New Randomness

Today I added some more random links at the top for your convenience.  You can now visit any random joke, dictionary word, or picture on the site.

Go to a random thing and click on one of those links to test it out!

I tried to make Quotes work, but at this time I haven’t figured out an elegant solution other than one I don’t really want to do.  So if there’s some other way to do the random post thing, I’m still on the lookout for it.

The Flapper’s Dictionary

These are the words that originated in the 1920s which were used by flappers…some of these are still used today.

Dimbox – a taxicab

Flatwheeler – a young man who takes a young lady to an egg harbor

Egg harbor – a fall dance

Clothesline – one who tells neighborhood stories

Whiskbroom – a man who cultivates whiskers

Let’s blouse – let’s go

Crabhanger – reformer

Shifter – a grafter

Snugglepup – young man who frequents petting parties

Petting party – social event devoted to hugging

Finale hopper – young man who arrives after all bills are paid

Hiphound – one who drinks hootch

Sodbuster – an undertaker

Applesauce – flattery or bunk

Weeping willow – same as crepehanger

Ritz – stuck up

Alarm clock – a chaperone

Father time – any man over 30 years

Sugar – money

Urban set – a new gown

His blue serge – his girl

Cutting yourself a piece of cake – making yourself wait patiently

Dog Kennels – pair of shoes

Dogs – feet

Stilts – legs

Mouthpiece – lawyer

Handcuff – engagement ring

Stutter-tub – motor boat

An alibi – a box of flowers

Anchor – bank roll

Monogolist – young man who hates himself

Dropping the plot – getting a divorce

Appleknocker – a hick

Biscuit – a pettable flapper

Butt me – give me a cigarette

Barney – a scandal walker

Dincher – a half smoked cigarette

Ear muffs – radio receivers

Dingledangler – one who persists in telephoning

Cake basket – a limousine

Statts (?) – conversation that means nothing

Oilcan – an imposter

Fire alarm – a divorced woman

Cuddle-cootie – young man who takes a girl for a ride on a bus

Forty-niner – man who is prospecting for a rich wife

Tomato – good looking girl with no brains

Slat – young man

Strike breaker – young woman who goes with her friend’s “steady” while there is a coolness

Dud – a wall flower

Cake-eater – harmless lounge lizard

Noodle-juice – tea

Boob-tickler – girl who has to entertain her father’s customers from out of town

Barney-muggin – love-making

Brush-ape – anyone from the sticks – a hayshaker

Cake-eater – a wearer of tight clothes, belted coat with spear like lapels and one button, sausage trousers, low quick fitting collar, greenish pink shirt; and one of those jazzbo ties that gives you the giggles

Cat’s pajamas – anything that’s good

Dapper – a flapper’s father

Darb – gink with a roll of coin

Finale hopper – always ready to promise the last wrestle and never there when it comes around; the spendthrift who arrives after the ticket-takers have departed

Snake-charmer – a female bootlegger

Dive-ducat – subway ticket

Mad money – carfare home if she has a fight with her escort

Hikers – knickerbockers

Whangdoodle – jazz band

Grubstake – invitation to dinner

Pillowcase – young man who is full of feathers

Feathers – small talk

Hush money – allowance from father

Bean-picker – one who tries to patch up trouble

Corn-shredder – young man who dances on lady’s feet

Police-dog – young woman’s fiancé

Airedale – homely man

Fig leaf – one piece bathing suit

John D. – an oily person

Sweetie – anybody she hates

Frog’s eyebrows – nice, fine

Fluky – funny, odd, different

Goof – flapper’s intoxicated

Half cut – happily intoxicated

Kippy – neat or nice

Neckers – those who park while dancing

Sharpshooter – a good dancer (who spends his money freely)

Strangler – what a spendthrift isn’t

Toddler – a finale hopper’s faster sister

Sap – a finale hopper

Smoke-eater – a girl cigarette user

Plastered – a synonym for pie-eyed; oiled; intoxicated

They – refers to objecting parents

Hcaz and Ikik

Once upon a time, yee yonders ago, ok maybe it was last week…BUT ANYWAYS!  There was a big, green, sharp tooth T-Rex named Hcaz Lizard.  Hcaz didn’t have many friends because whenever he tried to have a conversation with the other dinosaurs he would “RAWR” loudly, but Hcaz couldn’t help it.  He was just born with a loud Rawr.

So, Hcaz usually scared all the other dinosaurs away.  Everyone though Hcaz was a bloodthirsty, meat-loving T-Rex but in fact he was the very opposite of that.  he loved to eat herbs, grass, trees, and vegetables.  Hcaz didn’t believe in killing animals to eat, plus it was too messy with all the blood everywhere.

