“fyxjukicwawzbalssmyfamily loves to take cheese and throw it at neighbors, so fuck you assface moomooquackquack”
– elmoisfurry
Tag Archives: family
Bad Submission #25073
Submitted through the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission form.
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This form was submitted: Apr 26 2008 / 16:39:14
name = poo12
song = i hate you you hate me barney has a f***ing family
Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #24715
I hate you
You hate me
We’re Jeffrey Dahmer’s family
We ate retarded Barney
Now everyone we see looks at us and jumps with glee!
Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #24067
I hate you!
You Hate Me!
We are not a happy family
With a great big punch
And throw Barney on the floor
No more Purple Dinosaur! 🙂
Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #23918
I hate you,
You hate me,
We’re an abnormal family,
With shovel and a spade
I’ll hit you in the head,
Now that purple bastards dead!
How to tell if you have a gaming problem…
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Dream #23034: The Moon Blew Up
I wrote this in 2002.
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I had a dream that I was out in the desert or something. The sand was red and there weren’t any trees, but big rocks every so often. There were a lot of people there, and there were a lot of houses. I wasn’t too far from my house. I looked up at the moon (which was very close). It was really hot, and the moon turned around pretty fast, and it looked the same except it had its own “red eye storm” like Jupiter. It’s kind of hard to describe. Anyway I pointed it out to my mom, and she said “that’s normal, they throw all our trash up there, you know?”
I thought “hmm, all that plastic up there is burning making it hot down here…” It seemed like it was raining fire from the moon. All of a sudden, it blew up. Everyone started screaming and went back inside their homes. After the moon rocks fell, I went over to my friends house, and there was my Grandma. She said his family wasn’t there because my friend was at the hospital. She pointed out the window shutters on the window, and said something about how cheap they were because a rock fell through. Then she disappeared.
Then it rained rocks again. Afterwards, I was crying and I turned on the TV. To get my mind off everything, I turned on the TV and watched cartoons, while there was another TV with the news on. It had a bunch of people talking about the moon blowing up, and how it was more horrible than September 11. The rocks fell again all of a sudden for the last time. I went outside to see what happened, and there were a lot of people on hospital beds, screaming because trash and rock shot into their body.
I woke up then. What a weird dream. I could barely describe it all. You should’ve dreamed it yourself…to truly understand.
Going Blind
I wrote this in 7th grade.
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If I had only three days of sight left on the first I would want to start learning Braille (Braille would be in place of school), at least I would be 3 days closer to learning how to read Braille. After that I would play video games and computer games for an hour. Then I will look at my family and try to remember what their faces look like then I would go to bed.
On the second day I would get up at 5:00 AM and play video games and computer games until it was time for me to learn Braille for six hours then I would go outside and look at the trees, the sky, the cloud, the little dog running up to me like it was attacking me then I would go inside and play video games and computer games for two hours then I would look at my family’s faces then I would stay up all night and watch TV.
On the third day I will watch TV, play video games, and computer games until it was time to learn Braille then after that I would look at my house from the outside, then I would look at my family’s faces then go to bed and hope sometime during my life we will have the technology to have eye transplants.
Quote #22941
“I’ve send an email 5 days ago and gained no reply. I am continually charged by your company and I’m not using that kind of service. I was not even emailed that I was being billed in the credit card. I was not notified that I was being charged. It started July 2012. I was not completely aware. Until my mom, asked me what I am I paying 15$? This has been a major concern in the family. So pls abusing my account. This is my continuous concern since I was charged for something I am not using. This is totally unjust and 15$ is killing me. With due respect I want to hear from you guys. What are you gonna do with this? Are you gonna bill me for life? So STOP this. I am not using this account, seems like once in a month, as you can see with your data and it’s not even worth a dollar. This is unfair, I was billed immediately without even prior notice or email.”
– from the YouSendIt forums
Quote #22706
“My family is my life, if you **** with my family you die. I love autumn.”
