Tag Archives: flower

Joke #9118

Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

One leaned over the other and said, “Crimony sakes! Life is boring. We never have any fun these days. For $5.00, I’d take my clothes off and streak through the darned flower show!”

“You’re on!” said the other old fellow, holding up five dollars.

As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes, and while completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall.

His friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by a loud roar of applause. The streaker burst back out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. Hurriedly, he ran over to his eager buddy.

“Wow, what happened?” asked his friend.

“It was great!” he said, “I won first prize for best dried arrangement!”

Forever Flower

(an old woman is in a field of roses)

(she’s rolling around in the roses, and you can hear her getting scratched up by the thorns. She gets up and starts taking some thorns out of her body)

 

Old Woman: oh, hello. Welcome to my garden! You may say “wait a minute, how does she have a field of flowers in her backyard?!” Well, I’ll tell you now, that ANYONE can have a field of flowers in their backyard with…

 

(Old Woman flattens her palm out in front of her and a “ding” sounds as a box that has “Forever Flower” on it appears)

 

Old Woman: With Forever Flower, you can have a flowery backyard forever! The way you do it is, you take a handful of Forever Flower, shove it in your mouth…

 

(Old Woman takes a handful of pebble-stuff out of the box and tips her head back, eating it)

 

Old Woman: ….plant your seeds, and when you digest Forever Flower, poo it out onto your seeds and there you have it! Flowers forever!

 

Legal guy (talking really fast): Constipation may occur, Forever Flower makes no guarantees on the long-lastingness of your flowers or your life much longer after you eat your first boxful of Forever Flower

 

(Old Woman smiles, and you can see some of her teeth missing from eating Forever Flower pebbles blah page filler)

(end)

Born In a Flower

Recently it’s rumored a baby was born inside a giant daisy flower. He was wearing a tuxedo and top hat singing various 70s songs. Now this is very interesting. If this is true we could make more of medicine or money. Nah! Let’s just cut them down and make big factories that pollute. However the child was said to be very intelligent as a new born. He knew how to sing and dance. This baby even knew how do complicated math. Is he the next genius? We’ll find out. Now I would like to state that nobody heard or reported this story. Then again no one told us this didn’t happen so were assuming it did. Quite clever. When interviewed this child said the following…

“The press just creates your image, but you alone create it.”

By this we’ve realized he’s a very confused little boy. Nobody in show business makes who themselves. They pay people to do it for them. He’s got a lot to learn! Judging by the sun dial on my spectacles, this story has got to print.

The Crowded Quad…

As I walked around the crowded quad with my friend Christina, I noticed that next to the wall grew a beautiful flower called a rose. So I sat down on a nearby bench, and started to study this wonderful plant. I found out a couple interesting facts about this rose. For example, it smelled like a perfume that my mother wears to a party or to her work. It has spiky thorns located on its stem, and has the color pink and red in its petals. Later, I saw a bug on a lunch table that scared Christina and me because we had not seen such a bug before. It had a lime green body with six legs, three on each side of its body. It jumped about three inches high into the air, kind of like a baby cricket.

A couple of feet away from the bug there lay a trash can, in the dirt next to some grass and weeds. The trash can became covered in dirt from the wind. It used to smell like rubber, but now it smells like trash. I saw some kids squash it a couple of days ago, which can destroy the environment. I smelled many things in the quad that I did not notice until I really gave it some thought. For example, the air smelled of a hot dog which came from the snack shop. The trees smelled of pine.

I’ve learned that there are many smells in not only the quad but everywhere in the world. There are also plants, little tiny creatures, interesting smells, and many other things on this Earth, that we need to take some time to think about. For all we know, those facts that we came up with will be very handy in our future.

Joke #5208: Groundhog Day

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I bet you don’t know what day this is.”

 

“Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.

 

At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

 

The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.

 

“First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!” she exclaimed.

 

“I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”