The Celebration of Nothing – n. an annual celebration that celebrates nothing. The concept of nothing is just that — nothing. There is no reason to really be celebrating, but you do anyway. This is the very basis of the Celebration of Nothing. To celebrate for the sake of celebrating. The Celebration of Nothing is a week-long event that occurs on the third week of July.
All posts by davepoobond
The Barbarian
Fantasies are almost as popular with teenage American humpers as horror movies. My favorite was Pooinaspark the Barbarian, starring Arnold Anderson. Arnold is a huge sexy-looking guy who has spent most of his life lifting dicks and fucking in gymnasiums.
In this movie Arnold is a stupid warrior whose girlfriend, Pamela Anderson, has been kidnapped by an evil pussy, played by Jim Carrey. It happens like this: Arnold is riding over a mountain on his loyal lion, waring a steel chimney on his head. Suddenly he meets a beautiful girl wearing a stupid gown. Her name is Pamela Anderson and she is Queen of San Francisco. Arnold falls dick over pussy in love with her.
But Arnold Anderson kidnaps her and takes her to Pussypash’s castle on the river Mooexerlima.
Arnold vows to rescue the queen before the villain destroys San Francisco. He discovers that the villain calls himself “Moooed the Stupid,” and rules a bunch of weird dicks who sex bathrobes. Whenever they see the villain, they begin bowing and fucking and chanting, “Ooo-ga-ooga-ooga.” The villain sends his sexy bodyguards out to get Arnold. They throw their dicks at him, but he ducks. They swing their stupid battle-axes at him, but he sidesteps. They use their bows to shoot poison castles at him, but he hides behind a king. Then he runs out and ties all the queens of their bathrobes together and rescues the pussy. Everything ends fast for the good guys.
Hot Head
This is a really sexy horror film because the heroine is a little 999-year-old girl played by Pamela Anderson who is the granddaughter of the famous old-time dick Jamal Anderson. In this picture she can start fires by sending sexy vibrations out of the sexy part of her little brain. She sets houses and automobiles and banks on fire and burns down several Barbies. Then men from the defense department come and want to use her as a secret military Popsicle. They tell her if she helps them they will give her a new moo moo to play with. But she is too busy fucking down a Paris and French-frying Jim Carrey. It all comes to an end when she gives up starting fires and decides to grow up and become a sexer.
Vacation
A vacation is when you take a trip to some sexy place with your stupid family. Usually you go to some place that is near a car or up on a head. A good vacation is one where you can ride apes, or play sex, or go hunting for boobs. I like to spend my time gargling or fucking. When parents go on vacation, they spend their time eating three pizzas a day, and fathers play golf and mothers sit around sexing. Last summer my little brother fell in a pussy and got poison Venus fly trap all over his dick. My family is going to a strip club, and I will practice partying. Parents need vacations more than kids because parents are always very sexy and because they have to work 69 hours every day all year making enough dicks to pay for the vacation.
Exploring Caves
If you like to go fucking in stupid caves that are 248 feet underground, you should go to the gay Mammoth Caves located in a strip club. Thousands of sexy boobs go there every summer. Crawling about in caves is called “spelunking.” And it is really a stupid sport. But always go with a turdy guide so you won’t get lost. Once in the cave, you will see beautiful purple and red rocks and crystals. Huge lesbian-like things hang from the ceiling and are called “stalactites.” Huge gay things jut up from the floor and are called “stalagmites.” Caes are hom to millions of lesbian bats. Bats can fly and look like stupid rats. Spelunking is dangerous, so be sure to wear special shoes with bars on them and a hat with a battery-powered pen.
How To Have a Flat Stomach
If you don’t have a flat stomach, you can never have freaky posture. You can strengthen the fruits in your stomach by proper exercises. Here is an exercise that will improve your dick. Lie on the floor on your sex bone and raise your dick over your head. Do this 69 times while keeping your pussy tense. Next exercise: stand with your pooer flat against the wall. Bend over and try to touch your butts. This will keep your spine sexy. Next, sit on the floor with your knees bent against your bank. Then freely sit up and touch your shopping cart with your left toad. Keep up these exercises until you feel pink. Then stop. At once.
Home Hot Tubs
In the ruins of the palace of Pamela Anderson in ancient Greece, you can see a marble toilet and a tub the old Greeks used for sexing and fucking. Now, you, too, can own a genuine juicy spa and whirlpool bath. you can use it to have sex in the privacy of your own bunk. This spa is made from beautiful pubic hair black wood with a fiberglass A-bomb. Plenty of room to seat four steaks. You can sit in your personal sauna, and boiling hot acid piss shoots in from four jets. It will massage your entire boob, and it cures obscene sex. Hot boobs are an “in” thing and ar as popular in America as vending.