– from a girl’s dating profile
Quote #22703
“I love Mexican music because of my ethnicity and family :)”
– from a girl’s dating profile
Squacklecast Episode 14 – “An Eternity of Dog Food Commercials”
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS
Welcome to the “try-weekly” episode of the Squacklecast. This week we talk about this super sappy and emotional dog food commercial that will make anyone have a tear come to their eye because they’ve been puking their guts out at how much it makes you sick:
Another thing, is that they’re preparing Mac and Cheese for this asshole hours before he even gets home.
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Imagine getting out of your car one day, closing the door, and seeing a huge dog all of a sudden appear in front of you.
OH SHIT!
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Wouldn’t you like to live forever? It would give you enough time to finish off all of the Star Trek series before passing onto the next world, after all.
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If there’s one, two, or three movies you need to see before you die, it would be the 3 Ninjas series, with High Noon at Mega Mountain being the best.
It features a dangerous course full of fire built by a decrepit old man for his grandsons. I think that constitutes as child endangerment. Good thing he dies. Whoops, spoiler.
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Surf Ninjas was pretty awesome too. Here’s the others we were talking about:
Next Squacklecast, we’ll talk about more movies on our Netflix queues…
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What I learned from World of Warcraft is: “You don’t have something until you have it.” It’s a life lesson. Or something.
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Ras Al Ghul from Batman Begins became an eco-terrorist with his eternity of time to live.
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Total Recall (the real one) foretells a time of three-titted babes on Mars. I can’t wait to live there during my fifth lifetime.
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Curiosity is just using Instagram filters to take its pictures of Mars. Behold.
Before Instagram (aka before being cool):
After Instagram (aka now its cool):
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Facebook City? Also known as Las Vegas…
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Jonathan Frakes kind of overacts during his “Riker-focused” episodes in Star Trek. Here’s a select few where he’s always trying to bang a chick, a job once reserved for a Captain, now given to the Second-in-Command.:
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See you guys next month!!! GET ITTTT???!?!?!?
Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #22104
I hate you
You hate me
I will kill your whole family
With a big fucking gun pointing at your teeth
Making you piss while your miserbly in your knees
While you beg for your ass not to be split
No god-damn purple dinosaur will be left to sing.
Joke #22088
Q: What can an elevator do that a black man can’t?
A: Raise a family.
Bizarro Facebook #21979: The Adventures of Jelli
So, on Saturday, November 5, 2011, I get an add request from some random girl named Jelli. I don’t know who she is, never seen her before. Mind you, the picture I see is of a “white” girl… not a hint of Filipino that I can see…and yet…
The following conversation takes place:
davepoobond: do i know you?
Jelli: nope im just tryin to add you
Jelli: its up to you if you want to accept,im not forcing you..
davepoobond: well its fine, i just dont know if i know you is all 😛
Jelli: ok thanks
davepoobond: so what made you want to be my friend
Jelli: i want you to be my friend
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(I’m thinking: OKAY, WTF??)
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davepoobond: oh ok
Jelli: where you from?and how old are you?
davepoobond: I’m from la county originally. I live in orange county now… how about you
Jelli: im from los angeles,but now im here in philippines
davepoobond: Oh ok
Jelli: ok
davepoobond: What made you move out there
Jelli: visiting my aunt
Jelli: i want you to know im half filipino
Jelli: you there?
davepoobond: Oh that’s cool
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8 hours later…
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davepoobond: why do you want me to know that you’re half filipino
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So, this girl sounds like she’s got a few screws loose. And I check out her Facebook status updates and the comments she’s got…
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On June 28
Jelli: hope she gets better i love you auntie…
Keith: What’s wrong with her?
Jelli: she have a sick,and she want to survive…
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On July 14:
Jelli: aunt dont worry god always there for you and give you more life,hope you get well i love you so much…
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On Sept 3:
Jelli: Creepy Guy Daniel (censored his name)
Creepy Guy Daniel: I’m unfamiliar with this kind of post. Am I supposed to do what?
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On Sept 3:
Creepy Guy Daniel: Are you a Sagittarius also? I was born on the 30th November
Jelli: Nope i’m scorpio.