One day while Hcaz was sleeping, a vegetarian thief stole all the veggies, herbs, grass, and trees.  All the other dinosaurs rejoiced because they hated that stuff.  When Hcaz woke up, he was hungry as usual and decided to eat a tree.  He set out to find a delicious looking tree, but there were none left!  🙁

Hcaz was heartbroken and didn’t know what to do.  All the other dinosaurs were happy because since Hcaz had no more food he would soon die.

One of the toddler dinosaurs named Ikik felt bad for Hcaz, she didn’t want him to die.  Hcaz has been in his cave since the disappearance of his food, so one day Ikik decided to give Hcaz a piece of her meat, she set out on a journey to Hcaz’s cave.

When she arrived, she was scared.  But she knew she had to do it.  Hcaz was sleeping when he heard her footsteps.  Usually Hcaz would have said “Leave me alone!” but he was too sad.

Ikik told Hcaz, “I brought you meat, you need to eat!”  Hcaz said in a loud “Rawr”: “NO, but thanks!”

Ikik was scared because it sounded like thunder but she knew he was nice because he said thanks.  Ikik began talking to him and he still had a loud rawr, but she understood why.  Hcaz and Ikik talked and talked until she had to go home, but she said she would come back tomorrow.  From that day on Ikik and Hcaz were good friends all because of a piece of meat.  Until Hcaz died of starvation, that is.

The End.

Moral of the story: If you’re a vegetarian and you have to eat meat to survive, maybe you should.

The Lost Money Theory

There is a lot of money that goes unspent.  In fact it is so unspent that it is LOST.

I’m not talking about money burned down in a fire or whatever.  I’m talking about money that still exists in the form it was created in, but is in a place where it will never be used again.

Take for example, a lowly penny on the ground.  Pennies are worth less than the metal that is used to create it.  Not only is this two cent piece of metal only worth one cent, but to some its not even worth keeping.  It gets thrown away into a trash can or stuffed into an empty soda bottle and shipped off to a landfill.

How many thrown away coins are sitting in landfills right now?  How much “accidentally” thrown away money is sitting somewhere never to be used again?

It is in my professional opinion that there is enough to take a damper on the economy.  We’ve ultimately wasted resources to create things that are meant to be used, only to have them thrown away.  How many millions of times would that penny have passed through hands?  How many times would that torn up one dollar bill been passed through a stripper’s ass crack?

These are trying times, friends.  We need to take a look at how we physically use our money.  We need to make sure every penny is spent wisely, and not thrown away.  We need to press our pennies into weird shapes at amusement parks for 50 cents.  Avoid throwing pennies into wishing fountains that do not get cleaned out regularly.  A lake is not a wishing fountain, do not throw your nickels and dimes into lakes.  Instead, throw it off the Empire State Building, where it can implant itself into someone’s head, to be removed at a later date and spent on a Snickers bar by the doctor who just spent 8 hours in surgery trying to remove it.

We must not devalue the very thing that is tantamount to our culture — money.

Am I Confident?

Are you confident?  Answer the next 5 questions, and tally up your results at the end to see your fate.

Before a test you have studied for, you:

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When shopping for clothes, you:

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When you're at a restaurant, you:

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Would you say your friends in general are:

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What do you think are the realistic chances of achieving what deep in your heart you want to do when you are an adult?

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If you scored 12-15, fuck you.  No one likes a liar.

A score between 8-11 means you’re probably normal, but who are you really fooling?

If you score between 5-7, you’re low on the confidence scale.  Don’t worry, it’ll only get worse from here on out.  I could tell you all this sanctimonious bullshit about how it could get better, but really, you’re probably depressed and the only thing that will make you better are drugs.  And lots of them.

If you scored less than 5, you’re probably already doing drugs.

Am I an Introvert or an Extrovert?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?  Answer the next 10 questions, and tally up your results at the end to see your fate.

I would find it more fun to:

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The sports I like best are (mark the answer that includes the most sports you like):

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If I knew the answer to a question my teacher asked and no one else seemed to, I would:

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In the last year I have made:

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The people I admire most are:

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I would rather:

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I would dislike most:

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When I am asked questions that I know the answers to, I:

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In group activities I am:

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If my class were divided into two groups, with half the class the most outgoing kids and the other half the least outgoing, which would I be in?

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Total up how many of each Introvert and Extrovert answers you’ve selected.

If you’ve chosen more answers that are marked as Introvert, then you’re a loner.  Get some friends.  Or play volleyball.

If you selected more answers that are marked as Extrovert, then you’re an asshole.  You might want to keep yourself a little contained, you try-hard.

If you chose more of the third answer in this quiz, then you are either extremely lame or really really crazy.

