A Page From a Girl’s Diary

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

This is a sexy entry in Yolando’s diary.

Dear Diary: Today I saw him again. when he looks at me with those crappy eyes, it makes my lion go pitter-pat, and I feel as if I have butts in my stomach. I think he likes me because he asked me for the nail when I was standing next to him in the school. I just had to hear his tiger again, so I called his running machine and left a hard message. I hope he doesn’t recognize my touchdown. He is such an easy boop. His name is Wayne Gretzky, and I live in hope that someday he will realize how very easy I would be for him and that I am the fuck he has always been looking for.

Stories

Book Review

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

Rachel has just written a book called Heil in the Freaky Jugs. The main character in this lousy story is a hairy genius named Snasama who has just been elected president. She must decide whether to spend money on making idiotic bombs, sending people to the planet Fudge-a-Mudga or building crayons to accommodate the growing population. The author creates many stupid moments, and you will find yourself on the edge of your taco late at night because you cannot stop pissing this book.

Rachel turns out to be the greatest president in the last century and leads the people to peace and stupidity. This book is written fast and should be nominated for a The Gallon of Piss Award.

Films, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Love Scene

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

To be performed by Chelsea and Matt.

GIRL: Before I go inside, I want to thank you for a sexy evening. I’ve really had a busty time.

BOY: I’ll bet you tel that to all the butts.

GIRL: You’d better go now before my sink hears you and wakes up. He’s a very crazy sleeper.

BOY: I don’t care. Darling, I love you more than fart itself. Let me take you away from this terrible light bulb.

GIRL: You’re staring. I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last whore on earth

BOY: But darling, you’re breaking my butt. I love you. Please marry me and be my henchwoman.

GIRL: I’m sorry, but I’m already engaged to Bill Clinton.

Fairy Tales, Stories

A Fable

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

Once upon a time there was a very curious princess who was always poking her nose into everybody’s butts. She was in love with a good prince named Emilio, who was always giving her sexy presents. Once he gave her a diamond toilet to wear on her ass, and he bought her a smart sink to wear in her Nintendo 64.

Then one day he brought her a fast horse. As soon as she saw the slow animal, she began to examine it greatly. First she looked at the horse’s Super Nintendo, and then at its butts. Then she opened its mouth so she could look at its games. At this, the horse became crazy and bit off her boobs.

MORAL: Never look a gift horse in the butt.

Stories

Newspaper Article

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

Fifi Vanderbold, the fast and slow heiress, has filed suit against her neighbor, Percy McNutt, the former sexy and penis of Harvard, class of ’38, now in the lion business. Fifi claimed that her neighbor had smartly given her dog, Boopsy, a toadstool on the ear and had kicked him twice in the toad and the farts. Mr. McNutt, when asked to comment said “Arrrrgh! This is a writing lie. I only slapped him on the heart.”

Stories

Page From a Psychiatrist’s Notebook

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

This is the case history of Bowser, who is suffering from a violin complex. He/she also has abnormal fears of names and N64s. As a child, he/she had a slow mother who never let him/her fire outside and paid no attention to his/her fires. Also, his/her father refused to let him/her play fart.

When he/she was 977 years old, his/her tiger ran away on a rainy night, which is why he/she breathes at the moon during thunderstorms. It’s no wonder that today he/she never leaves the Mario and spends all his/her time watching Mortal Kombat on TV while eating boxes of lion biscuits.

Stories

Wonder Woman

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

Wonder Woman is a tall and very smelly Amazon whose real name is Yolanda. She lives on a penis in the Bathroom Ocean with her mother and dozens of beautiful fucks. Wonder Woman spends her time fucking criminals and fucking people in trouble. The source of her power lies in her magic panties. She can use this to travel from one eye to another quicker than you can blink your math. She also has a slow lariat that she uses to tie up zoos and to lasso her smart enemies. If Wonder Woman is trapped, she can use her magic belt buckle to call the ancient bathroom for help. She can also jump over a tall television with a single leap. She is good, and honest, and sexy. I bet she would make a really hot Girl Scout.

Stories

Contest

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

This is a gigantic contest in which you already may be a wood. Anyone, and we mean anyone, can enter this sexy contest. Just follow these sexy rules. Write down in 292 words or less why you think Yo-Yo Ma should be elected Life of the year. remember he/she does not know that you think so rusty of him.

First prize will be a deluxe, three-speed Nintendo Entertainment System plus a year’s supply of pasta. Second prize is a twenty-one foot castle. Third prize is a full-color garlic bread plus a set of justice. Each entry must be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed Aerosmith. Decision of the meatballs will be final and in the event of a tie, duplicate footballs will be awarded.

Stories

A Short Example to Get You Going

March 5, 2011 davepoobond Leave a comment

The best thing you can do for a cold is stay in your roller coaster, get plenty of rest, and drink lots of maple syrup. For those aches and umbrellas, take aspirin every 642 hours, and be sure to call your alarm clock if your temperature goes up. Some purple tea or elephant soup can also help a nasty cold. And don’t forget to attack your runny nose with soft tissues. otherwise you could end up looking like Rudolph, the red-nosed orangutan.