Creepy Guy Daniel: Oooh, that’s even better! Is it true that you are ruled by your high sexual drive?
Jelli: i dont know.
Jelli: you want to try?haha peace.
Creepy Guy Daniel: I would love to! And I would try very hard indeed! Just give me the go ahead Jelli!
Jelli: if you want to try at me,you travel here in philippines or you want buy me a chippes ticket to go back there in L.A.
Creepy Guy Daniel: Until just now, being kinda poor never seemed to bother me. All of a sudden though, I gotta say that money COULD buy some measure of happiness in this situation! LOL If I had the bucks, I would ahve you here in flash Jelli !
Jelli: ?
Jelli: Ok i understand its ok.
Roger: i`d walk there xxx
Jelli: Ok i understand its ok.
Creepy Guy Daniel: On water right? We can only hope!!
Jelli: hope u want to meet each other.
Jelli: hope u want to meet each other.
Creepy Guy Daniel: Want to join us?
Jelli: What you mean?
Creepy Guy Daniel: You said you hoped we would want to meet each other. I am assuming your interest is joining us when we do!
Jelli: Yea i want to meet but how im here in philippines.
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On Sept 5:
Jelli: hELLo thErE…
Roger: hi doll i hope you are fine pity we cannot find us never for chatting i d like
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On Sept 6:
Jelli: Hello there anyone to talk?
Rick: Good Morning how was your holiday weekend
Jelli: Verry sad and lonely.
Rick: Why so sad and lonely
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On Sept 6:
Roger: Jilli Jill Jill whats cookin good lookin?
Jelli: Thanks
Jelli: Hello
Roger: what up jill
Jelli: Great,you?
Roger: oh just chillin when u coming ouy 2 tampa?
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On Sept 6
Jelli: what happened i’m wondering.
Matthew: me too
Jelli: Why?
Matthew: cuz what happened lol?
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On Sept 8
Kareem: lol can you not harass my friends?
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On Oct 3
Jelli: i feel pain,i think its headache.;-(
Creepy Guy Daniel: I have 600mg Ibuprofen here. I wish I could five you one and make you feel better Jelli.
Adnor: Cuz I’m not with you woman!!we could fix that;)
Jelli: Thanks daniel.
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Jelli: hELLo there…
Rick: hello how are you
Jelli: h!…i’m good i’m here in philippines almost 2weeks…
Rick: Are you having a good time
Jelli: what are you up to?
Jelli: i’m visiting to my aunt.
Rick: recovering from my operation.
Rick: how is she doing
Rick: are you going to live there or are you coming back
Jelli: hope ur fine,shes still not CTscan cuz financial proble,i’m coming back there by december.
Jelli: ????
Rick: I did not see you on here for a while and was thinking you stopped talking to me or left face book
Jelli: Still there?
Jelli: Still there?
Jelli: Still there?
Rick: I’m still here
Jelli: ????
Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?
Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?
Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?
Rick: I talk to old and new friends. I saw you said hi there and I didn’t know if you were talking to me so i didn’t want to be rude so I said hi back to you. You seem like a nice person to talk to. Is that ok to do
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On Oct 22:
She updates her relationships status as single.
Louis: CANNT BELIVE UR SINGLE MUST HAVE BEEN A JERK
Jelli: huh,its up to you
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On Oct 28:
Jelli: Always bussy for looking job,very tired.
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On Oct 31:
Jelli: Happy holloween to all.
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I also look at her other information… she apparently goes to UCLA. How dumb can you be and still get into there?
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Her about info:
I am a cool, laid back, no drama, funny and fun girl who will rock your world! I love 2 try new things and will show some of my favorite! I love to be crazy and adventurous. If you think you can handle it.
Interested In: Men and Women
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On Monday, she finally responds
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Jelli: look at my pics.to know…
davepoobond: i cant look at your pictures
Jelli: huh really?
davepoobond: yeah it says that you dont share it with me
Jelli: but you see my profile pic.?
davepoobond: yeah
Jelli: so what you say?
davepoobond: what do i say about what
Jelli: to my pic.?
davepoobond: i dont really know, i cant tell what you really look like
Jelli: tell me the truth what are you looking for?
davepoobond: for what?
