Q: How many black guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, the other to drive the pink Cadillac.
Q: How many black guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, the other to drive the pink Cadillac.
There once was a man who knew literally nothing. He would go to work, sit in his chair, stare at the wall for 8 hours, and then go back home and stare at the wall for another 16 hours. He didn’t sleep because he can’t dream because he has nothing to dream about because he knows nothing, like I said earlier.
He was literally paid to stare at a wall and make sure it did not fall down. There wasn’t even any paint to watch peel off or dry because it was literally just a wall. This man, named Gabriel Nosenovich, was good at his job, as dumb as it may seem to you. He did do other things, though. He had a desk, with a phone, and a pad of paper.
He would receive work orders from other parts of the campus and write down what was requested to be done at the school. This school, known as Cal State Emptierton , employed a large workforce of idiotic manual labor workers who created a huge bureaucracy for the purpose of inflating payroll. When a light bulb or something like that blew up, they would call Gabriel and tell him that it was broken. Gabriel would then write it on a piece of paper and then give said paper to another person who would evaluate the cost of said project which would then go to another team to go investigate and see if the prior estimate was valid. Then this new estimate would be re-evaluated by another department which would then be reviewed by the initial estimate and the process would repeat itself until a number that everyone decided on was agreed to. Considering it took forever and a half to get a light bulb fixed, what would come next would be surprising on more than one level.
One day, he got a call from a disgruntled bookstore manager. The Emptierton College Bookstore just fired one of their book managers and he thought he might play a trick. He requested a work order to demolish the bookstore.
Gabriel, obviously knowing nothing about anything, wrote the work order request as normal and handed it over to the next department. Obviously no one in the Construction Ward had been notified that the bookstore manager had been fired, so no one questioned the intent. After the whole bureaucracy of deciding how much it would cost to demolish the bookstore, it soon happened.
There was outrage from all corners of the campus.
“How could you have demolished the bookstore?” the President of the college, President Tasyst had asked.
“There was a work order. You can’t question a work order,” the head of the Construction Ward, William Vable stood firm in the policies created by the Construction Ward of Cal State Emptierton.
The next day, another three requests came in to destroy other buildings on the campus, and soon there were no buildings left on the campus other than the Construction Ward.
Finally, one last call was given and someone had put a work order in to destroy the Construction Ward itself.
It took no less than a day to destroy the Construction Ward, and there wasn’t even much deliberation over whether or not they should do it. There was a work order, after all.
Moral: Don’t hire maintenance people who are idiots.
Q: How many Goths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hopefully not too many. Large groups of Goths never get anything done.
Q: How many Goths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do the work and one to tell her how Goth she is for it.
Q: How many Goths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one very pretentious Goth who can hold onto it as the whole world turns around her.
Q: How many Goths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: No, no, no. A better question is this: How many people would it take to convince a Goth to change a light bulb?
Q: How many bugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two.
Q: What did the baby light bulb say to its mother?
A: I wuv you watts and watts.
To be performed by Chelsea and Matt.
GIRL: Before I go inside, I want to thank you for a sexy evening. I’ve really had a busty time.
BOY: I’ll bet you tel that to all the butts.
GIRL: You’d better go now before my sink hears you and wakes up. He’s a very crazy sleeper.
BOY: I don’t care. Darling, I love you more than fart itself. Let me take you away from this terrible light bulb.
GIRL: You’re staring. I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last whore on earth
BOY: But darling, you’re breaking my butt. I love you. Please marry me and be my henchwoman.
GIRL: I’m sorry, but I’m already engaged to Bill Clinton.
PATIENT: “Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a light bulb!”
DOCTOR: “Watt do you mean by that?”
“The joke you told about the 2 Polish guys screwing in the light bulb was really demeaning. I saw how Joe Kowalski reacted to the joke. He was really offended”
– from somewhere around davepoobond’s high school
Q: How do you get a free light bulb?
A: Catch a lightening bug.
Q: Why did the elephant eat a 100 watt light bulb?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
“Thank goodness Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.”
“Why?”
“If he didn’t, we’d be watching TV in the dark.”
Q: What has two arms, four legs and eats light bulbs?
A: A space creature, because he’s a light eater.