle!”
Miss Poodle was flabbergasted and said, “I’m flabbergasted,” she also added, “I have gas and my armpits are sweaty.”
Mr. Dr. Evil said, “Get out of my house, for I too have gas and together, we….um….yeah”
Miss Poodle got very interested. She raised a finger and as she did, the excitement was too much for her and she farted.
THE END…
nope
Mr. Dr. Evil realized then that he hadn’t gotten new shoes from Payless, and he ran away from his lab rather quickly, but being careful to not step on Miss Poodle, because, along with her large…um…thing…she was very attractive in a very strange way.
After getting his Land Before Time shoes, he was happy.
After Mr. Dr. Evil and Miss Poodle had a brief love affair, Mr. Dr. Evil decided that she was too big to handle…har har…and he would, have to giver her his Terribly Bad Bad Bad Evil Dangerously Bad Untested Big Bad Bottled Potion.
Oh no! Miss Poodle turned into The Manicle! The super cool fat lady that’s not really a lady comma but a man, and…and…and Mr. Dr. Evil is gay.
The Manicle is a guy with a spike on his….a real one, that can retract just like Wolverine’s but its on his head, not his hands.
The Manicle killed Mr. Dr. Evil because he’s gay and he doesn’t like gay people.
You may think its The End, but its not.
Quote #6696
“when answering the last test question, Jim’s pen broke”
– Ms. Signs
Y2K Checklist
SIGNS THAT YOU ARE NOT Y2K READY:
You’ve backed-up your desktop by pushing it against the wall.
You’ve put foam around the computer to prevent it from crashing.
The soles of your shoes are worn out from re-booting the computer.
You try to clear the screen by shaking the monitor up and down.
You’re Amish.
———————————–
SIGNS THAT YOUR COMPUTER ISN’T Y2K READY:
It has trouble supporting the latest version of Tetris.
The spell check replaces the word “You” with “Thou.”
It takes the same amount of time to re-boot as it does to bake a potato.
The manual advises you to throw a towel over the monitor to use as a screen saver.
It needs to be updated to binary code.
Funny Bumper Stickers
1. Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
2. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
3. Where there’s a will … I want to be on it.
4. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
5. Don’t drink and drive … You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
6. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies out of the trunk.
7. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
8. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
9. Be nice to your kids … They will pick out your nursing home.
10. Always remember you’re unique … Just like everyone else.
11. Horn broken, watch for finger!
12. Your kid may be an honor student, but you’re still an idiot!
13. All generalizations are false!
14. Cover me! I’m changing lanes!
15. I brake for no apparent reason.
16. Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control!
17. I’m not as think as you drunk I am!
18. Forget about world peace…visualize using your turn signal!
19. We have enough youth! How ’bout a Fountain of Smart?
20. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
21. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math!
22. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you!
23. Dear Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog! Love, Dorothy!
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
26. I love cats…they taste just like chicken!
27. Out of my mind, back in five minutes.
28. Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
29. Born free…taxed to death.
30. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
31. Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
32. Rehab is for quitters!
33. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
34. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
35. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
36. Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
37. All men are idiots, and I married their King!
38. Montana — At least our cows are sane!
39. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!
40. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
41. If you don’t like the news, go out and make some!
42. When you do a good deed, get a receipt–in case heaven is like the IRS…
43. So many pedestrians, so little time.
44. Let’s keep out of touch.
30 Things to Do On an Exam When You Know That You Are Going To Fail
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!!”
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the country” and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Turret’s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he’s not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out “Fuck this!” and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e.. threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling “I’m here, the phantom of the opera” until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math / sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Masturbate.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who the hell are you? Where’s the regular guy?”
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blackened out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!”
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question. Ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him or her.
Joke #5342
A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver’s license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver’s license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, “It’s that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment.”
“Ah,” she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his cock out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, “Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!”
Joke #5206: The Final Exam
During the final exam, the professor noticed that Billy Walters kept looking at his hand before writing down an answer on his test. This went on throughout the entire exam, leaving the professor no other choice than to interrogate the student’s test-taking habit. “Mr. Walters,” the professor began. “Is there something interesting written on your palm?”
“Not at all,” Billy replied. “It’s all pretty boring.”
zargovlan
zargovlan – n. the first person to finish a test. Similar to a votgenetgoo.
votgenetgoo
votgenetgoo – n. someone who finishes a test when everyone isn’t even half done with theirs
savetwain
savetwain – n. an exam cram
neelian
neelian – n. a fucked up Spanish test