Jelli: are you single?
Jelli: i i want you to answer me if you are looking for relationship
davepoobond: yeah im single, sure im looking…
davepoobond: what are you on facebook for?
Jelli: me too im looking for serious relationship
Jelli: you there?
davepoobond: yeah
Jelli: sory to disturbing you
davepoobond: you’re not bugging me
Jelli: ok
davepoobond: so, why are you interested if i’m single or not
Jelli: im just asking
davepoobond: how old are you
Jelli: turning 23 this month
Jelli: you?
davepoobond: 25
Jelli: ok
Jelli: bussy
davepoobond: you are?
Jelli: nope
davepoobond: what time is it now in the phillipines
Jelli: 4:10am
davepoobond: wow how come you’re still up
Jelli: yea i cant sleep
Jelli: you talked other girl?
davepoobond: what other girl?
Jelli: i think your busy to other girl here on facebook
davepoobond: no, i’m not talking to another girl on facebook right now
davepoobond: so, what do you like to do in your spare time
Jelli: ok,honestly im looking for job here,for my financial
davepoobond: looking for job in the phillipines?
Jelli: yea
Jelli: you did not know im here in philippines now?
davepoobond: no, I didn’t
davepoobond: didn’t you say your aunt was sick?
Jelli: yea,thats the reason if i am here now
davepoobond: arent you coming back eventually? why are you trying to find a job
Jelli: cuz i need to fix my documents to imigration to get me back there in los angeles
davepoobond: what’s wrong with them
Jelli: my visa expired,i need to renew it
Jelli: spent my money for my aunt,cuz i really want to recover her
davepoobond: that sucks
Jelli: yea
Jelli: thats the reason if what im looking for job
davepoobond: where were you born?
Jelli: here in philippines i am not citezen there in L.A
davepoobond: didn’t you say you’re half Filipino? what’s your other half
Jelli: my aunt raised me when im 5yrs old my dad took me to los angeles
Jelli: my father white american
Jelli: my mom filipina
Jelli: hello
davepoobond: hi
Jelli: why you do not responds?tell me if you are bussy?
davepoobond: well i dont really know what to say
davepoobond: but
davepoobond: your dad being a citizen makes it so that you’re a citizen
Jelli: yea but i was born here in philippines
davepoobond: that doesnt matter if your dad is a citizen
davepoobond: that grants you citizenship
davepoobond: he needed to say you were his daughter when he took you when you were 5, or even now he can probably do it…
Jelli: yea cuz im a broken family 🙁
davepoobond: what do you mean
Jelli: my father left my mom
davepoobond: when did that happen
Jelli: when im 14yrs old
davepoobond: where is your mom
Jelli: here in philippines
davepoobond: where is your dad
Jelli: there in L.A
davepoobond: can’t he get you citizenship, since he is a citizen and is your father?
Jelli: yea i do not know to my father
davepoobond: didn’t you say he took you when you were 5, and stayed with you until you were 14?
Jelli: yea
davepoobond: how was he able to bring you to america?
Jelli: i do not know to my father,now my problem is to fix my visa to get back there
davepoobond: if your dad married your mom, she would be a citizen too before he had left her.
davepoobond: what kind of a visa is it
Jelli: residence visa
davepoobond: don’t you go to school at UCLA? why dont you get a student visa temporarily
Jelli: im stop schooling
davepoobond: how were you able to stay before you went to the phillipines
Jelli: to my father home
davepoobond: didn’t you say you didnt know your dad? how would you be able to live with him until right before you go to the phillipines?
Jelli: yea until right before i go here in the philippines
davepoobond: but you said you dont know him
Jelli: i did not told you that
davepoobond: you said it before, scroll up…
davepoobond: so anyway
davepoobond: you can talk to him and have him help you
davepoobond: get citizenship
davepoobond: since you’re his daughter
davepoobond: and he is a citizen
Jelli: i think i did not get you before
davepoobond: ok, so do you get me now?
