“My favorite school subject is math because I’m really good at it. My least favorite subject is history because I don’t do that well in it.”
– davepoobond
Quote #21718
“[In the future] I see flying cars in the air with electrical motors and cars on the ground with electric motors also.”
– davepoobond
Quote #21717
“The best vacation I ever took was to Lake Tahoe because it was neat and I went somewhere else than to Las Vegas for out-of-state-trips. I had no mishaps. I’d like to spend a vacation on the moon!”
– davepoobond
Quote #21716
“Favorite TV Shows
My TV shows are ranked in order of preference:
1. ‘The Real Adventures of Johnny Quest’ I like it because I like the computer graphics.
2. ‘Hey Arnold’ I like it because it is interesting and funny.
3. ‘Dexter’s Laboratory’ I like it because it is funny.
4. ‘Johnny Bravo’ I like it because it is funny.
5. ‘KABLAM!’ I like it because it is funny.”
– davepoobond
WoW Chat #21714: Cardrek -> davepoobond
In trade I was trying to sell stuff:
[2] [davepoobond]: WTS [Comfortable Insoles] only 10g each!
–
Cardrek: wat do they do
davepoobond: make you jellin like a felon
Cardrek: i woulda bought em if u didnt attempt that pathetic ryme
davepoobond: its from a commercial
Cardrek: its gross
davepoobond: wat
Quote #21647
“looks like me when I was a fetus!”
– davepoobond
If You’re Happy And You Know It, Bomb Iraq
Parody of “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”
–
If You’re Happy And You Know It – Bomb Iraq
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone’s dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let’s look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.
It’s pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq.
To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They’ve got weapons we can’t see,
And that’s all the proof we need,
If they’re not there, they must be,
Bomb Iraq.
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam’s gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
And he tried to kill your dad,
Bomb Iraq.
If corporate fraud is growin’, bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin’, bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain’t easy,
And your manhood’s getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.
If your economy’s in repression, Bomb Iraq
If you fear a great depression, bomb Iraq
If you want lotsa oil,
Land on a countries soil,
Put the world in turmoil,
Bomb Iraq
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We’ll call it treason,
Let’s make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq
Promptly Return the Anal Lube, Please
This is an Email Forward you can send to your friends.
–
Subject: Promptly return the anal lube, please.
Dear madam,
According to surveillance tapes recorded earlier this week, you shoplifted two bottles of Squeeky brand anal lubricant.
We have informed the authorities about the situation and charges will be pressed. Please return the unused lube in the package to the closest available TARGET store, for possible sentence reduction.
We do not appreciate people taking anal lube (or any merchandise) from our stores.
You are hereby banned from all TARGET stores. And we here at TARGET hope they give you the chair, you little bitch!
Suan Partridge, TARGET inc.
Joke #21640
A lady walks into a welfare office and the guy at the desk asks her how many kids she has.
She says, “23, and they’re all named Billy.”
The clerk says, “Why would you do a stupid thing like that?”
She says, “So if I wanna call them all at one time, all I have to do is say Billy.”
The clerk asks, “But what if you only wanna call one?”
The lady replies, “Easy, I call them by their last name.”
Top 10 Reasons Why Armenians Can’t Be Terrorists
1. 8:45 am (5:45am Glendale time) is too early for them to be up.
2. They are always late, they would have missed all four flights.
3. Pretty people on the plane distract them.
4. They would talk loudly & bring attention to themselves.
5. With food & drinks on the plane, they would forget why they’re there.
6. They talk with their hands, therefore they would have to put their weapons down.
7. They would ALL want to fly the plane.
8. They would argue & start a fight in the plane.
9. They can’t keep a secret, they would have told everyone a week before doing it.
10. They would have put their country’s flag on the plane.
Joke #21638: No Send Backs
One day, a girl named Jessica went online. She started talking to another girl. It started out normally………
–
Jessica: Hey person.
Other girl: Hello
Jessica: You’ve been a really interesting person to talk to.
Other girl: Really? Thanks. You really mean it?
Jessica: Yea.
Other girl: What’s ur name again?
Jessica: My name is Jessica. What’s urs?
Other girl: I can’t really tell u.
Jessica: Why?
Other girl: Because I’m dead.
Jessica: What?
Other girl: I’m dead.
Jessica: How can u be dead? I mean, dead people don’t i.m. living people.
Other girl: Yes they can because I can.
Jessica: Ok then, so ur dead. Ok. So what’s ur real name now that I know that u are dead?
Other girl: Mary, or at least it is now.
Jessica: So where do u live ‘dead person’ and what’s ur last name and ur real name?
Mary: Do you really want to know?
Jessica: Yea, duh. I mean, ur probably lyin and I wanna know who u really r by lookin in the phonebook.
Mary: You really wanna know??Jessica (Feeling Frustrated): Yes. I DO! Now just tell me ur dumb name!
Mary: I”m not dumb.?Jessica (Calming down a little): Fine then. Ur not. So tell me ur name.
Mary: I live in mirrors and travel by them, and my full name is BLoody Mary.?Jessica (Laughing): You can’t be bloody Mary. There’s no such thing!
Mary: Are u sure about that? Do you wanna find out the hard way? I know everythin about u. I know where u live, what u like, who u like, ur favorite color, ur full name, and I know what u are scared of.
