Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (The other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. Don’t EVEN think of going there!) So I now present for you….

*Things NOT To Say When Hanging The Christmas Lights*

– “You’ve got two red lights right next to each other.  You’re supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue…”

– “Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try.”

– “What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?”

– “Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I’m going to fry that sucker.”

– “If you’re not going to do it right, don’t do it at all.  Don’t just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You’re worse than your father.”

– “Give me that!!”

– “You’ve got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top.”

– “I don’t care if you have found another two strings, I’m done!”

– “You’ve just wound ’em around and around – I thought we agreed it shouldn’t look like a spiral this year?”

– “Have you been drinking?!!?”

– “Okaaay! Looks like we’re *finally* done here now. Not too shabby huh? Hey….wait a minute, where’s the cat?”