Jelli: yea
Jelli: in los angeles i am at home with my dad
davepoobond: ok, so why cant he help you get back
Jelli: i email my dad earlier said he broke
davepoobond: how did you get enough money to fly to the phillipines
Jelli: my dad loans to travel here
Jelli: me here
davepoobond: cant he take more loan to get you back?
Jelli: he cant
davepoobond: doesnt he have a job? how does he afford rent? wouldnt getting his daughter back into america be important?
Jelli: i understand my dad,he finance with my sister and me,he finance food with my sister
davepoobond: can you make it so that i can see the rest of your pictures
Jelli: what you mean by that?
davepoobond: if i select the photos tab, it says “Jelli only shares some information with everyone. ”
davepoobond: and i cant see your pictures
Jelli: i will private
davepoobond: what?
Jelli: im private to my profile
Jelli: yea you cant see my pics.
davepoobond: but earlier you wanted me to look at your pictures
Jelli: yea i said earlier you see my profile pic.
davepoobond: so what do you want to talk about
Jelli: you what you want to talk?tell me?
davepoobond: what?
Jelli: anything you want
Jelli: can you open topic
davepoobond: what do you like to do in your spare time
Jelli: honestly im wondering if i am alone,when im on room im wondering how i do to get me back there in L.A
davepoobond: other than that
Jelli: i want go to church to pray my aunt and to my visa fix
davepoobond: what is your aunt sick with
Jelli: breast cancer
Jelli: ???
davepoobond: oh that sucks
Jelli: yea
Jelli: but i know god knows plan to my aunt
Jelli: ???
davepoobond: what?
Jelli: bussy?
davepoobond: no
Jelli: ok
davepoobond: so what did you do when you were in america
davepoobond: ???
Jelli: looking job again
davepoobond: did you ever have a job
Jelli: before im a cashier in mini mart
davepoobond: what kind of necklace is that in your picture
Jelli: tiffany silver
davepoobond: what kind of glasses do you have
Jelli: reading glass
davepoobond: what kind of earrings are those
Jelli: silver
Jelli: why you askin?
davepoobond: i dont know, why dont you talk about something
Jelli: i share to you,have a problem?
davepoobond: share what?
Jelli: share my prob.sory
davepoobond: what is your problem
Jelli: you know to my documents
davepoobond: what about them
Jelli: to fix it
Jelli: cuz i do not know how i get money to fix it
davepoobond: you just need to find a job
davepoobond: or do some freelance work for people
Jelli: yea but how?
davepoobond: what are you good at doing
Jelli: i dont know
davepoobond: cant you be a cashier
Jelli: im not
davepoobond: i know you’re not
davepoobond: but why can’t you do that in phillipines
Jelli: no hiring in cashier
Jelli: ???
davepoobond: what?
Jelli: you dont answer me
davepoobond: you didnt have a question?
davepoobond: what kind of soda do you like
Jelli: i dont like soda i like orange juice
davepoobond: why dont you like soda
Jelli: cuz have acid
davepoobond: orange juice is technically more acidic than soda
Jelli: nope
davepoobond: it has citric acid in it
Jelli: yea i know juice have acid,but soda acid and spirits right
davepoobond: well, soda has carbonation
Jelli: but with spirits
davepoobond: spirits?
davepoobond: you mean alcohol?
Jelli: yea got it
davepoobond: i mean your right alchohol
Jelli: soda doesnt have alcohol in it unless you put it in there
Jelli: i like gatorade
davepoobond: oh
davepoobond: so what else can i ask you about?
Jelli: ask me then i answer
Jelli: im sleepy
davepoobond: have you ever had a pregnancy scare
Jelli: never
davepoobond: what is your cup size
Jelli: i dont want this topic
Jelli: im sleepy i need to rest
Jelli: thanks to your time
davepoobond: ok, see ya later
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I looked up her profile picture on Google Images, and it ended up being a chick on some Spanish site who had nude pictures…. she was really hot, but the point being that it wasn’t the same person, obviously, so whatever “Jelli” actually looks like is unknown.