The Celebration of Nothing

The Celebration of Nothing – n.  an annual celebration that celebrates nothing.  The concept of nothing is just that — nothing.  There is no reason to really be celebrating, but you do anyway.  This is the very basis of the Celebration of Nothing.  To celebrate for the sake of celebrating.  The Celebration of Nothing is a week-long event that occurs on the third week of July.

The Barbarian

Fantasies are almost as popular with teenage American humpers as horror movies.  My favorite was Pooinaspark the Barbarian, starring Arnold Anderson.  Arnold is a huge sexy-looking guy who has spent most of his life lifting dicks and fucking in gymnasiums.

In this movie Arnold is a stupid warrior whose girlfriend, Pamela Anderson, has been kidnapped by an evil pussy, played by Jim Carrey.  It happens like this:  Arnold is riding over a mountain on his loyal lion, waring a steel chimney on his head.  Suddenly he meets a beautiful girl wearing a stupid gown.  Her name is Pamela Anderson and she is Queen of San Francisco.  Arnold falls dick over pussy in love with her.

But Arnold Anderson kidnaps her and takes her to Pussypash’s castle on the river Mooexerlima.

Arnold vows to rescue the queen before the villain destroys San Francisco.  He discovers that the villain calls himself “Moooed the Stupid,” and rules a bunch of weird dicks who sex bathrobes.  Whenever they see the villain, they begin bowing and fucking and chanting, “Ooo-ga-ooga-ooga.”  The villain sends his sexy bodyguards out to get Arnold.  They throw their dicks at him, but he ducks.  They swing their stupid battle-axes at him, but he sidesteps.  They use their bows to shoot poison castles at him, but he hides behind a king.  Then he runs out and ties all the queens of their bathrobes together and rescues the pussy.  Everything ends fast for the good guys.

Hot Head

This is a really sexy horror film because the heroine is a little 999-year-old girl played by Pamela Anderson who is the granddaughter of the famous old-time dick Jamal Anderson.  In this picture she can start fires by sending sexy vibrations out of the sexy part of her little brain.  She sets houses and automobiles and banks on fire and burns down several Barbies.  Then men from the defense department come and want to use her as a secret military Popsicle.  They tell her if she helps them they will give her a new moo moo to play with.  But she is too busy fucking down a Paris and French-frying Jim Carrey.  It all comes to an end when she gives up starting fires and decides to grow up and become a sexer.

Vacation

A vacation is when you take a trip to some sexy place with your stupid family.  Usually you go to some place that is near a car or up on a head.  A good vacation is one where you can ride apes, or play sex, or go hunting for boobs.  I like to spend my time gargling or fucking.  When parents go on vacation, they spend their time eating three pizzas a day, and fathers play golf and mothers sit around sexing.  Last summer my little brother fell in a pussy and got poison Venus fly trap all over his dick.  My family is going to a strip club, and I will practice partying.  Parents need vacations more than kids because parents are always very sexy and because they have to work 69 hours every day all year making enough dicks to pay for the vacation.

Exploring Caves

If you like to go fucking in stupid caves that are 248 feet underground, you should go to the gay Mammoth Caves located in a strip club.  Thousands of sexy boobs go there every summer.  Crawling about in caves is called “spelunking.”  And it is really a stupid sport.  But always go with a turdy guide so you won’t get lost.  Once in the cave, you will see beautiful purple and red rocks and crystals.  Huge lesbian-like things hang from the ceiling and are called “stalactites.”  Huge gay things jut up from the floor and are called “stalagmites.”  Caes are hom to millions of lesbian bats.  Bats can fly and look like stupid rats.  Spelunking is dangerous, so be sure to wear special shoes with bars on them and a hat with a battery-powered pen.

How To Have a Flat Stomach

If you don’t have a flat stomach, you can never have freaky posture.  You can strengthen the fruits in your stomach by proper exercises.  Here is an exercise that will improve your dick.  Lie on the floor on your sex bone and raise your dick over your head.  Do this 69 times while keeping your pussy tense.  Next exercise:  stand with your pooer flat against the wall. Bend over and try to touch your butts. This will keep your spine sexy.  Next, sit on the floor with your knees bent against your bank.  Then freely sit up and touch your shopping cart with your left toad.  Keep up these exercises until you feel pink.  Then stop.  At once.

Home Hot Tubs

In the ruins of the palace of Pamela Anderson in ancient Greece, you can see a marble toilet and a tub the old Greeks used for sexing and fucking.  Now, you, too, can own a genuine juicy spa and whirlpool bath.  you can use it to have sex in the privacy of your own bunk. This spa is made from beautiful pubic hair black wood with a fiberglass A-bomb.  Plenty of room to seat four steaks.  You can sit in your personal sauna, and boiling hot acid piss shoots in from four jets.  It will massage your entire boob, and it cures obscene sex.  Hot boobs are an “in” thing and ar as popular in America as vending.