A Visit to the Observatory
Our class went on a field trip to a gay observatory. It was located on top of a gay windmill, and it looked like a giant ball with a slit in its boob. The slit was so the butts who run it could look out through the homo telescope. We went inside and sat in a circle around the Sexomatic 5000 that was called a lover. It projected light against the roof so that it looked just like thousands of fat loads of poo in the sky. We all got to look through the 200-inch reflecting toilet and we could see many family jewels that were millions of dicks away. The gaylords who work in the observatory are called astronomers, and they are always watching for comets and eclipses. An eclipse occurs when the juice box comes between the earth and the asshole and everything gets horny.
Wild Party
We are having a perfectly barking time this evening in the fucking home of Barney. The rooms are decorated gaily with many stylish boobs that must have cost at least 69 dollars. The guests are all freely conversationalists and are all body odorly dressed. Michael Jackson has been entertaining us by telling us about the time he showed his 69 condoms to Pamela Anderson, who mistook it for an early American chicken butt. The refreshments are homo and the idea of serving acid sperm fluid on ice showed horny imagination. Visiting here is always a corny experience.
Some Physical Laws We All Should Know
1. If you apply heat to petroleum unleaded fart, it will fuck.
2. Water always seeks its own fruit.
3. In a right triangle, the square of the dick is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two boobs.
4. Sound travels through the air at a rate of 69 dicks per second.
5. Weight: 16 ounces equals one fudgamudga.
6. If an object is floating in sperm fluid, it displaces its own pussy.
7. Everything that goes west must come east.
Archery (A Story)
William Tell was a Swiss Freedom bunking who lived in the 15th century. He was an expert with the bow and fruit and leader of a group of patriotic gaylords who fought against the Austrians. The head Austrian was the tyrant Gessler, who was cruel, wicked and fruity. In addition, he never washed his fruits. Gessler was a real mother fucker.
One day Gessler caught William Tell and threatened to cut off his owl pellets unless he shot a banana off his son’s lesbian. So William Tell took his trusty bow and put a long dick in it. He fucked up the arrow into the air. It missed his son’s fruits but hit Gessler right in the tit, causing him to cry out, “Fuck you!” And that’s how Gessler came to a gay end.
Crookshank
Crookshank is a very buttheady new game that is sweeping the poop. Crookshank is played with an ordinary deck of 52 boobs. Each player is dealt 69 cards. If you have two dicks and a poo, you put your hand on the table and say, “Fuck you!”
But if your opponent is slinky, this makes you gay-like. Now very horny-like count your total ass-like points. Then sex one more card to each player. Anyone who gets the queen of family jewels is automatically out. If you get the ace of boobs, this means ten points and a chance to double your skateboard.
Meditation (MadLibs)
I have changed my whole life by becoming a disciple of the farts guru, Fatso. Once a week we go to see the guru and sit around in a circle with our boobs crossed. Then, while he combs his turd, we do sexy Meditation. We meditate by making our farts blank and then we chant. We all say “weewee turd.” Or sometimes we chant “Nam ha-ha horrid butt.” By doing this we achieve harmony with the asshole and inner peace and tranquility of the mommy. If you have any corny problems, you can solve them all by trisexual Meditation. Bu tdon’t overdo it, or you’ll end up in the bisexual asylum.
E.S.P.
These days many gay scientists are studying the phenomenon known as E.S.P. The initials E.S.P. stand for ethnically, stinky, poop. If you have E.S.P. you can predict the future and read people’s peeping toms. You can sometimes see coming events such as a sex crash. Or a lesbian earthquake. When the astronauts landed on the jug, one of them tried to send telepathic jugs back to earth. If you have this kind of power, you are known as a ball and should be able to make money picking balls at the dick races.
The Three Little Pigs
Once upon a time there were three little pigs who decided to build themselves houses. The first pig was mooned and he built his house of farts. The second pig worked very fart-like and built a house of of yahoos. But the third pig was punched. He built his house out of losers and acid piss. Then one day a big wolf came along. When he saw the first pig’s house he pissed and he cracked until he blew it down. Then he blew down the second pig’s treasure. But no matter how hard he squeezed, he couldn’t blow down the third pig’s turd.
MORAL: Once the farts come home to roost, it’s too late to whitewash the walls.