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Chat Logs, Stupid IMs, Prank IMs

WoW Chat #23797: Janesanna -> davepoobond

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In World of Warcraft, some gold seller/pet seller person was trying to shovel pets onto me, but I made the conversation into something else.

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Janesanna: hey
davepoobond: hi
Janesanna: do you need cheap pet
davepoobond: sure, what are you selling
Janesanna: [Tuskarr Kite] [Rocket Chicken] [Dragon Kite]
Janesanna: [Hippogryph Hatchling]
davepoobond: how much are you selling them for
Janesanna: i sell two pet , for 28K
davepoobond: i dont need any of those anymore, i already have them.
Janesanna: why
Janesanna: 14 sell one pet
Janesanna: do you need ?
Janesanna: To want what you choose
Janesanna: [Tuskarr Kite] [Rocket Chicken] [Dragon Kite]
Janesanna: [Hippogryph Hatchling]
davepoobond: i will buy them for 5k
Janesanna: ….
davepoobond: can i ask you a question?
Janesanna: yeah
davepoobond: are you a girl?
Janesanna: no
Janesanna: im a man
davepoobond: why not?
Janesanna: Have been to Thailand
davepoobond: you have?
Janesanna: im is transvestite
Janesanna: hah
davepoobond: oh, really? do you have boobs?
Janesanna: yeah
davepoobond: how big are they?
Janesanna: When bored, I can touch myself]
Janesanna: 36D
davepoobond: wow that is big
Janesanna: So I like to touch yourself
Janesanna: Do you want to go to Thailand
davepoobond: where do you live????
Janesanna: California region]
davepoobond: california in Thailand?
Janesanna: usa california
davepoobond: oh wow, where is that? I live in Thailand
Janesanna: you and me teh same
Janesanna: the same
davepoobond: how the same?
Janesanna: gender
davepoobond: no, i don’t have boobs. i want them, though
Janesanna: You buy a pet, I send photos to you]
davepoobond: are you hot?
Janesanna: The wet
davepoobond: is it raining?
Janesanna: pa pa pa
davepoobond: do you like pizza?
Janesanna: no
Janesanna: I like sausages
davepoobond: lol does that mean what i think it means
Janesanna: hmm
Janesanna: I’m off to sleep
davepoobond: ok have a good night. talk to you later

Screwed Up Chronicles, Dreams

Dream #23034: The Moon Blew Up

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I wrote this in 2002.

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I had a dream that I was out in the desert or something. The sand was red and there weren’t any trees, but big rocks every so often. There were a lot of people there, and there were a lot of houses. I wasn’t too far from my house. I looked up at the moon (which was very close). It was really hot, and the moon turned around pretty fast, and it looked the same except it had its own “red eye storm” like Jupiter. It’s kind of hard to describe. Anyway I pointed it out to my mom, and she said “that’s normal, they throw all our trash up there, you know?”

I thought “hmm, all that plastic up there is burning making it hot down here…” It seemed like it was raining fire from the moon. All of a sudden, it blew up. Everyone started screaming and went back inside their homes. After the moon rocks fell, I went over to my friends house, and there was my Grandma. She said his family wasn’t there because my friend was at the hospital. She pointed out the window shutters on the window, and said something about how cheap they were because a rock fell through. Then she disappeared.

Then it rained rocks again.  Afterwards, I was crying and I turned on the TV. To get my mind off everything, I turned on the TV and watched cartoons, while there was another TV with the news on. It had a bunch of people talking about the moon blowing up, and how it was more horrible than September 11. The rocks fell again all of a sudden for the last time. I went outside to see what happened, and there were a lot of people on hospital beds, screaming because trash and rock shot into their body.

I woke up then. What a weird dream. I could barely describe it all. You should’ve dreamed it yourself…to truly understand.

Other Junk

FAQ About Australia

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These are from potential visitors to Australia. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a snide sense of humor.

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets, especially The Taipans.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.