On top of the school bus
All covered in red
We killed Barney
And chopped off his head
I went to his funeral
I went to his grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a bitch’s ass so Barney’s dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tag Archives: funeral
Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #22111
This seems more like a rap song than a parody song of the Barney theme song.
–
On top of Old Smokey all covered in blood,
I shot fucking Barney with a 94 stud.
I went to his funeral,
I went to his grave.
When the people threw flowers,
I chucked a grenade .
And 20 years later he came from the dead,
I got a bazooka and blew off his head.
I’d like to continue, its funny I know,
but I can’t continue, cause I gotta go to the little menz room.
Joke #18645
My father was extremely nervous about his first funeral service as a Navy chaplain, but the undertaker assured him that he would prompt him. All went well until, at the close, the undertaker whispered to him to instruct the family to come up and view the body.
“Will the family now come forward and pass around the bier,” said my father.
He cringed inwardly when he heard his own words. Later, as my father was leaving, he overheard two of the cemetery workers talking. “I didn’t get any beer,” one said. “Did you?”
“You heard the chaplain,” the other replied. “It was just for the family.”
Joke #18589
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to.
One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley’s hit, “Love me Tender.”
The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service.
Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, “Return to Sender.”
Joke #18387
Q: What did the preacher say at the robot’s funeral?
A: “Rust in peace.”
Joke #13184
My wife wouldn’t agree to us having adjoining funeral plots. She says that knowing the way I sleep, I’d probably hog all the sod.
Joke #12182
Inflation has increased life expectancy. People live longer these days because funerals cost so much.
Joke #11207
Q: After the cadaver dressed up for the funeral, what did his friends say?
A: “Death becomes you.”
Silly Signs
– Sign in King Arthur’s court: Sign up now for knight school.
– Sign in speech class: No silence allowed.
– Sign in a cafeteria in Holland: Mothers, please wash your Hans before eating.
– Sign in the headquarters of the 7th Cavalry: Custer blew the Little Big Horn
– Sign in a flight school: No crash courses given here.
– Sign in the office of a hippie dermatologist: Give me some skin, man!
– Sign in a sign-language class: Please talk with your hands.
– Sign in a theater: Shakespeare married an Avon lady.
– Sign in medical school: Orthopedists get all the breaks.
– Sign in a doctor’s office: If you’re not completely satisfied with our cure, your disease cheerfully refunded.
– Sign in a crook’s hideout: Warning! The police are armed and dangerous.
– Sign near a frozen lake along a historical route: George Washington slipped here.
– Sign in a doctor’s office: An apple a day is bad for business.
– Sign in a realtor’s office: Give me land, lots of land, and I’ll build condominiums and make a fortune.
– Sign in a beauty salon: W work so hard that we’ll even dye for you!
– Sign in a sleazy cafeteria: Our silverware is not medicine – don’t take it after eating!
– Sign in a garden: Beware of vegetarians!
– Sign next to a deep-fryer in a kitchen: We melt the fat away.
– Sign in a dentist’s office: Good oral hygiene is bad for business.
– Sign in a cannibal’s hut: I never met a man I didn’t like.
– Sign in a cafeteria: Shoes required to eat in the cafeteria.
Penciled-in afterthought: Socks can eat wherever they want to.
– Sign in a gymnasium: We tell you everything you always wanted to know about strength, but were too weak to ask.
– Sign in an I.R.S. office: In God we trust. Everyone else we audit.
– Sign in a beach house: Bully permit required to kick sand in the faces of 98 lb. weaklings.
– Sign in a generating plant: We have the power to make you see the light.
– Sign on a jeweler’s shop: If your watch doesn’t tick, tock to us.
– Sign in a funeral home: Pay or don’t die.
– Sign in front of an oceanography class: Open only to students who can keep above C-level.
– Sign in a Vassar math class: Girls, watch your figures.
– Sign in an Italian class: Speak Italian, but don’t talk with your hands.
– Sign in a new math class: In here, we follow the liter.
– Sign in an old-age home: We’re not deaf. We just heard everything worth hearing already.
– Sign in a post office: Postal workers are sissies. They can’t even lick stamps.
– Sign on the door of a fencing school: Back in one hour — out to lunge.
– Sign on the screen (during intermission of a killer bee movie): Don’t leave. This is only the calm before the swarm.
– Sign in a tailor’s shop: I am a man of the cloth.
– Sign in a witches’ coven: We came. We saw. We conjured.
– Sign in a chicken coop: Caution. Fowl language spoken here.
– Sign in a Pawnbroker’s shop: See us at your earliest inconvenience.
– Sign in the window of a store: Our Going Out of Business sale was such a success, we’re having another one next month.
– Sign in a prison biology class: Study your cells.
– Sign on a pet store for a litter of dachshund pups: Get a long little doggie.
– Sign on a pet store for an opossum: A peticularly good possumbility.
– Sign on a pet store for an Angora rabbit: A rare bit of company.
– Sign on a pet store for Siamese kittens: Take both — they’re attached to each other.
– Safety Sign in a Karate cooking class: Wok, do not run.
– Sign for “The King of the Jungle Moving Company”: We Don’t Take Your Move Lion Down
– Sign in a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for me with 16 and 17 necks.
– Sign in the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
– Sign in a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
– Sign on a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
– On a safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket: If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member.
– Sign in a shop in Maine: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
– Sign on a delicatessen wall: Our best is none too good.
– Sign in a cocktail lounge in Norway: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
– Sign in a city restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
– Sign in a Japanese hotel: “You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.”
– Sign in the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
– From a menu from Poland: Salad a firm’s own make; Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; Roasted duck let loose; Beef rashers beaten in the country people’s fashion.
– Sign in a Hong Kong Supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
– From the “Soviet Weekly:” There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
– Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to Moscow, you are welcome to it.
– Sign in a laundry in Rome: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
kikuchi
kikuchi – n. a spider’s funeral
Joke #9121
A man won a ticket to the Super Bowl, but when he got there, he was very disappointed. He was on the far left, at the back. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than he was to the field, but halfway through the first quarter he spotted the best seat in the house.
He went over to the empty seat and said to the guy sitting beside it, “Is anyone sitting here?” “No.”, the guy replied.
So the man sat down, and about 30 minutes later, he couldn’t resist saying, “Man! This is an awesome seat! Whoever gave it up must be CRAZY!”
The guy sitting next to him replied, “Well, actually, that was supposed to be my wife’s seat, but she died.”
The man, feeling like shit, said, “Oh, that’s awful, but couldn’t you have asked a relative to come with you?”
“No”, said the guy.
The man was confused, and asked, “Why not?”
The guy replied, “Because they’re all at the funeral.”
jix
jix – v. to accidently wear hot pants and a ten gallon hat to a funeral