Jessica: Ok, ur really freakin me out now. Stop it!
Mary: I won’t. If u don’t copy this conversation down and send it to 15 people, I will come to you.
–
The Next Day…
–
Jessica woke up in the morning after sending a copy of her conversation to 15 people. She went into her bathroom and turned on the lights. She looked
into her mirror and all of a sudden, the lights went out. She looked into the mirror and saw a person standing next to her with a long blood covered knife.
She was holding it up over Jessica’s head. Jessica looked around and felt around but felt nobody else in the room. She turned around and turned on the
lights. She turned around and there was no person beside her or in the mirror anymore. Then she looked on the ground and saw something red. She bent down and felt it. It was wet and looked like blood.
Bloody Mary didn’t hurt Jessica only because she sent the e-mail to 15 other people. Now you have to too or Bloody Mary might get you.
Send it to 14 or lower people, and you never know what might happen…
NO SEND BACKS!
Joke #21636
Two doctors opened an office in a small town.
They put up a sign reading:
“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.”
The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.”
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”
No go! Next they tried “Catatonics and Colonics” Thumbs down again.
Then came, “Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives.”
But is was still not good! So they tried:
“Minds and Behinds”
“Analysis and Anal Cysts”
“Nuts and Butts”
“Freaks and Cheeks”
“Loons and Moons”
“Lost Souls and Butt Holes”
None worked.
Almost at their wits’ end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:
“Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends.”
APPROVED.
Joke #21635
Q: Why doesn’t KFC have toilet paper?
A: Cause it’s finger lickin’ good.
Quote #21634
“Oh baby i’m rubbing my spacebar keep moving your mouse oh yah baby here i go i’m gonna download all over my key board here it goes uhhhhh say my name baby ……”
– on a girl’s dating profile
Wade Fulp Is a Big Meany
Back in 2004 I was an avid user of Newgrounds.com. Newgrounds had a lot of stuff that appealed to me at the time, but since the following conversation I have used it sparingly.
To put it bluntly, I may have deserved the reaction I got from him, but at the same time I don’t think it is warranted considering the situation and the fact that he doesn’t seem to care about the people who visit his web site. The situation is this: I had uploaded a sound file to Newgrounds’ newly launch “Audio Portal” which was to compliment their Flash Portal. I thought, “hey, great, I’ll add a sound file I have and see how it works and if its worth the effort, I’ll upload some music I made.” After my sound file was approved and displayed on the site, I was banned from uploading anything else, with no explanation.
All it said was that I was banned. So, I decided to e-mail support, which, at the time, was Wade Fulp. The following exchange of e-mails took place.
–
From: davepoobond@squackle.com [mailto:davepoobond@squackle.com]
Sent: Saturday, April 17, 2004 3:03 PM
To: wade@newgrounds.com
Subject: audio portal banning
I was banned from uploading anything to the audio portal. I haven’t done anything to deserve this. It would be most appreciated if I were allowed to upload to the audio portal again.
My name on Newgrounds is davepoobond
Thank you.
–
From: wade@newgrounds.com
To: davepoobond@squackle.com
Did you submit original quality work?
Regards,
Wade Fulp
Newgrounds.com, Inc.
–
From: davepoobond@squackle.com [mailto:davepoobond@squackle.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 04, 2004 9:28 PM
To: wade@newgrounds.com
Subject: RE: audio portal banning
I had submitted a sound effect of me saying “You suck!” which was put up. I was planning on putting more sound effects and songs I had made recently.
Thanks,
davepoobond
https://www.squackle.com/
–
From: wade@newgrounds.com
To: davepoobond@squackle.com
You people cease to amaze me! Look at your earlier statement:
” I was banned from uploading anything to the audio portal. I haven’t done anything to deserve this.”
So you think submitting “You suck!” as an audio clip is going to get you approved??? Are you that dumb? We’re looking for music, not people saying “You suck!”. We are looking for serious artists. Now stop wasting my damn time.
Regards,
Wade Fulp
Newgrounds.com, Inc.
–
From: davepoobond@squackle.com
To: wade@newgrounds.com
Ok, fine then. I see your point. I’m glad you told me off.
I was just trying to be nice in my first email. I understand that saying “You suck!” isn’t that original, but I hadn’t seen anywhere you couldn’t submit those kinds of sound effects.
If its really that big of a deal, maybe you should make it more clear that you ONLY want music on your site. I understand you probably get hoardes and hoardes of stupid people emailing you about stupid things, but I was only looking for an explanation, really. I understand people are stupid, but I’ve at least got some more sense than most. I know its a tough job dealing with so many stupid people on a regular basis.
I don’t give a lick of shit whether or not I’m able to upload MY music onto your web site to help out the community there, but I didn’t think that submitting a sound effect was good enough for me to get banned from uploading to the audio portal. I DO have music to upload, that I am still willing to upload.
This was just a misunderstanding between us, and I found it a little surprising that you’d just explode at me about a stupid little thing like this.
Humbly yours,
davepoobond
https://www.squackle.com/
–
Safe to say he didn’t read my response, or at least he didn’t care to e-mail me back with any reaction. If they didn’t like the sound effect, it didn’t make sense why it was on their site for so long. It’s not up anymore, and I have no idea if I’m still banned from uploading to Audio Portal but it’s not like I’d ever want to.